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  1. Do not try to stay ONLY for the baby. Parents who stay together just for their kids end up miserable and the kids always know.

    Do what is best for yourself. If you truly want to work it out then therapy is great.

  2. Comments like this are so dangerous Bc you’re reading way beyond what OP actually said and assuming so much about his gf. we don’t know if she lied Bc we don’t know if OP and her explicitly had conversations about hook ups. and also, why would you tell someone that you just met and you’re trying to get to know that you have a fuck buddy? she was obviously more attracted to OP Bc she dropped that guy after going on a date with OP. The other guy sounds just like a fuck buddy. Women usually wait to sleep with someone that they want to be serious with. OP, If you’re reading this, place read all comments with an objective mind. Bc we don’t know your gf, we don’t know her intentions, we don’t know your relationship. some ppl are just bitter and judgmental and their comments will reflect that rather than offer any real advice.

  3. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. We are very happy, she treats me well. However she just recently (and randomly) revealed that she had been “seeing someone” when we met. When we first met we had a 3 week long “getting to know each other” period before we formally went on a date. We then waited a while before having sex, which was something she wanted. I felt like we were spending all of our time together and had an incredibly strong connection. I had asked about her history with men at the time and she had said that her last relationship was not good and had ended a few months prior. I am Italian and one of the things we playfully bonded over was that she always dreamed of dating an Italian guy. Turns out the guy she was “seeing” was Italian. I had always been thrilled to show her my family and Italian culture because it was something we first bonded over. She had never mentioned this guy until now and I didn’t know he existed.

    After asking where they went on their first date she turned red faced and said she would just hangout at his house. Which then led me to the obvious conclusion that she was having sex with him, which she eventually confirmed. They had sex the first time they hung out and continued to see each other until she and I had begun formally dating.

    I am now left to reimagine our love story. To rethink the way in which we met. All the time we spent getting to know each other and taking it slow she had been secretly hooking up with someone else. As frivolous as it sounds, I wasn’t the first Italian she was with, our playful joke about how she finally met an Italian guy is now soured. I’m not sure she did anything wrong per se, as its not cheating, but it certainly shocked me. When she said she was seeing someone I initially assumed she meant that they went on a few dates. The fact that it was more of just hooking up at his place made it much worse for me. Especially considering the slow build she insisted upon for our relationship, which I always appreciated under the impression that it was a sign of her good character. We are so far into the relationship and our lives are entirely intertwined. I don’t consider ending the relationship a viable option, but I am having trouble reconciling this new information. My girlfriend is embarrassed but seems to thinks I am in the wrong for dwelling on it. I think she had meant to portray it as an innocent couple of dates, never intending for me to realize they were hooking up.

  4. Please text him with an equally lovely term of endearment that you are done with his abuse and are done with him.

  5. If this happened to me I would be upset as well. Because the relationship was a lie and I would feel manipulated and used.

    If they told me that they were dating around I would be perfectly fine with that cause that would give me the option to date others as well before investing my time in someone.

    My first thought is he was the one she wanted that’s why she put the bar so low, he gave her an std and realized that he is the worse option and she deserves better. So she made sure to paint herself as someone else so you wouldn’t be able to see the bad.

  6. I agree. This reads like the rose colored glasses of youth but no reality. Hawaii is expensive enough as it is but factoring in a newborn and child care? With no support? That's foolish. Stay where you are, build a career, use all the support you can. Babies are HOT even with support. Hawaii should wait a long while. Not saying never but not any time soon.

  7. So I’m assuming it only went as far as him texting her right? Did he say whether he felt he would go through with it if she said yes?

    I think it’s a good sign he immediately told you. On the other hand though, he probably assumed your friend would tell you if he didn’t.

    It comes down to the fact that he broke your trust and it’s up to him to fix it. If you decide to stay, what is he willing to do to regain your trust? Therapy and a change of lifestyle should be a given. An addiction like this can be overcome if he puts the work in (if his porn addiction is what lead him to do this, which I’m not sure about).

