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Can I just add that his relationship with his friend is weird af? I’ve got a bunch of good and great friends but I don’t speak to them 24/7
im sorry to hear that you're in pain too.. They got reasons which we will never know unfortunately
Spread your wings and fly away with your goodest girl
If I go on a date with someone, it's that I have interest in them and willing to spend time and energy to know them in order to determine if it could end up into a relationship. So sleeping/dating around with others in parallel just look like self-sabotage and disrespect to the person I'm currently seeing, since my attention is already given to that potential futur partner.
Without any judgement, it looks like the core values of people like you that doesn't care about that aspect and people like me that does are just incompatible, not saying one is better than the other but that how I value and treat dating/relationship, and how I expect people I'm seeing to value/treat me too. And of course I expect people to expect it from me too, so to value the time and energy they are spending on me.
For me a case of what “I” consider straight up disrespect to my person and lack of consideration from the start like OP did would be a dealbreaker.
Get your damn proof of her cheating on you. Jeez, guy. Why would you want to be her friend?
Your nephew is not responsible for his parents’ actions. Don’t be a jerk. He’s a child who deserves love, like every other child. He’s not response for the sins of his parents. He’s a person, for goodness sake.
Pretend this isn’t you and reread what you wrote with a fresh pair of eyes.
You should definitely be included. I wonder if your bf is scared you're going to leave him after getting married, so he is putting his money into something. Then asking for a prenup before you two get married. That way his money will stay his.
First remember everyone has a sexual past and I know it can hurt sometimes. But for the sake of relationship man to man don’t ask any further. Just remember everyone has a past. As you get older you’ll realise it’s better not to ask or know. Secondly the problem these days is that people on tiktok have popularised diagnosing people and throwing the word narcissist around. As someone that actually does have NPD, it’s a real shame one incident these days is often enough for women (mostly) to call their boyfriend a narcissist. Someone that’s a real narcissist should be called out and directed to a professional but it’s very unfair for someone who isn’t one to be called one.
For people who are actually managing their NPD like myself it’s very frustrating hearing people throw around the word. Unless you’ve seen a professional no one can call you a narcissist. However if you feel like you are then go and see a professional. One incident isn’t enough for someone to be diagnosed with NPD. Being a narcissist isn’t a one off behaviour or incident it’s a disorder implying you’re like that relatively full time. The internet at the moment throws these words around without proper diagnosis and it does a lot of harm.
Yes you were wrong to behave that way but you weren’t wrong for being upset. Emotions are part and parcel of life it’s how we act on them that matters. I don’t really see a big issue here. You both need to move on from this or end it. She called you what she called you, she shouldn’t have but also you shouldn’t have acted how you acted. So neither of you is any better than the other. Make peace and move on.
Please remember women are women and not sex objects. You have a sexual history as well and I’m sure she wouldn’t like knowing it all either. If you’re sensitive about that type of stuff then don’t play games that involve finding out more than you asked for.
Really then stop asking advice here, block her and move on
I never wear makeup and my partner loves me with or without it. Your bf is negging you.
Yes, she is a minor
As a person who is a bit on the curvier side and thus dresses more modest: YOU DO YOU! It's possible that they were a bit jealous of your bodyshape, but as long as you're dressed according to the norm of your country, who cares? (Sorry, English isn't my first language so I might use a strange phrase)
I don't know what actually happened of course, but I think he is trying to come up with excuses, possibly to try to protect you from being hurt, in his mind.
Saying something like 'I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing' or 'I was unconscious' might just make him feel better so he is using it as an excuse to try to explain what he did.
You like to date guys who you have an inherent power dynamic over. That’s what you’ve just told us. It all makes sense.
Aww glad to see this
You have the right to tell her not to do it. But she has the right to do it if she wants to.
If she wants to even though she knows you aren't uncomfortable with it and it's a deal breaker for you , you just gotta leave.
This is gross. It sounds so needy and possessive.
Has he considered that being honest about your feelings might include telling him to fuck off?
I would say your relationship has one than one flaw my friend. Your girlfriend seems to have many dealbreakimg flaws which are affecting many parts of your relationship.
Not only does she disrespect you and the things you do, but also is toxic and aggressive to random strangers by starting arguments with them. You can't be open even during intimate times because she claims you're acting gay for wanting to do stuff to her butt.
My guy, I think it's about time you exit this toxic relationship and be with someone who loves you for your glove-wearing, very hot chocolate drinking self. You can do way better than her after you take some time to be single and realize that you should be treated better than that.
P.S. This is on the extreme end, but what happens when your girlfriend starts an argument with someone that's willing to pull a gun out and shoot either your girlfriend or you? It happens every day and I'm sure you don't wanna end up a statistic of gun violence due to this girl starting fights that you don't want to be involved in.
