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Exactly!! ?
Accurate! Deleted messages too should be retrieved
Or already did it, trickle truth.
I agree except that it doesn't sound like they have actually set any boundaries. He just mentioned in this particular photo that it was too much for him. He needs to sit her down and SET the boundaries, if she doesn't want to compromise then he needs to find a woman who more suits his morals.
You’re father sounds immature. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Being a women with menstrual cycles is crappy enough as it is. I would try talking to your dad about it in a neutral setting like at a restaurant or something of that nature where he can’t leave or yell. Tell him how it makes you feel when he acts that way and educate him. Find YouTube videos, articles, other men talking about supporting their daughters/women. This behavior could be very damaging to your mental health and the relationship you have with your father and step mother in the long run.
Hang in there!
Guys complete do not understand how pushy and mean some guys can be when rejected.
Alright I’m never telling any women how much I make or what I do
My husband and I have been married 20+ years and absolutely no cheating has happened . So yes my dear guy can be faithful!
Love is not enough, OP. Get your dogs, sort your head out, leave. You deserve happiness.
She almost certainly cheated on you with this guy before he had the audacity to call you. And she's almost certainly doing it now behind your back, since she couldn't get permission to do it in front of you. Best to break this relationship up, OP. It sucks because you wasted years on this garbage person, but better at this point to end it before marriage was considered.
If I woke up tomorrow and found out I had an STD my wife didnt have, and I knew I didn’t cheat, I would be SCRAMBLING to chase down every lead and possibility, not just throwing excuses at the wall to see what sticks and leaving it at that.
If she isn’t that curious about how she got it, she knows exactly how she got it.
Run.
Sexuality is a spectrum, Dude, not a line that you pick a side to stand on.
You need to find the courage to tell your long distance (former) partner the truth now, and admit that you are no longer in love with her and are moving on. Apologize for not telling her before this, and admit that your aversion to confrontation, mixed with the need to stay focused on your exams led to this situation. Then offer to drive her to the airport or to a hotel.
There's no avoiding the explosion and confrontation that's about to happen.
As to your current partner, it would be best to be completely honest about your ex and what happened. Hopefully, you will be forgiven.
Best of luck to you.
Lol porn is ridiculous, those bitches act like they are orgasming the whole time. Not to mention they are loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. ?
STAAAHHHHPPPPP posting this, man.
Your parents in-law are just as much of a problem, if not more (because they’re sane), than BIL is. They put your life at risk every time they called you over. You are all so lucky to be alive. But they have enabled him for a lifetime. You can never be safe with people like that. They’re continuing to have a dangerous person in their home. If your wife is open to revisiting that relationship, she’s a dangerous person too.
I’m sorry, you’re in a terrible situation and you’re the only one who can see it because the family has been stuck in this madness so long they don’t know what a healthy family should look like.
Thanks, doll. ❤️
Yo the fact she sent this after meeting you one time is disconcerting.
Something similar happened to me in college, but she waited till after I signed the lease. It was a weird year.
Maybe she wants to establish her boundaries with him through your presence.
Who knows? You have to ask her.
Your creepy, pushy, not taking no for an answer attitude makes me wonder if you guys were even in a relationship or if you’re an obsessive man forcing yourself on her and she was being too nice to you. We all know you’re going to force the book on her so let’s just hope she gets a restraining order. You’re not a good dude, you’re not a hopeless romantic. She had to give you an overused excuse to get you to leave her alone and her trying to do it nicely let you continue your fantasies. This isn’t some anime or hallmark, stop being a creep. Leave her tf alone. If you think she should want it because of the memories, YOU keep it. You stated YOU had fantasies while SHE wants you gone. Soak it all in before the cops are involved.
Put on a complete show. Bring yourself to an explosive orgasm and then lick your fingers. Then look at him and ask if he can discern the difference between pleasure and ordinary life. If he bitches about anything, make him sleep uncovered on the sofa.
If you play your cards right you might end up with two girlfriends.
Ignore her then
Give him a chance to fix this, then. Hopefully, he takes you seriously and cuts it out. He might not have realized it was inappropriate or affecting you, even though it seems pretty obvious to you and me.
Ok, but he's sober now and he isn't even upset about it while you're horrified and upset days later (reasonably so). Drunk him apparently isn't doing things that sober him minds all that much.
Or look at it another way:
If I kicked kittens when I was drunk I would simply never get drunk again.
Sorry….maybe I missed it……..
…and your reason for essentially making the same mistake
three times in a row…
is what again?
Thank you 🙂
Buy the book fair play and go through it with your partner. Then do a chore audit. Then you need to take on your share and that means not “doing it later” or weaponized incompetence or doing a half assed job because the couch is calling. It means not needing your partner to say “did you do this?”
So make a list, let her know and do it every single day. Check in and ask if there’s anything else that needs to be done.
This is the biggest reason that relationships break down, take it seriously, buy that book today and go through it with her.
Yes, you need to move on and find someone who is interested.
Alternatively, you could also find a private space and try to see things from her point of view. You might find that being on the receiving end of someone that’s being way too pushy with a large object near your butthole isn’t actually that fun. Then maybe you can ask yourself why you’re still trying to please yourself, despite her discomfort.
I'm so happy that y'all were able to have a good conversation and make this work! I wish you both a wonderful life together! ❤️
She has extreme standards.
There is baseline standards that should exist in any relationship and there is unrealistic standards that are based off media. I don't know what her standards are but if she doesn't differentiate the two, then nobody can help her.
You don't want kids now or you don't want kids ever? If it's the first you need to discuss and decide when and what needs to happen to be ready. If it's the second you need to do the right thing and end the relationship. If you don't, it's going to end in a lot of resentment from one of you. Some guys feel like it's a biological thing for ladies to eventually want kids. If this is not you, it's not fair to string him along. Please let him go and find someone who wants to have kids. Same for you let him go and find someone who wants to be child-free. Like most have stated already, you can't have half a kid, you either do or don't. Good luck!
I read the previous post you made, and the so called friend, was either manipulating you to get free stuff, or likes your more than a friend. either way, she was a threat to your relationship. I think by ditching that friend, you'll be much better off. she didn't respect your relationship, or your gf.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it's never a fun experience.
I think its important to keep perspective. It sounds like this was your first serious relationship and it was fairly long. You don't get over 8 months in 2 weeks. Be kind to yourself. I know you want to be over it, but you need to be real with yourself about how you're feeling and what you need. Putting pressure on yourself to get over it is just going to stuff the feelings down and prolong the healing process. There is no expected time frame here.
Do things that you enjoy. Spend time with friends. So activities your gf wasn't interested in. Date yourself for a little while. One day soon you'll wake up and realize you feel a whole lot better.
