So here’s the thing now it sounds like you’re assuming. Do you already have a list of things that you definitely want to do while you’re there? Do they? Perhaps before all of you set off on spending tons of money you try and create a travel plan. Also, I spent a huge part of my 20s backpacking so not sure if that’s how you all roll but often once you get there you meet people who have gone somewhere and then plans change because what they did sounds cooler than what you planned. I try to balance between at least knowing loosely where I’ll lay my head at night and being open to spontaneous adventure. And with such a large group and so much time there’s no reason you can’t make individual plans and then plan to meet up again somewhere. Sounds like you all need an evening where you pull out your bucket lists and work out some details together. Everyone should be able to contribute to such a big experience, that should be okay.
The comment you replied to even mentions that person being s stay at home mum. I think they're saying, financially, that it's insane and almost unbelievable that do many couples do this with one partner or more pushing for it.
It's scientifically proven that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less her ability to pair bond with a potential long term mate. If her notch count is over 5 it drops the success rate over 80%. Sex for men and women is different, no matter how much you choose to deny it. Busting a nut for a guy is mechanical. No different then taking a piss. For a woman to have sex with man, there has to be some level of emotional connection. And that connection remains with EVERY partner.
It's not insecure. It's fact that folk like you choose to ignore to escape holding promiscuous women accountable.
If you have is name you could randomly when you are with her, ask her how he is doing and If they had a good time on vacation. Her reaction and being caught off guard will tell you everything. Don't let her deflect the question back onto you, and I bet she gets defensive and asks how you know and he's just someone I met on vacation and he's a friend and blah blah blah, don't engage her questions and don't tell her how you know and ask her is there anything you want to tell me before I leave, wait for her answer and then just walk away. You should know her well enough to know when she's lying or trying to cover up and justifying her actions. Good luck
Why are you responding if you don’t have and answe
Because people's experience differ drastically depending on WHY the hysterectomy is performed, and how after-care/treatment looks like. Furthermore, even two women who go through the exact same procedure might have different experiences (just like with anything related to fertility/hormone treatment/birth control)
. Why are you responding if you don’t have and answer to the question if things change after the procedure. that’s the question asking.
If your gf talked to her gyno, she'd know about these things….
Tell her its not going to work out and both of you should move on..Then you move on to someone else. No more, 'one last time fuck' or anything else. You simply spend your time talking to someone else and put your penis in them for awhile. Probably get the moving on job done that way.
No. Don’t give her the gift. I think it’s so sweet you love her and want to get back together – seriously tugging on my heartstrings. But I think that if you two broke up and she’s pouring her energy into other people, then this is the time to pour your energy into yourself. If she is in a phase where she needs to see what else is out there in order to appreciate you, then give her the time to sit in the loss of you – let her miss you. If you give her the album, she may feel a bit pressured OR she may take you for granted (which honestly sounds like that’s kind of happening at the moment). People often learn more about what they want when they DONT have it
So are you not allowed to go with them? Say you would be ok with it if you can go too. If he gets pissy with that then that’s fishy af! My husband and I have the same rule and neither of us are upset by the rule. You let them hang out like you aren’t controlling AT ALL! They were FWBs for a really LONG time for just a FWB relationship. This all seems fishy. One of them developed feelings
Ok here let’s put in this perspective. You’re in a relationship and your bf said he was dropping off a few women w his friend back at their hotel room 4am. You’d be ok w that? As a guy the only reason I would do that is to hook up.
She should know and probably does know that everyone has a past but you know sometimes her mind is gonna tell her things she doesn't wanna hear. Not because she wants to…
Do something good for her, talk to her and just listen to what she has to say.
I would suggest doing something that will make her believe you understand her and she means a lot to you.
You don't need to mention yourself or your relationship to the bride in your speech. You're the MOH giving the MOH Speech. Just jump in with compliments and well wishes for the couple. You can personalize it with a short anecdote about their relationship or the excitement around the wedding. I would definitely mention how beautiful the bride is in her dream dress, or something like that. Then raise your glass and Cheers!
You are one selfish gf. You cheated in the past (I'm guessing the bf had no knowledge of it) and now when your bf just want to vent you turn him off. The only reason you want to break up is hook up with the guy at work. Do mature thing break up with your bf and do what you go to do. He deserves better than you.
