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What makes you think she will even believe me tho they have been together for years have kids together. Who knows what he’s said about me to her to keep us from being friends because I tried and he said she didn’t like me.
You don't need him for the DNA test. You can use yours it will show a familial match
Have you considered therapy? It sounds like there's a lot of residual pain and resentment here from your prior social isolation, which is likely to be an issue in any romantic relationship if you don't address it.
I think you made the right choice, his behavior screams selfish and entitled. If it wasn’t the baby crying problem it would’ve been something else eventually. And if you ever want kids you certainly can’t have them with him.
I just wanted to say I have a baby in an apartment too and I try hard to not annoy my neighbors with crying but babies cry. A lot. And it’s not always easy to stop. I left my upstairs neighbors a little gift bag and an apology letter for the noise and my phone number so she could text me if it was ever too big of a problem.
Maybe she just wants to see if she’ll get attention ?♂️ I’d make the fake account and try to go on a date with her though ?
I respectfully disagree. You have no idea about the context or the nature of the humans in question, where we online, what our backgrounds are, the nature of the relationship, etc. I'm not sure why that would be predatory, she's a fully consenting adult. Sure there is an age difference, but that doesn't make it an unbalanced power dynamic automatically.
Touche. I guess she will have to accept that she’s not close enough to me for me to willingly let her go to Disneyland for free 🙂
Sure, he no longer goes to his sofa to nap for 2 hours in the middle of the day every day. I feel like that's normal when you're living with your partner and their dog and have some more responsibilities.
I'm trying to find a tangible solution so that he no longer feels like the relationship is unbalanced, but he won't work with me to give me one. Just says he just “wants a hug” and sure I can do that, but nothing will be solved.
I had a feeling that would be the answer.. thanks!
Those are the kind of things I text my mid twenty friends as a late 30s woman. Because I remember being in my mid twenties and lacking the self awareness to take care of myself properly and feel compelled to try and pass that on. Especially if I know they are going through a rough time and lack other support.
But I think it's worth forcing a conversation to understand how they know eachother and why he is so invested in her.
I wouldn't get too caught up feeling put out that he doesn't ask you if you ate today and such since presumably you're an adult and capable of self care, and as your husband, I'd assume he shows his affection to you in other ways.
honestly OP there's not much us could suggest here other than more open communication on your guy's part.
There's so many things that could be going on in his head; he could mean it literally in a cold way, but, giving him the benefit of the doubt it could be insecurity talking. I'm also in a LTR and the thought of losing my parter is terrifying and having suicide presented to me by him COULD feel like a liability in terms of my attachment to him.
It could be he's also upset that u didn't tell him this to begin with. That would make sense considering the liability comment now that he has a strong emotional attachment to u.
It's rlly up to u OP, we can't rlly tell u what to decide. My advice would be to talk to him more and how his comments and lack of care affect u. His reactions will tell u what his fruits are.
Run, run, run!
I think your Reddit name really speaks volumes.
Idk man, if she was just hanging out with girlfriends for sure, who knows what really happened. Maybe she just had a few more drinks and may have lost track of time. It was only 30 minutes… I mean I know it’s late, but if she still wanted to come see you etc.. then idk if I’d bomb the entire thing outright.
I’d just let it go and keep your cool and see. Plus it’s only been a month only. Just brush it off and make some make up s3x when she comes over.
He should be there for her
This right here is some really, really good sound advice.
Why are you still with a man who told you they’re attracted to their ex but it doesn’t matter because he can’t go back to her? It means if she says “Let’s try again” he won’t even hesitate to leave you?
Have some self respect.
I get that. My point was spending the night there.
I'm a 40 yr old male:
Tell him you don't have it, so you'll sit it out and see what his response is. If he doesn't offer to pay your end, you should break up with him.
Men are supposed to be providers. You're telling me he's a damn doctor and asking you to pay for the family Christmas??
It's really unbelievable. I make 7 times what my wife makes and when we were dating, I would never ask her for money because I knew I was grossly out earning her and I'm fairly traditional and don't think women should be paying for dates or trips during the dating phase.
How long have you been in this relationship? His perspective is understandable if this is new, but if you've been together a year or more, it's time to have a deep discussion of finances. If he's not able to understand your situation, and is demanding you pay for vacations with his family, I'd be concerned that this is something that will continue in marriage.
Only she can answer your questions
U seem aware of the fact that what you are asking is unreasonable to him. You are basically telling him you want to try finding someone better but still keep him as a backup plan. Your notion of thinking you might be gay does not change anything about this nor does it somehow justify this awful request. I do understand that its hard to ignore your feelings. But you basically have a choice to make: blow up this relationship to explore your sexuality or hold on to the relationship and online without exploring this aspect. Either way there is no middle ground option here, and you will have to decide which route you want to go.
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Do you make her feel sexy or do anything to please her before asking for it? She's not in the mood it sounds like.
A friend on my partner's just went through this. They were together for so long. Had 2 kids together and a stable life. She up and left her kids and life behind. She somewhat came to her senses after a few years bit there's not much you can do. Dont enable her and talk through what she would really being doing and the aftermath. Prepare for the worst.
So, maybe going against the grain of the other commenters here, but…
When you first started seeing her, did you ever explicitly ask whether or not you were exclusive? I’ve found in modern dating, you should always assume that the person you are “talking to” is also seeing someone else. If you never chose to have this conversation with her, I feel like that’s kind of on you, and doesn’t count as a lie on her part.
You didn’t ask, she didn’t volunteer, and she was faithful to you from the moment the two of you had the conversation to be “official/exclusive.”
