This, she won't notice if you mirror her or will say you exaggerate or put things out of context. You need to have a conversation and her reaction will tell you if it is worth continuing or not. I think one of the reasons she stayed with you was that she wanted to take care of you, she might just have trouble putting her intentions into actions.
But, you can't walk on eggshells all the time, it is exhausting and you will resent her for that, you need to express your feelings.
So another factor is if this is a home you or your bf own or if you’re renting together, etc. but I want to offer a different perspective from the more popular comments. It sounds like you’re very close to your dad, which is great. But honestly I’m trying to imagine my bf having his mom stay over at our place once a month and it sounds very unpleasant to me. And I literally have nothing against her, it’s just that something about it feels like my space would be invaded. It sounds dramatic but that’s how I feel. Maybe I’m just super antisocial but I feel like I have to change how I act in my own home whenever I have guests. I’m not very close to my mom and I wouldn’t want her over either. I’m not sure how I’d react irl though because I’d never want to dictate how much time my partner spends with their parent- in reality I would suggest for my partner to go to their parent’s place sometimes instead of us always hosting.
Tbh if the main annoyance is that your dad stays the night, I can’t really understand it. I don’t see a big difference between him leaving and staying the night since you’ll all be sleeping and he leaves early. If your bf really doesn’t like your dad, I can see how it would be annoying to have him over every month, but he’s your dad. In the end I’d know that I’d just have to deal with it because it’s family, but I just wouldn’t be happy about it. One great reason why I live! alone and decide how my space is used lol
While she’s out of town, you find a lawyer. Get divorce papers drawn up.
Then you tell all your family and friends and her family that you have found proof that her cheating from 8 years ago never stopped, and that you are filing for divorce.
DO NOT TELL HER.
Her family and friends will contact her, she will contact you, ignore all communication from her until she comes home.
By the time she is home, you will have all her stuff packed, and the divorce papers ready for her. Tell her to take her stuff and go to back to her affair partner, as she is not welcome in your life anymore.
did ANYONE else confirm you said any of this or did you just take his word? you were with a group of people so someone else would have heard it as well. he may have lied about what you said
Happily married wife here, asked my happily married husband and his words were, “anything that makes your partner uncomfortable and unhappy is cheating.” I want to add, anything that crosses a boundary or is done in secret is cheating the relationship.
Not only would I divorce him, I'd share his twitter handle with family and important mutuals who give any pushback as an explanation.
He doesn't love you as a wife. Maybe as a friend and caregiver, but it sounds like you have no emotional intimacy with him. You can't trust him to tell you the truth. He provide emotional support to others in your situation.
Your kids are seeing this and learning that husbands check out and aren't involved. Divorce would be a better option.
I have been one topamax and clonidine. I had Topamax before my official diagnosis for 6 months and it helped a bit but made me so dumb I’d forget my address and how to use a coffee maker. Clonidine worked better but made my blood pressure too low. So now I’m doing CBIT therapy and taking a moment before trying another med for ts. And I thank you. I know I’ll figure something out, it’s just tricky at the moment! I’ve become aware of stuff on Tiktok now but My mom was actually the first person to suspect Tourette’s. I told her that was dumb lol. I was so unsure about what was happening I thought I has ms or epilepsy. I had considered my usual “nervous tics” as just… anxiety or nothing so when I started having other issues with things like painful neck jerking and involuntary echoing of speech, I didn’t even connect the dots that could’ve been related to my childhood tics. ?
some guys like a girl they can chase so I would give him something to imagine and look forward to but if he really wants to date you he will! and at least he asked you to stay over!
There is nothing in what you wrote to suggest this is a relationship to fight for. You shouldn't have to fight to convince your partner to get married. It should be something you're both eager and ready to do.
In fact everything you wrote suggests more and more this guy is just a waste of YOUR time, gross, manipulative, and not someone cut out to be a good father and partner. Please, see about getting out NOW and find someone ready to build the kind of relationship and family you want and deserve.
