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Dump this low life bastard, and move on!
I just scrolled thru the comments, and mentions of grooming seem to be in the majority.
I suppose there is a huge difference in how redditors read
OP back in 2009 a piece titled “Fatal Distraction: Forgetting a Child in the Backseat of a Car Is a Horrifying Mistake. Is It a Crime?” won a Pullitzer and both you and your wife should read it.
The message to take from it is that human brains still have dumb lizard bits and sometimes we enter automatic mode and don't realize. It sucks, it's not on purpose, it doesn't mean you don't love your son. It just means we're flawed creatures who default to routines, especially when tired.
You guys need to talk about it and she needs to let go, and I hope you can stop feeling guilty about it. The piece mentions that it's something that can happen to anyone, it really is about human brains being flawed.
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I wouldn’t let him off the hook for walking away – pregnant woman being stalked/assaulted by a guy on drugs? – there does seem to be a moral obligation to do something. Even if it’s just calling the cops.
‘She hasn’t raised her voice to this extent.’ ‘I understand she’s at the end of her rope.’
‘..not worth her leaving.’ To him! How incredibly invalidating of OP to say to a person who he’s acknowledging has been there for him with no question?? Her difficulty isn’t important enough, because he and his sister still need support.
So who is there to support his ex??? She is human too!
Idk what type of miserable marriages and relationships people are in where you are completely bound to someone even to your detriment! And what kind of partners you have who’d let you completely drain yourself to support them, while also invalidating the toll it’s taking on you emotionally.
He built up a fantasy in his head that you'd never had an organ and he was going to be your first. Unfortunately reality during match his fantasy. He's upset about something that was never actual reality. How pathetic. I will say, when I'm was really young-16,17-ish- I would get these same ideas to have “firsts” with guys I dated because they were having/taking a lot of my firsts. And I remember having fantasies just like this and being distraught when I found out they had already done whatever it was, crying and being disappointed, etc. it's childish, delusional, out of touch, immature. If he can't let it go, I guarantee if you stay with him there will be other disappointments he's going to dump on you. It took me probably 15 years-into my 30's- to get over this. I went to a lot of therapy and had issues from my parents/siblings/childhood I had to work through. He'll need that too in order to not be this way.
If this is her best friend I would assume she's like that too, just on her best behavior during your honeymoon phase.
Any reason is good to leave and this one makes sense. If they're a packaged deal I'd be looking for the nearest exit too.
Yes he is. When you write that you are not “allowed” that plus the difference in age = control. You are “allowed” to do whatever you want to do.
This is fucked up. He should be fucking ashamed that he hid something like that for 3 months and then he disclosed it right as you’re about to do the deed and then gets angry when you don’t want to have sex at that exact moment?? What a tool.
Some people have genital aversion due to sexual assault or just plain and simple aren’t interested in having sex with people with a certain set of genitals and that’s totally okay! It’s understandable that you need a moment to process this information before you put yourself in a vulnerable position with him. Especially after he lied and said you knew any major information about him.
I’d tell him to kick rocks just for getting pissed about you not having sex with him. Not to mention the lie beforehand.
Literally what im thinking the whole time. I would never dream of going on a vacation with 3 men, 2 of which i dont know, without my fiancé coming with me. Seriously, youve been together 5 years and now she wants to go on a vacation with a group of men and youre not one of them? And youve never met this guy because he just moved here, HOW LONG HAS SHE KNOWN THIS GUY? For all we know this guy could be setting her up…. this is a boundary that id end a relationship over. If you go on this trip with 3 strangers and dont bring me with you, i wont be here when you get back. But thats just me.
Don’t leave your house, if she got an issue point her to the door.
After she and my friend had a long, serious relationship? That’s correct. There’s no shortage of very hot women where I need to betray a friend like that.
You don't need to become their friends. She wants her friends to meet you and it's a very good thing. You should absolutely go. If you take liking to some of them you can maintain this relation while not doing it with those you don't feel like it.
Funny enough something similar happened to me but instead of it being somebody I used to talk to a random number sent me a couple of full nudes and truthfully it's no way out of it because saying that just sounds like a bad lie
Regardless she got physical with you and thats inexcusable you need to leave her but do it through text for proof just in case you decide to report it and when you are safely away from her
It’s over
Why did you feel betrayed? Is your girlfriend not allowed to have close friendships? You think there's somehow sexual tension between this older married gay man and your girlfriend?
I think it's fine to talk about it with her if it's on your mind. But you need to have some self-awareness and take responsibility for yourself when you do it. Don't go into it thinking you need to confront her- she hasn't done anything wrong. If you want to approach it as “I felt bad when I saw that picture but then I realized I really need to work on my insecurities because it makes me feel possessive of you”, that's cool.
the nurse refused to settle the patient until I found the telemetry box.
It is unacceptable to use a patients care as leverage to get what you want from a coworker. The second someone says they won't do a task related to a patient unless you do X they're out if line.
I know people are going to mention the spectrum but I have another thought. Have you moved? Are you from a different location than where you work?
