The age gap is literally the issue because it's a) the whole reason he won't invite you and b) the distance between your ages is not going to change. How long you're willing to put up with being a secret is something only you can answer.
I’msure she’s smarter than you think she is, but she deserves better than to be in a relationship with someone who treats her like an idiot child.
Why not let her read this post and see what you really think of her, and let her decide if YOUR behavior is a dealbreaker? She’s probably looking for someone more intelligent and mature than you.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Notice how in the above all is plural? I see other women that I find attractive. But I am in a loving marriage so I dont tell my wife…. “Look, I am not only attracted to you so if you care about me you will let me experiment with other women”.
People put too much on the Bi term. In the end who cares about the gender? In the end it means they are sexually attracted to multiple people. Yeah, no shit. So are we all.
Your husband is emotionally cheating on you. That he happens to like both men and women does give him the right to behave in the way he is. Unless of course, you are OK with it, which obviously you are not. Tell him!
If my wife told me she discovered she is Bi I would not let her fuck another woman if she wanted to stay with me.
Notice how in the above all is plural? I see other women that I find attractive. But I am in a loving marriage so I dont tell my wife…. “Look, I am not only attracted to you so if you care about me you will let me experiment with other women”.
People put too much on the Bi term. In the end who cares about the gender? In the end it means they are sexually attracted to multiple people. Yeah, no shit. So are we all.
Your husband is emotionally cheating on you. That he happens to like both men and women does give him the right to behave in the way he is. Unless of course, you are OK with it, which obviously you are not. Tell him!
If my wife told me she discovered she is Bi I would not let her fuck another woman if she wanted to stay with me.
Yea drop those friends, that’s crazy. Your friend dating a psycho and sounds like he’s being emotionally abused tbh.
I will say this worked out for you this time. But sounds like you and your wife and a bit codependent. Like you really couldn’t go one night with drinks with just your friend and not spend an evening with your wife. Tbh that’s concerning. It’s healthy to have time apart and be able to still have individual lives and experiences away from your spouse.
If it’s something she isn’t able to move past, then I don’t see a way forward for you that ends happily. I don’t blame her for whatever resentment she feels, but she shouldn’t have said she forgives you when she can’t/hasn’t. You deserve a voice in the relationship and right now she’s making you put in the effort while not allowing you that voice. Unless her goal is to keep you under her thumb by continuing to bring up things she has “forgiven” you for, I can’t imagine this is a beneficial situation for her.
I’d tell him fully how you feel, you’d be surprised even after a year of really in love how many people reconcile after break ups. Accept the answer whichever it may be respectfully. Would help to not shift blame even when mentioning your parents influence, and admit regret of your choices and what you appreciate of him. That you have been going to therapy. If in person I’d too scary could you maybe write your feelings down to send to him?
All said and done, let this be a lesson to always shut down your parents from meddling and not let this happen again. Weather with him, single, or in the next relationship. Sadly, it’s not uncommon the stories of regrets people having taking advice from those they thought it was wise too or felt was on their side, but turned out not to be. Goes for family and friends.
I’d suggest telling him also you would be fine slowly spending time together again if he is interested and working to show you care, have changed, and really never want to leave him again if he is interested.
Best of luck, we all make mistakes when not in a good place, this is big, but whatever happens just learn and give yourself grace and forgiveness.
The apartment is hers in his mind. Hers and his daughter’s. This isn’t about legal ownership. His ex clearly put her heart and soul into it with dreams of a life that he betrayed.
In your mind, you see this apartment as belonging to your fiancé. But in HIS mind, that is the home of his ex and his daughter. And it will most likely pass down to that daughter. And no, any children you two have will not benefit.
Sounds to me like you don’t respect your fiancé at all. He made this decision and you literally want to undo it even though it has nothing to do with you because, hey, you are selfish and not only is everything of his considered yours but everything his daughter has can’t be more than what your future children will get.
Do him a favor, walk away. Your disrespect of his choices with HIS assets and his care for his ex. and child have already caused so much pain.
Could he have sent it to her accidentally? Of course. Did he? No. But it really doesn’t matter at this point. Your marriage is shot, if he’s not already cheating he’s attempting to. You’re both unhappy.
Split the dance if you feel like you have to compromise. That's not choosing one or the other–you're acknowledging both men. It's your wedding, and you get to decide what you want to do. Your mother's feelings don't matter.
