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Jorkingg and cate, 18 y.o.
Location: Cali, Colombia
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Yeah, fuck that. If mom wants to see the baby, she has to come visit them. No newborn should be traveling for that long in a car seat, and once they're older, it'll be such a pain to travel that long with them.
You are in a very different stage of life than him. I messed around with older guys when I was your age. I’m 27 and I already feel too old to even be friends with a 20 year old, let alone date one.
He should be going after women his age. He wants you because you’re young, naive, and easy to manipulate. Taylor Swift’s “Dear John” should enlighten you a bit.
Take it from me who did what you did, don’t do it.
This is exactly the point I am at. I want to work on myself and fix myself but I believe I have already screwed up this relationship.
I have the thought that if I would have meet her with this age and having screwed it up in other relationships, she would have been the woman of my life (she probably is)
I never took accountability for my actions and never thought about the future me, that lead to repeating patterns and making the same mistakes again and again, but this time something have make click, and not just because of the relationship, but because of myself. That’s why I doubt what to do.
You're welcome. I spent a few years in an abusive relationship; I was young and had no kids. I also had a good support system along with an ex partner who also wanted to separate. And you know what? It was really nude to leave. So I do somewhat understand where you're coming from. Thankfully, your husband isn't physically abusive (yet?) so in some ways it gives you a bit more time to get your ducks in a row. Just remember and keep telling yourself, you deserve someone who cherishes you, who won't want to control anything you do, and who loves you unconditionally. You deserve that. You don't need to stay with someone who doesn't do any of that.
If you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me.
You have your answer. He's going to keep telling you what you want to hear without actually doing anything about it.
This is who he is. This may be why his ex went looking elsewhere (not that it excuses her stepping out but it could easily be a factor in why she behaved that way)
Is this what you want out of your life? Your one and only precious life?
If your wife had a leg injury, would you steal her crutches and push her down?
I didn’t think of it this way. She can talk once she’s calmed down, I wanted her to calm down amd talk to me instead of texting. Now she’s not talking and when I ask her why she says, you told me to calm down before talking. I’m not calm yet
Most recently I saw him explicitly checking out his friends girlfriends butt when it was just the three of us at camp at a festival. Pressuring the festival party favors. Another time went to a friends party together and he was more interested in catching up w the friends friend that he had a fling with than talking to me. Also lied about a current friend when I asked just calmly out of curiosity if they ever had any history. Other similar situations…
yeah yeah, i know…. thank you for the advice
Mmm. A call is good, but again I think he needs to talk about paternity leave.
Just calling to say that your GF is pregnant can imply that you’re rubbing her face in it or that you feel sorry for her. Saying she’s pregnant and mentioning the business gives the call stronger purpose. There’s no implication that the call is from pity.
This was my thought too. Was it cp that involved her? Her answers don’t make sense and also this story doesn’t make sense because you saw the therapist which made her tell you about why she was in therapy which involved CP which she didn’t tell the therapist? I’m cobf used
If you like thongs, wear them yourself. There is nothing comfortable about wearing butt floss.
He doesn’t brush his teeth every day. That’s not “an acquired taste,” that’s just bad hygiene.
OP, you’re going to have to communicate with him. If he’s hurt and embarrassed, well, he can fix that by brushing his damn teeth and using soap in the shower.
I had a similar issue with my bf previously before, and we had to have long talks. All you want is for her to include you or ask you and prioritize you. But you can tell from her she isn't ready to do that yet. I think it may be best to step away. If you keep having the same conversation and nothing is working. You shouldn't be the only one making an effort. You two have two different values of your relationship and you deserve someone who values you and makes the effort to include you before making decisions on their own. Otherwise, it's like why are you even there?
I'm from Sweden and going to another european country for a trip doesn't sound that strange to me. I would be more concerned with the fact that this guy is obviously someone your gf is very impressed by. I know that you said you have seen him but women aren't that visual. If he is impressive and popular she is most likely nude for him. I would also be concerned if he is mainly a influencer and not used to arranging trips but that doesn't seem to be the case.
If you are concerned about it beeing a scam of some sort, see if you can find reviews. I also find it kind of hard to imagine that dutch women get sex trafficed. It's so much easier to traffic women from poor countries and places where you can bribe the government and threaten their family. But you could likely check that, there would be news if women got missing in Bulgaria.
Lol that the kid might not even be his? Given her language with the my daughter shit and everything else wouldn’t even be shocking ?
