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Rita (I will online 23October 10:00am), 34 y.o.
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Depends on what your intentions are. You're already in a very different stage of life. Are you planning to spend a little time helping him become the best version of himself and amusing yourself along the way, or are you trying to have this young man for his whole 20's? He hasn't had the life experience to know what he really wants regarding marriage or children, so are you going to break up with him in time for him to find someone he can have children with if that's what he wants? I'm a fan of the campsite rule of age gap relationships “know when it's time to go, and leave it better than you found it”.
Sorry to hear that – it's never easy or fun to break up with someone, or be broken up with and I hope you have friends/family nearby to support you.
There is always hope though. It might not seem it now but there will be others who are just as good or maybe even better. When the time is right you'll find them.
This is behavior I'd expect from a 14yr old, not a 32yr old man. Yikes.
what is your fucking problem
OP its not a competition between the good and bad aspects of this relationship, he is just being as abusive as he possibly can without getting charged/left/other people calling him out.
Almost all abusive relationships have “good” moments because otherwise people would be gone yesterday, but the reality is these good moments probably aren't actually that great, just your bar will have been pushed so low its just a relief not to be directly abused.
>I have no access to money and never have done. He won’t allow a joint account, so essentially I ask for money. My wages are transferred into his bank account.
This isn't even remotely OK – my 7 year old child has better access to his own money than this
> but if he has to he will only make himself and the kids food
Come-on OP what possible explanation could this have other than profound disrespect??
Sorry the reality is that this is 100% abusive because its clear as day to internet strangers, but you've been gaslit and manipulated so much that your perspective is that someone that is decent and loving CAN do these things.
Who cares, she cheated. Move on and find someone else.
Here’s another comment for your husband: you’re a fucking moron and your wife is absolutely correct that this is a messed up situation that you shouldn’t want to willingly put yourself into. Open your eyes dude bro. Your wife and family comes first.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. Your engagement and upcoming wedding should be a joyous and exciting journey…but your fiancée’s family has clearly made it about them. You both sound like smart, responsible adults so I would say communicate with your fiancée and decide together if you’ll allow this type of bullying to continue. Because even if you gave in this time, it won’t be the end. If you decide to have kids they will certainly have opinions about how they’re raised etc. In my opinion, it’s best you focus on your paths and beliefs…which should be strengthening your partnership together. Best of luck!
You simply bring it up in a calm and honest fashion AFTER figuring out if you're simply open to them, or actively want them (Which should honestly be the only conditions in which you have kids anyway). You can't force him to want kids, and on the flipside don't lie to yourself about being fine not having them if you actually want them.
If you're on different ends of the spectrum on this matter you'll have to break up but you'll open yourselves up to more compatible people and avoid potential resentment
Did you use the half your age plus 7 rule?
What if your wife discovered she was bi, would you not allow her to have same gender friends anymore as well?
You need to upgrade your boyfriend to an adult, you'll be a lot happier.
I bet you think strippers really think your naked.
You need to stick to your gut feeling on this and stick to a firm no. If it's more intimate, it's not something to take her sister to. This has the potential to cause other problems down the road.
bro pls…..this is not very smart at all. of course you have a desire to rawdog a random, it's natural human drive to want to procreate. but you don't know this woman, there are so many red flags… don't risk it all bro
I have never once had a fight with my husband that made me want to “throw the whole man out”. We have fights, yes, but I have never wanted to leave him, or not have in my life – even in a passing, hypothetical way.
??? sorry I didn’t know that, and I’m a woman.
Common knowledge.
He video taped it. What the absolute hell. I'm just lost for words
I think it's important to recognise that problems are problems, the severity of them doesn't make it so that they're not “real” problems. I think this needs more context though regarding the “behavioural issues” and what's going on to offer any real advice.
Trust your gut when it’s telling you something isn’t right. Maybe the taste of freedom has allowed you to see a things more clearly, maybe he actually wasn’t a great husband. and actually you don’t want to go back to the life before.
You have the power here. That if you do try to make it work, he can’t move straight back in. He needs to find somewhere else to online and go to marriage counselling with you. Set new boundaries and new desires about what you want from a marriage.
If he had issues, perhaps listen to them, but don’t let him put all the blame on you, and don’t agree to anything that will make you unhappy, because you’ll just end up resenting him and the marriage will still end.
The marriage before was clearly broken, time to either go with divorce or make a different kind of marriage that will make you both happier. And if you can’t find a way where you both are happy, then you two are not compatible.
Break up and leave and walk away and never look back! Hopefully you don't live together but if you do, tell her to contact????? and tell him to come pick her and all her shit up
That makes my stomach turn for that woman thank god she was able to get back to a healthy and comfortable sex life.
I left the house and gave it to her and the kids because I want the kids to be comfortable
People in other countries call Tylenol pain killers. Chill.