Time to move on. Tell her that you’ve decided you need to be single for a while…and that she either needs to buy you out of your half of the house or you can buy her out of her half. Let her choose, she’ll probably choose to have you buy her out. Give her a fair price.
Once she’s out, either rent out the house and live! with your parents, or get a roommate.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, but you can do better. Be sure to keep the dog.
She insulted whichever dude in her past had the big penis.
She said BIG PENIS = BAD. How is that in any way insulting her bf? She wasn't talking about him. She said something BAD NEGATIVE INSULTING about SOMEONE ELSE'S dick.
You know there’s zero reason to wait on a paternity test though, right? It’s not like in the old day when there was a risk to the baby. What is the hold up?
The problem is if things don't work out, you're trapped. You haven't sorted out the commingling from one relationship yet, which is reasonable, not saying it should've been done by now, but it should give you an indication that it hasn't been enough time for you to commingle with someone new.
He did you a favor in the long run. This will be your life forever as long as you’re with him. He’s taking your medications and wanted to take your cats and sees nothing wrong with this. He’s proven that his brother always comes first, at the expense of your feelings and needs. That’s not a healthy relationship for you, nor a healthy relationship between them. I’m so sorry this happened and hope you have a great vacation.
You have to tell him upfront. Be honest and you both will be better off. That way he isn't wondering why you wouldn't come to his place after the date went so well. If the date indeed does go well.
i have acknowledged that now, yes. At the time, I was confused because we were…acting romantic. He wanted to take me out to a nice dinner, for example. He was talking about what would happen if we ever met each other’s parents. we confessed feelings before anything physical happened. i wasn’t delusional, we were acting like we were involved, and I got confused because I thought we were taking the whole thing seriously and suddenly we couldn’t even have a discussion about what we were moving toward EVER.
Just felt kinda ungrateful to throw it out completely. i might do that. He would never know, I suppose.
Highly suggest headphones around the house as well! Heading out the door or doing dishes or cooking or cleaning doesn’t mean she has access to you to ruin your mood. She doesn’t get to affect your energy just bc she feels like being negative. Best of luck to you!
Fantasizing about other people to have sex and relationships with doesn't sound very happy nor commited but okay.
If you're not setting boundaries for yourself and are just indulging in your fantasies to let them grow more and more. They're not bad, but you acknowedge they're a problem for you and potentially your relationship.
You either keep indulging yourself, start feeling like you're missing out, straining your relationship and possibly even argue with your boyfriend to let you “explore” (will kill off any mono relationship immediately)
Or you stop with the porn.
All that is okay when you're not in a committed relationship, but continuing to do things that you know will have a negative impact is just a severe lack of discipline.
You are a married single mother. Document everything he isn’t doing for custody purposes. Install a nanny cam to show the court what it’s like when the baby is with him alone. stop pretending to be happy with your friends and family so he won’t get to use the you blindsided him y’all were happy before this excuse with them to make you the bad guy.
Hon, you don't need his permission. Make an exit plan. Get a lawyer. Ger your documents in order. Make arrangements to move i.e. in with family. If he's going to try and stop you or get violent, get friends organized to go pack and grab your stuff in one shot when they are at work and school. Make sure you have a list of everything crucial you want to take like passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate (you'll need a copy for the divorce paperwork, etc) so you don't accidentally leave something important behind.
It's ok to move on. It's ok to want something different. They'll be ok eventually too.
Suck it up? This has been years of pain and abuse. Not just tantrums and the odd mood swing. It’s so insulting seeing this when clearly you’ve not experienced this. When people have kids they don’t generally behave like this and never had to deal with this at all. Just because I chose to be with someone who had a child didn’t mean this is the behave I accepted at all. Also she was not like this when he seeing her. To say “suck it up” I only hope you don’t have to deal with this as a mother.
