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Jay Jacobs, y.o.
Location: United States
Room subject: Let, ‘s have a little sexy time before bed
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Obvious grounds for break up, but i'll offer a second avenue that offers some support in case you'd still like to somehow make this work. You're going to have a sit-down talk and come clean about everything.
“Something's changed in our marriage, so I went through your phone. I saw all the messages to your friend about X. I violated your privacy, and you violated my trust. Obviously, the trust has eroded on both ends, I'm being the bigger person by being upfront today and saying we need help if this is still going to work. If you still see a future with me, I think couples therapy could do us some good. At the very least, we can try to repair parts of what's busted about this relationship. I'm going to need your honesty, straightforward truth that part of you still wants this. I want you to respect me enough not to waste my time here.”
If she denies or deflects the confrontation. Or gaslight by making the major issue exclusively about violating her privacy, you've gotten your green light to let go. Realistically, the ship has long sailed, and most would walk from here. Though many couples often do try to work these things out in therapy as a last hurrah.
Wait…this is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? (I'm assuming there weren't other years spent on other planets.) I mean, for instance, just about anything involving the word “Kardashian”…
This is not sunk cost fallacy.
Sunk cost fallacy is staying because you've been together so long already.
This is saying don't count your losses, if he has been the only one working, he may not need to buy her out of the house, or her “portion” may be incredibly small.
He may be able to keep his house, and get roommates to rent rooms to.