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See that’s a totally fair dynamic, if both people in the relationship agree to it, sounds like she has just decided the dynamic for them without asking what OP’s feelings were.
It sounds like even though you didn't want this in the first place, you gave it a try and it didn't work. Even when you told him it wasn't working for you and tried to set boundaries, he disregarded those and went about what he wanted to do anyway. To disrespect your wishes repeatedly while stringing you along is very low behavior on his part. He has manipulated you and weaseled his way to get what he wants without regard to how it's affecting you, which doesn't sound like much of a partnership to me.
I'm sorry did she not also say the 20 yr old was hard (a full grown adult btw)? Somebody needs a reality check and it's not you.