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  1. Hello /u/ThrowRAneedadvise-,

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  4. A therapist wouldn't say you're overreacting, OP. That's what your partner says, because he's trash. He's hurting you and lying to you and he doesn't care. He's going to do it over and over until you realize it'll never change.

    If you decide to go to therapy, go alone, for you, so it can help you things clearly.

  5. Bro. I know man colds are supposedly bad, but come on. Grow a spine.

    You're definitely over thinking. People get sick all the time and it's unrealistic for a grown ass adult to mope because the world isn't stopping for them. She went to see family on a pre-planned trip, not go bar hopping. Relax, put on a movie and pound some benadryl.

    Besides, she likely would have gotten sick if she stayed home kissing your ass. Would you want that instead?

  6. So, you need to listen to what he is saying. Your husband feels obligated to answer every text you send because you have made him the “center of my life”. It’s also not good that he thinks your life is sad.

    I truly think your husband is nicely trying to tell you that you’re boring and that he doesn’t want to be the sole interest in your life. That’s a lot of work and effort on his part.

    I would say that you really need to think of this in terms of what’s healthy for a long-term relationship.

    If you’re depressed and have the ability to, therapy could be very helpful.

  7. It makes you feel like he doesn't care because he DOESN'T care. It's your problem? Then the same can be said for him. Selfish lovers never last in relationships and every man worth his salt would laugh that your boyfriend is so pathetic in bed he can't even make his girl climax.

  8. Keep telling yourself all this, you came here looking for approval and when everyone tells you otherwise you refuse the advice.

  9. “Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” – Uncle Iroh

    You’re inability to let her help you just makes you seem incredibly insecure, and deprive her of an opportunity to feel valuable, especially when you’re low on cash. Try to be humble and helped once in while and you will find you don’t have anything to prove, and people like you for who you are.

  10. Don't do it, she bombarded you with what she was hoping would be her family taking her side and pressuring you. You've lived a hot life and it's helped you analyze situations for what they are. You can clearly see what she's trying to do (move in and have you support her). She's not even trying to hide the fact that she has no financial resources of her own to be independent. Unless you want her to hassle you until she gets her way, I'd pull away and reassess this relationship. She's telling you what she wants now, is not going to change in 3-5 years. It'll only get more intense as she gets older.

  11. Block her. The confrontation you are envisioning where she understands how she hurt you will not go the way you think it will. She’s getting what she wants because she can contact you at any time and fuck up your day. The only way to win this stupid game is to block her number. You’re too grown to be entertaining her.

  12. Block her. The confrontation you are envisioning where she understands how she hurt you will not go the way you think it will. She’s getting what she wants because she can contact you at any time and fuck up your day. The only way to win this stupid game is to block her number. You’re too grown to be entertaining her.

  13. Exactly. How much of his assets would there be had he not married you? His kid wouldn’t be inheriting as much then.

  14. Leave. You know that you’re not happy in this relationship. It is not going to get better by getting married. Seeing multiple people at a time before things become official is nothing to be ashamed of, and you deserve someone who isn’t going to call you names for your choices. He is trying to make you feel trapped, like you won’t find or don’t deserve someone better than him. You are not trapped, you are an adult and you’re free to make your own choices. You know the right choice for you, so make it.

  15. At the very least, we know that she's co-dependent. It's making you not enjoy anything about being with her across the board.

    I think you have hit the nail on the head. We sort of did – about the weeks I was away. But it wasn't really resolved. The other conversation that comes up but hasn't been adressed properly is me making her feel like she's a priority when we move on from uni and are looking for jobs/postgraduate and where we want to on-line and what we want etc. To be honest, I want to travel, be free, go out. She is introverted and would prefer to stay inside. I fear if I try to move forward and live! my life, move to a big city, she'll make me feel bad for not prioritising her.

    I think I will see how the next few weeks go as we settle back into living together. If I am still unhappy I might have to communicate this as I know it's horribly unfair to be distant without explanation.

