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Leya, 23 y.o.
Location: Hesse, Germany
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Do you have kids?
She needs to do more, much more. You need to insist, and frankly am gobsmacked you didn’t discuss this as a condition of your relationship and marriage. Her off medication is a terror for the rest of the world.
This. Your wife is rightfully upset because you are willingly putting your relationship in a vulnerable position. And yeah “she’s way out of my league” definitely says you’ve had thoughts outside of friendly work colleagues so come on.
bring it up in therapy. tell her that if she doesn't want to resolve this problemn being in therapy is useless since it seems to be a huge issue in your relationship.
but this isn't a question of attractiveness and you're an AH for telling her that you don't find her attractive. don't get me wrong, you can think what you want (even though imo it still makes you an AH) but that doesn't mean you're right to say everything that comes to your mind out loud. what is it with people thinking it's perfectly acceptable to be mean to their partners “because it's true” anyway? is being a decent person too naked or something? just cut this crap already.
and by the way, you telling her that you don't find her attractive misses the point entirely. it's about her not being able to perform basic daily tasks or playing freely with her own kid, not about how much happiness your pp gets looking at her. that's not a reason to lose weight and anyway if I were her I wouldn't care anyway after what you said.