I agree. A big red flag is that she took a conversation about his biggest vulnerability and turned it into one where he had to console her all the rest of the journey after her inappropriate (but likely not malicious) first reaction. It was a conversation that was 100% not about her and she’s made it all about her. His needs got entirely steamrollered.
That is a huge red flag imo.
Darling, you can't have butterfly conversations with caterpillars.
Your sister can not be helped, until she decides she is ready.
It sucks to watch loved ones engage in destructive behavior. But you can't stop her and your parents are enablers. They are choosing to let your sister stay. There us nothing here for you to do, accept leave the door open to reconcile in the future.
You are gonna make yourself sick stressing about something you have absolutely no control over.
Finally, think really long and naked about how much you want your baby involved with your sis's ex because i guarantee that will be the next rug sweeping event. “Oh OP don't be so dramatic, sis's ex, is not that bad. If course we let him come over when we are watching LO for you.” Just no Hugs
It’s not normal for him to say and do things that make his gf feel like her body isn’t good enough for him. You may have been through a lot with him and he’s seemingly done a few good things for you, but at its core you do not have a healthy relationship. The very thing that sets romantic relationships apart from friends and family is the intimacy, the sharing of naked bodies, the sex. He has ruined your ability to enjoy intimacy at a time when you should feel very free to do so. Your body is beautiful because it is yours, and frankly he shouldn’t get to see or touch it if he can’t give it the full respect deserved.
You have your entire life ahead of you, yet you continue to waste your time with someone who doesn’t respect you like he should. From someone who is 2+ decades ahead of you, I can promise you that you will definitely wish you had left this dude much sooner than you did. (Because it’s already past time for you to have dropped him, right now). I hope you see it (meaning him and who he really is, compared with what you deserve) sooner rather than later.
I mean i think this mindset is a bummer, but at the end of the day if you are uncomfortable with it then this won’t be a good relationship for any of you
Well, you said you're trying to learn salsa too, right? Have you thought about trying to find a beginners group to go out dancing with? Sometimes dance studios will throw parties for students to practice social dancing, maybe you can see if you can attend one if those. It might help you if you can see and experience firsthand that dancing is very platonic for most people in that sphere.
Do you ever say, “Please stop meowing”?
I used to be friends with a couple & their “secret language of love” was meowing at each other. It wasn't so bad when they were just meowing hello after not seeing each other all day, but they would have entire meowing conversations, & it was obvious from their intonations when things were getting sexual, & it was frankly super-gross. Their other friends & I tolerated it for as long as we could, hoping it would burn itself out, but instead the opposite happened & it devolved to the point where they were basically ONLY meowing, not unlike your girlfriend. We finally staged an intervention & we were like, “Listen, you have got to stop with the meowing, everyone hates it & finds it really uncomfortable, if you want to keep doing it when you're alone together that's your own business, but please no more meowing in front of guests/innocent bystanders.”
I will warn you: it didn't go well. The woman in the couple cried & made a big fuss over how we were trying to “control” the way she communicates with her boyfriend. I mean…yeah, to some extent, in that we were drawing a line in the sand (you see what I did there, haha) as far as being unwillingly drafted into their meow-based foreplay. They dialled back the meowing but didn't stop completely & eventually started just letting it all hang out again. I stopped being friends with them, but my sources tell me that they even incorporated meowing into their wedding vows. This could be you if you don't get this meowing situation under control.
It's too bad it's all coming to a head right after you've moved in together, but…You can un-move in together if that's what it takes. All you did was sign a lease; you weren't fused together in a horrible nuclear accident. There's only one person in my life now who regularly meows at me, & I allow it because she is six years old.
There isnt a set time. It depends.
Prenuptial agreements are simply contracts that spell out what happens to assets should a marriage end. Yes a lot of wealthy people use them to protect wealth acquired prior to the marriage but they can also be used to ensure money continues to go to one partner from the other.
I get denial is rough. I used to believe my husband when he told me he was serious about quitting drinking. He was a good guy, and was not one to be dishonest.
He’s dead due to his drinking now. I chose to believe him because I wanted to. I should have ran from the hills because deep down I knew it was bullshit.
If he was a PI he would know not to use his fucking picture omg lol. But yeah, I hope you wise up one day.
It depends what your expectations are. If the relationship isn't that serious for either of you, then don't sweat it.
Updateme!
Why was he feeling the need to reassure you in the first place?
If it's not fair, it's not fair. He's hung up on? He asked her to pay and she said no, why is she so hung up on it?
It's not a small amount of money, it adds up to a huge difference in their contribution. Thousands of dollars over a few years for even pretty low living expenses.
But regardless, neither one of them is being more hung up than the other. If you have an agreement to pay expenses proportionally to your income and one person makes more and pays less, it's just unfair and goes against the agreement. He should be hung up on it because it represents a lot more than “just” the money.