I agree with this my wife and I started using lube as well with the existing foreplay and made sex even better.
That is a good point. I'll have to think how I can apply it. Thank you
it would be an ick for me if my partner were to seek out porn of girls intentionally trying to look like children! there is nothing wrong with being grossed out by that. u should break up if it bothers u
i don't want to be the bigger person, i just want them to disappear from my life after i hit them back.
uh, that sucks— i am so sorry you had to go through something like this. i hope you're really okay now. i can't believe how bold people are sometimes.
the truth is that our group of friends did not know most things in fact, only those involved, my family, betty and my therapist had the details. the rest simply knew my ex had become a little violent, but nothing more. it is now that, after all, they are discovering the truth, but not even for me. i don't understand, if it was the case, what sympathy she was looking for with that, or if she really is thinking at all.
i don't know why she did what she did, besides the supposed feelings she has for him. she had a boyfriend who always loved and respected her, a solid group of friends, and i am not even going mention myself. i don't know if i'll ever know, or if i even want to. whatever the reason, i hope it was good enough to lose it all.
He is gaslighting the crap out of you. Are you still with this guy?!
Does she want a long time to think things through, or for time for the relationship to have space and to start over or she needs to vent idk she reads them all
She'll probably not be faithful in the future
What do you base this on?
Yes. You desperately end up dumping it all at one person.
Why the fuck would she do that? Wife has insecurities, that's a her problem. Husband should told her to either get over it or get therapy, it's not healthy.
Give them for Valentine’s – good idea or a birthday.
You are in a toxic relationship now, and you were in a toxic relationship before this one. You really need counseling to help you work through relationship issues before you start dating again, or you'll keep picking the same type of partners over and over.
A changed man? Hes a pedophile, and u arent a child anymore so ofc he treats u differently. Hes still a terrible person. Take that as u will, but calling him changed is naive
As a fellow victim of this type of abuse, I can understand not wanting to do the work of fully cutting this person off. I myself have drawn a like at my kids, but feel that it’s overall more work and pain to formally cut off my enablers. I loved my grandmother more than anyone in the world and now my feelings are so so so complicated.
Your wife needs to understand your perspective. That AS the victim, you can decide for yourself when you wanna rip that bandaid, even if that’s never.
However, as the mother of your kids, she is disgusted and rightfully so. She sees that man as someone who would do that to her kids. She sees your ongoing relationship as a forgiveness and that it was somehow ok.
Tbh, I side with your wife just because of your kids. The guy you were having laughs with, in the past when he could get away with it and when he had a need, was fully willing to commit heinous acts against children and they could have been yours. You discount the transgressions because they were against yourself. And you have that right. Your wife does not forgive what happened to little you and sees it as an ACTIVE evil. You can’t close up that type of evil. You can’t let time wash it away.
I sympathize with you but aide with your wife. That fine, sure, you need to be ok with it and let it go. But you can do that while choosing your family.
my children are adults now ….
Thanks for your reply! You know I told him that I’m greatly disappointed by his lack of effort but he calls me childish and I shouldn’t make such a big deal about it
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I couldn’t read all that but get out of that marriage ASAP unless you don’t mind wasting your life on him . Find a better man ; there are lots of them out there. You deserve a man who loves & cherishes YOU
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That is so wild to me. When I watch porn I’m not imagining fucking the guy at all. I’m just focusing on pleasing myself. This is why it makes me feel uncomfortable because when it’s one on one like that (solo porn) [based on all the f comments by men] he probably deff is imagining that he’s like in the room with her or something. That is just so wild to me. It feels like cheating but I know it’s not.
Do you live alone and pay your own bills?
What he did was unforgivable but looks like u r already forgiving him n giving him a chance. So do that wholeheartedly.
There a small story i heard several yrs ago but it still has the same effect on me most of the times.
Theres an old man n an old woman fighting, suddenly the woman dashes out of the door and goes away. Everyone is quiet and as it was n the argument stops. After about 2 mins the woman comes back n asks the man if he wants tea and she was making some for herself
The man finds it amusing n asks why r u speaking this wag, where did u go? Why r u not angry anymore?
The woman replies i went out, cleared my head, tooj a break and came back. N if i cant stay angry with you the whole life, why stay angry at all. We can talk n work things out cos i know deep inside even you want to work things out.
This story is a simple reminder that couples who want to stay together but have fights may not always want to stay mad at each other. If u have already started the healing process, u might as well mentally prepare yourself that you are healed.
Fake it till u make it.
N ensure that this doesnt become a habit n he doesnt repeat such things ever again.
Thank you, that helps a bit
So while I agree that you should let him go – and also go out and explore the world yourself – I do think you should also be mindful that you are both young and you may (likely not) come back together in the future. This is the time for a good conversation: You valued your relationship and don’t want an open one. yes, he can go and you wish him well.
Honestly, it sounds like she might be depressed. I would recommend that she see both a doctor and a therapist. It's not normal to be always angry or on edge and be unable to enjoy pleasurable activities. You said she's been like this for years and it's gotten worse. I just really think maybe there's a chemical or hormonal imbalance going on. Hopefully she's just as tired of living like this as you are and is willing to try to figure out how to change it.
How can I tell if it’s on loosely or snug? It’s a snug condom
This really does not sound like a healthy relationship on both sides. You were pregnant your husband downloaded Grindr found man to have sex with. Got an STI and gave to you. How did you find out he cheated from the STI?
Then after miscarriage you get pregnant practically straight away.
What is your husband doing to make his lying cheating and putting your health at risk right. It sounds like he wants to stay with you, have sex regularly and go out like before he cheated. This does not sound like somebody trying to rebuild the trust.
You are focused on him cheating on you with a man, the slurs are bad you need to stop them. For this you need therapy.
If he gonna leave he will leave just as easily with a woman as with a man. Who is cheated with is not important is the fact that he lied and deliberately went out to cheat.
I think you need to ask him to leave the home until you can both work on yourselves. This is really an unhealthy relationship both sides.
So, he actively does things to prove he doesn’t want the best for you, but says he does. And you believe him? Every heard the saying “actions speak louder than words”?
He’s showing you who he is, why don’t you believe him?
Assuming there was sex initially which then stopped, I have to wonder if you're not a very skillful lover?
It’s your preference. I apologize for calling it odd.
My grandparents were 17 and 24 when they got married. I never saw it as a problem because they really looked after each other.
I think you need to understand the power imbalance in your relationship and why that’s problematic. As an 18 year old dating a 24 year old, you have very little agency in the relationship. This is doubly so considering you’ve known him since you were 15. He’s emotionally manipulated you, and I think the best thing you can do is go to therapy so that you can unlearn the psychological issues you have which he’s taking advantage of.
