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Kodama Grey, 31 y.o.
Location: Washington, United States
Room subject: Tuesday Talk Show!! Hanging out and chatting!!! ~ #AMA
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Stop this rating of people nonsense. Books, movies etc.
Life is very black and white to you, isn't it? You just want to berate people, so why not go to the right sub? After all, you know exactly where you should be posting instead of being an ass here.
OK, brutal honesty time.
If she wanted to leave him and be with you, she would.
You're being strung along.
Get out now and learn that “that's not appropriate, you have a boyfriend” is a great first response to anything like this in future.
I agree with all the other posts here because they are spot on with this. She is being rude and intentionally excluding you. She's also being highly inappropriate with your boyfriend. These are huge red flags. He's crossing serious boundaries here and refusing to stay in his lane. One of his few friends or not, it's very appropriate to ask him to cut this off with her. As you discuss this, continue to lay out firm boundaries with him and draw the line in the sand because this is simply unacceptable. He either wants his relationship with you or his “friendship” with her. Make him make that choice. He will either continue to reign himself in and cut it off with her or you need to let go of your relationship with him. It sounds like for now he is choosing you and that's good. Hopefully as more distance is gained he will see this from your point of view and realize the red flags you are seeing and why you are so unhappy with their “friendship”.
I am a doormat. I’m also trying to build a life for myself and rebuild relationships with my parents and I’m so close to graduating grad school. I hadn’t had any perspective on my family until I left for school. I on-line across the country.
When I came back, my parents did everything we had talked about and were so kind and attentive. Up until my sister wasn’t getting the attention yesterday lol. That’s abuse then. Idk. I will google what the consequences would be for her if I filed a report. I don’t see my situation getting any better by doing that.
I’m sure a lot of people relate and want to see her suffer but it would ruin my life if I went to the police. I understand the severity. I am trying to make amends with everybody, and I am moving out for good in 2 weeks. She could just as easily say I was being verbally abusive or something.
Are you guys actually out here having parent that stand up for you??? I got drunk by accident a few months ago and was apparently crying to my friend that no one stands up for me. Hit the nail on the head with the mommy/daddy issues. Is that actually a normal thing or did you say that to make a point lol?
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I am terminal right now. Yes, there are times I want to be secluded because loved ones can be overbearing, but that's not how things like this work.
I'm not saying there's any specific way a person should deal with facing their mortality but this all seems suspicious. If I did that my family and friends and spouse would be furious with me.
Also, as someone else pointed out his wife certainly DID NOT assist on the surgery, and another nurse didn't send you a pre written text from his phone. None of this is plausible.
Your bf is definitely wrong for his problem solving attempts here but you are also being a bad dog owner.
If your dog is being 'protective' of you….you need to not condone that behavior.
It's not cute.
You need to pick the dog up and put them down off the bed/wherever they are at or put them in a time out corner. You're reinforcing the behavior if you let them 'claim' that spot or aggression against someone else near you.
My ex has two Chihuahuas…and one is particularly territorial/jealous/protective and EVERYTIME they exhibit this behavior you need to remove them from the situation so they don't feel justified or like they 'claimed' anything.
All that being said, your bf should not be abusing the dog like he did….that's also only exasperating the problem.
Treating dogs like that might have been normalized to him as thinking he's teaching the dog to fear him and he's the 'alpha' or some shit but that ideology has been disproven and he's really only abusing the dog/traumatizing it worse.
Have your bf's back when your dog is misbehaving…but also have your dogs back by letting your bf know his methods are abusive/traumatic to the dog and not helping solve the issue in the slightest.
Agree. Original post definitely needs an edit to include that info, and OP needs a lawyer.
This insecurity will cost you every relationship you'll ever have until you deal with it
I’d go to his house while he’s sleeping – break in – grab his phone – delete the pic – sneak out.
Honestly your ego is not the problem here dude. The problem is him having a pornographic picture of your gf that he is flaunting around for fun. Who else is he showing this to?
Also…was she of age when the picture was taken? Because if not I’d get the authorities involved.
Consider this a foreshadowing of the what your future holds. If he is willing to choose his brother over you now, it will get much worse. It’s called co-dependency. You both needs counseling so you can get the hell out of there asap.
Thank you for your answer! I didn’t even think about this perspective of our second encounter…
I am still terrified tho lol… i wish i could find the courage
Yes! I love that. Sounds super cozy and relaxing.