I think it's important to say 10% because the issue is obviously with him paying an amount more than her. It's not about saving 5% on expenses, it's about a 10% imbalance. If you just let 10% unfairnesses in a partnership slide, 10% of every disagreement, every conflict, you're going to be miserable and a lesser partner. Just because it's “small” (if it is that) doesn't mean you should just eat it to keep the peace.
Is your hang-up on the family member that you worry the person will try to be a part of the child's life as a father rather than uncle or grandfather? Would it be better to ask 2 donors and have the sperm mixed so you don't know for sure which is the donor? I don't even know if that's possible or if I just think it is because of the TV.
Sounds like he is trying to start over and make a new start. All of this is really confusing to me. In your first post you mentioned that he was probably still in love with his first wife and now in this one he shows no signs of it. If you question if he was still in love with his first wife. Why would you want a house that they shared together and that she remodeled? Wouldn’t that be a constant show of that? I would suggest that you and him start fresh in a new house together. If you are still worried about him being in love with her and worried about the house. You may have to ask yourself if all of that is worth it. I don’t think it is a fair to ask him that if he could go back if he would change things. He literally cheated on his wife. Imagine the hurt she got from that. No one in their right mind would say that they are happy that they cheated on their partner. Especially if they share a child. Again if the house and the fortune that you mentioned is super important to you and he doesn’t want it. Ask if that is more important to you.
He doesn't love you. Stop wasting your time and cut him loose for good so you cab find someone who will love you.
Women will reject guys at first until they find them safe enough to say yes
You're one of the few to say that lol, some girl posted below even said I was trying to rape this girl lmao
He’ll still show up now that his ploy didn’t work. Any other attendees want a piece of this guy? Might be better for someone else to deal with him when the drama occurs, and it will.
If you know you want to break up just…break up. Now. Rip the bandaid off.
You should just believe what you believe. I don't believe in believing other people's beliefs.
Believe me!
He didn’t accidentally dump you, he did you a favour. Thank your lucky starts and move on
I love when people ask for an opinion, get an opinion that they don’t like/doesn’t match what they wanted to hear, and then they get mad about it.
No she's not. If she was, one she wouldn't have pushed you to talk when you didn't want to or weren't ready, and when you cried, she would have comforted you and let you cry. Then she would have told you it's okay. She is an awful person.
Literally. Dumping your pregnant fiancé of over a decade a few weeks before the wedding is never going to go down well and you’re never going to come out of it in a good light. It may be the right thing to do but very cruel to her to leave it this late. How humiliating.
It's amazing. If I created a religion today that looked like Christianity, I might get a few followers if I was really charismatic, but the rest of the world would think me crazy, but because our society is steeped in it, we just think it normal.
This idea that a woman can't work, can't cut her hair, can't have her own money etc. wow.
You have endo and this man is manipulating you by saying you don't love him because you won't have sex more than once a day?? Honey. Leave. You're with a sex addict but worse, someone who doesn't give af about you and sees you for how you can please him then manipulates you to get what he wants. Dude is trash. It never gets better from here.
DO NOT TRY TO GET HIM BACK
Not all caps because of yelling but I just want to make sure that you really read that part of my response. It sounds like your mom treated your pretty terribly and caused some major insecurities about your appearance. If you are not in therapy you need to be so you can talk about all of the craziness you just posted about. The way your mom treated you isn’t ok or normal. It’s normal to get some stretch marks as you get older. Fun fact very few women are genetically blessed enough to have Jennifer Lopez bodies in their fifties. (I’m sure she puts a ton of work in as well but let’s face it part of a celebrities job is staying fit)
Your ex needs to stay your ex. He can disagree with you getting lipo but to say you are disgusting? Nope dude needs to pound sand. Do not fight to get someone back who treats you like crap. Fight for yourself. Fight to love yourself and respect yourself. Right to find happiness without the emotional manipulation and abuse. You’ve got this.
“a tafe course (certificate II in film and media)”
And he expects what after that? A plum job in the film industry, no doubt. And if it's not good enough, he won't do it. He is setting himself up to on-line off you indefinitely.
tell her she soon needs an account anyway so might as well make one on the way home
Do you have any specific reasons as to why she shouldn’t be aware of this information?
Read what I pasted again. She has told you what she needs from you. Your disorder itself is causing you to want to sabotage this. Do the work, don't let it win.
Read it again.
It's time to look at the practicalities of marriage and finances are one of the very top spots. It sounds like you two aren't on the same page there and unless you can both get on the same page about what reasonable spending with shared finances look like then it's going to cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage. It's one of the top reasons couples fight
She sounds like a good mother and wife with good communication with her husband.
You were bang out of order and now you're reaping the consequences of that. ??♀️
I love how men never get support on this sub.
So let him leave.
50-50 is a very optimistic outlook.
She is either very impulsive – so your relationship stands a very small chance of surviving long distance
Or she is incredibly devious and conniving – and you are nothing more than a safety net while she goes and explores other people.