I see what you mean. This does feel like a deal b breaker to me, that's one reason I spent 3 months processing it the last time.
But I guess I just don't want to be rash. I meant it when I said it, and at this point I'm pretty hurt that he didn't take out as seriously as I meant it.
So really it's a pretty confusing time for me and I just want to jump in any direction.
The poster you’re replying to here is helping you, OP. They’re reading this situation accurately. They simply aren’t telling you what you want to hear.
There is a big age gap and maturity gap between 18 and 26 or 27. I know it doesn’t feel like that to you now, and it doesn’t mean you’re a child or inferior. You and he are in different places in your lives. You will realise this when you are his age. You will realise that 17 or 18 year olds are way younger than 27-year-olds in terms of social development. You will realise just how different your interests and priorities are. And you will see that he is right, because he is choosing not to take advantage of you when he knows he is too old for you.
He has told you directly that he sees you as a kid. This means he is telling you clearly that is not interested in you romantically. If you continue to push him and pester him, then you will be acting like a child.
You need to accept that he has said no, as clearly and kindly as he can.
Are you sure she’s not just googling things because she knows you’re going to check the history?
Seems kind of sweet to me. It's nice to be affectionate with your friends. Maybe just be gentle with your fiancé. He'll get used to it eventually.
Vile manipulation.
You aren't keeping her far enough away from your life. Block her.
Consider avoiding women in her situation in the future.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself is this something I need to correct? If you are curious and want to research something that’s fine but keep it to yourself. If you would have continued in the conversation and just said oh I’m not really sure about that it’s never been a situation I was involved in and in your head wondered if it was correct and then researched it and learned she was right all along than it would have never been an issue. I think Mary is annoyed because she feels you keep trying to “prove her wrong” or debate about everything. Not everything is a debate sometimes you just keep the thoughts to yourself.
i’d say start with actually sticking to a plan yourself. it would be hypocritical to ask him to commit when you yourself haven’t even started. find a plan that works, lose 5 pounds and be like “hey this plan works cuz i tried it. let’s do it”
He didn’t have a choice to be this kids dad bud.
You did it before you met him. There’s nothing for him to “forgive” because you didn’t do anything to him. Yo should find someone else who has a little more empathy.
I did have a long conversation with him this morning, he tends to say stuff that upsets me and when I tell him I don't appreciate it he says I'm being overly sensitive, I told him that it feels like he always choose being right over my feelings, sure it's a small situation I could let slide, but it's always like this! I feel hurt by something and he wouldn't be nice about it. He is a great person overall, but It feels like he always invalidates my feelings saying it's not a big deal instead of don't be upset hun I didn't mean it. I told him I don't want to prove anyone wrong, I just want this aspect of our relationship to be better, that my first priority is his feelings always and I feel he doesn't do the same. Idk anymore.
Is she like full vegan or just vegetarian, A vegan diet can be dangerous and more dangerous for children If it's not well planned out.
There are many options, One option is you can keep the household Vegetarian but the kids when they're older can try eating meat if they want to Outside the house and you can eat meat outside the house. Still somewhat strict…
My sister-in-law who is practically vegetarians who still eats fish cooked Thanksgiving dinner including the turkey and it came out perfect, I mean there are multiple types of vegetarians for multiple reasons where do you think your fiance is on the spectrum of Health versus morality versus environmentalism, etc.
This sounds like fiction TBH. You claim to be 34 but sound 17. If this is real….. You are 34. You should know better than to stay with a man who treats you this way, especially after only 7 months. He was on Tinder and exchanged numbers with someone else. That's it. Over.
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So, pretty much since I hit puberty, I have either jerked off or had sex every night before going to sleep. Seriously, just about every night. The only real exceptions are if I got drunk and passed out. For me, it’s hard to sleep unless I get off somehow. I just end up tossing and turning, feeling horny, and eventually giving in and jerking off at like 2am. At this point, I don’t even fight it. I just accept that I’m not going to sleep unless I get off, so I work that into my nighttime routine.
When my wife and I were first living together, I initiated sex every night, and most nights she was willing. I’d say six times a week. Whenever she didn’t want to, I never got upset. I just said fine and played with my phone until she fell asleep. Then, I went into the other room, watched some porn and jerked off, then went back to bed and fell asleep.
Five years later, I still try to initiate sex every night but we are down to two to three times a week. And actually, I shouldn’t even say I try every night because most nights she preemptively says, “I don’t want to tonight” as we are going to bed.
Anyway, I’m not upset by this. I just go downstairs and jerk off after she’s asleep. As much as I love having sex with my wife, I also enjoy jerking off. It’s less effort, I can just focus on me. My perfect ratio would be five nights sex, two nights solo.
I assumed she knew I was jerking off on our no sex nights because I’ve told her many times that I have to get off before I can sleep. Apparently not, because last night she woke up when I wasn’t there and came looking for me. She saw me jerking to porn and was kind of upset. I wasn’t even bothered by this and just casually explained I was jerking off before going to bed.
She doesn’t want me to do this. She said it feels dirty, like I’m sneaking out to see my lover. She said we have a lot of sex and I should be able to deal without it a couple nights a week. She will agree to minimum four nights a week if I stop watching porn.
I told her no because I need to sleep seven nights a week, not four. And I didn’t want to force her to do things she didn’t want to. And having some sex quota seems more unhealthy than just watching porn when she’s not in the mood. She started throwing out accusations of porn addiction, sex addiction. She wants me to go to a support group, I said no. She if there’s anything she can do to stop me watching porn. I said nothing other than having sex every night. She says I’m trying to blackmail her into having sex.
So, that’s where we are. I think I need to do whatever it takes to sleep at night. I have a difficult manual labor job and I just need to be well rested. She thinks it’s more of an addiction issue and I should be able to sleep without sex every night. And is saying she will have sex much more often as long as I don’t jerk off the other nights. I think there was no problem and she’s just making an issue out of nothing. How can we best resolve this? Please don’t say couples therapy, we are already buying groceries at a church food pantry in order to pay our monthly bills.
I’m curious why you think it wouldn’t work out?
Give him the $1000. He gave you a great price on the land and you agreed to cover all closing costs. This is after he let you live on the land for free for years. He also employs you. Don’t let greed on your part tank this relationship.
Invested in the relationship or invested in her own sexual experience? She was interested in having sex with someone else (in a threesome), respectfully, that's enough for me to doubt her love. Both of yours tbf
Promise rings are for kids lmao. If you guys plan on getting married you’ll end up getting an engagement ring. Don’t sweat it
You need to leave.
