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Absolutely right, I made excuses to stay in the friend group. Allowed myself to be in those situations. I’ll def be telling my partner all that .
I dated a girl who had RBF, and when she would cum, she looked angry but said it always was amazing so it must be normal
Ehhh… So all the romantic stuff they sing about that makes a difference isn't really love then? It's sex?
I’m sure you already know the answer…you should love yourself and break up with him. He cheated on you and he put your health in danger. The fact that you feel like he’s going to blame you shows you have a toxic relationship. He’s toxic, literally and figuratively. You’ve got to let it go or you’ll keep getting hurt, and ill apparently.
Currently I’m paying about 150 a month plus doing all the cooking keeping the house clean and taking care of the animals. I’m the only girl in the house. He wants to increase to 500 plus still doing everything I already was. I would be paying the same amount for an apartment.
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I think it’s best to leave now. It’s good to know your worth. Already together five months and he hung out with a girl, hid it from you , and is now apologizing BECAUSE he got caught. Stand on your word, don’t be with him anymore. There are better guys out there. “If you wanna hang just lmk” doesn’t seem like any effort coming from the guy who was caught “hanging” with a female friend.
This is very weird. He met you when you were underaged and now that you are above 18 he wants to marry you. Do you love him? Do you have an actual relationship with him? It seems more like he may be grooming you and possibly using you for a green card.
He is from Eastern Europe which is now in a conflict zone close to Ukraine. Confirm if he is from Ukraine itself. He may be wanting to come here to escape the region.
The short answer is that you can't. If she's got crippling insecurities only a therapist can help her. Don't make that (very common) mistake of believing that you somehow have the power to change someone who in truth needs a professional.
Forgot to add one story. I was once at a party with her. Her parents lived in the same city as me, so I drove 45 minutes from the party to her house around 230 am. Got there, and she said, it's too late for her to go in because her parents might ask where she came from (she goes to school in another city that is 1.5 hours away from her parents place). She then said, could you drop me to her school apartment, which is 1.5 hours away, although it was already 230 am. So, got to her apartment around 4 am, went inside to have some coffee because I was already so tired and needed something to get me energized to drive back home. As soon as I finished my coffee, she said, can you drop me home back to my parents place. I thought she was jokkng, but she was dead serious. I said I already drove 1.5 hours to your apartment, why do u want me to drop u back? She said, your going back to that city anyways. I refused to drop her, but then she said ” are your really going to make me sleep here alone all by myself”? She has a roommate who wasn't there that day, although at one point in the future she did indeed sleep alone in her apartment. So, decided to drive her back home, and it was about 7 am once I got home. That was a while ago, but really stuck with me.
people do it everyday
I mentioned the abortion because it was a big thing in our relationship. Moving past it, he knew how serious this was to me and how important it was because he did not support me through it at all. Then some 7 months later he told me that his position has changed, we should get back together and we could have a family one day. Only to find out that shortly after he told me this, he was looking at info on vasectomy, meaning the heart felt conversation we had which made me get back into this relationship was potentially a lie. As to why I was looking through this email – I was just curious as on a few occasions he told me/implied he was considering/planning proposing and I was curious if he had actually made any steps towards this. I didn't look for anything else, just searched 3 keywords, one leading to the email I found.
Oh so he’s stupid, too? Does he have any redeeming qualities?
Okay, but that answer doesn't really help for what I was asking about. I was asking about whether I'm misreading the behavior/situation, and if I was, how best to make sure we are on the same page going forward. Not whether it would be a good idea for me to make a move or not (I won't be).
he just walked away from me and locked himself in the bathroom. It took a few hours before he came out and was willing to talk.
He needs therapy. This is concerning.
It's okay, you can admit no one came to your wedding lol
In your understanding, is 'temporary BD flareups' a category level that is manageable, and can be reasonably fixed? I'm seeking a psychologist, but it seems you have an educated opinion. So I am interested in hearing it.
Judging by the information above, I would assume 'temporary BD flareups' is the case. I.E. in this scenario, she was (A) triggered by a very specific event, (B) was under the influence of too much alcohol, and (C) was on her period. Driving the explosion. Outside of limited events, she is almost always completely fine for levels of BPD.
It's kind of disappointing how accurate the information is in your link. Of the 18 BPD warning signs, 1, 2 , 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 14, 16, and 18 are recognizable. To be clear, she's not doing all those all the time. For example, she's not always the victim. Often, she can identify when she is to blame, and will apologize. But she can be nude to reason with sometimes when it comes to fault, and it is not uncommon that it will take an apology from me first, and a few days, for her to realize her contribution. Even if I didn't do anything wrong – I.E. her getting jealous over something that is unreasonable.
There are some things that are absolutely true all the time. Like having friends. It is likely very hot for her, being an immigrant and a traveling nurse. But to be clear, she has absolutely no friends outside of her family she actively keeps in touch with (number 16). She had just 2 when I met her. Both where long distance. Both she flipped from being very close to them, to not liking them at all (number 1). That stood out to me a bit, as I have always found her lack of interest in making new friends odd. It's beyond introversion – she doesn't have any, and doesn't want any. She just needs her family, and me. Putting me in the center of her life (number 14), which ironically I always kind of adored. But knew was unhealthy.
Thank you for all your help. Seriously.
How you react to this will tell her what’s acceptable in the future. If you continue, you’ll be telling her this behavior is acceptable.
Find someone that respects you.
I’m disgusted they reacted in this way. But in terms o breaking the news to family, this way of telling them in front of new partner was a very high risk strategy but one I think used to make it more difficult for them to be mean, sadly she got that very wrong as parents chose to indulge their disappointment/bigotry/bad manners in public. What they did though is pretty unforgivable. Hubby I think is shocked too by both sets of behaviour. I’d take my time to let the dust settle with hubby. I would not be going to visit inlaws anytime soon
Well we were both young when we started dating and neither of us ever thought of marriage, we were just happy as we were. The only people who are pressuring marriage and converting religion are his parents, who only started talking about it a couple months ago. Not everyone wants to get married.
Op, my dad never plan to marry, wanted to stay a bachelor. Then he met my mom. They’ve been married since 1984, still happily in love.
When someone wants to marry, they will marry you.
They will not drag it out for this long. It usually gets decided within the first five years of a relationship if you are getting engaged, then married.
After five years in a relationship you either accept the reality of never getting married and settle with it or breakup to find someone who wants the same thing for long term compatibility.
This is potentially correct which is why I raise the question of whether there are alternatives to divorce.
Did you have something else you both wanted to do normally?
Or is this typical for Friday?