Actually it could be that she was assaulted and it makes her paranoid of these situations. If a family member assaulted her she could be projecting the same fears to OPs sister. Not saying it absolves her of her reaction, but if this is trauma-related behavior then she needs therapy because it is affecting her more than she thinks
Could be that she spent the vacation with him talking about how you got paranoid about her gay friend and he doesn't want to see anything about you on his feed.
Seriously the dude is gay. What are you freaking out about?
Very cool
So, imo this is really about Mike, or should be. Your son is learning what a relationship is by observing how you and your wife treat each other. That is a huge reason I married who I did, because I know that human beings learn by modeling behaviors they observe, and I want to model what a healthy relationship looks like to my children so they can have healthy supportive relationships as well…….so is your relationship the kind you want for Mike when he grows up, 'cause he is only going to know what he knows, what he's been exposed to, until a therapist can (maybe) sort him out.
Your partner sounds a lot like me. (Demi sexual) When I get in a new relationship, my focus is on the happiness of the other person. Everyone I've encountered enjoys sex, so I offer sex freely as a way to make them happy. There's a kind of high in being with someone new, so the physical stuff you don't mind so much.
Then you get comfortable around this other person. Which is good! It allows you to open up to them, be more honest with them. And also be okay when saying no to sex. However, if I'm not careful or paying attention, I could go months easy.
I think you need to decide if you're okay continuing a relationship with someone who is going to have a drastically different libido. And if that is okay with you, have a candid conversation with your partner. Let them know one of the ways you feel close to the person you are dating is through intercourse. You are not expecting wild sex every day, but you need it more often than every 3 to 4 months. It might help you to write out your thoughts before talking to them.
Be upfront with what you need, but also hear their needs too. Maybe they want cuddle days separate from sex days. There can be a massive amount of anxiety when every time you physically touch one another, it gets the other guy arroused. Cause then it's not getting snuggled time. It's sexy time, and we don't want all snuggles to lead to sex.
I appreciate such a thoughtful reply, I really do. I mentioned it a couple times to my doctor, he advised I keep taking the vancomycin and use the inhaler if I needed it. Kinda rips because from the little indicator on the side I used the inhaler 70 times within the last week- which is really terrible but I’m doing a lot better now. I’ve never had anything like it and its been a long time since I was vaccinated. i probably should have mentioned this whole fiasco was four days ago but I really can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been completely emotionally absent since. I feel so betrayed, I felt completely helpless in that moment and could do nothing while I was subjected to this treatment. I don’t know exactly how to approach it because it’s the classic “he’s just going through a nude time right now” but I know I deserve better.
I won’t even buy myself swimwear without trying it on. It’s such a specific item! This feels way over the line. Sorry, she’s either oblivious or up to something.
PLEASE do not marry her. There's so many issues here that have set our radars off like crazy. As long as you're in her good books, you'll be fine. But step out of that, you're going to be in for lots of pain.
Get out now.
Sorry, it's a metaphor for sex. I actually hug a looooot! I love physical touch, but most of the time not in the sexual way.
What does your gut tell you about the future. If someone had told you, “I want a big party” and the party is for their benefit, it's reasonable to consult them about details. Getting grumpy about being asked to help plan a wedding you didn't really want says “football field of red flags” to me. This is likely to get worse if and when the planning continues.
I would ask him to visualise what he thinks married life will be like for you both. “it's not a trick question, I'm just wondering how you see it.”
the guy is perfectly fine with me talking to my ex. my ex doesn’t want me to date m22 but doesn’t want to get back together . it’s ridiculous and i know i should really let her go but (as cheesy as this sounds) i’ve connected with her in a way i haven’t before. i don’t want her to be a stranger.
I have seen so many couples ruined by a threesome. So many. Is your wife suggesting this for you or is she suggesting it for herself because she wants to get with her bestie? Don’t do something you’re uncomfortable with. Your instincts are telling you to not do this for a reason.
You say the sex happened three years ago and that is when she broke it off??? But they are still talking today??? Get real…..she is still with him too! Dump her!!!
I agree. I wanted to make sure I wasn't in the wrong before I left the relationship. Thank you!
It is much safer for women to take the number and avoid harassment or potential violence. She told you about it and got rid of it as soon as possible. She did everything right and you have nothing to worry about. Being a woman is trash sometimes and we HAVE to do these things otherwise we put ourselves at risk.
Its not about the eyes, its about putting you down a peg with negging, gives him more control and leaves you feeling not good enough so you make up with it in ither ways.