That you think what he's done is right because it's “for the right reasons” is enough of a bad answer as you could provide – what he did isn't justified, it isn't right, it's falsely imprisoning you against your will.
It doesn't matter that he made you soup, looked after you and helped you go to the bathroom – that it was his own brother visiting you rather than anyone else makes me wonder if he was aware of you being handcuffed? If you were and he didn't care, this is just beyond alarming.
Without even going into the legalities of it – nevermind you saying it's “technically” not legal, well no, it's not. Anyone you tell this story to that thinks it's OK needs a slap, because it's wrong.
This is shocking and I can only imagine what your family would think if you told them – much less the Police. If you told either and he got arrested as a result it should only be a further clear sign this isn't “sweet, nice and protective” behaviour.
It's understandable to be a little disappointed, but as someone's who's appetite swings wildly by the minute, I don't think it was to hurt your feelings! I'll often keep food to eat later if I'm not hungry any more, there's no need to bin and waste it.
If you think she just didn't like it, have you asked what she likes to eat?
He said that he did all these things early in the relationship lol
Relationship scammers are a thing. They hook people into thinking there could be a relationship or there is a relationship but they constantly need money for bills, food, gas, etc.
Are there some people seriously struggling financially who truly just need $50 from a loved one? Yes. But typically this is a scam and they aren’t into you, they are into your stupidity.
you clearly can’t handle your shit ! he’s seeing it how ti should be seen. don’t blame alcohol probably should of left with boyfie
girl lol .
At 21, you are learning a life lesson. I’m not going to shit on you like other posters. But I am going to say that no one on this Earth is obligated to talk to you.
You get married, he refuses to communicate, you have the option of sticking around or divorcing him. Otherwise there is no ethical way to violate bodily autonomy and make someone talk to you.
Grieve your lost relationship. Even if he chooses to talk to you in six months, what you had is gone. You may have something new, but the old is gone. You can be heart broken and grieve. That will help you accept your actions, and what they cost you.
Be honest when people ask about the breakup. “I screwed up and he rightfully left me.” Don’t elaborate, you don’t want to spread his business around and he might not want others to know that he was betrayed that way.
As others have said, learn your limits. Alcohol is a newish idea for you. Count your drinks and pace them. This time you learned your limit.
I doubt that you would normally seek out male attention while drunk. And this may get me burned. You do however become open to suggestion with alcohol. And I think that may be a greater danger to you and should be where you focus your attention.
Set firm boundaries and always have a responsible party who counts heads and makes sure all of the ducklings get home at the same time.
At 21, you are learning a life lesson. I’m not going to shit on you like other posters. But I am going to say that no one on this Earth is obligated to talk to you.
You get married, he refuses to communicate, you have the option of sticking around or divorcing him. Otherwise there is no ethical way to violate bodily autonomy and make someone talk to you.
Grieve your lost relationship. Even if he chooses to talk to you in six months, what you had is gone. You may have something new, but the old is gone. You can be heart broken and grieve. That will help you accept your actions, and what they cost you.
Be honest when people ask about the breakup. “I screwed up and he rightfully left me.” Don’t elaborate, you don’t want to spread his business around and he might not want others to know that he was betrayed that way.
As others have said, learn your limits. Alcohol is a newish idea for you. Count your drinks and pace them. This time you learned your limit.
I doubt that you would normally seek out male attention while drunk. And this may get me burned. You do however become open to suggestion with alcohol. And I think that may be a greater danger to you and should be where you focus your attention.
Set firm boundaries and always have a responsible party who counts heads and makes sure all of the ducklings get home at the same time.
they come on here for validation .. it’s pathetic really. OWN IT
you need to leave him. But you've put up with too much to do anything else here, while he walks all over you.
Yes, he has repeatedly disrespected her. OP should be the one to make the decision to put herself first since her husband won't do that.
As long as this doesn't interere with your time together and isn't inappropriate it should be fine. She has just made a friend. Now if it does interfere or becomes flirty or too intimate then you can and should protest to her.
He is very cautious about strangers, family’s, and my daughter. He has proven countless times and obviously with his family that he is not like that. It was my fault actually when we got together because I said I was 18 and told him the truth before we started dating. He had already decided that I was nice enough of a girl that it was alright since I was 6 months from turning 18
The level of commitment is the difference, “seeing someone” it’s not a serious commitment, plus this guy said “for respect to them” just like the example someone gave… “I don’t want dessert because I m on a diet… I love dessert, i which I could eat it, but I can’t”…. So yeah basically he left the door open, which is ok if you are just seeing someone, but not when you are living with a partner for more than a year, like that’s a huge commitment already…
Honestly, can you imagine any universe where you will trust him again? Or even want to be in the same room?
It's good you haven't had kids yet. That would make things infinitely worse. As it is, you can take the dogs and run.
I really hope OP reads this and really takes this into account. Trauma causes serious issues, and this is including in relationships and sex. It sounds like OP's bf had little to no control over what happened and that he needs help. I would suggest therapy for OP's bf, and maybe some sessions as a couple to help process what happened. OP isn't wrong for having negative feelings about what happened, but this needs to be navigated as a couple.
I mean sure maybe going too hard on him is bad but I also don't see how the kid is gonna learn if OP's wife intentionally plays bad to let him win.
UpdateMe!
You have issues.
Phewwww. It had nothing to do with that ? I’m well aware of the general gender bias in this sub, but I can assure you my response had nothing to do with him being a man.
This section: I was talking to my son that during his quiet time Daddy was going to take a (hard-earned) nap. I then looked to my wife and said “that means no tv or lights on in the room, please”. reads as incredibly condescending without context which is essentially what my first comment said. I’d say the same if their genders were reversed. I hate pretty much everyone on a general basis, so rest assured, sexism is not at play here. ?
Scrubs, That 70s Show, basically anything featuring sororities.
Not really sure why Alex still has teeth, but avoiding him should not a problem.
If he approaches you, just say, “Hi I'm _____ 's new girlfriend. I heard you fucked his wife and that you're a giant peice of shit, kindly fuck off now”.
Simple.
Some couples communicate differently. Some couples babble about their entire days to each other and some don’t talk about work at all.
I for one don’t talk to my wife about work hardly at all or anything that goes on. There’s usually not much to say and she wouldn’t understand it anyway.
I mean do people have to let a spouse know every time they have a conversation with the opposite sex?? If I buy coffee for a coworker is that a problem?? Giving somebody a ride home is considered normal friendly behavior in my book, but that’s just me.
I’d question why a person doesn’t have a vehicle for a job they applied for and what’s the long term plan to get to work.
