I think at this point the only thing left is some marriage counseling and or a sex therapist to see if this can be fixed. I see both of your points of view in that you shouldn’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with and on his end that you used to do the sex acts he liked and didn’t voice your discomfort until a year ago. Good luck, I hope you can work this out.
This could be read differently – I would ask my friend not because they own the girl but just in case they have feelings there that I wouldn't want to upset.
This is the case for a lot of people, especially guys, and is mostly culturally motivated. I don't think this is something you should lose sleep over nor does it mean he loves you less or anything like that. A lot of traditional people always jokingly treat engagement/marriage as the end of “fun”, some people just take the joke too far and even start believing it's true. As long as he doesn't hold misogynistic beliefs you should be fine.
Nah, the awful part is that I found out cuz he gave me herpes (unlike the STD he gave me, that I can't be rid of) and how do I know neither of us had it before? We been living together for a year at the point I found out 🙂 but hey! At least now I'm haunted for life by a reminder of him every time it's unseasonably cold ??. Ya I might be a bit bitter..
you clearly are not ready for a mature relationship
I don't know if I would call a relationship where OP's partner hasn't contacted him in two weeks nor given him an end date for not contacting him a mature relationship
Stop making this all about you. It isn’t
Its pretty shitty that you're telling OP that he needs to empathize with his partners feelings and that they are valid while at the same time telling him to just get over his feelings and that its not about him
First order of business is to get Lily ALL the government assistance she qualifies for AND counseling/medication. After that – housing. This will take care of both, your wife’s and Lily’s needs. The biggest fail of your non-plan plan to help Lily is not butting any bounds or expectations in place before she moved in, but it’s not entirely too late. You can first come up with a good transition plan for Lily, with your wife. Then have a conversation with Lily, and explain that she cannot stay with you indefinitely and lay out your plan. Proceed with plan. Involve her trans friends as much they’re willing to participate, they way Lilys care is not all consuming of one person.
I don’t know what Lily expected honestly, a new set of parents and to continue to be a child forever?? She’s an adult and while it’s obvious she’s struggling, she has to take the reigns of her own life and participate in its betterment. She needs to feel agency. Supporting that is noble, continuing to coddle her is not. Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope you work this out. But you HAVE TO establish some boundaries and be tough enough to follow through. And this will benefit Lily as well, even though she may not find it very comfortable in the short term.
Seems she’s going through something but it isn’t clear.
I just wanted to point out that what you said weren’t jokes but most likely a passive aggressive reaction to her failing to be as affectionate as you were hoping. I think you should at least have that clear and own it.
Call off or at least postpone the wedding for now. Do NOT marry her at this time. Her actions have shown she either does not understand or does not care that her actions are inappropriate.
IF you decide to stay with her then demand couples counseling at a minimum and set firm boundaries.
Drinking does not excuse her actions, and her reasoning is a flimsy excuse. What would she do, in s few years after being married, if she feels she needs some affection? Would she talk to you, like an adult should? Or would she cheat again? Is it worth the risk?
You have to ask yourself if you think you can trust her after this. If not, break up. Better to find out before getting married and have kids.
Personally I don't believe that I would be able to ever trust her again, and would break up.
Go online your life, there is someone out there for you that will treat you better. You deserve better than this.
When you break up, ensure you get ahead of any narrative she may try to spin. Let people know it's because you caught her cheating.
I would say she's being toxic. It sounds like she is child with no sense of how money works. Also the title says girlfriend, but the text mentions her being a wife. I definitely would have some stronger thoughts if she's just a girlfriend.
You’re maybe looking at this the wrong way. Why not role play and you pretend to be someone else and be the person she is cheating on you with if that makes sense?
You’ll be a massive AH if you try and force her to have sex with someone else for a selfish fantasy. If I was her and you kept pushing it, I’d be away long ago
you are 62 and 71 .. y’all can’t work this out ?!
I think at this point the only thing left is some marriage counseling and or a sex therapist to see if this can be fixed. I see both of your points of view in that you shouldn’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with and on his end that you used to do the sex acts he liked and didn’t voice your discomfort until a year ago. Good luck, I hope you can work this out.
Hahaha I love this. Seriously.
This could be read differently – I would ask my friend not because they own the girl but just in case they have feelings there that I wouldn't want to upset.