This is horrible advice, mostly. You can't possibly decide that you've met someone or “the” someone in two weeks. It's highly unlikely that anyone can decide that they've met someone they'd like to date long-term in two weeks. Her dating and sex life before their relationship isn't his business. I do agree they need to break up, however. If he thinks she's the best but goes through her things for no reason, obviously not a good fir.
Please leave this girl, OP. First of all, she doesn't need somebody who is going to judge her for her appearance, and isn't going to appreciate all the effort she clearly puts into her look and her style. You are going to break her heart if she every finds out the truth of your opinion, which will happen inevitably.
Second of all, you are definitely leading her on. She wants kids and family and commitment, you clearly aren't ready for that. She's religious, you are not. Be honest with her. Stop wasting her time and let her find a man who appreciates her and shares her priorities and goals.
In the mean time, you will be happier too if you find someone who more closely fits your life style and goals too.
Dude. You threw a tantrum over her wearing someone else's jacket. Not even that she was alone with another guy(and you didn't actually say whether or not this was the case), but that she was wearing his jacket.
Big yikes man. Reasonable men don't throw tantrums because their girlfriend wore another guy's jacket. You know why? Because they trust their girlfriend.
I’m so sorry you had a bad experience being with him. Thank you for sharing that. I also want to do it for a similar reason of feeling more comfortable in myself and in the idea of sharing myself, so I can really relate to that. I appreciate you sharing and I hope you’re doing better now
I can't follow your unnecessarily difficult algebraic story. Just replace names with other names.
But if this is the first guy in your life that you've ever liked, it means your standards are way too high. Probably much higher than you're capable of getting commitment from. You'll either need to fix that problem on your own, or you'll die alone surrounded by your cats.
She's not wrong to worry since it's pretty common for older guys to target younger women thinking they'll be more malleable than women their own age. So prove to her that you're not that guy. Actually listen when she speaks. Ask her opinion and don't argue about it when she gives it to you. Don't pressure her. Don't pay for everything. In short, treat her like your equal and maybe she'll recognize that you're not some svengali looking for a pliable sex slave.
Poor dude thought he was in a porno and life played the reverse card on him. Fingers crossed sister isn’t pregnant too, would make for interesting holidays.
also i really wish i could delete her from my mind, and i've made some headway in my waking hours, but i regularly have vivid dreams about her that have been complicating things? so if u happen to have any advice on that… would be greatly appreciated
Who the fuck cares? You can give your male or female partner HPV warts even if you were wearing a condom when you cheated on them. Even if you get tested right after, you don't know you're good on HIV for 6 months. Someone cheats on you and doesn't tell you before they have sex with you again? get them the fuck out of your life
You can love someone, although I question whether you love him for who he is or his potential/who you thought he was, yet still need to walk away from them. It seems you're incompatible and your life goals and paths do not align.
OP this man is deeply selfish, and he aligned with you because of your altruistic nature. He needs someone who is selfless, gives benefit of the doubt, and excuses behavior with justifications of he's stressed, he's great most times, I love him, and we've worked naked through a lot together. He needs that and the good times to make you stay when it's so very clear you should leave.
Life is NUDE going through med school, and bonding with him during that time and the time you've had were what you needed in that moment. Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for but a season, and then we've outgrown each other. Or are walking two very different paths. Just because you should be true to your goals and self now doesn't mean you have to regret the good time with him. It's okay to walk away when the situation just doesn't serve your goals, path, heart, and truth anymore.
You need to give yourself permission to consider you for once. I think once you do, you'll know what you want to do.
No need to 'nag' him anymore. When does your lease expire? If you can't get out and find another affordable place, give him 30 days' notice prior to the lease expiring letting him know you're not going to sign to renew and that you'll be making your own arrangements. No nagging, no arguing.
Ignore his bitching and whining about his job – he is now your 'roommate'. Treat him accordingly. His problems are no longer yours to worry about. Freedooooommmm!!!!!!