I can’t even believe people can’t manage their own relationships. I was 18 and had a child and somehow managed. Don’t ask random strangers for advice. Ask her mom or your own.
Echo by Thomas Olde Heuvelt. I like it very much so far.
And, no one cared about your appearance when you made a bitchy comment about men’s grooming. And yet, you commented it anyways! I’m a bit concerned about your ability to read sarcasm or social cues. Not all commentary is asked for. I argued back with you since you commented about an irrelevant topic. I think OP should receive the advice they’re looking for, not off-topic commentary.
Awww bummer, I was hoping I could see the person I was talking to. You’re so passionate about arguing, I was hoping to be able to put a face to the name, you know? How sad. We could’ve had a great connection maybe!
But, in terms of equating a woman calling you out on something ridiculous to a ‘nice guy’, I don’t understand the connection there. Since you’re very bright and insightful, maybe you can illuminate me. What an odd thing to say. You kept pushing that your commentary is alright, so why can’t I push that it’s not alright? I think it’s funny you’re talking about ‘nice guys’, but you’re a very rude guy.
I’m just sad I won’t get to learn more about male grooming standards. Bummer.
Thanks for your opinion. But we work on it not just in terms of saying so. We have started therapy as well, but I wanted to ask the community if there was any advice on the go.
I've also decided to be brutally honest as shedding things doesn't go well.
I wouldn't say that it's pedo since it's legal in a lot of places, but it's still imoral and abnormal tho.
OP's BF groomed her for sure
I mean the fact that you’re in a long term committed relationship but your bf doesn’t talk to you about anything and then leaves for 3 days and assumed you know he’s moved on? Wut
If you had the safety net of a functional family/friends he wouldn’t be criticizing your personality. He’s aware of your position. Your paranoia sounds like eggshells.
Thanks. I should have mentioned that two out of the three relationships are sugar dating relationships (with the 23 and 30 year old). I will edit my post to reflect this.
omg
it is so pathetic
find a more mature guy
Well if you want to continue being a doormat for his needs, then by all means, give him half your paycheck.
He sounds ungrateful. You're studying to improve yourself while working and taking care of the house while he only works by the sounds of it.
Imo you have 2 choices:
Continue to put up with this. Force his attention and talk with him. Not AT him but with him. If he still chooses to be like that then leave him because you deserve better.
Staying with that type of person is going to lead to resentment and eventually, something will snap.
Well, she’s young too. Ask her if she be down for a threesome. Surprisingly many women who are down bad.
But each time I have to assert them, it's a fight. I'm called selfish and disappoint them.
First they’re narcissists. You can’t win. Ever. It’s a mental affliction. So stop fighting with them. If you give them info that they don’t like, and they start berating you, cut the conversation immediately. Just say, I gotta go, and hang up. Don’t stay to listen to their whining. But since they suffer from this affliction, you should keep the personal information at a minimum. Also, get some therapy sessions in to work out your side of this unhealthy parent-child relationship.
Boy, this sub lives up to its reputation of being way dumber and crazier than the other every day.
Good for you, girl! You deserve better ?
Hit the nail on the head, I did! ?
You got raped. I am sorry OP
Just be upfront and honest with her.
She says her kids are almost in high school so im assuming these are 18-19 yo kids. 19 yo kid tells off his cheating gf who he dumped that calls him saying shes pregnant and he gets ignorant with her and never hears from her again. Meanwhile she IS pregnant and has the kids which he has no idea actually exist cuz she had blocked him and moved away. She has had 12-15 years to tell him and never has. She deprived him and her kids of their father.
?here is my poor man's gold.
Dude, either shit or get off the pot. What you're doing is torturing her with hope.
Yeah, she broke up with you, but hey, guess what? We're allowed to regret decisions we make. She clearly regrets breaking up with you and wants to get back together, but you keep fucking with her.
I get it, you're pissed she dumped you, and you see this as your big opportunity to exact your revenge. Grow up.
Either you want to be with her or you don't. If you do, it's fine to set ground rules. It's fine to make her understand you're still hurt, and while yes you still love her, your trust is broken and you can't fully commit until the damage has been repaired.
If you don't, than for shit's sake, stop tormenting her. Cut her loose so you can both begin to heal and move on with your lives.
Either way, I don't think you should go in this trip with her. If you're interested in getting back together, this trip is going to basically put you into instant couple mode, and honestly you're not ready for that. You still have some resentment to work through. The way you're currently doing it isn't healthy, for either of you.
If you don't want to get back together, then it's just a plain shitty thing to do, taking advantage of her generosity like that, which she's only providing because she thinks there's a chance of you getting back together.
I do understand to a degree. You're angry she dumped you and you want to punish her. It's not normal behavior for you. It's understandable, but still wrong. Stop doing it.
And if this is just the way you are normally? Well, then I guess I'm beginning to understand why she left.