It sounds like he's intentionally trying to get you to break up with him or he's trying to make you feel insecure/knock you down a peg. Either way, im not sure what you're expecting him to be able to do to fix this. It wasnt a simple mistake. He was incredibly rude in a very obvious way and then invalidated you when you told him how hurt you were. Does this sound like someone who truly cares about you?
Seriously! Unlike the other commenters, I think if you don’t feel comfortable telling your fiancé that you don’t want to restrict yourself to wearing outfits that coordinate with a giant purple gemstone on your finger for the rest of your life, then maybe your relationship isn’t ready to weather the ups and downs of marriage?
If he broke up with her because she admitted that she doesn’t want to wear a purple ring all the time, I think that would be a “bullet dodged” scenario. That would be crazy controlling!
Instead, she had a normal conversation with him about it and there was none of the drama that Reddit was predicting would arise.
that’s really sad. I think your dad really loves you and he’s also a really messed up human who can‘t behave himself, can’t regulate his emotions and impulses, can’t remember how a dad should talk to his kid. I am guessing your dad had really dysfunctional parents who messed him up and talked to him like he talks to you. He isn’t nice because you’re not in the way. He’s nice because he can make himself be on his best behavior for short periods and he loves and misses you.
you didn’t deserve any of it. I think he knows the damage he has done because his parents did it to him. That is why I chose to never have kids ?
You both are toxic for eachother. Couples can come back from cheating but you both are focused on getting back at eachother. Healthy relationships have healthy individuals who are all about adding value to eachothers lives and adding to the person. You two, based off your post, seem to be seeking something (like some sort of fulfillment) through one another. Have you tried individual counseling?
really, leaving is the last resort but letting your husband verbally abuse one son while favoring is actually okay? I feel sorry for the kid being abused mentally, emotionally and verbally with mommy actually not calling it out for what it is.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Move back in with your parents. And think is this what you really want. Continue with the counseling. I know you have trauma with how you felt with your stepdad. BUT think about the relationship if you can’t get past what happened. The baby will sense your emotions that’s it’s not quite right.
Well, you have a right to your traumas and your concerns, but she has a right to her desires as well. And I do find it a little odd that you are treating your girlfriend as though she is her ex even though she empirically isn't your ex. You also forgot to actually finish the sentence where you explained why you didn't want to give your vows a second time. There are still some questions you should be asking yourself, in other words.
Are you being unreasonable? That depends on how willing you are to ask those questions. =)
It’s childish but not abusive. That said, it is difficult to be giving (which providing a meal is)!when the person is being a dick. I think the best approach is a period of withdrawal followed by a calm conversation and don’t bother with food!
I’m her defence, by telling a guy she has a boyfriend isn’t enough because some guys do not care, it’s actual more ammo for them to try and one up. Her giving a fake number is the quickest way to end a conversation! I don’t see nothing wrong with that.
You have to start the process then. Nobody in this world is perfect, in case you see her not working or no education or anything, and immediately close the door on her. She is still your daughter's mother. Just understand from her what she intends to do when they meet up, what you both should tell your daughter, will this be one off or frequent, etc.
By the way: I gave the backstory because now that I left my state, I don’t really have anywhere to go back home to. My parents don’t have room for me in their studio apts and I only have 2 brothers who also on-line in small apts with their significant others. And I definitely don’t have enough money saved up to just go get my own place. I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do.
I also feel like I pushed him to that point with the fighting and leaving. I know it’s not my fault but he’s not doing a great job at making me feel like it’s not.
She immediately told me to get to her house and get away from him
Probably not the first time your husband has reacted this way.
Love is never enough OP…you don't have to jump at divorce immediately, but you should get some distance, and consider individual counseling to analyse the relationship dynamic, and see if there are other red flags you've ignored so far. Furthermore, unless your husband acknowledges that he's fucked up, and starts therapy to work on himself…why would anything change?
The biggest reason he let me leave is cuz I promised we’d still be friends. But now I’m not so sure
He has no say in whether you leave him or not. The very fact he made you promis this, is reason enough to cut him off completely. You seem to be so deep into that toxic dynamics you don't see clearly what is happening. Get out of it. If you can't, seek help.
