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No you should not, she waited over a year to tell you. She isn't sorry about what she did she is sorry she had to come clean and face the possible consequences, she didn't come clean the guy made her. Don't give her a chance she will do it again and if you do give her a chance, don't get married, you will be screwed. Truth hurts, you deserve better
Sexual abuse is most often committed by people close to the family. If you ever have a child there's a high likelihood it could happen, it's not worth the risk, get out of there now.
If she wants this to happen, then it is on her to set up circumstances under which you will feel comfortable going through with it.
If she is in fact as trustworthy in the respect you need as she claims, then signing the contract should be the merest clerical formality, and she should be only too happy to sign it, because it means you will then be comfortable enough to give her what she is requesting. Instead she’s choosing to interpret your request as character assassination. It sounds like she is not mature enough to embark on this.
I don’t think so. When you’re new to an area you don’t know the rough parts of town.
Yeah I know I'm waiting my time and most importantly, I'm wasting hers. It's just I don't know when and how should I do it coz I do think she's likely become badly depressed. I know I'm to blame tho I brought this upon myself. Thx for the response btw
Why can't she stay with your parents? Maybe get her a hotel room and let her visit your home or you go hang out with her.
On the surface it sounds like your husband is harsh but your sis might cause a lot of chaos and need a lot of attention. You also have to consider his feelings as well as you own. Your sister's condition isn't going to get better with a visit, she needs lots of help and support but you can be supportive without sacrificing your marriage. .
Your commitment is to your marriage, so unless there are some other major glaring issues, you might want to consider your husband's feelings a lot more. There has to be a balance that allows you to be a good wife and a good sister, mind you that your husband only has 1 wife but your sister has other people who can help emotionally support her.
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I think you're past the point of offense. This abuse is serious – a total relationship or happiness killer if not dealt with.
WOW…..umm there is MORE to a relationship than just “sex.” If that is the only thing you have to offer no wonder he left. Personally, sex is best when you care and love someone. Being goofy, trying new sexual desires, being comfortable with one and other, communication, mutual respect. Ever think you didn't need to say he was boring because he got that clue at open relationship. I mean you didn't even suggest role playing, some S&M, maybe a threesome even….no you made it clear the sex sucked and more than likely you was banging someone who that's all they wanted so your safety net dipped. Pretty much all he was to you was something of comfort you would settle for until one of your other desired flings felt as you did for them. Did you actively fond anyone else as well? Did you tell them you were in an open relationship? Because they probably just took you as a easy piece of ass. They knew no strings and more than likely you just satisfied an urge for them never take you seriously but you be the one they bang while taking another out on lavish dates. Your the 3am booty call when all else fails.
I’d ask your fiancé why Jeff’s feelings matter more than yours, or why she feels the need to lie about your relationship
“I’m at fault too I got defensive and upset at what he was saying and how he was being about it all.”
If you got defensive it meant you were being attacked. Whatever he was saying and how he was being about it sounds like it was already crossing a line. He doesn't get to have an opinion about how you react to him crossing a line. No matter what you say, he definitely doesn't get to put his hands on you. None of this ls your fault. Absolutely not.
100 % agree. Its also really sad if he “rehomes” his dog. Basically just a nice way of saying abandon.
Only B is yellow. A is wood grain wrapped which is a tan/beige.
No but she may have been vague about how she spends her time. You clearly believe that how someone spends their time should not matter in a relationship. So flip the genders, she works and her bf has an inheritance that allows him to stay home and play video games all day. OK… so maybe thats a problem maybe not… but we need to know if the chores are getting done or not. Because if the chores aren't getting done then this guy is an AH. Right? Right. So hold yourself to the same standards that you hold men to.
How can he not understand talking about someone from 4 years ago, but he's clearly fixated on this person?
Be firm with him about why you're insecure and that you wish to address it, but his behaviour has you worrying.
It's not controlling or manipulative to feel the way you do, given the circumstances.