I don't buy the gay thing. It could be many other things.
You say he's really kind and you will live him no matter what. He doesn't seem to be that kind. He doesn't engage in anything to make your relationship better, he's avoidant.
He masturbates at work but doesn't have sex with you? He's blaming you (not sexy enough) for that or says he's tired? Bunch of excuses to not have sex. So he doesn't miss it? What is he willing to do to solve the problem?
Is there someone else? Does he feel bad about some erectile dysfunction? Is he depressed? Does he still have feelings for you?
You can't be the only one working in fixing the problem.
I’m sorry did you say she already called some of these places??? Leave. Wow. As if committing one crime wasn’t enough.
Break up with her and cease all contact. Please have some dignity after your absolute doormat behaviour so far. Find yourself gf that will be loyal to you and if your partner cheats on you break up with them and move on.
We didn’t plan anything lol it’s just where I’m from these topics are typically disclosed early on because it’s a huge deal. It’s just to clarify if dating each other has a potential future or is a clear dead end to manage expectations.
You should not be leaving your home man. If this ends in divorce, that is going to REALLY screw you over.
The fact that she emotionally cheated on you is enough for a break in my book, but you need to come to some other living arrangement.
He sounds exhausting
You do realize how dysfunctional your relationship sounds from this post right? She is too insecure for you to talk to friends from your hometown because one of them had a crush that led nowhere, but she is talking to someone she has slept with and refuses to cut contact. The fact that she deleted the prior texts suggests another problem in the relationship. Aka, she was sending him messages that she didn’t want you to be able to see, so it was likely something you would be pissed over her for. Do you still trust her after this? If not I would suggest ending things between you as she has broken your trust. If for some reason you still do trust her, you need to get her to come clean about her texting this guy that she said she would cut off. She lied to you about this, which to me would be seen as disrespectful towards me. I would not be with someone who betrays my trust and disrespects me personally and hope you can see where I’m coming from even if you disagree with me, if only to be able to see these as problems to be mended within the relationship. This whole situation stinks like a disaster of a breakup waiting to happen as you are resentful of her insecurity and demand that came from said insecurity, as well as her hypocrisy. She is actively hiding things from you because she knows that you would not react well to them, but that is not justification for lying in a relationship. I hope you can sort this out or cut ties. Best of luck.
Yeah regardless of whether the baby is yours, you deserve a space that is yours. Please do move out as soon as it’s feasible for you.
He is acting like a giggling schoolgirl with a crush. And from your post history, he sounds like an excessively horny and weird bastard who gets obsessed over every girl that shows him 1 ounce of attention. This would be more normal behavior for a 13 year old boy going through the midsts of puberty…. but a 34 year old man? He's never going to change at this point. He is going to turn into one of those old creeps chasing 20 year old tail in a few years time. Dump the guy and let him obsess over 100+ other women. Unfortunately he doesn't view you as special if he gets so attached to other women, but there's another guy out there who will view you as special and treat you well.
Thank you for that. Apparently not acceptable behaviour (with a u) in Australia either
I've seen this before. Guy supports woman completely while she goes to school. Then she finishes her degree and starts career, but ditches the guy for any excuse after she got a free ride. It's her or her parents job to sustain something like this. If she is not ok with that and waiting til she finishes then looks like she was planning to just use you.
Ah,
So this is not just a problem of too much gaming and not spending enough time with you. He is also slacking on chores.
THAT sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. Sorry if I had my doubts earlier. Now we can get down to it……
You need to set boundaries. Make consequences for him not holding up his end of the deal. He needs to step up and do his share of the adulting. He needs to spend time with you. He needs to do these things before he gets more gaming time.
You need to have a discussion with him. Instead of complaining about all these things he is doing wrong, when you talk you need to describe what these actions are doing to you. How they make you feel.
Again, if you complain, or attack, it is just going to go in one ear and out the other. However, you have the right to feel how you feel, so you need to take that approach. Tell him how you feel because of his actions.
Good luck.
Bored and irritated ?
He needs to find out for sure. If he’s not the dad, cool he can sue her for harassment if she continues. If he is, he gets a lawyer and figures out how to sign away his rights (if applicable in your state) or set up custody/child support. He came inside a woman. Willingly. The pill isn’t 100% effective and he was an idiot. Now, if she said she had a hysterectomy or her tubes tied, that would be baby trapping.
Your brother is badass. He did good.
Your parents need to solve their own problems.
You don’t need an ID to fly domestically. That said, they’ll question you for a good amount of time.
you’re both right.
3hrs is a hell of a commute, so it’s safe to assume that you would be relocating closer to work. that causes her to either roadtrip with her child or find childcare when she wants to visit, which she may already be doing now, but now for longer periods of time. sure, she’s “just” your girlfriend, but typically partners act as such and you made the decision that you want to attend the interview without discussing it with her first. That is your prerogative but it certainly supports her “lack of commitment and stagnation” argument. your thoughts are solely about you, and that’s OK. her thoughts are about herself and her daughter.
you have been working towards this “dream job”, but is it a position that can be found at another company or is it niche and this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity? if you want the job, you should interview. even if you decide you don’t want to accept, you gained a little more interview experience. tossing in my own cynicism, I would be cautious if a recruiter happened to reach out about my dream job, it just sounds a little sketchy.
the damage is already done though, you already had doubts and now this piles on. you sound incompatible.