Yeah i was thinking about bringing it up today, but i am a bit hesitant cause each time i have brought it up he has been very defensive or stubborn about it and says he does not like posting/does not want to do it. At the end of the day i dont want him to see me as a naggy person or pester him if this is not something that i should feel so insecure about 🙁
As a woman myself, this is sexual assault. It's fucking disgusting she did this and I'm so sorry. Definitely get tested and consider if you want to file a police report. If you decide to confront her for this assault, do it via text so you can screenshot the conversation. Do NOT do it over the phone unless you on-line in a one-party state and can record the interaction.
I was raped in 2011 by a man 100 pounds heavier than me. I said no multiple times but I was drunk and couldn't physically fight him off. However I did tell him that he raped me via text and he then essentially admitted to raping me in the text exchange after he of course had to tell me, “[I] wasn't woman enough to handle him anyway.”
I emailed one of my closest friends about it. This helped add to the “proof” component which is why I encourage you to do these things if you decide to report.
RAINN has a crisis line and I've called it multiple times and felt genuinely validated and I had therapy which helped a bit. Good luck OP, we're here for you if you need anything or want us to pull resources for you. ❤️
I’m not sure why this makes you so mad that you want to leave. Surely he’s always done this kind of thing? If you’re bothered, ask him in the morning why he shut down so abruptly. I bet he won’t really know what you’re talking about. He’ll be “It was late. I was done. What are you upset about?”
So he’s living his best life isn’t he? He uses your labour to earn his freedom. Get over your whole “traditional family” and understand that your Dad uses your Mom the exact same way.
He doesn’t want to change, he loves using you, he doesn’t want to hear about it, that’s why it’s termed “nagging” to make you feel embarrassed and ashamed to ask for a fair split of chores.
You should be enraged with how he treats you. This isn’t love, it’s servitude and he’s using you, and he will do it for the rest of his life. La la let me explain and jimmy_on_relationships both on instagram deal with this as well as bridging the gap on face book.
It’s not that you aren’t communicating effectively. It’s that he’s using you.
'if you cheat on me, I'll leave' is also an ultimatum, but it's not unreasonable. Stripping would be crossing the line of acceptable behaviour in the relationship for OP, and that's okay. Imo if it's not an abusive relationship then an ultimatum is better, where it accurately reflects people's feelings. If she won't be happy not stripping and he won't be happy with her if she is, at least they're both very clear on where they stand, which will help them to end it.
You should suggest once you get settled to look into couples counseling. This can improve communication and help to restore intimacy in your relationship.
She’s a human woman, right???? Don’t call her a female like she’s some separate species. It’s demeaning and it shows that you lack empathy. I genuinely hope she dumps you because she deserves better than you.
If it's only a 30 minute drive to get to Tijuana I can only suspect you are from Southern California. If you were from Northern Mexico you would know that it's dangerous and that 1 day isn't going to be much help. I suggest you find something useful to do in Southern California. There is a massive and growing homeless problem there and you can make an actual difference with that.
Just asked myself if this wasn't just another attempt to make us rave over creative writing.
OP lost me with a Gynecologist “turning back into a Physician” “because it was too much for him”.
Too much of what?
Formation to become a Physician us different from the one to become a Gynecologist. One doesn't just “downgrade” and revert into the other profession again.
It's not like repairing a Ford rather than a Mazda!
I would like to tell a story when I was 20 I tried the BDSM lifestyle the first person I was with understood I didn’t want a poly relationship he was 31 by the way. He basically told me a string of lies until I realized that he wanted poly so he could fuck who ever he wanted, do whatever he wanted, and never work cause all his girls would take care of him. Fuck that.
I than went to another Dom even older that said he would help “train me” into a good sub. Much of the kink community loved him, but they didn’t know he was an abusive piece of shit that didn’t believe in a safe word. Which resulted in me almost breaking my arm, and having a loaded gun pressed against my head. I got out but another sub reached out to me telling me he verbally, mentally, and psychically abused her daily until left she left where than made sure no Dom in the state would ever take her as a submissive. (Mind you that was kind of her life that she wanted to be 24/7 to a Dom)
Let me tell you something you can’t change them or fix them. Because in their head they can do no wrong and you’re less than. So run! Run far and fast before you get into deep running becomes impossible and that does happen.
