Reminds me of that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Voula: “Tell me what to do, but don't tell me what to do!” Maria: “Perfect!”
OP: You ask for advice, but you want to QUALIFY what advice people can give you; you don't really want advice.
You SERIOUSLY think your children growing up in a home where you and your husband ignore each other and are openly hostile is better than 2 divorced homes where love (and self-love) reside in each home? You need individual therapy.
It’s worth a conversation. It doesn’t automatically mean she’s settling with you. It could mean that three years ago, this is the person she thought she would marry and now she’s not closer to being married and he is. Our brain sometimes paints a picture for us that we don’t want, like the idea of someone who hurt us is thriving.
Or it could mean she misses him. But none of us can guess from this. If you value any of the time you’ve spent together, you’ll talk to her and get her side.
Probably fake, but you completely 100% absolutely deserve all of this and I hope it truly hurts you even more than you have written here for the rest of your days. You’re a monster.
Hell if I know. When we were involved, Idried a lot of tears over him. I remember even having to take off a work once when he told me he was leaving me to go back to his ex.
But you know what? I'm over him and good. Took me a long time to get here with him, but I feel we're in a good space.
Plus – and I cannot stress this enough – his work is really good. And because he feels so bad for hurting me in the past (because he knew he was an asshole), he gives me a discount!
Didn't mean much when I was still hung up on him, but now that I'm not, it's great.
That's if it's in a formal trust. If he's just holding it in an account in his name for dad with no formality around it, it absolutely could get dragged into a divorce. SIL has zero to gain from suggesting this, she's obviously totally on board with her own possible-claim being cut off because it was the right thing to do to protect OP's Dad, and she rightly expects that OP will do what she considers to be the right thing as well.
Everyone is covering the horrible removal of your agency and consent – which is a level of fucked up that just…floors me.
What I would like to point out is what that means he thought of you at the time it happened, as well as the other women. He thought deception was fine. He cared more about getting his brother's dick wet than whether you cared or consented. You didn't matter to him in those moments. You were drunk and they took advantage of you. Who cares if the relationship “wasn't serious back then” – what he did to you was serious no matter what.
You aren't an English final – you are a fucking PERSON.
Mainly the same ones his son exhibits as well as struggles with executive function and a propensity for technical based interests in work and hobbies. But I am not an expert. Just noticing similarities
There are people who do this, unfortunately, but you could be right. My dad was constantly doing this when I was a kid—would go completely silent, not talk to me at all, and a lot of the time I had no indication as to why. It lasted two weeks one time, I remember because I was really devastated and not sure what I did wrong. It was a really awful punishment as a little kid. I hope if OP genuinely doesn’t know why the silent treatment is happening (and honestly even if they do), they should leave this dumbass.
Why is becoming an actual couple that shares everything disrespectful? There is no disrespect in that, it is a mutual love and respect and sharing of the details of life. The fact that you characterize it as disrespect is all about you, stop projecting onto a complete stranger.
I honestly think it would be a surprise to her… We invited her to my birthday dinner last year because I'm not from anywhere near here and was really struggling making friends. She basically responded saying that because my husband still spoke to Jack that she wasn't comfortable going because it felt to close to that painful time in her life. She also came as a witness to our COVID/immigration wedding ceremony 2 years ago, again, because we had very few people here but needed someone who could attest in an affidavit that we've been together for years and our relationship is genuine.
I've had a range of emotions on the topic. On one hand, most everyone seems to think it was a little unfair for Sarah and Austin to go to the concert behind Jack's back, but I don't in any way think that means she was responsible for any of Jack's actions. In addition, Jack's behavior was due to a psychotic break, not because he was just an ass, which I don't think is necessarily an excuse or an 'out', but it's a factor.
I think she views the situation as completely one sided and she feels that it would be very out of left field for anyone to support Jack in any way. I don't think she's right or wrong, she's been through a very difficult time so it's not for me to say. That said, my husband is a very gentle giant and has made a big effort to be there for Jack through this whole ordeal, even though he didn't agree with Jack's actions, he wanted to support him while he made it through a psychotic break and dealing with brain scans and medication trials.
Thanks for this comment. I completely agree with everything you’ve said. And you raised a really good point about how my kids would learn that horrible behaviour from him in the way that he treats me so disrespectfully if I make a mistake while cooking. I definitely agree that I do not want to waste my best childbearing years with this person! Thank you for putting this all into perspective ? Best of luck for the remainder of your pregnancy!
those men are weird. if you dont want any drastic changes just stay childfree!
“Dry or not”, good god, what a problematic approach this is.
any advice ?
please nothing about divorce because…
Reminds me of that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Voula: “Tell me what to do, but don't tell me what to do!” Maria: “Perfect!”
OP: You ask for advice, but you want to QUALIFY what advice people can give you; you don't really want advice.