You’re entitled to process it, of course, but I don’t think it counts as deceit or an intentional lie
Ok talk to him, maybe show this post. In any casr acknowledge you have acted abusingly and convince him he didn't do anything wrong. If you want so much ask him to help you go through therapy, but also you should eztablish some boundaries. Boundaries to get him some space and breathing room, therapist might help figure specifics out.
This is an important thing to put into the main post. Knowing where you are from can change the advice given.
There is no breaks. The fact that you guys are even married is crazy. You being depressed for 3 years and he still stuck around is amazing.
That being said, don't do ultimatums. He wants to to cheat, which let's not kid ourselves when he says explore he means cheat. Tell him go. You file for divorce or tell him you both go to couples therapy. No ultimatums, that's the choice he makes.
You can't hold onto him if he's already gone.
I could completely understand not wanting to do it if I was dirty but I’m not. I take very good care of my self
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.
I don't want to do those things without her. Previously I had no issue her flirting with other guys but she insisted that we don't do it.
Dump him. He's not worth it. You have time, my girl. You have time.
What happens when he gets mad and suddenly “you're just like all the rest of the women”? Then he will hate you, too. So when someone is very blatantly, openly telling you who they are directly to your face, you should believe them. If you don't like that, then you shouldn't be with that person.
The truth hurts. Everyone wants to believe someone they love. We dont think they would ever do something to hurts us. However, love hurts because it is real. Very real.
People tell lies for one reason or another, but they are always selfish reasons.
She is a selfish person.
Take what you see as truth. You know what happened. Your heart may not want to see it, but your eyes did, and your gut felt it.
I write like a teenager? Sure insult me because you can’t answer the question.
There's nothing to forgive, he wasn't in a relationship, you called it off. He was free to do as he pleases.
This is your 2nd break, this isn't working out…. put it on permanent break and move on
I swear the redditors commenting don’t see the real issue. Boyfriend was clearly talking to someone behind OP’s back while in the relationship and since we don’t know the full story, it could’ve been the reason why they were having so much issues because BF might have been sneaky.
No one goes on a date the same night they are single again. If they aren’t devastated being dumped, did they really care? Also, no one goes on a date the first night they start talking to someone like BF new girl.
Yall commenting really simple minded and it erks tf outta me
Sounds about right. Thanks a lot, mate. 🙂
Block him!
Look at your own writing! You are questioning the morality of your (fully healthy) attitude to an extremely unreasonable user (Tom) because your friend can't put her foot down to save her own life! This is exactly why being around the rationalisations of someone who simply cannot set boundaries is terrible for the decision making and health of others around them too, it really is contagious through the false facade of kindness. If she were kind she'd have cut him off before the accident, maybe he wouldn't have even had it then.
He can change the car issue but doesn’t.
Thank you, but the thought is more than enough. As long as OP comes out of this somewhat unscratched, I'm happy.
Easy fix. You start cooking.
Nope, the friend is a woman! They're just very close friends and lived together for a long time
If you're not going to date him then yes. It's for his own good.
Literally the antagonist in heartstopper
Honey you need to break up with him. He is a rapist because he raped you. I know you're very confused, hurt, and scared but you don't want to be with a boy who doesn't accept the word no. It doesn't matter that it wasn't as bad as other rape stories or that you don't feel traumatized it was still rape. You need to get away from him and seriously consider at least telling your parents if you don't feel comfortable filing a police report.
Very true, I appreciate the advice
Guy who doesn’t have a place to online so he finds someone to hook up with so he can online with them. He’ll usually pretends he totally has his own place but he just likes staying over. Doesn’t contribute to rent.
I [??M] Have Mixed Feelings About My Stalker [35F] Doing My Laundry
Hi RA, throwaway account and this is my first time posting so sorry if I'm doing something wrong, also I'm on mobile.
Recently, I came home to find that someone did my laundry. This made me feel weird, because I am pretty sure my e-stalker did it, and I didn't give her permission. But also, she has more free time than I do, so it seems like it's only fair that she get some work done if I'm going to have to deal with her.
Should I tell her to stop? There was a note left on my bed with a lock of hair scotch taped to it that said she's not doing anything “weird” with my clothes, she just likes seeing me happy. I'm not sure how she sees that, but wow! She even used scent crystals.
You seem like you might fall into the not his momma but his default mama trap.
In my country it's very much more common for people to online with their parents until they get married but even then my cousins paid rent and contributed towards chores.
Yes his parent's didnt expect this of him but he's a grown adult man who is lacking critical thinking in expecting to be praised for doing simple tasks my preschoolers can do.
It doesn't take a physics degree to know if you are at someone else's home on a regular basis that they aren't your parents..otherwise u wouldn't be dating them!!
Not putting away dishes or offering to help with basics just makes him lazy.
U are dating a man child. You can choose to want to deal with this but if he doesn't CHOOSE HIMSELF!!! to change and act like a damn adult. This is the dude that moves in and expects you to do everything his mom does for him now and falls on his weaponized incompetence as an excuse.
Good luck with that!
Hmmmm. Two years? Maybe give a little more time while you come up with an exit strategy.
I've been able to make my wife climax a handful of times in our 20 year relationship. She is a sexual Cassonova compared to how you describe your wife. Our sex is amazing other than that, but it weighs on me heavily and always has. I believe it is ultimately tied to religious shame, so I can only imagine how challenging your future is going to be in this department.
That said, it has gotten better over the years. Just wanted to point that out for reassurance; it can improve and with dedication I'm sure it will.