Damn 5 kids and they’re almost tweens? And you’re gonna start again? Andddd you’re just boyfriend girlfriend for a year? Honey, yeet that fetus.
This is the case for a lot of people, especially guys, and is mostly culturally motivated. I don't think this is something you should lose sleep over nor does it mean he loves you less or anything like that. A lot of traditional people always jokingly treat engagement/marriage as the end of “fun”, some people just take the joke too far and even start believing it's true. As long as he doesn't hold misogynistic beliefs you should be fine.
Nah, the awful part is that I found out cuz he gave me herpes (unlike the STD he gave me, that I can't be rid of) and how do I know neither of us had it before? We been living together for a year at the point I found out 🙂 but hey! At least now I'm haunted for life by a reminder of him every time it's unseasonably cold ??. Ya I might be a bit bitter..
Where did OP accuse the husband of cheating?
you clearly are not ready for a mature relationship
I don't know if I would call a relationship where OP's partner hasn't contacted him in two weeks nor given him an end date for not contacting him a mature relationship
Stop making this all about you. It isn’t
Its pretty shitty that you're telling OP that he needs to empathize with his partners feelings and that they are valid while at the same time telling him to just get over his feelings and that its not about him
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Of course I’m assuming, idk her at all. What else can I do lol
First order of business is to get Lily ALL the government assistance she qualifies for AND counseling/medication. After that – housing. This will take care of both, your wife’s and Lily’s needs. The biggest fail of your non-plan plan to help Lily is not butting any bounds or expectations in place before she moved in, but it’s not entirely too late. You can first come up with a good transition plan for Lily, with your wife. Then have a conversation with Lily, and explain that she cannot stay with you indefinitely and lay out your plan. Proceed with plan. Involve her trans friends as much they’re willing to participate, they way Lilys care is not all consuming of one person.
I don’t know what Lily expected honestly, a new set of parents and to continue to be a child forever?? She’s an adult and while it’s obvious she’s struggling, she has to take the reigns of her own life and participate in its betterment. She needs to feel agency. Supporting that is noble, continuing to coddle her is not. Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope you work this out. But you HAVE TO establish some boundaries and be tough enough to follow through. And this will benefit Lily as well, even though she may not find it very comfortable in the short term.
You’re on here asking a question. I gave you a possible answer.
Seems she’s going through something but it isn’t clear.
I just wanted to point out that what you said weren’t jokes but most likely a passive aggressive reaction to her failing to be as affectionate as you were hoping. I think you should at least have that clear and own it.
Call off or at least postpone the wedding for now. Do NOT marry her at this time. Her actions have shown she either does not understand or does not care that her actions are inappropriate.
IF you decide to stay with her then demand couples counseling at a minimum and set firm boundaries.
Drinking does not excuse her actions, and her reasoning is a flimsy excuse. What would she do, in s few years after being married, if she feels she needs some affection? Would she talk to you, like an adult should? Or would she cheat again? Is it worth the risk?
You have to ask yourself if you think you can trust her after this. If not, break up. Better to find out before getting married and have kids.
Personally I don't believe that I would be able to ever trust her again, and would break up.
Go online your life, there is someone out there for you that will treat you better. You deserve better than this.
When you break up, ensure you get ahead of any narrative she may try to spin. Let people know it's because you caught her cheating.
No one believes this isn’t a troollll poodt
I would say she's being toxic. It sounds like she is child with no sense of how money works. Also the title says girlfriend, but the text mentions her being a wife. I definitely would have some stronger thoughts if she's just a girlfriend.
You’re maybe looking at this the wrong way. Why not role play and you pretend to be someone else and be the person she is cheating on you with if that makes sense?
You’ll be a massive AH if you try and force her to have sex with someone else for a selfish fantasy. If I was her and you kept pushing it, I’d be away long ago
Well, ask him what he is going to do once the baby is here. Will he be taking the baby with him once you go back to work?
Ask him why being married is it ok to disappear for the weekend?
Just an idiot, in general
Totally not cool.
Jesus it blows my mind how quick this sub is to tell people to end their relationships.
Why is it on him to make you act like a good person. He is just better than you, maybe you should be more like him…
My partner tells me every single day that I'm beautiful. I hope he still does this in 9 years and for the rest of our lives.