Children are so powerful in our psyche that I cannot imagine you not doing this. I hate to see any relationship break up because of children. If you are an evolutionist like I am you know that children, especially when they are yours are almost impossible to resist. I mean, when you get down to the that is our only real purpose. The feeling may be irresistible for you. However, this is not your wife's child, and she may not feel any bond or possibly any responsibility towards this child.
I personally know of two times this has worked in the past.
I know one other couple that has dealt with this and the wife decided that this child was part of the man she loved and so she loved the child and it worked out like a fairy tale. She had not wanted children but later confessed that she could not imagine her life without her “son.”
My grandfather came back from WWII to two children that were not his. Being a bit more stoic back the but having the experience of death everyday he looked it differently than most. He said, “We'll raise the children as our own and we will never speak of this again.” and they did, however in later life the subject did come up. but asked if he regretted it and he almost felt offended. He said the other kids were their brothers and sisters and they had nowhere else to go. There was no other choice for him. Besides “after some time, they are your kids, no matter where they came from.”
I'm just telling you these stories to say that it is possible to make this work. However, your wife has been thrust into this with not much time to adjust and it is, unfortunately, very normal for many people to resist difficult things when they have little time to think about them. We run away. Try to understand how traumatic this could be for her. This may not be a situation that just requires her to choose. She may have insurmountable feelings on this. She may not be able to accept it even if she wants to be able to.
I don't think that because she didn't want kids and now she may have one will be the problem. Anyone who has had kids can tell you that you can get past that much easier than people with no kids think. It is the fact that it is your kid and not hers and that may cause some feelings of separateness because it is not something you share.
I think this is something you are going to have to do on faith. It is like cliff diving for the first time. You have to jump and take it as it goes. Personally, I would not back down, however, that is not to say what you should do. Only you can decide that. It is important that you know how far you are willing to take this. If she can't handle it you it may end your marriage. You need to decide before this conversation if that will be acceptable to you. I do not envy you, this is the most difficult decision you will ever make. Good luck and we will all be hoping that this can work out somehow.
This is the thing. How could anyone ever know that their spouse had done that to anyone, much less to them, and be able to get past it?
There’s no explanation that makes it ok. In fact, that her hub is pushing her to have sex with his brother now indicates that her husband thinks that what he did wasn’t all that wrong. He’s morally bankrupt.
This is your wifes issue, not yours. You have gone above and beyond to make sure you do not have another child after this vasectomy, there is nothing else that you can do.
The best revenge is success so I guess just keep going. But we don’t know if they’re doing this out of spite. If the glamour photos are a little raunchy the might feel uncomfortable liking them. They might be not liking posts etc. because they don’t want to look like they’re stalking you. Do they shun you in the real world? Maybe they’re just not that active on social media. You could ask them if there’s a problem but that might cause unpleasantness. Or you could just keep going if you’re enjoying doing this and it’s not harming anyone. You don’t actually need their approval.
You should delete her. She's trash dude.
This, she won't notice if you mirror her or will say you exaggerate or put things out of context. You need to have a conversation and her reaction will tell you if it is worth continuing or not. I think one of the reasons she stayed with you was that she wanted to take care of you, she might just have trouble putting her intentions into actions.
But, you can't walk on eggshells all the time, it is exhausting and you will resent her for that, you need to express your feelings.
Focus any future meetings on the legal stuff only, and take someone else with you. No texting.
Focus any future meetings on the legal stuff only, and take someone else with you. No texting.
So another factor is if this is a home you or your bf own or if you’re renting together, etc. but I want to offer a different perspective from the more popular comments. It sounds like you’re very close to your dad, which is great. But honestly I’m trying to imagine my bf having his mom stay over at our place once a month and it sounds very unpleasant to me. And I literally have nothing against her, it’s just that something about it feels like my space would be invaded. It sounds dramatic but that’s how I feel. Maybe I’m just super antisocial but I feel like I have to change how I act in my own home whenever I have guests. I’m not very close to my mom and I wouldn’t want her over either. I’m not sure how I’d react irl though because I’d never want to dictate how much time my partner spends with their parent- in reality I would suggest for my partner to go to their parent’s place sometimes instead of us always hosting.