  16. OP, I am so sorry you are going through this

    If you are actually looking for advice: run. Run far, far away from this man. He infected you with HIV knowingly and willingly. He knew what he was doing when he asked to have sex without the condom. And he CHOSE to finish inside of you–do not believe otherwise. It is a lie that men say they “couldn't pull out in time.” All men know when they are about to cum. He came inside of you on purpose and infected you ON PURPOSE. That, by definition, is rape, because you did not consent to that.

    Please go straight to urgent care or the ER. There are drugs that can be given, if taken soon enough, that will prevent the virus from spreading in your body. DO NOT PUT THIS OFF, go straight there and be 100% honest with the doctors.

    You don't need to tell your family, but for the love of God please do not speak to this man ever again.

    Sincerely, another girl who was manipulated by a man way too old to be dating her.

  17. I’ve had so many pairs of underwear eaten by my dog. Strangely enough, he never managed to make a large hole in the crotch while the rest was in tact. That is sketch to me.

  18. I know that’s what I worried about 😞 it has happened a few times before. I will never know


  19. “Aside from ex comments, she’s an actual sweetheart”

    Or she just acts like enough of a sweetheart to have you keep paying for everything. And regarding her ex, she’s either not at all over him or she’s using him to steadily neg you and erode your self esteem (so you’re less likely to have the confidence to leave and can continue paying for everything).

    Why don’t you try an experiment: say moving forward that you expect her to contribute fairly to date nights and other expenses and see if she’s still a sweetheart?

  20. Your boyfriend is scarily abusive, and if he doesn’t think he has anger issues to work on, then you should leave before he turns that rage on you.

  21. She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t respect the relationship. The cheating is not over if she is still in contact. If the have a child then they need to communicate. Go to Surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife

  22. Oh and I didn’t specify the diagnosis was received after 3 years because we are somewhat long distance and lived with our family we had thought it to be nerves etc at first and didn’t have her go to an obgyn until I had a period of time where I lived alone

  23. It ties into systems theory. And another word for system is “process”.

    I'll explain it with a simple process, and then explain how it ties in. A process is an order of reactions that produces something specific. Simple processes showcase this. Think even of words. The order we use words changes what a sentence means and makes. A recipe is another great example, because it showcases how constraints are critical for amounts. Too much salt, and everything else is perfect, and the whole recipe is ruined. Too much of most ingredients and the recipe is ruined. Things getting out of order, can ruin the recipe.

    Without constraints, process can't work, but the point of process is to take something raw and make something better through the reactions it goes through. So that can be a cake, or it can be in this case, let's bring it to your situation, sexual fulfillment.

    A relationship is a process. It's a process of social interaction, bound by constraints. And what I'm telling you is that in your relationship, what makes sexual constraints special is they facilitate new types of fulfillment. They are about what you can make for the future out of it.

    So here's where you draw from those past experiences. Find out what it showed her about what she likes. I think you are worried you won't be good enough. But that's just you underestimating what constraints make possible.

    But look within to even how you are seeing this. You clearly get that a constraint leads to opportunity for quality, because you see the quality as worse because that guy got with her before. But it's simply not the only constraint related to your sexual relationship.

    Think about why someone might like getting pounded for someone's own selfish gratification. It's a constraint on who gets to steer the gratification. You can translate that into your relationship by having times when it's all about one or the other getting to just focus on what they want with the sex that time. It can be fulfilling to the giving partner because of how raw and primal this need is, so giving it is also a pleasure. My point is that you are looking at how constraints made it awesome for her in the past, but not really looking at the wealth of opportunity that the constraints of your committed relationship can do for your future of being the source of all of the interpersonal sexual gratification you two get now.

  24. If it bothers you a lot that he doesn’t like them you can find someone who does. I promise you. I am really insecure about mine. But my boyfriend loves them. He gets very happy when I decide to sleep with my shirt off.