The girl that reached out to me was a 24/7 on-line in slave with no money, no car, and chained up at night. How she got out I don’t know but I always wonder if she is doing okay.
Men like him and your Boyfriend are fucked in the head and use BDSM to abuse and violate women however they want.
Oh, for sure. But as you say, I think most people, even if they get that giddy “wow, this is the person I'm going to marry someday” understand that at that point it's more wishful projection than anything else, which is completely fine, btw; enjoy that heady rush. When you start to get upset that marriage plans aren't forming to your liking in the first few months, that's a sign that you're way over-invested.
If that is your experience, you are the common denominator. I don't want to be mean, but it's not a male thing. It's something that the men you pick have in common. If you're honest with yourself, you probably saw some red flags and chose to ignore them because they have other qualities you value more. Might be good to evaluate how you go about selecting a partner. Wish you the best.
Hi! Messy person with ADHD here. Even if she gets it diagnosed and gets drugs for it: those dishes are still gonna need washing. She's just gonna have to suck it up and do washing
Then you guys need to figure out how you’re going to compromise and problem solve. I think that’s the bigger issue here. You both want it your way. What’s the middle ground on the home? Most people buy a starter home to build equity.
Yikes… yeah I can understand now….
So here’s the thing now it sounds like you’re assuming. Do you already have a list of things that you definitely want to do while you’re there? Do they? Perhaps before all of you set off on spending tons of money you try and create a travel plan. Also, I spent a huge part of my 20s backpacking so not sure if that’s how you all roll but often once you get there you meet people who have gone somewhere and then plans change because what they did sounds cooler than what you planned. I try to balance between at least knowing loosely where I’ll lay my head at night and being open to spontaneous adventure. And with such a large group and so much time there’s no reason you can’t make individual plans and then plan to meet up again somewhere. Sounds like you all need an evening where you pull out your bucket lists and work out some details together. Everyone should be able to contribute to such a big experience, that should be okay.
The comment you replied to even mentions that person being s stay at home mum. I think they're saying, financially, that it's insane and almost unbelievable that do many couples do this with one partner or more pushing for it.
It's scientifically proven that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less her ability to pair bond with a potential long term mate. If her notch count is over 5 it drops the success rate over 80%. Sex for men and women is different, no matter how much you choose to deny it. Busting a nut for a guy is mechanical. No different then taking a piss. For a woman to have sex with man, there has to be some level of emotional connection. And that connection remains with EVERY partner.
It's not insecure. It's fact that folk like you choose to ignore to escape holding promiscuous women accountable.
If you have is name you could randomly when you are with her, ask her how he is doing and If they had a good time on vacation. Her reaction and being caught off guard will tell you everything. Don't let her deflect the question back onto you, and I bet she gets defensive and asks how you know and he's just someone I met on vacation and he's a friend and blah blah blah, don't engage her questions and don't tell her how you know and ask her is there anything you want to tell me before I leave, wait for her answer and then just walk away. You should know her well enough to know when she's lying or trying to cover up and justifying her actions. Good luck
Why are you responding if you don’t have and answe
Because people's experience differ drastically depending on WHY the hysterectomy is performed, and how after-care/treatment looks like. Furthermore, even two women who go through the exact same procedure might have different experiences (just like with anything related to fertility/hormone treatment/birth control)
. Why are you responding if you don’t have and answer to the question if things change after the procedure. that’s the question asking.
If your gf talked to her gyno, she'd know about these things….
Tell her its not going to work out and both of you should move on..Then you move on to someone else. No more, 'one last time fuck' or anything else. You simply spend your time talking to someone else and put your penis in them for awhile. Probably get the moving on job done that way.
No. Don’t give her the gift. I think it’s so sweet you love her and want to get back together – seriously tugging on my heartstrings. But I think that if you two broke up and she’s pouring her energy into other people, then this is the time to pour your energy into yourself. If she is in a phase where she needs to see what else is out there in order to appreciate you, then give her the time to sit in the loss of you – let her miss you. If you give her the album, she may feel a bit pressured OR she may take you for granted (which honestly sounds like that’s kind of happening at the moment). People often learn more about what they want when they DONT have it
So are you not allowed to go with them? Say you would be ok with it if you can go too. If he gets pissy with that then that’s fishy af! My husband and I have the same rule and neither of us are upset by the rule. You let them hang out like you aren’t controlling AT ALL! They were FWBs for a really LONG time for just a FWB relationship. This all seems fishy. One of them developed feelings
Ok here let’s put in this perspective. You’re in a relationship and your bf said he was dropping off a few women w his friend back at their hotel room 4am. You’d be ok w that? As a guy the only reason I would do that is to hook up.
