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Well the friend she has been talking to about this had a great relationship with a guy and a kid. Until she cheated on him while he was out of town. What don’t make no sense is my gf has constantly talked shit about her friend to me and went as far as not talking to her for months. Now very recently she had starting talking to her again and when I bring up that I though she didn’t like her she pretends she never said anything about her.
Nope
That's a no from me. She's a cheater. She is going out alone to a “friends” house. A friend she had sex with multiple time. And you've basically told that the “friend ” will always be in her life.
Don't walk away. Run.
“No. I’m not comfortable going on an intimate date with your sister, and I would appreciate it if you would respect that boundary. I’m only interested in going on intimate dates with you. I can get to know your sister in a different environment.”
I would just say something like this, personally.
You’re right but I hate this answer lol
Be yourself
But he doesn’t have to know everything about you immediately
Pro tip
My top 2 love languages are actually words of affirmation and quality time. I don’t care that much about receiving many gifts, or that they are costly. But for my birthday I at least expect a card, which is not a big ask. And how do you know i don’t already do those things? I invest in my community probably more than the average person.
I mean your post history + you bf fighting a random man in a parking lot over random rudeness = loser to me so idk how to help you here
I think I am gonna safe myself and not look at it
Get a grip
Future pregnancies? You have 3 kids lol. How many baby daddies I wonder? Anyway, your bf is an abusive POS and you should cut him off completely and not tie yourself to him in any way.
Who owns the bed?
My thoughts exactly! Isn’t she marrying the man and not the ring? Lol
The advice he's been given is obviously going to be different with the very important context provided in the edit.
The whole “if he isn't more than friend” is irrelevant now because the issue is the double standards in the relationship.
Everyone gets to decide where they think the line should be drawn. For you it is cheating, but for him it is not. If two people can't come together or compromise then the relationship is over, it's as simple as that.
For example, I'm a nudist. I have photos of friends who are also nude chilling out at the beach, BBQing all sorts… Some of them have photos of me, and my partner is the same. For us there is nothing inherently sexual about nudity, so we don't see hot photos in that way. (Of course context matters and there is a level of nuance, but I'm keeping it simple for argument's sake).
However everyone has different boundaries, and I get that my view would absolutely be an uncomfortable position for some people, if I was single and met someone with an “all nudes are cheating” viewpoint that would be a deal breaker for me. It doesn't make one of us wrong we just have different perspectives that can't be reconciled.
Someone spiked your drink.
You're sad that you're pretty? Did he say, I'm going to stop loving you when we both get old and don't look the same? What first attracted you to him? If he was homely would you have been attracted to him? Is this one of those relationships where a pretty girl falls for a hideous man because of his personality?
Troll much?
You stay away from there. You know what you've done wrong. Breaking up a BFF-ship is almost as bad as being a homewrecker.
If that's all you want then it is reasonable. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know your SO is safe as long as the required check in ends there.
I mean I’d say the best way to approach him is directly. You got tested, were clean, and now have issues. It’s possible he’s a carrier and doesn’t know, as some people simply don’t show symptoms. So I’d be careful writing his feelings off for you. You assumed he was tested, maybe he assumed he was clean. You both made some mistakes, hopefully his was unintentional at least.
For now I’d focus on getting the results to see how treatable it is. And if it’s one of the “gotta manage it but it won’t ever go away” STDs well then I’d say your future dating pool is pretty limited and that’s not fair but unfortunately how it is. Good luck OP. Sorry about everything
I mean I’d say the best way to approach him is directly. You got tested, were clean, and now have issues. It’s possible he’s a carrier and doesn’t know, as some people simply don’t show symptoms. So I’d be careful writing his feelings off for you. You assumed he was tested, maybe he assumed he was clean. You both made some mistakes, hopefully his was unintentional at least.
For now I’d focus on getting the results to see how treatable it is. And if it’s one of the “gotta manage it but it won’t ever go away” STDs well then I’d say your future dating pool is pretty limited and that’s not fair but unfortunately how it is. Good luck OP. Sorry about everything
That’s what you’re saying out loud, but if you don’t like the girl you’re going to try and take away time with his son as the price for keeping her around, all while saying it’s just to keep him safe.
It’s manipulative. You don’t get a say any more.