    If you decide to stay, I think it’s going to be a long road until you trust him again. But considering there was nothing physical and he was drunk, I think you could get there, assuming he works for it.

    Good luck!

  8. That's exactly that. It's like an addiction: It takes time and efforts to get out of it, and get back to it only makes it harder to stop

  9. Sorry I meant to make that clear that we are still using condoms with the pill. And yes we are that was my thing earlier about how we have other ways as well besides penetration.

  10. So we have had cordial conversation to discuss compromise and I've asked if this is something she can compromise on and her response has been that she doesn't think she can.

    That's why I'm left thinking do we just accept that this will be a issue that arises every so often and just assume that we will make up each time or does this have an expiration date as a result of this cycle one day?

  11. Without being her care provider, I cannot answer that. But yes, having a hysterectomy can accelerate the timeline for menopause and it is worth looking into

    Regardless of what it might be, there is clearly something going wrong for the OP’s wife and she needs his help and support.

  12. She doesn’t have to prove anything to you. She apologized. You can accept it or not, but you don’t get to dictate her life.

  13. I have a 14 year old daughter who is on the autism spectrum and we have been having terrible trouble with her personal hygiene habits. We seem to have finally had a breakthrough… what caused it? Some kids in one of her classes started picking on her for it.

    We warned her that others would eventually start judging her for smelling bad. We told her that she doesn’t want to be “the smelly kid” and it will give her a negative reputation. We’ve told her point blank to shower and she’ll agree- then just never do it.

    It took a real world confrontation to get her to see that her hygiene choices have real world consequences.

    You need to have a direct conversation with your friend. You could try writing a letter- this gives you the chance to rewrite if necessary, to make sure that you cover all of the topics, and choose the right words to cover them all gently but directly. That way when he asks you next time why he can’t get dates, you can say you actually wrote him something about that, and ask if he wants to read it. Allow him a chance for asking questions and such afterwards too.

  14. The mistake you made was not taking her last name when you married and giving that name to the kids.

    It is a PITA to change your name., but it is the same level of hot whether you have one or four people changing their names. When you whine about how much harder it is to get all four names changed, you are telling us that you don’t want to do the work yourself (and while you know your wife would do the work changing her name and the kids’ names, you know you would be expected to expend sone effort for your own name). So you whine about how matching is super-important to you, but think the burden of satisfying your need should be shouldered by your wife. No wonder she doesn’t want your name.

  15. Sit him down and tell him it’s over. Be firm, straightforward, and direct. Don’t let him attempt to convince you otherwise. Do it in a neutral or public space if at all possible. Be very clear that it is not a temporary separation but a true breakup.

  16. Wow I would really reconsider traveling 3 hours every weekend for this dude. Go live your life and be happy, don’t waste it on someone who gives 0 effort just my opinion

  17. You are likely to be causing a lot more damage to her by keeping the truth than by sharing it. You don’t have to change your decision of ending the relationship – that’s entirely within your right. But, for someone who, it sounds has previously been hurt, making her think you’re abandoning her because of kids, or a you mg er woman or whatever else, may really further damage her confidence and her ability to have a healthy relationship on the future. Good luck to you whatever you choose to do.

  18. Alright, the most important thing here… is to work at a pace that is comfortable to you.

    For example, him expressing love for you and if you're not ready to handle it… that needs to be managed and dealt with appropriately.

    You could have a great connection / potential, but how things are executed can be a make or break.

    I implore you to not rush anything. T

    Take your time and ensure you're building a foundation instead of running on honey-moon emotions.

    I met my gf 2 months after she got out of a 10 year. I, on the other hand was on the dating scene for 2 years. When we met, there was so much that fit. But… she wasn't genuinely ready for a relationship (chance you might not be either)… it took a lot of patience and work, and the end result was worth it.