She should know and probably does know that everyone has a past but you know sometimes her mind is gonna tell her things she doesn't wanna hear. Not because she wants to…
Do something good for her, talk to her and just listen to what she has to say.
I would suggest doing something that will make her believe you understand her and she means a lot to you.
You don't need to mention yourself or your relationship to the bride in your speech. You're the MOH giving the MOH Speech. Just jump in with compliments and well wishes for the couple. You can personalize it with a short anecdote about their relationship or the excitement around the wedding. I would definitely mention how beautiful the bride is in her dream dress, or something like that. Then raise your glass and Cheers!
Does she have a history of mental illness or bad experiences with medication?
Could be a bad depressive episode. has it happened before/ is there a history of it?
She might need an evaluation by a doctor if things continue to be as bad as you say.
You are one selfish gf. You cheated in the past (I'm guessing the bf had no knowledge of it) and now when your bf just want to vent you turn him off. The only reason you want to break up is hook up with the guy at work. Do mature thing break up with your bf and do what you go to do. He deserves better than you.
It sounds like he's intentionally trying to get you to break up with him or he's trying to make you feel insecure/knock you down a peg. Either way, im not sure what you're expecting him to be able to do to fix this. It wasnt a simple mistake. He was incredibly rude in a very obvious way and then invalidated you when you told him how hurt you were. Does this sound like someone who truly cares about you?
Tell him to fuck off. Don't actually but that's annoying as fuck
Seriously! Unlike the other commenters, I think if you don’t feel comfortable telling your fiancé that you don’t want to restrict yourself to wearing outfits that coordinate with a giant purple gemstone on your finger for the rest of your life, then maybe your relationship isn’t ready to weather the ups and downs of marriage?
If he broke up with her because she admitted that she doesn’t want to wear a purple ring all the time, I think that would be a “bullet dodged” scenario. That would be crazy controlling!
Instead, she had a normal conversation with him about it and there was none of the drama that Reddit was predicting would arise.
? I mean in Texas that’s a house ?
Well I’m glad that you at least have an equal bad opinion, then.
Maybe it’s time to grow up and not need a “squad”
that’s really sad. I think your dad really loves you and he’s also a really messed up human who can‘t behave himself, can’t regulate his emotions and impulses, can’t remember how a dad should talk to his kid. I am guessing your dad had really dysfunctional parents who messed him up and talked to him like he talks to you. He isn’t nice because you’re not in the way. He’s nice because he can make himself be on his best behavior for short periods and he loves and misses you.
you didn’t deserve any of it. I think he knows the damage he has done because his parents did it to him. That is why I chose to never have kids ?
You both are toxic for eachother. Couples can come back from cheating but you both are focused on getting back at eachother. Healthy relationships have healthy individuals who are all about adding value to eachothers lives and adding to the person. You two, based off your post, seem to be seeking something (like some sort of fulfillment) through one another. Have you tried individual counseling?
really, leaving is the last resort but letting your husband verbally abuse one son while favoring is actually okay? I feel sorry for the kid being abused mentally, emotionally and verbally with mommy actually not calling it out for what it is.
Hello /u/Fox_Transformer1200,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Hello /u/roshiou,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Move back in with your parents. And think is this what you really want. Continue with the counseling. I know you have trauma with how you felt with your stepdad. BUT think about the relationship if you can’t get past what happened. The baby will sense your emotions that’s it’s not quite right.
This is disrespectful and cross the boundaries
YESSSSSSSSS
He stole your youth from you. A good person would have never thought to date you at 18 when they were 30.
Well, you have a right to your traumas and your concerns, but she has a right to her desires as well. And I do find it a little odd that you are treating your girlfriend as though she is her ex even though she empirically isn't your ex. You also forgot to actually finish the sentence where you explained why you didn't want to give your vows a second time. There are still some questions you should be asking yourself, in other words.