I see, I guess he really didn't do anything wrong. But it's still totally valid that you feel hurt by it. How could you not be? So I think what you need is time, time to process this, time to move past it. That's not going to happen overnight. But if you truly feel he wasn't out of bounds to do it, the time will come where you'll be over it.
Advice – your gf is a cheater – she is using you. You need to work out cat custody and exit strategy and either you kick her out, or pack and leave. Oh and ho have an STI test – you can't trust anything she says.
Dude, you need to chill out. Three times a day is NOT the average nor realistic. And stress of literally any kind can be a libido reducer. You said she was literally suicidal as of two weeks ago, she’s clearly in distress. You are coming off extremely unsympathetically here, and it’s your side of the story. That ain’t great
Yes, I'm doing no contact with that crazy narc! Will follow your advice and just try to ignore what she's commenting about me. Will try to keep her out of my life ?
If you don’t want to take it that is your problem.
And sorry it doesn’t matter if you’ve ever had the inclination before, you physically assaulted your BF – you are violent, you have violent tendencies.
Your wording doesn’t change the facts.
By the way here is the meaning of tendency
tendency
an inclination, predisposition, propensity, or leaning
And by your actions you have a predisposition, and propensity and leaning – so maybe you don’t think that you have an inclination, but you’d be wrong.
And while we are at it
condescending /ˌkɒndɪˈsɛndɪŋ/ adjective having or showing an attitude of patronizing superiority.
While i can see, and even admit that what I have written might come across as mean, it isn’t condescending.
Though this part is – before you start throwing words around, check the dictionary definition first.
Don’t be in an exclusive relationship with someone you don’t trust.
The age gap is literally the issue because it's a) the whole reason he won't invite you and b) the distance between your ages is not going to change. How long you're willing to put up with being a secret is something only you can answer.
Oh ok that's a good sign
I’msure she’s smarter than you think she is, but she deserves better than to be in a relationship with someone who treats her like an idiot child.
Why not let her read this post and see what you really think of her, and let her decide if YOUR behavior is a dealbreaker? She’s probably looking for someone more intelligent and mature than you.
Yeah, i think she deserve to know before she do something so permanent, is just that tell her and then block her seems to hurtful.
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Being Bi means you like men and women.
I am straight. I like women.
Notice how in the above all is plural? I see other women that I find attractive. But I am in a loving marriage so I dont tell my wife…. “Look, I am not only attracted to you so if you care about me you will let me experiment with other women”.
People put too much on the Bi term. In the end who cares about the gender? In the end it means they are sexually attracted to multiple people. Yeah, no shit. So are we all.
Your husband is emotionally cheating on you. That he happens to like both men and women does give him the right to behave in the way he is. Unless of course, you are OK with it, which obviously you are not. Tell him!
If my wife told me she discovered she is Bi I would not let her fuck another woman if she wanted to stay with me.
Being Bi means you like men and women.
I am straight. I like women.
Notice how in the above all is plural? I see other women that I find attractive. But I am in a loving marriage so I dont tell my wife…. “Look, I am not only attracted to you so if you care about me you will let me experiment with other women”.
People put too much on the Bi term. In the end who cares about the gender? In the end it means they are sexually attracted to multiple people. Yeah, no shit. So are we all.
Your husband is emotionally cheating on you. That he happens to like both men and women does give him the right to behave in the way he is. Unless of course, you are OK with it, which obviously you are not. Tell him!
If my wife told me she discovered she is Bi I would not let her fuck another woman if she wanted to stay with me.
Yea drop those friends, that’s crazy. Your friend dating a psycho and sounds like he’s being emotionally abused tbh.
I will say this worked out for you this time. But sounds like you and your wife and a bit codependent. Like you really couldn’t go one night with drinks with just your friend and not spend an evening with your wife. Tbh that’s concerning. It’s healthy to have time apart and be able to still have individual lives and experiences away from your spouse.
Man some people really shut their eyes and deny the truth which is right in front of them.
My siblings are 30+ and they use Snapchat! But 'older' people probably need some motivation to get it
You’re right. It probably would bother me for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try. Short and low-key is good.
If it’s something she isn’t able to move past, then I don’t see a way forward for you that ends happily. I don’t blame her for whatever resentment she feels, but she shouldn’t have said she forgives you when she can’t/hasn’t. You deserve a voice in the relationship and right now she’s making you put in the effort while not allowing you that voice. Unless her goal is to keep you under her thumb by continuing to bring up things she has “forgiven” you for, I can’t imagine this is a beneficial situation for her.
