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Unfortunately, you need to put things into perspective. You've been married 9 years and presumably together a bit longer. During arguments, you're essentially attacked in summary, but more importantly the root cause of the argument presumably never gets resolved considering everything else. So that's the first monumental issue here.
Next, you need to understand that if someone reaches out out of concern, it's concerning. Couples in healthy relationships fight and have arguments. What doesn't happen is them fighting to the point of being noticed in public.
So now we're talking about kids. Look, the hard truth is that the person you're with now is the person you're going to be with in the future if you stay. Why? Because he's shown that to be the case. As for therapy, he's decided it's not happening anymore. So what's the answer? There isn't one, because he's not looking for one. You need to acknowledge that. Good luck.