Tbh if the main annoyance is that your dad stays the night, I can’t really understand it. I don’t see a big difference between him leaving and staying the night since you’ll all be sleeping and he leaves early. If your bf really doesn’t like your dad, I can see how it would be annoying to have him over every month, but he’s your dad. In the end I’d know that I’d just have to deal with it because it’s family, but I just wouldn’t be happy about it. One great reason why I live! alone and decide how my space is used lol
While she’s out of town, you find a lawyer. Get divorce papers drawn up.
Then you tell all your family and friends and her family that you have found proof that her cheating from 8 years ago never stopped, and that you are filing for divorce.
DO NOT TELL HER.
Her family and friends will contact her, she will contact you, ignore all communication from her until she comes home.
By the time she is home, you will have all her stuff packed, and the divorce papers ready for her. Tell her to take her stuff and go to back to her affair partner, as she is not welcome in your life anymore.
Sounds like a HER problem and not a YOU problem.
Your only priorities are you and your daughter.
I'm glad your edit shows you realized this also.
did ANYONE else confirm you said any of this or did you just take his word? you were with a group of people so someone else would have heard it as well. he may have lied about what you said
Happily married wife here, asked my happily married husband and his words were, “anything that makes your partner uncomfortable and unhappy is cheating.” I want to add, anything that crosses a boundary or is done in secret is cheating the relationship.
My guy…she had to make a rule about getting consent, and you're not sure of the reason?
Come on man. Let's not be dense.
Not only would I divorce him, I'd share his twitter handle with family and important mutuals who give any pushback as an explanation.
He doesn't love you as a wife. Maybe as a friend and caregiver, but it sounds like you have no emotional intimacy with him. You can't trust him to tell you the truth. He provide emotional support to others in your situation.
Your kids are seeing this and learning that husbands check out and aren't involved. Divorce would be a better option.
Dont.
Be strong. Love yourself. Have faith. Enjoy life. It’s a big world, live! in it, be about it, get involved!
I have been one topamax and clonidine. I had Topamax before my official diagnosis for 6 months and it helped a bit but made me so dumb I’d forget my address and how to use a coffee maker. Clonidine worked better but made my blood pressure too low. So now I’m doing CBIT therapy and taking a moment before trying another med for ts. And I thank you. I know I’ll figure something out, it’s just tricky at the moment! I’ve become aware of stuff on Tiktok now but My mom was actually the first person to suspect Tourette’s. I told her that was dumb lol. I was so unsure about what was happening I thought I has ms or epilepsy. I had considered my usual “nervous tics” as just… anxiety or nothing so when I started having other issues with things like painful neck jerking and involuntary echoing of speech, I didn’t even connect the dots that could’ve been related to my childhood tics. ?
Delete it
some guys like a girl they can chase so I would give him something to imagine and look forward to but if he really wants to date you he will! and at least he asked you to stay over!
There is nothing in what you wrote to suggest this is a relationship to fight for. You shouldn't have to fight to convince your partner to get married. It should be something you're both eager and ready to do.
In fact everything you wrote suggests more and more this guy is just a waste of YOUR time, gross, manipulative, and not someone cut out to be a good father and partner. Please, see about getting out NOW and find someone ready to build the kind of relationship and family you want and deserve.
It's possible the daughter saw the two sons as brothers as her mom pushed them as family and that's why it devastated her
Time to move on. Tell her that you’ve decided you need to be single for a while…and that she either needs to buy you out of your half of the house or you can buy her out of her half. Let her choose, she’ll probably choose to have you buy her out. Give her a fair price.
Once she’s out, either rent out the house and live! with your parents, or get a roommate.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, but you can do better. Be sure to keep the dog.
His daughter asked him why mums crying. Which means the mum didn’t tell her.