I have all my coworkers phone numbers btw and we text regularly on the job and off. That’s not uncommon.
Speaking from experience it's a much easier life being a true single mum rather than living with an abusive partner on top of having the same responsibilities as a single parent.
Again, this is an ultimatum.
I am trying to avoid that. I understand it is an option, but it is the literal nuclear option.
I want to go through all my other options before pushing the big red button.
You’re work buddies
Oh it's possible, but the story as you know it isn't if you got an STD.
A zpack is common for sinus infections. Reaching.
There is nothing good or trustworthy or appealing about this guy! He’s a selfish jerk who wants everything his way and you will never be important enough for that to change.
OP You need to block her everywhere and move on, she knew what she was doing and knew the pain she would cause because of her actions.
Just ghost her and remove this drama from your life.
Well, I haven't written that because I didn't fell the need to. I can if u want me to. I love because she is amazing as a person, she compliments me, she is affectionate, she cares for me, she likes to go out with me, she is the first serious relationship where it wasn't so toxic, and I love that, she just makes me feel amazing, but some things do bother me.
Unfortunately the warning signs have been there for years. History of unemployment, unwillingness to look for a better job, not contributing financially to the savings, or the mortgage (until you forced him), and so on. And unfortunately you thought you could change him. You can’t change people. They have to want to change themselves and do it themselves for it to happen. But you’re right in that babies should be wanted and planned for, not used to force anyone’s hand.
It sounds like he stuck around because he knew you would do all of the heavy work for him. And that’s not a marriage. Divorce him. You two have completely separate goals, and you deserve a man who wants the same things you want and will work with you for it. And who won’t disregard you when you literally sobbing.
You’re not stupid. You made a mistake. All humans make mistakes. But you can fix this one so you have a much better life instead of carrying dead weight. You owe it to yourself.
Absolutely not. HE made some bad decisions, and the consequences are his alone. No decent man would expect his GF to pay HIS debts.
Your husband sounds like a selfish snob. This trip isn’t about him and he should be supportive without holding it against you.
Right, better to come from a broken home than to suffer living in one.
I suggest you ignore her until she returns then ask her what it is she wants/expects because you don't like the way you two are communicating.
Sorry but I don't see this as good advice. If she texts or calls and I don't answer without telling her or suggesting that I want to go no contact… There's no way that doesn't come across as petty or vindictive.
Yet you found a way to tell us all that you last a long time. Lol.
If you can’t talk about everything do you really have a healthy relationship? Sit him down in a normal conversational setting i.e not the bedroom and explain to him what you want.
Do it soon, don’t let it fester and become a bigger deal than it needs to be. Explain that while you are a good lover you would derive even more pleasure from oral sex. Play on his ego and competitive nature (if he has one) as well as his love for you and you’ll probably get all the oral you want. Good luck, remember fortune favors the bold. Go for it.
Honey if you can’t even talk to your partner about your feeling, what on earth are you doing procreating with him?? He’s being controlling and manipulative and does not sound like someone who should or could be a father, seeing as he is incapable of allowing you to make your own damn decisions about your own damn body.
girl you’re almost 40. Do better for yourself and speak up. Play an active role in your own life instead of this reactionary nonsense. It’s your body, your womb, your health…where the FUCK does he get off trying to tell you what you need to be doing?? Take some of my anger and direct it right as his sorry ass.
You’re not his brooding mare you’re his goddamn wife. How DARE he act like this to the person he’s supposed to love. You tell that man to clean his shit up or the only thing he’ll be getting is a divorce. Don’t you dare let him manipulate you into making decisions about your body. You’re stronger than that.
So you can do two things. 1. Leave him you guys differ on fundamental values. 2. Pose it like this ask him what he would do if you got rapped and got pregnant. That will really show his true colors because as another person pointed out a lot of people are pro choice if it happens to them. Or you can just tell him you think that's really messed up to think like that because rape is a horrible crime and then figure out how to proceed.
I did reception for a happy ending back in the day. These hard construction workers used to come in. We used to call it GFE. I always wanted every detail cause it was so surprising. I guess they mostly like to make out and talk about each other’s problems. Then they would give money for bills and car problems and go back to work. It seemed normal to the young ladies offering the service and they seemed to prefer those clients over old guys. But sometimes the old guys were fucked up. Just remember you’re paying for a fantasy and when you’re ready for more, move on. All these girls had boyfriends. Including myself. Hope a little insight helps.
It sounds like you guys either need counseling to work through your issues, or call it quits because there’s clearly a lot going on that you haven’t been able to overcome in your time together.
From what you’ve said, you both have trust issues with each other. You could also be coming across as kind of controlling. It’s not good that your GF is lying about things, but you seem to come across as a bit controlling perhaps.
Talking things through, look into therapy if you think the relationship is worth saving.
Sometimes I see these Reddit stories of Deflection of responsibility wondering if they are thinking we will coddle them and they can show their partners.
I think they just have a friend group that enables them and they live outside reality
Yeah I get what you’re saying now. I don’t think she’s necessarily said I’m not spending enough money on her, but more so that the expectation is that I pay for most of the meals.
A lot of people just aren't going to get married any more. The risks these days just outweighs the benefits.
If you do get married and then split up, the reality of it is that the lawyers are the only ones that come out on top.
So her “best friend” made this account and she what forgave or brushed it off? How does she accept this behavior?
I mean their continued relationship says a lot about how she feels about you but you could if you want to try tell her.
“Best friend” has done abc for x time, I'm no longer comfortable with her in our lives and what she is trying to do to us, for us a couple to continue i need xyz from you.
Before discussing this is her, speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row regarding your child
How do you deal with brutality about physical looks in a relationship?
You don’t. When someone speaks cruelly to you about your physical appearance, you end the relationship
Yes… the first time should have been the wake up call…
If your GF has been doing coke and breastfeeding, she's been poisoning your baby girl. She needs professional help. She hid her addiction, blamed her coworkers, and has been lying to you for months. This isn't something you just sweep under the rug and ignore. If your daughter tests positive for exposure to it, you risk losing your little girl to authorities. This is serious and way above reddit armchair wanna-be therapist's paygrades.
but that’s your experience, not everyone has had that experience lol. like i mentioned earlier, i know couples in open marriages with successful relationships and healthy, well-adjusted children. sorry you went thru that but thats not everyone in an open marriage’s fault lol
Lot of “pull the plug” comments here, and “if she wanted it, she'd still want it”.
I'm not saying those people are wrong. But there's not that much info in both your posts to get all this.
She's away at work 5/7tgs of the week and that's thrown her, she's changed something about herself and that's thrown her.