  25. Looked it up and I’m like?? Is that not a normal thing boobs just do sometimes/most of the time??? I’m very lucky to have AA cups (trans guy) but even mine do that to a degree, bra or no bra. Isn’t that just normal fat/skin? 😭do I just not look at enough boobs
? Lol

  26. That definitely changes things. Then maybe he’s just resentful at being left home alone. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything you can do about his feelings and I’m sorry if that has been negatively affecting you

  27. We’ve been married 10+ years.

    I read the title and called it. I knew you two would have been together over 10 years.

    He's always been like this. You're only old enough/mature enough/not naive enough to notice it now.

    Also – you were never “accidentally” in the way. He hit you with them. It's called abuse.

    I'm gonna call it now. You were 18-20 when you met/started dating.

  28. Theres no point in lying in a relationship. A loving, happy relationship has no lies.

    Id say tell him and if he cant accept the truth, then thats on him. If being a virgin is the most important thing to him, then let him go find a different person. But also maybe he was just misled and actually cares about you more than virgin sex.

    Also, you should apologize for lying about being a virgin.

  29. “Mirror, mirror on the wall.”

    The partner has a problem with her own age.

    My crude diagnosis. Amd with their age gap maybe also.

    And instead of addressing her own problems she makes OP feel like being pedophile for watching films with actors acting as children.

    That's their damn job?

    What does her own saying make her then?

    Iglf she pulls more stunts like that I would recommend to reconsider, if this is the right relationship to stay in.

  30. Your boyfriend sounds controlling and manipulative. This is the type to be abusive if given half the chance. You DiDi sound like you need to work on better personal boundaries & self respect, because you seem to have taken on responsibility for your boyfriends feelings to an unhealthy degree ( at a complete cost to your own). You need some space from him and his narcissistic coercions. Suss out @datingbylion on Insta to get more of an insight into how males react to girls with poor boundaries to help you firm up your ability to back yourself.

  31. Agrees on your first line. I have no clue how many partners my husband had before me or in what capacity, nor do I need to know, and it isn’t my business.

  32. I was exactly your age when I was pregnant and my husband was 25 and he did not do anything remotely like this. I understand this whole anxiety thing but you guys started trying – which to me, sounds like planning. My husband and I did too, so when we got pregnant it was a joint thing, and that means joint involvement, him helping me more, him running out to get me Taco Bell randomly lol you deserve more than this. You need to write down exactly what you expect from him maybe and let him ready it. Go stay somewhere for a few days, with family maybe. And be sure to let him know you want a husband, not a frat bro.

  33. You relate to me so much! I tried hot too to stick around and make him realize im worth more than causal.

    My previous Reddit posts are actual treasure to me as they were my journey towards realizing your points 1) ignoring my needs and becoming convenient to someone 2) feeling empty and questioning my worth and now 3) finding my worth and what I want finally!

    Thanks Redditor! Your comments mean so much

  34. Bud, this woman wants kids but has done nothing except leech off your hot work to attain that. Gives you shit for losing your job but never bothered to get one herself and to top it off keeps spending money she doesn't have and expects you to pay for it?

    How is she going to be a good mother if she can't even treat you respectfully? I can Imagine it, your kid gets a bad grade at school so she refuses to cook for it….

    This woman is pure stress and you don't need to deal with that. Get your divorce sorted out and watch as she shits herself

  35. Because sex is something both parties are ment to enjoy, not something one party endures. She does not want anal. It does not turn her on, she is appalled by the thought of having anal sex. “Giving anala second chance” is not going to be an enjoyable experience, especially not with someone who does not seem to respect her boundries.

  36. So many red flags here
 he is pushing you and not respecting you

    Talking to his buddy about it and then wanting it to happen next week

    He is not listening to you

    He doesnt get to decide if you have sex with anyone else and you are clearly not interested

    Lay down the law.. tell him no and to NEVER bring it up again, this is a hot limit

    Your question of how can i be ok with it is so telling, dont give in OP stand your ground, his needs do not trump your needs and a NO is always more important then his yes

    Let him be angry, it just shows his lack of respect for you and draw your conclusions about what kind of shit husband he is

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