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My ex has herpes and it was never a big deal for us.
I’d rather be with someone who knows they have herpes and can identify their prodrome symptoms then someone who assumes they don’t have it. However, given the prevalence of oral herpes (~80%), I conduct my sex life under the assumption that anyone I have sex with is statistically likely to have herpes and if someone discloses and can have a conversation about it that’s a bonus.
The risk of asymptomatic viral shedding is quite low, so I really don’t worry about it. All I really concern myself with is avoiding contact during prodrome and an outbreak. If a partner wants to go on antivirals, that’s their choice, but I wouldn’t pressure them either way.