I don't see the harm in waiting 2-3 weeks and then talking to her. See what's up. Who knows, it might be you don't want to continue with her? But getting a bit of a break and a bit of perspective can't hurt.
I think you know that you shouldn't be with this guy. He threw things in anger with is not appropriate for healthy adults. I agree that marriage is for sickness and health but I can sympathize with people who aren't able to be 24/7 caretakers of their families. I can help with temporary illnesses but if someone is sick for the rest of their long life, I know I don't have the mental strength to take care of them. I would have to hire a caretaker to take care of them in that situation. I would definitely tell any partner who wanted to marry me about this or any partner who wanted to date me long term cuz it can be a deal breaker. I don't think there's anything wrong if you don't have that gift. Caretakers are special and have a lot of mental strength.
I'm petty. I'd follow a bunch a hard guys. (Number one was written before I read the cheating part).
He cheated on you? Never stay with a cheater and get tested!! That's a must.
Disgusting and ridiculous comment.
It’s not just guys who can have a higher libido. I’m a woman in my late 30s and one of the reasons I broke up with my last partner was because he could go weeks without sex. I could go every day, honestly. I wouldn’t expect that out of my partner if they weren’t the same, but I do need some level of intimacy/that I am loved by my partner. I will not just be someone’s roommate.
Sounds like you and your boyfriend just weren’t a match. Sexual intimacy is, in my opinion, a legitimate reason to break up with someone. I think your ex did the right thing. He was up front, he didn’t cheat, he just realized this wasn’t the relationship for him.
Funny how you are also 32m with a cheating wife and/or have a husband & 12 yo daughter. So which one is it?
Everyone has a past. I can’t judge her off something she did when she was young. She said she ended things with him once she realised how wrong the whole situation was . I’ve been with her a year and honestly I would describe her as vanilla in terms of sex. I honestly would have never expected this out of her
Well I meant like we were together for 2 years (we online in the same city) but the most we hung out and the best memories I have were one that happened during summer. All the music festivals, party, my birthday etc. If that makes sense?
I’m an American working in healthcare. Sadly many many women, especially women in conservative areas of the US, do not seek or have access to prenatal care. It’s not uncommon for women to not see a OB until 12+ weeks into their pregnancy unfortunately. But it does sound like this post was written by someone not from the US, so I can’t speak to that.
Or you go and do things and chat to people with different interests. They don't have to be best friends but it's helpful to learn to socialise with different people.
Yeah the gf and her bf are massive red flags ?
Break up, you're LDR and sexually incompatible.
Best you'll get out if this is being friends while pretending to be in a relationship.
He's already cuter than me so I would be pissed. Jk I think it's fine and honestly nice that he cares about his appearance. I love when he does his hair a new way or shapes his beard up and it makes him feel good. This would be the same kind of thing to me.
This has to be about more than wanting to spend time together. How often do you see each other? What do you want to change? It’s got to be bigger for her to break an engagement.
The only advice we can give you is to communicate with them, and your response every time is that you don’t feel comfortable. It is not ok to not feel comfortable talking to your partner about this.
Unless you can find a way to be happy to have sex whenever they want to, you’re going to have to talk to them about it.
This woman is not your girlfriend, and she is not that interested. Stop letting her string you along.
He still lied. So why do you care where he spent the night?
Honestly I always feel once people engage in this kind of thinking, your relationship is fucking dead already so just put a bullet in it.
I mean OP was already going to break up. Her being pregnant is NOT a reason to stay together nor has it ever fixed a relationship. He should pull the trigger today, make it clear that there's zero chance, and then at least (if she is pregnant) she can make an informed decision on how to handle it.
Yepp. Like wow. ? I’ve seen a lot, I’ve heard a lot, but I have rarely been left speechless like this…
He is very abusive. I would leave him. I'm serious. This is not the way you talk to the person you love. Next time he says he is going to k*ll himself, ask him if he needs you to sharpen a knife. If he says he will leave, tell him good. I was hoping you would. You will never see my face again. -Promise? Please tell me that's a promise.
I was married to a man who made these threats. I was abused for years. Then I started getting strong, then stronger. I started responding this way. He stopped making those threats. I left him & divorced him. It felt so good.
You made the right call.
We have one life to live. Create one that brings you contentment. It's never too late to make changes. It doesn't appear that you are currently in a situation in which being content is possible so there is nothing wrong with ending it.
I'd give up as well. It will be nude but worth it
You need to go to upper management of your group and HR.
If you don't involve outside people then your staff will lie to toss you under the bus.
One messaged me on social media, but they’re not stupid enough to actually ask me out in a way that gives me evidence. Ironically enough, the one that messaged me has a long term girlfriend!
Throw her out, you can find someone that won’t do this to you
You’re already resentful and you’re not even married. Let him go for sure
Talk to your doctors, but look into potentially pelvic floor pt. Since sex is painful, it can help relax your muscles. And obviously therapy if its a psychological issue.
Have you explained to him that its a psychological issue? Or just had a conversation about this in general? That should help your doubts.
thinking that I gave off serious vibes as did she
Vibes are assumptions about what the other person is thinking/feeling. You know what they say about assumptions. Regardless of how this situation works out, take this as a learning lesson. If you want something in a relationship, be explicit about it. If it's a few weeks in and you want to be exclusive, then say that. Healthy relationships rely on good communication NOT assumptions.
It is up to Emily whether she comes or not.
WTF, like you plan a party and there is all this drama with the invitees. Let them sort it out.
Focus on your party and move forward. Save Emily a piece of cake.
Maybe don't invite Aaron to next do. But you can't uninvite him without it being offensive.
You're mum is right. Don't be dumb.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I will try to be as unbiased as possible, which I understand, might not be possible.
Recently it was my girlfriend's birthday, she had made me promise her twice that I wouldn't buy her anything (I buy gifts for Christmas even though we are not Christian, anniversary, valentine's day,…) and I said fine (the context is important and will be posted after the story). Instead of that, I wrote her a song and played it for her on her birthday, including translation of the lyrics to her language (which I don't speak) telling how much I love her eyes, how she makes my day bright and all that romantic bullshit I thought she liked. After that she said “thanks” and not anything more. I left for work all day (literally, had to work from 9 am to 9 pm nonstop) and texted her constantly, and brought home her favorite ice-cream. She did not say a word and I went to sleep because the next day I had to get up really early for a work related trip.
The next day I called her three times and when she finally picked up she still said “I'm fine”, then an hour later she texts me saying to “not bring anything from the trip because you skipped my birthday, don't call me either”. I offered to speak later and she said there is nothing to talk about because I don't listen to her and think her expectations are unreasonable (*more on this later).