I would definitely suggest switching apartments if they are similar in price and shape.
lol, I can't block someone who is talking to me in person. there's a reason i see him almost every other day, and it's not because I'm going to him. we see each other around due tothe circumstances of how i know him. however, there's no requirement that we have to interact., he has come up to me each time. i have quietly snuck away at the right opportunity or if i see that he is in the room, i turn around and try to avoid him. that's been successful already 2 times where i avoided him before he even saw me. the other times he has come up to me when i was already there
find a boyfriend that likes you more.
That can also typically be under money though. As it's the person not working as much that should generally be taking on more of a role. I don't think anyone should be exempt from doing any though.
You: had a rough childhood including bullying and alot of rejection from women which explains why I started so late
Also you: It makes me feel inferior and as if I missed out. It feels like I waited for nothing
First don’t fool yourself. By your own words, you were delayed because of your rough childhood, it wasn’t because you choose to wait. Second this isn’t even about your gf, it’s about how you already felt inferior and bad about being delayed in the dating area. You already were judging yourself, so now you’re just using your gf circumstances to continue to judge yourself but you resent her for it. My guy, you need to go back to being single and work more on your mental health as it sounds like you still have more work to do.
Accept it and move on? This happens to everyone, there isn't one person on this earth, that drinks, who hasn't made a bit of a fool out of themselves at some point in their life. It happens, not a big deal, so don't make it one 🙂
Was it good wine?
This is may sound brutal, but you may need to tell him you're not asking him to cut her off. But she has no business in your relationship. That if things continue the way they are he's sabatoging the relationship. Considering your ages and what you've said. Maybe you never wanted to realize it, but it seems this wasn't what you signed up for by being with him. That's fine but at some point you need to also be willing to stop trying to change things and move forward.
I was getting ready to say don’t force it when I started reading but your wife is way way way out of line. Her attitude is gross. Your poor mom has busted her ass her whole life to do well and be a good person and because she isn’t skinny enough for your wife (also BMI isn’t perfect science) your wife doesn’t want to let her in your kid’s life.
The location is not likely to be at the heart of your issues. Job stress can certainly be a factor. When you say
However, he has said he is no longer in love with me but after talking we decided to stay in relationship to see if he does fall back in love.
Did you mutually agree to this? Or is he just the type to avoid confrontation? If you BOTH really want to work on the relationship, I would recommend seeking couple's counseling. If he isn't willing to put forth the effort to rebuild/repair what's wrong, you have your answer.
Tell him to stay in his lane. Keep his nose off your skin.
He's looking to screw over your bio kids in favor of his own. When push comoes to shove, he's looking out for his 'own'.
Honestly, the fact that this very small thing is such a big issue for you is enough to tell you you aren’t ready to handle this relationship right now. That’s your answer.
You can say NO to any activity- regardless if you’ve said yes in the past. This man doesn’t respect you enough to allow that though. Although can’t say I’m surprised considering the age gap that he’s abusing you this way. Pretty common with the power dynamic established.
If there is reasonable doubt, you need to get evidence. Talk to a lawyer and a PI. Keep these actions to yourself. If it turns out she’s not, you can rest assured.
However if it turns out that she’s cheating, then you need to discuss your options with your lawyer. Maybe include a therapist in there as well. You said she had past history of cheating on her prior partners. You may love her, but she may not feel the same.
Because it sounds to me like she's jealous of the fact that his ex-wife lives in this apartment rent-free. I can definitely understand her being upset that he won't talk to her but I can also definitely understand him being upset about her not letting it go. He's not willing to talk about it but she needs to accept that.
I honestly agree with other people saying she should just walk away. It's none of her business but she's clearly not happy with the way things are so she needs to leave. Apparently her fiance cheated on his ex-wife and she kept it quiet for the sake of their daughter. He feels guilty and that's why he left her everything.
You don’t have to be in love with someone to care about them and want the best for them, particularly when you’re talking about the mother of your child, and his actions are completely consistent with this. The number of people making the childish claims that because he cares about he he still loves and wants to be with her in the thread is exhausting.
Lol just not with you bud, where do you think she's staying? Probably getting taken home and dicked down by dudes at the bar.
Right off the bat something is not right if sex has always hurt a lot for you. Sex shouldn't be something you endure for the other person. If you don't get any enjoyment out of it then why would you want to do it?
It sounds like poor sleep is impacting your overall health and mood. You need to fix that asap as it can be very debilitating.
Your boyfriend is being inconsiderate and not seeing this from your point of view. He also doesn't seem to understand or care that you have some serious issues at work here that are impacting your ability to enjoy sex. If you've explained all this to him and he can't be supportive and deal with it and wait for you to resolve things then you should break up with him.
