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This exact type of thing was a huge issue in my last relationship. I called it “using affection as a currency.” If she was upset about something, she would punish me by withholding her “I love yous” or the usual “Good night” routine that we had. I grew up in a family where whenever we left for school, got off the phone, or gave a loved one a farewell hug, we said “I love you.”
I've heard too many stories in my life, of people that argued with someone, and then that someone had a tragic accident before it could ever be reconciled. The guilt and self-loathing that comes from that is something I have always vowed to avoid. I can deal with the silent treatment, or giving them space, etc… but I will never vindictively act like I don't love someone just because I am upset.
If your relationship is anything like my last one… there is nothing you can do. I tried talking about it with her multiple times, explaining exactly what I explained above; but it never helped, and that “affection currency” system is one of the main reasons we broke up. As time has gone on, I have grown to realize that some people just deal with their anger in different ways. For me, that's a deal breaker… I refuse to be treated with dynamically conditional love. But you have to decide for yourself if it's a big deal for you or not.
And here we go again.
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