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1. Forgiveness on your part? Where's their action towards atonement for their sin???

   For Christ's sacrifice to actually atone for their sins, they must have to first admit to said sins, but this pastor would have their grave sin concealed. Without admission there is nor remorse.

   …and that's before penance, if your denomination subscribes to it The personal offense done to you as a husband and fellow is actually a separate thing. YOU determine what needs be done:

   to protect yourself moving forward to allow you to heal, and should you choose to, to forgive

   Even if you could forgive your wife, you would get no peace of mind for as long as that other man was around her. That other man will likely try to assert parental access to the children. What then?

   I would advise you strongly, not to fear any “rift in the community”. That pastor can try asking everyone ELSE in the community to forgive. There are wolves amidst the flock, and you fear causing alarm? Alarm is what is required for the flock's safety.

   God asks us to trust in Him, but he also gave us the means to proact. You may be in a flock, but you are no mere sheep.

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