Dude, you and Bella are closer in age then your gf… get out of there
It’s so early on to be doing that though , like you’re still in the honeymoon bit
Is she bipolar?
It's okay to regret a decision. You guys are kids. You don't have the experience to know a good thing when you see it. Neither does she. You're both gonna spend a lot of time trying to figure out if grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. For her, it wasn't this time, and now she regrets her choice. It's okay. It's allowed.
Having said that, regretting a choice doesn't mean you're free of consequences, and every choice has them. The consequence for her is destroying your trust in her, and it may cost her the relationship entirely.
I can't tell you whether you should take her back or not. A lot of people are going to comment and try. Don't listen to them.
Trust CAN be restored. It can. But it's a process. It takes time, and if you take her back, you're going to spend at least the next several months wondering if today is the day she leaves again. Be prepared for that. It doesn't mean you hold this over her head and constantly throw it in her face, but it does mean you protect yourself.
If you take her back, make it clear that your trust is broken, and things can't go back to the way they were, not immediately. Things will have to go slow until the trust is restored. Make this a deal breaker. If she can't respect it, you should interpret that as a warning.
The other option, of course, is to not take her back at all, and this choice is also okay. It's entirely possible that the trust is damaged beyond repair, and things will never be the same between you. If this is the case, then burn your bridge and start healing yourself.
It's not an easy decision. If you take her back, it'll be a long time before you know if it was the right thing to do. If you don't take her back, you'll always wonder if you should have.
Like I said, we Reddit armchair dear Abbies can't tell you what to do, but if you do take her back, take it slow. Let that trust come back before you fully commit. Also, make this the only second chance you give her. If she leaves again, let her go for good.
What the fuck is a “penis exercise”? Cause I’m betting that’s the problem.
Yes, shared chore meant her doing it all. I had a very similar situation where in theory it was shared but in reality I did it. When I first just stopped washing his clothes then suggested separate laundry however he was embarrassed as he knew he wasn't doing his share. He didn't get angry with me.
Mid BJ make out breaks are nude as fuck!
That is an extremely cruel thing to call anyone but especially a diabetic. I absolutely did not say or insinuate that. OP hasn’t said that she’s done anything to help herself, just that he is entirely responsible for her care and finances which is not fair.
Exactly!!!
Fellas, this just goes to show you that there is always some guy waiting for you to fuck up. Hell, the fiance did not even fuck up and this woman is ready to jump on another man.
No, no he is not a great person. A good person doesn't act like that. When you snap out of it and see the truth then you can understand why your relationship is not going to have a calm life. A good person respects the person they love from early age and talks with that person or is honest, he did neither. Break your fantasy because he is only good in your fantastic world and dreams. This is reality, he lied , cheated, treated you awfully and when he understood that he was loosing control over you then he didn't want to loose his toy and tried to make you feel guilty for moving forward.
As about his mother, she is exactly like him so she in not someone that is going to be truthful and held her son accountable for his actions to you. To her eyes the other people is always going to be blamed and her son is innocent.
Do you really want to get in that situation and kind of family?
It is not even about that. Op is concerned about the fact that she lied/forgot about that. I agree that she doesnt owe him anything but she opened up the conversation to begin with.
She's attempting to hide it for a reason.
But she's also given you some valuable insight.
She may not cheat on you if she is unhappy. But she IS keeping her options open so if she decides to bail, she can just slide right into her next relationship.
Bold move. I like it. I feel like my wife always has an explanation for everything so coming at her like this might catch her off guard.
I’m so proud of you! I know it can be nude af, but you seem strong so I know you can do it! You deserve happiness and someone who will treat you right!
Unfortunately my sister stopped being allowed to talk to me because I was always trying to get her to leave him. I hope one day she gets you’re strength and courage and we can be together again.
Once she moves in you may never get her out. If she has no money, she wont be able to leave. If your house had a mother-in-law suite with its own entrance and bathroom, that would be one thing, but close quarters living daily for a newlywed couple, not a great idea. She is only 64. That is really young nowadays. She probably has a good 20+ years left. Is she gonna stay with you that long? If not, why move in now? If she really already took early social security, that was a mistake and reduced her payment substantially from age 67 full benefit and even more than the age 70 maximum benefit. Basically she has about $2K per month to live! on. She isn't 65 so she cant get medicare. How is she paying for health insurance? Will you have to pay it for now? Bottom line, she is not an old invalid. 64 is the new 45. She needs to get back into life. Taking her in will probably only further enable her possible depression or issues.