What are you getting from this relationship?
Hahaha it’s a feeling best described by ick ??♀️
I’d tell him fully how you feel, you’d be surprised even after a year of really in love how many people reconcile after break ups. Accept the answer whichever it may be respectfully. Would help to not shift blame even when mentioning your parents influence, and admit regret of your choices and what you appreciate of him. That you have been going to therapy. If in person I’d too scary could you maybe write your feelings down to send to him?
All said and done, let this be a lesson to always shut down your parents from meddling and not let this happen again. Weather with him, single, or in the next relationship. Sadly, it’s not uncommon the stories of regrets people having taking advice from those they thought it was wise too or felt was on their side, but turned out not to be. Goes for family and friends.
I’d suggest telling him also you would be fine slowly spending time together again if he is interested and working to show you care, have changed, and really never want to leave him again if he is interested.
Best of luck, we all make mistakes when not in a good place, this is big, but whatever happens just learn and give yourself grace and forgiveness.
Don't date guys who call other women hoes.
Very solid advice here!!! ☝?☝?☝?
The apartment is hers in his mind. Hers and his daughter’s. This isn’t about legal ownership. His ex clearly put her heart and soul into it with dreams of a life that he betrayed.
In your mind, you see this apartment as belonging to your fiancé. But in HIS mind, that is the home of his ex and his daughter. And it will most likely pass down to that daughter. And no, any children you two have will not benefit.
Sounds to me like you don’t respect your fiancé at all. He made this decision and you literally want to undo it even though it has nothing to do with you because, hey, you are selfish and not only is everything of his considered yours but everything his daughter has can’t be more than what your future children will get.
Do him a favor, walk away. Your disrespect of his choices with HIS assets and his care for his ex. and child have already caused so much pain.
If I did that (and we were all friends) my bf would probably say something like let me smell and then further compliment him.
Could he have sent it to her accidentally? Of course. Did he? No. But it really doesn’t matter at this point. Your marriage is shot, if he’s not already cheating he’s attempting to. You’re both unhappy.
why what do you mean? lol
Split the dance if you feel like you have to compromise. That's not choosing one or the other–you're acknowledging both men. It's your wedding, and you get to decide what you want to do. Your mother's feelings don't matter.
You talk about considering amd understanding his emotions. But is he considering yours?
I see, I guess he really didn't do anything wrong. But it's still totally valid that you feel hurt by it. How could you not be? So I think what you need is time, time to process this, time to move past it. That's not going to happen overnight. But if you truly feel he wasn't out of bounds to do it, the time will come where you'll be over it.
There is no compromise unless you want to online in a smaller commuter town. But even then, it takes you away from where you are happy.
If she needs more and you need less then long term your goals are different.
Well yes i was just trying to make sense if this was his game plan from the start and looks like it is
Advice – your gf is a cheater – she is using you. You need to work out cat custody and exit strategy and either you kick her out, or pack and leave. Oh and ho have an STI test – you can't trust anything she says.
He needs to grow up, and please don't give him anything till it happened
Dude, you need to chill out. Three times a day is NOT the average nor realistic. And stress of literally any kind can be a libido reducer. You said she was literally suicidal as of two weeks ago, she’s clearly in distress. You are coming off extremely unsympathetically here, and it’s your side of the story. That ain’t great
Shit post
Drop that loser, he's not worth it.
Yes, I'm doing no contact with that crazy narc! Will follow your advice and just try to ignore what she's commenting about me. Will try to keep her out of my life ?
I'll focus on being my bf's support, too. Thanks!
I did, but why all the lies!
I gave you advice – leave and get therapy.
If you don’t want to take it that is your problem.
And sorry it doesn’t matter if you’ve ever had the inclination before, you physically assaulted your BF – you are violent, you have violent tendencies.
Your wording doesn’t change the facts.
By the way here is the meaning of tendency
tendency
an inclination, predisposition, propensity, or leaning
And by your actions you have a predisposition, and propensity and leaning – so maybe you don’t think that you have an inclination, but you’d be wrong.
And while we are at it
condescending /ˌkɒndɪˈsɛndɪŋ/ adjective having or showing an attitude of patronizing superiority.
While i can see, and even admit that what I have written might come across as mean, it isn’t condescending.
Though this part is – before you start throwing words around, check the dictionary definition first.