This idea that someone cheated once, therefore no one should ever trust them again, is incredibly immature – it feels like Dr. Phil pop-psychology and people should stop perpetuating the idea that people can’t change (this applies equally to politics by the way, basing opinions around gotcha moments of some mistake someone made once decades ago is a great way to make sure that no one ever is good enough for anything).
Update OP?
So you basically slept with a 18 year young girl because women in your age would never come near you, right?
Well Leo has the privilege of doing that since he’s freaking Leo DiCaprio. The rest of us blokes just have to settle for normal women which means dating within our respectable age range, being open to the imperfections of others and yes be considerate of the fact that a lot of women after their thirties will have a kid or three.
She’s weird. Time to move on I suppose.
Nowhere in that comment did they specifically ask for a source that it’s only red states. I’m aware of what the article says. I linked it for a reason.
I would recommend absolutely not moving in together right when the baby arrives. Learning how to cohabitate (which is very different than staying over most nights) is stressful on its own. You don't want to be dealing with that on top of a newborn.
He could move in right now, and you can have a discussion about needing him around at night. Or you can plan now for him to not on-line with you for the first few months of the baby's life.
Don't expect the baby to fix things.
I am going to do something potentially controversial and give advice on how to finish wedding planning rather than suggesting you leave your fiancé
I had a lot of similar problems when wedding planning. I couldn’t get my then-fiancé to give me names or addresses and when I really pushed he’d offer we just not invite his friends and family rather than him have to look up any addresses. Here’s the simple workaround: ask his mother. She may not have ALL the addresses but if she doesn’t then she knows the aunt who dies Christmas cards and will get you everything you need in an excel spreadsheet.
Also… tell on him to his parents. The sounds really dumb but if he’s valuing their opinions and not yours, tell them that. If they support your wedding they will have a talk with him about how you are now his partner and teammate and he needs to both listen to you and help you.
It feels really juvenile to go around and talk to parents but they’re becoming a part of your family now and will prove to be a wealth of resources to help you communicate with your partner.
I appreciate the blunt honesty. Thank you. I look forward to chatting with my therapist. There is definitely a 'sunk-cost' thing happening for me as well.
Thanks for this. I’m big on commutation, so getting these mixed signals and just flat out being ghosted is so annoying, just be open with me.
You don’t have to like everything your friends do. That’s not the point of friendship.
Even if he was your husband you don’t have to like his hobbies.
Would split finances protect you in any way in the event of actual divorce? I know that in many jurisdictions pre-marital assets that aren't co-mingled are protected (like say a rental property you own, or an inheritance kept in a separate account and not used for marital expenses), but is that what you're talking about? Or like, your salaries? Not sure if those would be protected just being put in his and hers accounts.
She likely knew her card would be declined and set you up. Pulled the old waterworks routine, thinking you'd cave in. When that didn't work, she's trying to punish you for not bowing to her demands.
Seriously, you need to find a better GF.
It’s the expectation these days that people can suddenly change their lifelong beliefs to suit others, but the others cant respect that everyone is entitled to believe what they want. On-line and left live!, but people can have their own opinions.
I suppose that's where we differ.
We don't know the environment and hysteria surrounding the situation. Assuming the children were also in the car – perhaps he was trying to shelter his children from adult concepts.
I don't think a shrug is an admission of anything.
Sweetheart, a good therapist can help you get to the root of why you would accept this as what you deserve.
Your visit was terrible, why are you still chasing this man?
You are worth more than this. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Go watch Chasing Amy. Then see how you feel.
Thanks, yeah i think i might try and do this
Gf is clearly living at home, and probably financially dependent on her parents.
It's nice in theory to say “she's a legal adult! she can do whatever she wants! fuck the police!”, but in practice, actually enforcing that could require a move-out.
It's worth trying to reason with her mother in the meantime.
Unless she's not living at home and functionally dependent in some way, in which case…yeah, just don't tell mom when you're meeting up at her apt or w/e.
That's utter bs parents can't be happy?
The only argument I would see for needing showers before bed is if you worked a kind of job that made you particularly unclean. Like a nurse who treats patients with contagious illnesses, an athlete, construction worker, mortician etc. Otherwise, it’s perfectly fine to shower in the mornings or every other day.