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MrMsHungryFox, 24 y.o.
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Is this the new episode of you?? I had no idea it was based of a true story.
Who knows if this is the first time
Please read this. I mean this respectfully and compassionately. You cannot hold yourself responsible for other people's actions or mindsets that have nothing to do with you. They were broken long before you were in the picture.
With that being said. I've looked at your post history and it's my opinion that you should look into therapy. You have a string of really poor choices in partners. I'm not blaming you in any way. However, the relationships you've explored and people you commit to, aren't healthy. That part, you need to be conscious of. It is your responsibility to filter and weed out people through their words, behaviors, and consistency. Yes, there are people who are great liars and believe in their own delusions.
But, this guy you're currently talking about used you for sex. You made that post 5 days ago from the date of this post. You've been on and off. He does things to not make you feel insecure and question the status of the relationship. You use sex as a tool in hopes of keeping him in the relationship. That isn't healthy and shouldn't be the reason why your partner spends time with you.
You mention you want to marry this person. The chaos they bring and the chaos you accept, how will a relationship in the future look like with this person? Often times, people believe more commitment will resolve relation and character defect problems. If only we were a couple. If only we were married. If only we had children. All of our problems would go away and be non-existent.
That belief is incorrect. You need to change your perspective. Adding more things to intertwine your lives will only add more, for better and for worse. While it will add positive aspects to your life. If there are more negatives to begin with; they will only outweigh and overshadow the positives.
To answer your original question. There is nothing you could redo in the past. The only thing you need to look at is the present moment and what it will like in the future. At some point you have to realize that you are you and they are them. Where you start. Where you end. Where they start and where they end. You can't be held responsible for your ex-boyfriend's unreasonable view.
The punishment doesn't fit the crime here. Your ex is making you feel bad because he's a bad partner with bad takes. You're the victim here but you're made to feel like shit because you didn't enact some sort of revenge? A person that gets revenge (most of the time) are often doing it for petty reasons. Have lost their dignity and have abandoned morally higher values in order to follow through on achieving vengeance.