Are you being unreasonable? That depends on how willing you are to ask those questions. =)
It’s childish but not abusive. That said, it is difficult to be giving (which providing a meal is)!when the person is being a dick. I think the best approach is a period of withdrawal followed by a calm conversation and don’t bother with food!
I’m her defence, by telling a guy she has a boyfriend isn’t enough because some guys do not care, it’s actual more ammo for them to try and one up. Her giving a fake number is the quickest way to end a conversation! I don’t see nothing wrong with that.
You have to start the process then. Nobody in this world is perfect, in case you see her not working or no education or anything, and immediately close the door on her. She is still your daughter's mother. Just understand from her what she intends to do when they meet up, what you both should tell your daughter, will this be one off or frequent, etc.
ATP just leave your just being used
By the way: I gave the backstory because now that I left my state, I don’t really have anywhere to go back home to. My parents don’t have room for me in their studio apts and I only have 2 brothers who also on-line in small apts with their significant others. And I definitely don’t have enough money saved up to just go get my own place. I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do.
I also feel like I pushed him to that point with the fighting and leaving. I know it’s not my fault but he’s not doing a great job at making me feel like it’s not.
Probably is the last One
She really loves photography
Just a good pic for her
She immediately told me to get to her house and get away from him
Probably not the first time your husband has reacted this way.
Love is never enough OP…you don't have to jump at divorce immediately, but you should get some distance, and consider individual counseling to analyse the relationship dynamic, and see if there are other red flags you've ignored so far. Furthermore, unless your husband acknowledges that he's fucked up, and starts therapy to work on himself…why would anything change?
The biggest reason he let me leave is cuz I promised we’d still be friends. But now I’m not so sure
He has no say in whether you leave him or not. The very fact he made you promis this, is reason enough to cut him off completely. You seem to be so deep into that toxic dynamics you don't see clearly what is happening. Get out of it. If you can't, seek help.
Also lawyer up like someone already suggested.
Yeah i was thinking about bringing it up today, but i am a bit hesitant cause each time i have brought it up he has been very defensive or stubborn about it and says he does not like posting/does not want to do it. At the end of the day i dont want him to see me as a naggy person or pester him if this is not something that i should feel so insecure about 🙁
End it. move on. find someone better.
she refuses to get help and refuses to work with you.
As a woman myself, this is sexual assault. It's fucking disgusting she did this and I'm so sorry. Definitely get tested and consider if you want to file a police report. If you decide to confront her for this assault, do it via text so you can screenshot the conversation. Do NOT do it over the phone unless you on-line in a one-party state and can record the interaction.
I was raped in 2011 by a man 100 pounds heavier than me. I said no multiple times but I was drunk and couldn't physically fight him off. However I did tell him that he raped me via text and he then essentially admitted to raping me in the text exchange after he of course had to tell me, “[I] wasn't woman enough to handle him anyway.”
I emailed one of my closest friends about it. This helped add to the “proof” component which is why I encourage you to do these things if you decide to report.
RAINN has a crisis line and I've called it multiple times and felt genuinely validated and I had therapy which helped a bit. Good luck OP, we're here for you if you need anything or want us to pull resources for you. ❤️
I’m not sure why this makes you so mad that you want to leave. Surely he’s always done this kind of thing? If you’re bothered, ask him in the morning why he shut down so abruptly. I bet he won’t really know what you’re talking about. He’ll be “It was late. I was done. What are you upset about?”
So he’s living his best life isn’t he? He uses your labour to earn his freedom. Get over your whole “traditional family” and understand that your Dad uses your Mom the exact same way.
He doesn’t want to change, he loves using you, he doesn’t want to hear about it, that’s why it’s termed “nagging” to make you feel embarrassed and ashamed to ask for a fair split of chores.
You should be enraged with how he treats you. This isn’t love, it’s servitude and he’s using you, and he will do it for the rest of his life. La la let me explain and jimmy_on_relationships both on instagram deal with this as well as bridging the gap on face book.
It’s not that you aren’t communicating effectively. It’s that he’s using you.