My friends don’t need me to narrate their love lives for them. Op is doing more harm than good by trying to navigate his friends love life for him.
No one wants to date the guy who drools over any attention a woman gives them, “falls in love” easily and has his friend set stuff up for him. I say this as a dude who has watched a fellow dude crash and burn because of this.
3-4 times a month is just under once per week. That is a very normal amount for a long term relationship.
Respect is there none so what next will he pull? Can’t be trusted.
Dump him
This is all fantastic advice- thank you. She's already speaking with a therapist, but it does not seem to improve things much. In fact, I find she can be more volatile after a session. I've lightly introduced the idea of medication, which I'm not one to typically advocate for but in her case it would likely prove beneficial for her. But, that route has definitely not been explored.
I'm unsure where to put a line in the dirt, as I know it's not my issue to always handle but dating someone that does have severe anxiety with separation and other things does come with bearing some responsibility- at least it feels like. Is it appropriate to ask her to address her anxiety issues with her therapist when things get bad and I feel I can't handle it? I feel that's likely to cause more issue, but would be more beneficial for my mental health.
Also, I don't believe I deleted a reply. I think you may have seen my reply to the other comment on the most pop-up? Not sure how that works but maybe?
I'm not wanting to cut things all together, but I do know I may have to. I'm in a weird spot where I'm very well aware that I could end up with someone else in the future, but I'm also not wanting to let go just yet because I really want to believe in her.
She has repeatedly told you she does not want to be with you. It shows how much you have NOT grown and matured when you refuse to hear what she is outright saying you to.
I really appreciate a message like this.
I want to talk to her a bit more so I can understand perhaps what she thinks is missing so that we have a point to work forward from.
Yeah there's some work ahead, but I'm 100% committed to using this as a basis to try and make our marriage better.
You don't understand the brain in a blackout.
Ppl like this don't premeditate. They are practically feral. She doesn't even have to make a jump. She just has to make a mistake when she's “only” trying to beat the fuck out of you.
Stay separated. You can't fix her. Only she can do that.
If she got upset that you didn’t accept her apology straight away, then she wasn’t sorry. She was just saying whatever you wanted to hear, to get you to shut up and drop the subject. If she were genuinely remorseful, she wouldn’t just apologize – she would actually take accountability. That means no shifting blame, no making excuses, and no demanding that you accept her “sorry” and get over it. A genuinely remorseful person wouldn’t even expect you to accept their apology at all…and they wouldn’t equate an acceptance of their apology with forgiveness (which is a totally separate issue).
The fact that she hurt you by crossing a boundary, and couldn’t even muster a genuine apology, is incredibly telling.
No doubt in my mind they are faking because doing otherwise would create a difficult working environment. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after they break up, people start approaching her and commenting on how she’s better off.
Okay. So she doesn’t like who you are. And. You clearly don’t like who she is. What would you tell a friend? This isn’t a great relationship. It’s not even sort of good. Words matter and you have both said far too much to come back from.
I thought you were being unreasonable until you told me of his behaviour and what he said.
Why would you want him anywhere near you?
Well if he hasn't told anyone about you yet it is probably because you are the side chick or maybe his parents are the type who whoop their children's ass if they ever dated, but even if the latter situation is the case I don't understand why he hasn't introduced you to his friends.
To me, “family” are people that I believe are in my life forever. In the case of in-law type relationships, I would only consider them “family” if I liked them so much that I would want to keep them even if the romantic relationship broke down.
It sounds to me like this is probably a case of Alex/your dad defining “family” differently than you do. You're saying something super reasonable, but if she defines family differently, she might be hearing a totally different thing. You need to either define terms or sidestep them and be direct about what you do feel. Maybe reach out and affirm that you really like her as a person and a partner for your dad, etc.
Just say sorry and move on. You can only be responsible for your own behaviour.
The sorry would have been perfect at the moment she came in the bedroom because it would have cut off all the following stuff.
You can get in the weeds about who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ if you want…but why? Sometimes diplomacy is just easier.
She might have been burned in a previous relationship and is now acting out and taking it out on you.
You're not doing anything wrong.
She's also holding different standards for you having friends vs her having friends. Attention-seeking, trust issues and a dash of codependency.
Sounds like a handful, it depends on how long you'd want to put up with this behavior. Personally I wouldn't continue the relationship.
Are you seriously comparing kissing with full penetrating sex? ?