    I cannot stress this enough… the pace needs to be something you're comfortable with and everything needs to be done for the right reasons.

    I can relate if you met a right person during bad timing, but if its going to work, you two will discover ways around it that would make it manageable.

  19. even a bette[sp] race then me

    First, stop with that BS. Unless he's the son of Arathorn, I guess.

    Second, block her now, because she's using you. She has already shown that she will hop to whatever she thinks is the next best thing.

  20. She can wash locally. I hate shower too but I wash down there and my feet everyday before bedtime.

  21. I would tell him to take a job, any job, to help with finances. Make that an ultimatum if need be. Minimum wage jobs suck, but they're still something, and there's no reason you should be the sole provider.

  22. You reduced him to his height. Aren’t you both basically in the wrong here? This is a silly argument.

  23. What he needs to hear is “I do love him but I don’t want to spend my whole life feeling like this”.

    He needs to understand that this isn't sustainable and will end in divorce if it isn't resolved.

  24. That really sucks, I get how invasive that feels but she’s a klepto and will keep stealing until she wants to stop. The only thing in your control is ensuring your valuable items are securely away from her.

    Is there any indication where she sold it, perhaps it can be retrieved or bought back.

  25. You might not know this but…Men like ALL DIFFERENT TYPES of women. You should address your insecurity. Just because I'm Mexican doesn't mean I should feel insecure that my husband finds black women hot. I'm tall, he also thinks shorties are nude. Who tf cares??

  26. Definitely tell your boyfriend. Do not wait any longer. You may not want it to start issues but it already has. If you were all drinking, it’s probably for the best not to bring it up until you’re sober, but the longer you wait. The more it looks like you we’re trying to hide it, and has given “B” the chance to twist the story.

    “Dude your gf was drunk last night and told me she had a crush on me and tried to kiss me. She asked me to keep it a secret but you’re my friend and I’d never do that to you.”

    Suddenly your simple “He was drunk and told me” looks like self defense for your actions and you’re on the defensive.

  27. You should talk to him but at the end of the day if you truly want kids, you should end the relationship. You shouldn’t wait around until he’s ready or hoping he’ll change his mind. Good luck.

  28. at same time heads up there guest at home would be nice from the wife..

    we call it home so we can unwind relex be moody or whatever mood without people judging u..

    if im a guest and I see the owner is unhappy or moody I will excuse myself rather than giving judgments..

    u intrude on people space u don't expect sunshine and rainbows everytime..

  29. It's like that little white lie what he doesn't know. Or she really forgot. But if your in single digits I don't think you forget who you got hot with. If she said I been wih over 50 ok then.I get It it's a blur but 6 a bit suspicious I question her a bit marriage it built on trust not lies at least to me for strong bond. Trust me it helps to know and what happens transparency. You don't need to know there sex positions all that detail. But number and how did it ended relationship they in single digits songood bonding possible unless she lied. Trust

  30. When I was 25, I sat beside my friend's mother while the doctor told us he was never going to wake up again.

    He and another friend, the driver, were on a dry road on a clear night. They weren't wearing their seatbelts. The driver had been drinking, and we don't know what happened, but they hit the ditch and rolled over. The driver, his neck was broken, he died right there, he was 23.

    The passenger, a friend since high school, suffered severe brain damage and he never woke up again. I will never forget the sound his parents made even the doctor told them there was no hope.

    He was an angel. He would bring you fresh coffee in bed exactly the way you liked it. He made everybody in his life feel good every day. He would have been an amazing father. He was in love. And he was just gone, they both were just gone.

    You didn't overreact.

  31. Let me make this clear for you: when he said he was bored he doesn’t mean that he was like.. tired of scrolling Reddit.

    He was bored of you and is window shopping for your replacement.

    He’s 31. He knew exactly what he was doing.

    Don’t tolerate this behaviour. You can do better.