'if you cheat on me, I'll leave' is also an ultimatum, but it's not unreasonable. Stripping would be crossing the line of acceptable behaviour in the relationship for OP, and that's okay. Imo if it's not an abusive relationship then an ultimatum is better, where it accurately reflects people's feelings. If she won't be happy not stripping and he won't be happy with her if she is, at least they're both very clear on where they stand, which will help them to end it.
You should suggest once you get settled to look into couples counseling. This can improve communication and help to restore intimacy in your relationship.
She’s a human woman, right???? Don’t call her a female like she’s some separate species. It’s demeaning and it shows that you lack empathy. I genuinely hope she dumps you because she deserves better than you.
Kegals would have more impact ?
If it's only a 30 minute drive to get to Tijuana I can only suspect you are from Southern California. If you were from Northern Mexico you would know that it's dangerous and that 1 day isn't going to be much help. I suggest you find something useful to do in Southern California. There is a massive and growing homeless problem there and you can make an actual difference with that.
Just asked myself if this wasn't just another attempt to make us rave over creative writing.
OP lost me with a Gynecologist “turning back into a Physician” “because it was too much for him”.
Too much of what?
Formation to become a Physician us different from the one to become a Gynecologist. One doesn't just “downgrade” and revert into the other profession again.
It's not like repairing a Ford rather than a Mazda!
I would like to tell a story when I was 20 I tried the BDSM lifestyle the first person I was with understood I didn’t want a poly relationship he was 31 by the way. He basically told me a string of lies until I realized that he wanted poly so he could fuck who ever he wanted, do whatever he wanted, and never work cause all his girls would take care of him. Fuck that.
I than went to another Dom even older that said he would help “train me” into a good sub. Much of the kink community loved him, but they didn’t know he was an abusive piece of shit that didn’t believe in a safe word. Which resulted in me almost breaking my arm, and having a loaded gun pressed against my head. I got out but another sub reached out to me telling me he verbally, mentally, and psychically abused her daily until left she left where than made sure no Dom in the state would ever take her as a submissive. (Mind you that was kind of her life that she wanted to be 24/7 to a Dom)
Let me tell you something you can’t change them or fix them. Because in their head they can do no wrong and you’re less than. So run! Run far and fast before you get into deep running becomes impossible and that does happen.
The girl that reached out to me was a 24/7 on-line in slave with no money, no car, and chained up at night. How she got out I don’t know but I always wonder if she is doing okay.
Men like him and your Boyfriend are fucked in the head and use BDSM to abuse and violate women however they want.
Run!
Oh, for sure. But as you say, I think most people, even if they get that giddy “wow, this is the person I'm going to marry someday” understand that at that point it's more wishful projection than anything else, which is completely fine, btw; enjoy that heady rush. When you start to get upset that marriage plans aren't forming to your liking in the first few months, that's a sign that you're way over-invested.
Girl if you felt excited that you weren't with him.. Be done with it. He's not good enough with you, honestly.
If that is your experience, you are the common denominator. I don't want to be mean, but it's not a male thing. It's something that the men you pick have in common. If you're honest with yourself, you probably saw some red flags and chose to ignore them because they have other qualities you value more. Might be good to evaluate how you go about selecting a partner. Wish you the best.
that “thing” people have where they understand that the other person has autonomy
you mean respect for boundaries?
Um….. Why not just be with someone who's already compatible? Or adjust your own career if that's the way you think things should be?
Ah yes, the anecdotal keyboard doctor, the best kind of doctor.
Was looking for a rational response!
Hi! Messy person with ADHD here. Even if she gets it diagnosed and gets drugs for it: those dishes are still gonna need washing. She's just gonna have to suck it up and do washing
Then you guys need to figure out how you’re going to compromise and problem solve. I think that’s the bigger issue here. You both want it your way. What’s the middle ground on the home? Most people buy a starter home to build equity.
Perhaps husband dad can shed some light.
Then your ex is a predator and a criminal.
What is fun for you? What activities are you and your partner interested in?
If you literally cannot take a night off or a weekend away perhaps it is time to decide the small business is not sustainable.
How do you do this? I can’t ever go “not my problem” to anyone I care about. I will go out of my way to help anyone I know even at my own expense.
what’s her @
?
they’ve only known each other FIVE MONTHS and she’s this whipped??? that’s crazy i’m sorry but i think you gotta move on buddy, godspeed ?