This is just a glimpse into your future if you stick around
I'm sorry my gut but she's cheating on you. The timing of her confession about her feelings is too convenient and it's highly inappropriate, and suspicious, that shes spending so much time with this other guy and even spending the night there.
Cut her loose dude, she ain't the one.
I'm glad you've decided that for all 400m people in the US. Personally I'd have no interest in someone that young, in fact I attended a friends wedding when I was 35 and he had a group of cousins who were 20 and one of them sort of fixated on me (I'm very fit and typically am mistaken for roughly 10 years younger), but I just couldn't do it. It was like speaking to a child.
But it's not illegal. The reality is woman are at peak physical beautify for a relatively small number of years. All men are attracted to women in that peak window whether you like that reality or not.
Ummmm it happened before you both met. It’s only as awkward as YOU make it. You broke up with your boyfriend, and ended your friendship over something that happened BEFORE you met him? And he or she didn’t KNOW that was the person you’ve been dating?
This is a YOU issue. It’s also a maturity issue. My ex and my friend ran into each other years after he and I broke up. They got to talking, decided they liked each other, but came to me and expressed if it made me feel weird, they wouldn’t. I didn’t care. They’re a GREAT couple. But they KNEW. You’re punishing people for doing something before you were even part of the equation. But, I guess you won’t have to worry about anymore. You’re now down a boyfriend and a friend.
One day you’ll have the maturity to deal with a significant others past. Hopefully.
Please get therapy, for the divorce and for thinking your cat is your father. Cats have relatively short life spans and you’re setting yourself up for a lot of hurt
That’s what I was thinking too. I’ve sent a text to friends, hopefully someone gets back to me
How do we know that their “friendship” isn't the reason he stopped seeing her professionally? Maybe something was happening and they said this can't happen IF I'm your psychologist…so I'll stop being your psychologist.
make ambiguous confusing statements then insult people for not understanding them
such a fun game
I agree with others burn the letter. I glad you when no contact with your mom again. She chose your cheating BFF and BF over you, her own daughter. That is the worst kind of betrayal.
Yeah… this.. been with my husband more than a decade.
We dont do conflict resolution like this. He doesn't shout we don't scream, theres no belittling.. no violence of any kind.
If he is too upset to talk properly like an adult he takes a walk. I take some time too.
But this isn't normal behavior in a relationship OP. Just because his family excuse it doesn't make it healthy.. i hope you two don't have children hearing involved in all of this?
He refuses to seek help or do any counseling to change so why are u with him?
It’s not the age gap is too big, it’s that people in their early 20s are barely out of their teenage years and still have a lot to figure out about themselves and what they want. They barely had a chance to mature and grow. 20s are where many people have their biggest growth and biggest change, and it’s concerning that you don’t realise this.
I thought I was mature at 20, and some would even say I was mature for my age, which I know realise was a bit weird, because while I was mature, I was still immature in a lot of ways. And what I want from a relationship and setting boundaries is something I’ve developed with age.
It might still work if you grow with her and her changes, but just as likely that you two will grow apart and disconnect if you aren’t what she wants anymore when she becomes older.
I’ve gained so much more confidence since then and maturity and knowledge about who I am and what I want, and most importantly, what I don’t want in a relationship.
I mean if it not because you are angry with each and it’s only because he is a light sleeper, I don’t see why it is so bad as long as 2 of you enjoy it.
I wonder if your mom had an arrangement like that before they were mad at each other or it started in the beginning.
I do know my ex’s parents had this arrangement and they are married, not sure how happily though haha
I’m fucking terrible w flossing so I make a point to go to the dentist every 6 months. Assuming insurance isn’t an issue, there’s no reason for him to avoid doing the same. Only would take an hr of his time and it’s a win-win for everybody.
OMG! This is sexual harassment. He needs to take all of this to HR. She could flip on him & fill sexual harassment charges against him. This is so unprofessional!
Welcome to r/relationship_advice, where everyone is the worst and they need to be dumped immediately. I enjoy the overall concept of this sub, but so many people make wild leaps of logic based on a fraction of the amount of required information that it’s really naked to take anything here without a massive grain of salt
Honestly, in that case… I might even flip the script.
You know… Sometimes I just want to have my break to myself and don't even want to be on the phone.
The fact that she is twisting it this way:
She would assume I’m trying to keep her hidden or a fabricated love interest is around me.
Is a huge red flag.
This is such an unreasonable thing to be upset about.
What other non-sense do you have to deal with?
No, don't appease her over this. You have a red flag girl on your hand.
Tell her:
If you're going to demand my attention on my breaks, then I am going to talk at a volume that works for me.
Beyond that, drop the crazy girl attitude because it is not my job to maintain your crazy accusations
Like ghezus dude… The volume you speak at on the phone, indicates that you could be cheating on her… Let that insanity sink in…