  32. He shouldn’t be putting a hand on you, PERIOD. It doesn’t matter what his intentions were, how hot it was, whether or not it was on purpose, etc. He never should have even raised a hand at you in the first place. Why tf do you think this sort of behaviour is okay? Because it’s fucking not. Not ever.

  33. He emotionally cheated. He was going to physically cheat, but for reasons stopped and didn't. She was ok with it, so whatever the reason for the “no” came from him

    Fwiw, he seems to have been relatively honest with you about it and I would believe his wanting to make amends is sincere.

    I think what you do comes down to ” what do you want?” Do you want to try and stay married? Have you just had enough? Both are reasonable responses. If you want to try this random internet stranger thinks you can give it a fair go, you can always kick him out later. If you don't want to try, cut him out fast.

  34. I'm not projecting baggage. I'm forewarning so they don't run into problems.

    If I teach my son to drive carefully and avoid accidents am I “projecting” simply because I've been in an accident?

  35. I don't know why you're getting down voted. I slept with most of my guy friends. So did a lot of my girl friends. Hell, I even slept with a few of my girl friends too. Normal behavior where I come from.

  36. What the OP added in the comments was the daughter paid for the light fixture (and for it to be fixed) in her room and the en-suite because she wanted her own bathroom.

  37. He SAYS he’s never cheated. Come on, if he can openly cheat on you when he’s supposed to be visiting and not care about getting caught then he’s probably fucking everything that moves when he’s out of your sight.

    But the question is, if you don’t care, why are you with him? Why not just move on and have some fun? You’re a teenager. Why would you need to tie yourself to someone that you don’t care if he cheats?

  38. Why are you scared to lose someone who you don't even seem to have?

    *He doesn't make you a priority *He hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend *He told you to stop being SAD after you lost your father, jfc.

  39. Yeah, maybe, who knows? It’s not like she’s capable of telling or typing this, right? Oh, wait…

  40. I initially did but he said he didn’t like concerts and I was kind of glad because I wanted to have a girls night anyways. Plus- there are times we went out and he would kill my whole mood

  41. He didn’t say it because that’s not the real reason he doesn’t like tattoos.

    He doesn’t like women with tattoos because he’s not attracted to them. How much clearer can he make it?

  42. This made me so sad. Shit happens. Instead of having a conversation about hey, it's great fido just came back, we are such good animal owners, your husband was a complete asshole and treated you like shit. You were fine. Listen, I am 46 with two grown kids. What happened had no correlation with raising kids. At all. And I have to believe that your husband isn't stupid enough to believe so either, which just means he is malicious and gas lighting you. It's ok, sometimes leashes don't clasp right sometimes. You are ok, it doesn't mean you are a bad person.

  43. Is your dude a fan of Kanye?

    You might want to teach him about what common law marriage is, which is recognized in a lot of the United States and many other countries. Basically, common law marriages says that if a couple is living like they are married, then the courts will treat them like they are married. These laws have been on the books forever, because in the past it was quite common for couples to not bother with the paperwork. If it looks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, it is a duck!

    You might tell him about what happened to Nickelback. He broke up with his girlfriend who he was living with for a few years, and the courts considered it a common law marriage, and treated it like a divorce. He was forced to pay $25,000 per month to her for life!

    His view that the government shouldn't mess with his personal life is naïve. The government absolutely will choose to mess with your personal life, given the opportunity. Refusing to sign paperwork doesn't make you immune. The only way he can protect himself is by being legally proactive — a legal marriage with a pre-nup agreement is going to offer him far more protection than risking the courts one day deciding your “pretend marriage” counts legally as a common law marriage.

    Just my two cents.

  44. Eww what a horrible person he is. He's skipped all s*x education classes and it shows. He wants the feel of penetration of an unwet and unready vagina. Give him an artificial one and say todaloo to him. There's nothing wrong with you. He's an absolute monster for saying this.

  45. I was not rude to the waitress, just my regular shy self. I joked around with them at one point

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