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These things can escalate very quickly! But I also believe there you know your situation best.
If you can maybe stay with a friend or family for a bit that might be a solution? Maybe find a reason someone needs “help” (elderly grandparent, new baby) and stay with them to help, or stay a couple night a week?
Maybe you could start therapy so a professional can give you some tips in the short term?
Stay safe and please get out as soon as you’re ready!
He said he didn't want children and he apparently seriously meant it.
I don't think there's any way to reconcile this. He handled it TERRIBLY. He isn't who you thought he was.
You need to completely distance yourself from her. No more small talk, no more long conversations where you state how much you appreciate her etc. No texting, no being on social media. Unfortunately you can't go back to being just friends with your 'affair partner'. She needs to be gone from your life.
Emotional cheating is a thing and is just as hurtful as physically cheating. Check out 'Not Just Friends' is very recommended on the Infidelity subs.
Work spouses/work wife is incredibly damaging. There should be no feelings what so ever. So hiding behind that label is wrong.