Not sure how you’ve got to this conclusion but I’d suggest having some weetabix or cornflakes instead of a big bowl of red pill-o’s in the morning
We can ask him if you tell us who it is
Actually culture has programmed men into believing a bigger dick means he's a better provider.
Its psychological babble, but yeah big dick= being better at being a man……
Actually culture has programmed men into believing a bigger dick means he's a better provider.
Its psychological babble, but yeah big dick= being better at being a man……
Bro she NEVER insulted him though??
She insulted whichever dude in her past had the big penis.
She said BIG PENIS = BAD. How is that in any way insulting her bf? She wasn't talking about him. She said something BAD NEGATIVE INSULTING about SOMEONE ELSE'S dick.
Idk how much more I can spell it out.
You know there’s zero reason to wait on a paternity test though, right? It’s not like in the old day when there was a risk to the baby. What is the hold up?
The problem is if things don't work out, you're trapped. You haven't sorted out the commingling from one relationship yet, which is reasonable, not saying it should've been done by now, but it should give you an indication that it hasn't been enough time for you to commingle with someone new.
Also what are white goods?
He did you a favor in the long run. This will be your life forever as long as you’re with him. He’s taking your medications and wanted to take your cats and sees nothing wrong with this. He’s proven that his brother always comes first, at the expense of your feelings and needs. That’s not a healthy relationship for you, nor a healthy relationship between them. I’m so sorry this happened and hope you have a great vacation.
So would I
You have to tell him upfront. Be honest and you both will be better off. That way he isn't wondering why you wouldn't come to his place after the date went so well. If the date indeed does go well.
i have acknowledged that now, yes. At the time, I was confused because we were…acting romantic. He wanted to take me out to a nice dinner, for example. He was talking about what would happen if we ever met each other’s parents. we confessed feelings before anything physical happened. i wasn’t delusional, we were acting like we were involved, and I got confused because I thought we were taking the whole thing seriously and suddenly we couldn’t even have a discussion about what we were moving toward EVER.
Just felt kinda ungrateful to throw it out completely. i might do that. He would never know, I suppose.
Highly suggest headphones around the house as well! Heading out the door or doing dishes or cooking or cleaning doesn’t mean she has access to you to ruin your mood. She doesn’t get to affect your energy just bc she feels like being negative. Best of luck to you!
U should feel like u want to break up with her.
Fantasizing about other people to have sex and relationships with doesn't sound very happy nor commited but okay.
If you're not setting boundaries for yourself and are just indulging in your fantasies to let them grow more and more. They're not bad, but you acknowedge they're a problem for you and potentially your relationship.
You either keep indulging yourself, start feeling like you're missing out, straining your relationship and possibly even argue with your boyfriend to let you “explore” (will kill off any mono relationship immediately)
Or you stop with the porn.
All that is okay when you're not in a committed relationship, but continuing to do things that you know will have a negative impact is just a severe lack of discipline.
She is not overreacting, this shit is creepy and even if he is not abusive, I would end the relationship at this point
Tbh my relationship advice is to wait until both parties’ brains have matured into adulthood (~26y) before getting married
You are a married single mother. Document everything he isn’t doing for custody purposes. Install a nanny cam to show the court what it’s like when the baby is with him alone. stop pretending to be happy with your friends and family so he won’t get to use the you blindsided him y’all were happy before this excuse with them to make you the bad guy.
Hon, you don't need his permission. Make an exit plan. Get a lawyer. Ger your documents in order. Make arrangements to move i.e. in with family. If he's going to try and stop you or get violent, get friends organized to go pack and grab your stuff in one shot when they are at work and school. Make sure you have a list of everything crucial you want to take like passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate (you'll need a copy for the divorce paperwork, etc) so you don't accidentally leave something important behind.
It's ok to move on. It's ok to want something different. They'll be ok eventually too.
You didn't make fun of him. You accused his wife of cheating. That's really not the same thing.