Sweetheart, you are so young. I have a 20 yo son and it breaks my heart you’re so down in your luck so soon in your life. But the beautiful thing about being so young, is that you have plenty of time to lift yourself up and build something really good for yourself. Find some volunteer work, join a group. It’s not going to be easy and it will take work and probably feel lonely but this man-child is not your tribe. You deserve better than the very little he is offering. You don’t need to be a doormat and he will and is taking advantage of your needs. He will not change. Take this as a sign from the universe that you are not on your best path. Dumping this fool will be the first step in making the rest of your life better. Be strong, you deserve a better life.
Yes, it barely matters in the grand scheme of things he called the cops on her ??
Do not waste anymore money on the BF not even a so called loan. He will drain you too. He is financially irresponsible and using you.
What kind of horrible person treats their child badly due to skin color ? Why are you with this man ? This person who not only lacks understanding of science but lacks basic decency of how to behave with their partner and child. Something tells me that when your kid grows up and if you have a another kid of lighter skin tone, your husband and his family will always favor the one with light skin tone. Even if you do paternity test there will be issues.
Hm. Sounds like the series You.
Anyway I'm worried that if you forgive him for this, his behaviour is about to get a lot worse because he doesn't have to keep up the facade of being normal now. If you leave him you may well find out that he won't let you. I would be scared
This is cute but very complicated which most prolly won’t even work but what will work is u asking him out. Good luck tho ??
Because it is fake?
I'd dump you so fast you'd feel the gravity in your colon. Yes, this is selfish. You want her to do 100% parenting while you come and go at your pleasure. She probably said yes because it'll make the breakup easier once you have your own place to go. Expect that phone call about day 3 after your move. You'll maybe get a couple months if she's not the decisive type and it takes her awhile to realize HER life is better with you gone.
Girl I wanna read it but Jesus. How about some fucking paragraphs.
I’d have a whole lot of not very girly things to say to him. He can f ALL the way off with that shit.
I’m sorry but I don’t think your taking this serious he’s been playing with himself to pictures of minors. You didn’t leave him the first time you caught him and still won’t so what is it that you want from here? This behavior is not normal he is a predator!!!!! If he has an addiction he needs to get help before he SA a minor/adult or maybe he already has. YOU SAID YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS WITH YOUR OWN PARENTS you would think you would want to protect your child but your not.
Is she a psychopath?
He does not love you. Someone who loves you would not behave like this. End of.
You need to cut him off immediately.
You're right, but making her work would be one of the last things I would've prefer
Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine all the complicated feelings you must be having.
Secondly, your dad's marriage and housing situation is not your responsibility. If you feel like you want to tell your mom about this, do. I wonder if what you've previously interpreted as insecurity has actually been an instinct from her that something isn't right in the way your dad thinks/feels about you.
As others have said, perhaps a dream is just a dream but he CHOSE to tell you about it. He chose to tell you about it secretly, making sure that neither of your partners could hear. That indicates to me that he got some kind of thrill out of crossing this boundary, even if he didn't want to cross the boundary physically.
It's always been an issue to some extent, but it's gotten worse lately. For one, he got a new tv for the bedroom without asking me. It's huge and bright, lighting up the whole room way more than our last tv. He also didn't used to work early and would go to bed after me. Our routines have shifted because we have different jobs.
He says I'm controlling because I want the tv off when I'm going to sleep. I originally didn't want a tv in the bedroom at all but compromised by putting a small tv in. I feel I have gone out of my way to cater to him, but now that I am trying to put my foot down to get some sleep instead of putting his needs and wants first, he labels it as controlling just because he's not getting to do things exactly the way he wants.
Wow thank you so much for this reply!! I appreciate all the great points you've made and apologise if I don't cover some in my comment.
I'm so glad you're doing better now. That's amazing to hear.
She's a theory for a while now that I was “planning something.” I just kind of realised that since then, she's been less… argumentative? I think it's clouding my judgement because I'm like, well maybe she's just realised and changed. But that's not something I can rely on.
Thank you for the technique! I posted one of my main accounts about my mum on the JustNoMIL sub and got recommended to grey rock, but I completely forgot about it, so thank you so much for bringing it up. Absolutely going to it because yeah, there's no argument winning with her.
I mentioned some reasons to her of why I want to move out and it largely consisted of “small” things because I didn't want to be vulnerable or further upset her and she was just sorta like “… you'd move out over those small things?” Like, yeah those small things would improve my life so much.