Go to the interview! IMO it sounds like she’s already done if that’s the first thing she brought up. I could be very wrong about that but definitely go to the interview.
Man you guys are weird
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time” Dr Maya Angelou
You say you go home often, so if thats true you do get to see your mom a lot.
I get that its frustrating and you probably resent her for not showing up to your school events. That really sucks and im sorry she wasn't there for you for those.
But the way to get her to spend time with you isn't throwing a fit and telling her to never expect you to see her again. I think the best thing to do would be to apologize for your behavior, but explain how you feel you never get to spend quality time with just her and then plan something to do together.
If she still refuses to spend the time you want with you, you are always within your rights to go low contact. But it might be a good idea to try therapy at the very least to address your feelings regarding your mom leaving you behind.
“I know you cheated on me. This is over.”
To back up, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure you're in a massive amount of pain. It's especially very hot because it's your first. I think when it's someone's first, we tend to be even more inclined to want things to work despite unacceptable behavior.
But that's what you need to learn. It doesn't matter that he's your first. You learned that your first boyfriend is a scumbag. What's there to make work? Know that you never ever deserve this. Good luck.
Blahblahbabbity blah. The ENTIRE reason we're having this discussion is because his partner is debating whether to end the relationship or not. My reply is in context TO THE ACTUAL DISCUSSION. Not your whiny manchild agenda. So sorry you can't follow a conversational thread but that ain't my problem either .
It is cheating and you’ve been through it to know what it is. You asked your husband previously about those text conversations and he lied and played it off as nothing. You read the messages and it’s not nothing. You are being manipulated and gaslit by him. Find a lawyer for yourself and get a lawyer. Your lying, cheating husband and his manipulative therapist are keeping you depressed.
Wait what? The family won’t love the baby as much if it’s not hers? What in the manipulation is that all about? Inferior genes? What the actual heck. Never would I ever say that to somebody I loved.
You’ve made it clear that you have limits to the emotional intimacy you’re willing to share with him, which is entirely up to you. It’s his choice whether to remain with you after knowing this.
You know back, before the modern days…I mean back in the days before Mount Vesuvius blew…they used to have same sex sexual encounters/relationships. It is what it is. People can have relationships and be who they are. Let’s go with Bi-sexual for now if you’re not completely into men.
Do not be ashamed for loving who you love. You guys need to have an honest talk before having sex again, and figure things out.
I've tried to separate a few times but everytime I would take it back because I felt bad for him or that he could generally try to change.
I just keep feeling like I'm trapped with him emotionally. I keep bouncing back between being happy with him and falling into a depression where I realise I can't trust him.
This is really, really common, especially after a breakup you initiate. It's the mark of a good person, but also of one who needs more boundaries. You love the other, in a way, and you don't want to see them hurting. Hurting them feels unnatural, because as their partner, it used to be your job to help take care of their happiness – especially in the situation you both were in, together. And… it is in your power to take the hurt away! So you talk yourself into that, convincing yourself that the other 'can change'. Despite your misgivings, you take him back. And this makes you feel good for a while, because… you took away the hurt.
But can you also see where they don't do the same for you, now. They actively add to your unhappiness, at the moment, with their actions. Here comes your realisation that 'you can't trust him'. It's true.
You need boundaries, and distance. The distance to disentangle yourself from this emotional bond you share, in order to focus on yourself. The boundaries in order to see where your responsibility lies, and doesn't. You are not responsible for his emotions. Not even as their partner.
I think you need to go no contact. It's the very hot way in the short term, but it will save you from a drawn-out process of push and pull. Good luck.
What’s that?
I hate to say this, but best male straight friends and marriage do not mix. It's not fair, but it's the reality of things.
Not to mention a best male friend who you used to have a relationship does not belong in the life of a married person. These are the things you think aren't fair and you shouldn't have to do, especially at your age.
The reality is you have to choose and something many of us have had to choose. It was going to happen anyway, it just so happens that it happened this way.
It's also likely your best friend was treating you much more like a girlfriend than a friend. He would probably do a lot of things for you, emotionally support you heavily, help you with a lot of things, just stuff that a guy friend wouldn't really do all the time for another guy friend.
He was treating you like a girlfriend hoping that you would eventually be his girlfriend. It's not a fun thing to be in the middle of.
It's the Gen Z term for fuck buddies. Gen X used to call them “friends with benefits”. Either way, fucking dumb to jump from that to talking about marriage.
You are with a guy who can't commit to anything beyond one day a week long distance but it is exclusive and now he's leaping to marriage?
What? Why wouldn't you just try having an actual relationship first? Why would you marry someone you've only ever been with about 1 day per week?
And, if you are put off by what he morally tolerates in others, then, yeah, you don't share moral values.