You SERIOUSLY think your children growing up in a home where you and your husband ignore each other and are openly hostile is better than 2 divorced homes where love (and self-love) reside in each home? You need individual therapy.
A psychopath ruined a sentimental item, a currently warn article of clothing none the less, to feel validated.
Fun Fact: Her communication skills are shit. do better for yourself.
It’s worth a conversation. It doesn’t automatically mean she’s settling with you. It could mean that three years ago, this is the person she thought she would marry and now she’s not closer to being married and he is. Our brain sometimes paints a picture for us that we don’t want, like the idea of someone who hurt us is thriving.
Or it could mean she misses him. But none of us can guess from this. If you value any of the time you’ve spent together, you’ll talk to her and get her side.
Probably fake, but you completely 100% absolutely deserve all of this and I hope it truly hurts you even more than you have written here for the rest of your days. You’re a monster.
Why can't people just be honest and real anymore.
Hell if I know. When we were involved, Idried a lot of tears over him. I remember even having to take off a work once when he told me he was leaving me to go back to his ex.
But you know what? I'm over him and good. Took me a long time to get here with him, but I feel we're in a good space.
Plus – and I cannot stress this enough – his work is really good. And because he feels so bad for hurting me in the past (because he knew he was an asshole), he gives me a discount!
Didn't mean much when I was still hung up on him, but now that I'm not, it's great.
Thank you. ?
That's if it's in a formal trust. If he's just holding it in an account in his name for dad with no formality around it, it absolutely could get dragged into a divorce. SIL has zero to gain from suggesting this, she's obviously totally on board with her own possible-claim being cut off because it was the right thing to do to protect OP's Dad, and she rightly expects that OP will do what she considers to be the right thing as well.
It’s always the same guy… and she’s liking his stuff back ? Did I mention that’s how I met her
you realize this is just a troll post, right? The whole scenario is just too obvious…
Don't fall for the BS posts.
Everyone is covering the horrible removal of your agency and consent – which is a level of fucked up that just…floors me.
What I would like to point out is what that means he thought of you at the time it happened, as well as the other women. He thought deception was fine. He cared more about getting his brother's dick wet than whether you cared or consented. You didn't matter to him in those moments. You were drunk and they took advantage of you. Who cares if the relationship “wasn't serious back then” – what he did to you was serious no matter what.
You aren't an English final – you are a fucking PERSON.
Mainly the same ones his son exhibits as well as struggles with executive function and a propensity for technical based interests in work and hobbies. But I am not an expert. Just noticing similarities
There are people who do this, unfortunately, but you could be right. My dad was constantly doing this when I was a kid—would go completely silent, not talk to me at all, and a lot of the time I had no indication as to why. It lasted two weeks one time, I remember because I was really devastated and not sure what I did wrong. It was a really awful punishment as a little kid. I hope if OP genuinely doesn’t know why the silent treatment is happening (and honestly even if they do), they should leave this dumbass.
Let’s stop making excuses for 40 year olds who behave like they are 14.
Yeesh. Do you even like your wife? It doesn’t seem like it at all.
Why is becoming an actual couple that shares everything disrespectful? There is no disrespect in that, it is a mutual love and respect and sharing of the details of life. The fact that you characterize it as disrespect is all about you, stop projecting onto a complete stranger.
Jack sounds like a menace who has the potential to destroy your special day. Are you sure it’s him you want there?
I honestly think it would be a surprise to her… We invited her to my birthday dinner last year because I'm not from anywhere near here and was really struggling making friends. She basically responded saying that because my husband still spoke to Jack that she wasn't comfortable going because it felt to close to that painful time in her life. She also came as a witness to our COVID/immigration wedding ceremony 2 years ago, again, because we had very few people here but needed someone who could attest in an affidavit that we've been together for years and our relationship is genuine.
I've had a range of emotions on the topic. On one hand, most everyone seems to think it was a little unfair for Sarah and Austin to go to the concert behind Jack's back, but I don't in any way think that means she was responsible for any of Jack's actions. In addition, Jack's behavior was due to a psychotic break, not because he was just an ass, which I don't think is necessarily an excuse or an 'out', but it's a factor.
I think she views the situation as completely one sided and she feels that it would be very out of left field for anyone to support Jack in any way. I don't think she's right or wrong, she's been through a very difficult time so it's not for me to say. That said, my husband is a very gentle giant and has made a big effort to be there for Jack through this whole ordeal, even though he didn't agree with Jack's actions, he wanted to support him while he made it through a psychotic break and dealing with brain scans and medication trials.
Thanks for this comment. I completely agree with everything you’ve said. And you raised a really good point about how my kids would learn that horrible behaviour from him in the way that he treats me so disrespectfully if I make a mistake while cooking. I definitely agree that I do not want to waste my best childbearing years with this person! Thank you for putting this all into perspective ? Best of luck for the remainder of your pregnancy!