Well shoot, I'm learning a lot today. I suppose I've only heard the horror stories. Glad yours works great!
He says you are calling him stupid, and maybe you’re not literally saying that. But that is what you’re writing to us here. You clearly think the poor sap is a moron. Have you considered that you have such a sharp, strong personality that you’ve overwhelmed his drive to do or think for himself?
Now obviously he has some growing up to do. But maybe you do too?
A round of applause for you. He was horribly selfish and could easily have killed someone. And you’re expected to just be okay with that. Hell. No.
If someone doesn't respect your boundaries you need to let them go. They will only cause more heartbreak
I’m no lawyer, I don’t think you’d get in much trouble for this. This is self defense from a known offender. Although you may have hit her nude she still initiated the attack.
When does she think she is ready? Does she have an indication? Is she on any type of BC?
This is an excellent way of looking at it. Sometimes you can only know what you definitely don't want by going through it yourself. And OP has already done the nude part of taking out the trash. It's only onwards and upwards from here OP. You got this!
He says these friends are taking time away from our family. We have one child (7M) who actually plays the game with me and my new friends. But he says when I am on my phone or on the game with them, it is neglect to our family and home.
The point he keeps going back to is that they are on-line and calls them fake and unhealthy. That because we have never hung out in person it isn’t real. So I circle back to if I was spending time or chatting with women face to face I wouldn’t be neglecting the family or home? It’s just going in circles.
Finally a wholesome end on here
Get him on child support and additional support for childcare/daycare if needed and come up with a reasonable amount for EACH child Food clothing toys and activities consider those amounts
Map out all major school holidays and put it in writing who will have who. Organise public holidays and who will have who. Do not do child drop offs pick ups at the home work out week visitation if you have them from Monday till Thursday and have him pick them up from school Friday after school till Sunday afternoon the weekend will literally be the time your mental gets to breathe I have no advice towards dating as I'm same boat different ocean he didn't cheat but decided I wasn't the one. What he does with his life is no longer your concern who he sees is not important to you. Make sure you start loving on yourself and I believe that will radiate outwards and attract the next partner of your life. Be smart step into your masculine energy and do absolutely everything logically use your feminine to get the hurt out when you are alone and for Frick sake JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL it has been my saving grace honestly
Sounds like your dad might have more information than you. You and your sister can get tested but unless your dad does too, it won't answer the question. Either way I'd let your sister get through her exams and use the time to think about whether this is really important to you, and why because anything that answers the question is going to have to involve talking to your dad about it. Only you know if you're ok with that.
Idk… It's far from the same way. He used to be extremely verbally cruel (telling me I was fat, ugly, unloveable or that “he gets why my dad abused me but obviously he didn't hit nude enough”), sometimes completely ignore me and act like I was invisible, and then pull me back being an absolute sweetheart… Before repeating the cycle. I can see genuine guilt, despair and remorse in his eyes when we talk about it these days. Now he's always kind and never ignores me – he always acts like he wants me around. He just shifts back and forth between what he wants us to be… And to be fair, the whole thing IS complicated, so I don't really blame him.
I do agree it revolved more around him than me from the start… But he's curious as to how I am, and when I lost a friend to an OD a few weeks back he travelled two hours just to sit with me and tuck me in (not trying to do anything else), and then two hours back home the same evening cause he had to get back to his dog. He also gave me two of his band tees (we're both fond of band tees lol), and he always checks if I'm alright with what we're doing and where we're at. It mostly revolves around him since his dog died, but like… He loved that dog as much as people love their human children, and it's only been a few days…
It's true that it's risky due to our past though. And the uncertainty is causing a lot of stress… I wanna give it some time and leave if it doesn't get better. I think it's worth it, unless I get “stuck” due to my feelings and trauma patterns. I appreciate you reminding me of my trauma bond and trauma patterns though. It's something I've failed to keep in mind and that I really need to be aware of. ❤️
I love cinnamon rolls. I haven't eaten one in ages!
This isn't about cinnamon rolls though, and the problem is not about cinnamon rolls. One cinnamon roll is not going to throw you off you diet completely unless it's the beginning of a binge eating session.
While your friend means well, I would tell him that you don't need his comments unless you are totally eating totally unhealthy foods and binge eating, that you know yourself and that you need to be self aware of your own limits for discipline without his comments at every bite you take.
Also: alcohol is not something a person's body needs to survive. People to need food, so self discipline is really harder with food choices.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you well on your journey.