I was going to surprise her with a gift that we can't get in our city, but now I want to just come home with nothing. She does not deserve a gift, for sure. I think her behavior is childish, since she is punishing me for listening to her, but not guessing correctly through her words.
Question:
Do I buy the gift anyway and keep it saved for later? Either if she stops being a child for once and we can talk like adults. If not, I can resell the gift later, or give it to some random on the street.
Option 2: I don't do anything and see what happens. I for sure won't reward her behavior by buying something now. Besides, it looks very materialistic to dismiss my original gift, I would never do that to anyone.
I think that the gift thing is not that important and we have much bigger problems. Should I just break up with her? I love her, but she is really draining my energy with all this drama. We live together, so a breakup will be extremely ugly.
Context:
– The first time she told me to not buy her anything was when she got mad because I had not texted her and according to her I, like every man, only cared about sex. That day we had sex in the morning and I was working until she showed up in my office 4 hours later telling me that she “expected a call sooner”. Then she said “please don't buy me anything for my birthday”. I said it was unreasonable to get that mad for me not texting for 4 hours. She then got even more upset the next morning.
– The second time she told me to not buy her anything was the next day, I told her that sex was not even in my top three most important things in a relationship and I was much more hurt that she had cheated on me, which she had always denied. The story is that she had been texting with an ex, telling him how much she loved him and how he is her life and how thankful she is for him. The ex lives in another continent. For me, this is cheating and I told her that I couldn't let it go if she did not ever accept what she did. She said “I did something wrong, but it wasn't cheating”. I said “sorry, that is not good enough”, she then said “sorry for cheating, are you happy?”, then got mad at me for days and one of those days she said “a cheater does not deserve gifts, so don't buy me anything for my birthday”. She said that what I did was selfish. In my opinion, if you cheat on someone you don't get to call them selfish for not letting it go too soon, of for needing you to accept what you did.
If kissing is the big hang up im not sure what to tell you. But if its worth it to you then keep trying and deffinately keep up with openness and honesty
Almost sounds like he might be using his family to try to drive you off. God damn it must be a lot of pressure to have this older woman move to your country and velcro herself to you just to realize it isn't a good match. The amount of dependency you placed on another person is crazy, and I personally would never do that.
His reaction to you changing your mind indicates to me that hes already cheated prior to asking about an open relationship. Good luck.
The trust is gone. You long for something you'll never get back – and that's the relationship you had before you were cheated on. Everyone takes time to heal after a breakup – particularly if it was a marriage and the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with betrayed you.
Your ex didn't even volunteer the information. She lied to your face right to the bitter end – and only conceded when confronted with unquestionable evidence. There's no coming back from that imo. If you take her back; you won't be happy either. You're better to invest that energy in moving on and filling your time with hobbies / friends / anything to take your mind off her.
I think the thing I would think about working on is not moderating your language, but regulating your emotions so you don't feel like lashing out at people in this way.
I don't know if I understand the ins and outs of this particular situation, but that's not necessarily bad. What I see, as an outsider, is that it seems like you are stuffing your emotions (or possibly expressing them too indirectly), and then having an inappropriate emotional outburst when you've been pushed to your limit.
But when this happens, it's because you're not setting appropriate limits. I use feelings of resentment to check my own behavior. I shouldn't be giving or compromising things that make me feel that way. Resentment, etc are emotions that help you find and maintain your own boundaries for yourself, and it seems like you are pushing through those emotions and just absorbing them. You can't control your environment or your neighbors – all you can control is how much effort you put into the relationships, whether your expectations are reasonable, and how to handle disappointment.
It's hard to remember that people can be jerks if they want to, you don't get to change them, and efforts to do so will just lead to conflict and resentment. If they're not your people, you can't MAKE them into your people. If they don't listen to you and aren't good friends, find different ones. Hanging out here and getting resentful and bitter is not good. But you can't change that by changing them. You can only change it by setting better expectations, not giving/engaging at a level that causes you resentment if not reciprocated, and taking yourself out of the situation if none of that is going to work for you.
Maybe a LOTR SEE session? That would take more than a night…
Thanks for that context, as it really helps put things into perspective, especially as it relates to your friend's premise; clingy girls usually end up being crazy.
To focus specifically on her, I'm here to tell you that her being a clingy woman isn't going to result in her being crazy; why? Because she already is.
The worst part at the moment is you finding it cute, and then at times exacerbating it. I'm truly not trying to be a dick here, so I apologize for coming off as such, but I assure you it's not cute, and you only feel that way due to your immaturity (no judgement – I assure you I was you at 18. It's simply reality). It'll stop feeling cute real quick.
Why is she crying on her period. Now, you don't need to answer as I logically know what you'll say. But every single month forever? That's cute? Why is she crying after sex? She cries before sleep after a rough day? How often are her days that awful?
Then let's talk about you being a dick for 12 years. You two were friends. No one put a gun to her head to get into a relationship with you.
She cries that you don't like her/find her attractive. But you do, no? As such, she cries to you constantly about it? You have to provide constant reassurance that you in fact do like her and find her attractive? Why? If you've told her once, why does she need to hear it over and over? That's her telling you she doesn't trust you.
Worried about other girls? I get it given past infidelity. But like I said earlier, no one forced her to be with you. If she's going to constantly lose her shit, why torture herself?
You might leave? Yeah, you might. That's always a risk, but it generally happens due to acknowledging a bad relationship. Asking you to say you won't leave is a guarantee?
The not paying attention to her is just you being an asshole and quite frankly it's pathetic, but like I said, you're making it worse. In summary, this is guaranteed going to be an absolute nightmare. You're saying you might marry her after confirming the state of the relationship when the training wheels come off. I'm telling you that she can't balance the bicycle with them on.
Advice?
Do not keep dating a conflicted hypocrite who judges and disdains you for sexual acts they consented to and enjoyed. Never reduce yourself to trying to be with someone who will use you for pleasure then hate you for giving it to them.
This is merely the tip of the iceberg.
You don’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship.
I’ve done that a few times but I feel like I can’t always run errands or do other things when she gets off work, and then I’m right back at square one
She wants to be acquaintances because usually when people crush and get rejected, they obsess and you're proving her point. She is right. The best form of action is to move on and heal, get her off your mind cuz it's unhealthy at this point. People can still think that you're an amazing human being but not want to date you for personal reasons, yknow?
He should have told early on so this kind of thing does not happen. It is OK if trans dating is not for you but you need to have the conversation with him if you are going to break up.
Dont let anyone tell you that you are a bad person because you dont like vaginas.
This is not only about the shampoo. This is the same chick who went to spend Christmas and New Year Eve with her ex fwb and the same girl who is always talking about her exes and their giant dixks? No way. Stop being a doormat now OP!!!