Suck it up? This has been years of pain and abuse. Not just tantrums and the odd mood swing. It’s so insulting seeing this when clearly you’ve not experienced this. When people have kids they don’t generally behave like this and never had to deal with this at all. Just because I chose to be with someone who had a child didn’t mean this is the behave I accepted at all. Also she was not like this when he seeing her. To say “suck it up” I only hope you don’t have to deal with this as a mother.
This is horrible advice, mostly. You can't possibly decide that you've met someone or “the” someone in two weeks. It's highly unlikely that anyone can decide that they've met someone they'd like to date long-term in two weeks. Her dating and sex life before their relationship isn't his business. I do agree they need to break up, however. If he thinks she's the best but goes through her things for no reason, obviously not a good fir.
Please leave this girl, OP. First of all, she doesn't need somebody who is going to judge her for her appearance, and isn't going to appreciate all the effort she clearly puts into her look and her style. You are going to break her heart if she every finds out the truth of your opinion, which will happen inevitably.
Second of all, you are definitely leading her on. She wants kids and family and commitment, you clearly aren't ready for that. She's religious, you are not. Be honest with her. Stop wasting her time and let her find a man who appreciates her and shares her priorities and goals.
In the mean time, you will be happier too if you find someone who more closely fits your life style and goals too.
In your opinion. It's not fair to demand it of someone.
Dude. You threw a tantrum over her wearing someone else's jacket. Not even that she was alone with another guy(and you didn't actually say whether or not this was the case), but that she was wearing his jacket.
Big yikes man. Reasonable men don't throw tantrums because their girlfriend wore another guy's jacket. You know why? Because they trust their girlfriend.
I’m so sorry you had a bad experience being with him. Thank you for sharing that. I also want to do it for a similar reason of feeling more comfortable in myself and in the idea of sharing myself, so I can really relate to that. I appreciate you sharing and I hope you’re doing better now
I can't follow your unnecessarily difficult algebraic story. Just replace names with other names.
But if this is the first guy in your life that you've ever liked, it means your standards are way too high. Probably much higher than you're capable of getting commitment from. You'll either need to fix that problem on your own, or you'll die alone surrounded by your cats.
She's not wrong to worry since it's pretty common for older guys to target younger women thinking they'll be more malleable than women their own age. So prove to her that you're not that guy. Actually listen when she speaks. Ask her opinion and don't argue about it when she gives it to you. Don't pressure her. Don't pay for everything. In short, treat her like your equal and maybe she'll recognize that you're not some svengali looking for a pliable sex slave.
Poor dude thought he was in a porno and life played the reverse card on him. Fingers crossed sister isn’t pregnant too, would make for interesting holidays.
It shouldn't be news. We've had this out before – I left once with the kids and only came back on the proviso that he sought mental health help.
Experience has taught me that a 10 year age gap when you are young is a red flag. Don’t jeopardise your career for a potentially predatory bloke.
also i really wish i could delete her from my mind, and i've made some headway in my waking hours, but i regularly have vivid dreams about her that have been complicating things? so if u happen to have any advice on that… would be greatly appreciated
DUMP THAT ANAL RAPIST FFS
Who the fuck cares? You can give your male or female partner HPV warts even if you were wearing a condom when you cheated on them. Even if you get tested right after, you don't know you're good on HIV for 6 months. Someone cheats on you and doesn't tell you before they have sex with you again? get them the fuck out of your life
It's the motorcycle! Vroom vroom.
You can love someone, although I question whether you love him for who he is or his potential/who you thought he was, yet still need to walk away from them. It seems you're incompatible and your life goals and paths do not align.
OP this man is deeply selfish, and he aligned with you because of your altruistic nature. He needs someone who is selfless, gives benefit of the doubt, and excuses behavior with justifications of he's stressed, he's great most times, I love him, and we've worked naked through a lot together. He needs that and the good times to make you stay when it's so very clear you should leave.