My boyfriend has seen how she is and how I get over her as well, so he's very encouraging. My sibling moved out years ago for some of the same reasons I'm moving out so they get it. I'll absolutely look into those books.
Thank you endlessly, for all your kind and supportive words. I feel so grateful for it and it means so much to me. You're amazing and I'm so so glad you're healing.
Update us when karma bites you in the ass. Its really funny to me how you typed that whole tyrade out without realizing the couple million problems with you and your partner. No one deserves having their life explode like his ex had happen to her. But you are very close. He paid her off and you think you deserve any of the proceeds? You're a nasty A.
Oh god what a heartbreaking situation for OP. Everyone’s saying talk to him but I would just leave. Monogamy is a choice. Your fiancé seems to be choosing otherwise. Your “friend” is a POS. I’d drop both.
Is he in prison? Why is he sneaking anything? Does he have a porn addiction? Do you have a problem with him looking at porn? This post is odd in so many ways!
Lots of foreplay and toys. Improve your game, it's no shame.
Yes, standards are different for different people. IDK if i would consider it cheating but I would think it was really fucking weird and probably be uncomfortable with it lol
That is literally the worst advice, thanks
Why giving him another chance? He called your slurs, judged your past which he wasn't in and he used daddy issues as an insult making you seem like an insecure person.
OP, dump him. It doesn't matter if you create new boundaries, he stepped over the old ones and actually called you a w*ore. You will allow it if you stay with him. Don't do it.
seconding this. it might be a treatable medical issue
If they're willing to make sacrifices for you, its love.
If they only want you to make sacrifices for them, it ain't.
I respect you for standing by your morals and deal breakers than I do your fair weather gross friends. Many people would have caved in, allowing all that manipulation to work on them. But NOT you. Don’t ever change and you will do fine.
You are not irrational. But you want to know what is irrational? That our grave yards are full dead people all because some assholes decided to drive drunk. Their enablers are just as bad as they are and part of the problem.
OP, reading some of these comments kind of hit it right on the nose. I want to start this of by both saying I was once a lot like your husband and reading these comments has me thinking I might be on the spectrum lol. It really wouldn't be a surprise but in reality its just a coping mechanism I had developed because deep down inside I felt I was a really empty person. This paired with my tendencies to be a people pleaser as well as not really knowing how to feel or express certain emotions left me to be similar to the kind of person you described. I went through a lot of my life struggling with identity but just thinking I'm just a very laid back casual person because I just thought that's what everyone was doing. I mean if its not yet apparent I just have depression among other things I don't need to get into here.
but I'm 99% positive he has told his therapist that I'm an evil bitch who insults him and puts him down and he's getting help for that instead of the things he actually needs.
I am going to level with you in a way perhaps most people wont. Your husband probably needs an emotional ass kicking. He needs to want to change his ways or how he is as a person right now. I am not a therapist. But again you almost perfectly described how I would live my life and yes you are lighting yourself on fire to keep him warm. Not in the sense of you are struggling as I can see from the comments. But the time you spend trying to help him very well may be time you never get back.
Is there any way for me to help him find that?
As much as its hard you tell him you realized who you married is not a real person. That you are willing to stay and work on it and be there for his journey but only if he's willing to take it.
Quite frankly, I think its amazing that you'd want to stay. Mostly because you seemingly described marrying someone who you know now he is simply not.
And don’t let him know you’re reporting him OP! These are the type of men who will cover for each other and potentially harm you and cover it up together. These are two disgusting pigs of men.
I know this is right out of the “Delusional Poster's Guide”, but she just has never seemed like the kind of person who could do that. And yes, no one is every going to say that their partner seems like the kind of person who would cheat, but she's always been pretty reserved, very emotionally conscious, etc.
If you did not want comments, all comments, you should not have posted. Because the comments are spot on. But apparently they are not what you WANT to read. Ponder that.
source: trust me bro
Oh, this guy is a real fucking weirdo then…
Oh, this guy is a real fucking weirdo then…
That doesn’t excuse cheating?
That’s a ridiculous thing for her to ask
And who the hell works 2 hours away?