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The question you should be asking is: how will I cope if I drop them both?
It’s a far more empowering question to ask yourself and will lead to greater insight.
The only thing for you to do is to put permanent distance between you and her. Time heals all wounds. Don't wait another 12 years to open up to someone else, you'll be surprised at how many people aren't the absolute worst.
Does she also find it funny?
I am not unhinged. You are just misunderstanding me.
Easy solution (relatively speaking). First off – you're her bank. Would she have stuck around if you didn't pay for everything? I'm putting money (my own money) on no. Secondly – you're not allowed to do anything fun with your own money because you can't afford to pay for her? She's conveniently broke too? Interesting…
There are relationships wherein couples have the one person who buys / pays for stuff, etc. Have at it. But that only works if all parties agree and are happy with such a set up. You, my friend, are obviously not happy with such a set up. I question why you've let it go on for this long as it is, but that's a whole other post.
You've invited her to join you for whatever. You can't afford to pay for yet another thing for her. Nor should you be expected to either (she doesn't even treat you to a coffee now and then? Damn dude.). Plan your trip. Have fun. Decide if you want your relationship to hinge on the fact that you're a bank, and chances are good that if you closed your doors (even one door making it harder to get in), your partner would look for a new one.
Even if your kid grows up in two flats, they will be fine
No they won’t. Don’t minimize the trauma of divorce on a kid. Even amicable divorces are naked for kids.
I’m not saying that couples should always stay together “for the sake of the kids”, but people tend to brush off the fact that it’s very hot for kids to deal with two homes and two families.
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No offense but I think you need therapy to address your inadequacy issues.
Why not trust that if it’s something that would have a big impact on her that she’s intelligent & resourceful enough to have researched or looked into it properly? She was, in fact, right. You having never heard of it isn’t, in my opinion, a “strong reason.”
We have!
Good luck!
Make a decision. Either get paternity tested and child support order or do what is necessary to give up parental rights. Talk to a lawyer. How long has this been going on?
Well, of course. But I can extrapolate :/ Even if redeemable, what I meant is that I mght probably dont want to be involved with him anyways after an episode like that.
World isnt black and white, on that I agree. But there are naked passes, no turning back from those. That would be a deal breaker for me for sure.
So you didn’t feel it necessary to tell your wife that you were driving your female coworker to her home after work 3 days a week? And now you are surprised be her reaction? Have you ever given her any concern before to not trust you?
Well if he didn’t have one before he probably does now. It really wtf was he thinking in my 40 year career. As a senior exec at a Fortune 500 company I have never had nor heard of anyone ever doing this. I’m afraid he is toast
Are you thinking about leaving him? What’s the difference between getting married at 22 and 26? Girls like you are willing sell your young soul and settle for money (actual cash or expensive item). You’re not gonna experience anything much being in a relationship for the perks.
Being single and exploring yourself is part of being young to find out what you want to do with your life.
This all depends.
Is your friend going to go around and bad mouth him? Destroy his reputation and publicly humiliate him? Is this situation over or just beginning?
Is your friend willing to have a calm discussion with him? Tell him about her experience being trans and how his views hurt her? Would she explain what medical experts say about trans people (I don’t even know if medical experts largely agree on the issue one way or the other, I’m just throwing out ideas)? Maybe you could push her to handle this constructively instead of maliciously, if that’s her intention.
As for your BF, there’s no way around it, you broke his trust. Can it be rebuilt? Sure. But it’s going to take a lot of work and you both have to be invested. Tell him how horrible you feel for doing that and you’ll do whatever it takes to repair trust. Acknowledge you were out of line and you regret it.
I understand there is probably a lot more to your relationship then what you listed, but if you think he’s amazing because he cooks for you, I’ll tell you now, that’s like the bare minimum. Maybe take some time to really evaluate the relationship and if you want to put the effort in to begin with. Maybe you have bad luck in relationships and he’s just the best you e had, but not the best out there for you.
They aren’t saying he should tell her to stop immediately, just to talk to her about his health concerns and then she can go talk to a doctor. Also wearing condoms again isn’t a bad idea especially if it elevates pressure off of her.
I hadn’t done it in three weeks and I could see the grime caked on the floor. I am not a neat freak/germaphobe but enough was enough.
Yeah, with you on this. My wife had a life before me…
If the photographer was rubbing it my face I’d be pretty pissed that that were being an ass but for another rando to being it up just seems like they’re a gossipy bitch trying to get attention on them during my wedding. Dick move for sure but ultimately minor. Not like they set the dance floor on fire or started a fist fight or whatever.
While 14 is older than 10 it's still young. They were both children. And her behaviour is very much in line with someone who was also abused. So while it is true we do not know her circumstances I think it's highly likely they were both victims of abuse.
I did not say she was not without fault. I thought it went without saying she was obviously very clearly inappropriate. But it would be wildly inappropriate for OP to contact her. Yes I saw she said she wouldn't…. But her original post made it seem it was very much something on her mind. Two wrongs do not make a right.
I didn't pretend to know her I just elaborated on why it would be wrong to act on her thoughts of contacting her to admonish her. I don't see how that will contribute anything positive to this situation.
That was my advice to OP. She would be going down the wrong path reaching out to attack the girl. And I do think that OP should consider the fact that this girl was likely also abused. Hurt people hurt people. Especially when we are talking about children. If a victim is reading this and their story is similar I also think it's a relevant point of reflection.
Again it doesn't negate the fact her boyfriend or any other victim was in fact a victim. A horrible wrong was still perpetrated against them.
Ultimately her boyfriend is now an adult. As an adult now he needs to take the steps to help himself. As I said in my previous comment I feel the best step is therapy. Because no comment here to OP is going to help him navigate healing. A professional is the person to do that.
(I also don't know if it was just the two of them. The way I read it was that there were friends cheering it on. That to me screamed a reenactment of abuse. If OP has elaborated and said that wasn't the case that's fine. )