Life is NUDE going through med school, and bonding with him during that time and the time you've had were what you needed in that moment. Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for but a season, and then we've outgrown each other. Or are walking two very different paths. Just because you should be true to your goals and self now doesn't mean you have to regret the good time with him. It's okay to walk away when the situation just doesn't serve your goals, path, heart, and truth anymore.
You need to give yourself permission to consider you for once. I think once you do, you'll know what you want to do.
But none of that wipes away
Yeah but that’s not your place.
What problem is he denying?
You break down the problems to the various parts and discuss.
No need to 'nag' him anymore. When does your lease expire? If you can't get out and find another affordable place, give him 30 days' notice prior to the lease expiring letting him know you're not going to sign to renew and that you'll be making your own arrangements. No nagging, no arguing.
Ignore his bitching and whining about his job – he is now your 'roommate'. Treat him accordingly. His problems are no longer yours to worry about. Freedooooommmm!!!!!!
Children are so powerful in our psyche that I cannot imagine you not doing this. I hate to see any relationship break up because of children. If you are an evolutionist like I am you know that children, especially when they are yours are almost impossible to resist. I mean, when you get down to the that is our only real purpose. The feeling may be irresistible for you. However, this is not your wife's child, and she may not feel any bond or possibly any responsibility towards this child.
I personally know of two times this has worked in the past.
I know one other couple that has dealt with this and the wife decided that this child was part of the man she loved and so she loved the child and it worked out like a fairy tale. She had not wanted children but later confessed that she could not imagine her life without her “son.”
My grandfather came back from WWII to two children that were not his. Being a bit more stoic back the but having the experience of death everyday he looked it differently than most. He said, “We'll raise the children as our own and we will never speak of this again.” and they did, however in later life the subject did come up. but asked if he regretted it and he almost felt offended. He said the other kids were their brothers and sisters and they had nowhere else to go. There was no other choice for him. Besides “after some time, they are your kids, no matter where they came from.”
I'm just telling you these stories to say that it is possible to make this work. However, your wife has been thrust into this with not much time to adjust and it is, unfortunately, very normal for many people to resist difficult things when they have little time to think about them. We run away. Try to understand how traumatic this could be for her. This may not be a situation that just requires her to choose. She may have insurmountable feelings on this. She may not be able to accept it even if she wants to be able to.
I don't think that because she didn't want kids and now she may have one will be the problem. Anyone who has had kids can tell you that you can get past that much easier than people with no kids think. It is the fact that it is your kid and not hers and that may cause some feelings of separateness because it is not something you share.
I think this is something you are going to have to do on faith. It is like cliff diving for the first time. You have to jump and take it as it goes. Personally, I would not back down, however, that is not to say what you should do. Only you can decide that. It is important that you know how far you are willing to take this. If she can't handle it you it may end your marriage. You need to decide before this conversation if that will be acceptable to you. I do not envy you, this is the most difficult decision you will ever make. Good luck and we will all be hoping that this can work out somehow.
Can you camp in their backyard if weather allows? Not sure where you are. I too couldn’t tolerate a home like that so I get it. DV shelter maybe
Bodies are crazy man
Have your fiancé say something
This is the thing. How could anyone ever know that their spouse had done that to anyone, much less to them, and be able to get past it?
There’s no explanation that makes it ok. In fact, that her hub is pushing her to have sex with his brother now indicates that her husband thinks that what he did wasn’t all that wrong. He’s morally bankrupt.
This is your wifes issue, not yours. You have gone above and beyond to make sure you do not have another child after this vasectomy, there is nothing else that you can do.
But I don't want to loose her
The best revenge is success so I guess just keep going. But we don’t know if they’re doing this out of spite. If the glamour photos are a little raunchy the might feel uncomfortable liking them. They might be not liking posts etc. because they don’t want to look like they’re stalking you. Do they shun you in the real world? Maybe they’re just not that active on social media. You could ask them if there’s a problem but that might cause unpleasantness. Or you could just keep going if you’re enjoying doing this and it’s not harming anyone. You don’t actually need their approval.