I've watched a lot of law and order. Offer him man 2, this usually gets them talking.
I've watched a lot of law and order. Offer him man 2, this usually gets them talking.
I'm so sorry to hear this!
What you describe has many classic traits of a “n@rcissistic marriage”, and your husband is trying to prevent you from escaping the effects:
You Don't Feel Connected. Your husband talks with you when it is convenient. He never actually asked what your plans are for the future, or how you can work together to build the life you want. Instead of joining you in your self-improvement, he makes it sound like it's a bad thing. You Feel Manipulated. Your husband makes subtle threats throughout the relationship. He tries to control you in a way that is destructive to you, instead of lifting you up. You Don't Feel Good Enough. Your husband tries to cause you to have feelings of inadequacy that don't match what you've accomplished in your life. He puts you down and makes negative comments about the things that you do, and makes false accusations. You Feel Responsible for Everything. He thinks that everything is always someone else's fault, including the things that he does wrong. If somebody doesn't compliment him, he refuses to believe it's because he's lazy and a mess. You won't get an apology from him for his behavior. You Feel Criticized Constantly. Your husband is excessively critical of your appearance, instead of celebrating your health improvements. He makes fun of you and puts you down. You Feel Unloved. When you first got together, you felt like the most amazing person in the world. However, as time went on and problems arose, your partner began to devalue and ignore you. As you improve, he hates you instead of loving you more. He hates himself, and is upset he can't get you to still follow him downward. You Can't Rely on Your Partner. When your husband agrees to something, you never know if he will follow through, even with basic things like taking the lunch you prepared for him to work. You don't feel as though you have a partner you can rely on, and you find yourself having to do everything yourself. You justifiably don't do as much for him anymore, since he ignores what you do for him anyway. You've Asked, He Won't Change. N@rcissists aren't willing to change because this would mean admitting something is wrong within themselves—and he will never admit such things. He instead wants you to be unhealthy and sad like him.
You are amazing, and I feel bad for your situation. I wish you the best of luck! An individual counselor can help you proceed. A couples counselor wouldn't be useful, since your husband would never cooperate.
Chlorox wipes on her vagina? That’s pretty ridiculous.
I think a lot of depends on context and life stages too. My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers and are exclusive to one another in terms of sex, and I value that we share that just between us even now that we’re in our mid-40’s. If we for reason broke up and I started dating someone else my age I can’t imagine I’d care much about her sexual history. It’s just a different scenario. OP sounds like he’s just working through some feelings he felt and doesn’t seem immature about it, but probably just needs a little time to process some new information.
I'm not mad. I'm amused. Everyone claiming he's a deadbeat is wrong. That bothers me not at all.
I'm not taking it personally, though I do happen to live with a mother who cooks all our meals, cleans all our dishes, and does all our grocery shopping… and its hilarious to see what people must think of me based on ONLY that information and nothing else about our financial situation or living arrangements.
Yes. This is entertaining. I'm watching people read a post that clearly states a man pays for his mom's bills, yet he's [insert all the ridiculous assumptions I've seen today]. I am in the minority of people who took this post at face value and did not assert my prejudices of a man living at home with his mom upon it, but majority does not make you or anyone else right. Minority opinions can still be right. You realize that? Facts aren't open to a democratic process and the merit of an opinion isn't based on majority support. It's based on facts and evidence.
The majority of the world can believe the Earth is flat, but that doesn't change the shape of the Earth or make the minority people who believe it rests on the back of a cosmic turtle wrong.
I know it's a probably a no. But why won't he just say that?
No matter how good that bj is, it isn't worth being in a relationship with her. As a matter of fact you absolutely don't want her to give you the best bj of your life. You don't want a reason to want to go back to her.
That fwb sounds like someone to at least attempt a relationship with. She's talking about things and showing you she's calm and available for you.
If she didn't have anything to hide then she wouldn't have deleted everything on her phone & laptop (that's suspicious AF). You can often restore recently deleted data on devices, I would strongly recommend doing that. Your GF is showing a lot of red flags and I think your alarm bells are ringing for good reason.
No actually, he had the allergy before any of that shit went down….your name kinda checks out….very quick to judge. Nicotine addiction? You gotta be joking, right? I smoke maybe 2-5 a day, whilst the guy I was in a relationship with smoked 2 packs a day! Just shows how just from partially reading my post, you think you know me.
Yes. That’s abusive. Full stop.
The sweet sweet irony is that you should be thrilled to find a person who loves and cares about his grandmother.
But no. Your needs first right?
You’re lonely and looking for a pen pal, his actions indicate he wants more than a pen pal, dont string the guy along
It is SUPER common and normal to dance with lots of different people at country bars. Even if you went with her, it would be likely for some guy or other to ask her for a dance. The age range of people is like 20-80. If you have never been, you should go. She likes it. It's fun. But even if you only went once, you'd see how normal it is to dance with people.
My husband is 100% not at all country. And I've gone to country bars with people and danced with guys. I don't go often and every time I go I realize how much I miss dancing and wish my husband liked it. That being sad, I guess if you want to make that a hard line boundary in your relationship then it's probably not a good relationship fit. Relationships are a give and take with communication and compromise.
haha… I also don't think her stating “if I weren't with you I'd get a country boy.” is something to get pissed about. That's just me though. I can understand how someone might get upset about it. But i just wouldn't.
The dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, are we meant to stay the same forever? Is trying a new style a sign that your cheating too? What about losing weight and buying new clothes, also cheating?
You are in a 4-month relationship, and even given the time frame, you are not allowed to “forbid” her from living her life because you are stressed out. It is not reasonable that you think you could “force” her from living her life because you are stressed. Look live for self-soothing techniques.
Here's what I think you should do:
To the bf, “BF, I've realized that a 26 year old man had no fucking reason to date a minor of 15 and I am so ready to get out from under your grooming, manipulation, and I'm breaking up with you.”
To the mentor, “Person, I'm really disappointed in you. Never contact me again.”
To you personally, start taking care of yourself, find a therapist to work through what is happening with you, and find your own happiness and self-esteem and confidence.
Having thrown a wedding, 150 guests isn't as many as you think it is. Only 75 are even the bride's “side.”
Usually the MOH gets a plus one, but it's not uncommon for couples who aren't married, engaged, or living together to not receive a plus one. It's not a personal insult. It's just a very expensive ordeal and you're not even friends with the bride and groom. You barely know these people.
It was an accident, stopped immediately when knew it wasn’t playful anymore. Absolutely nothing concerning here
Vomiting and cardiac issues are literally not related lol you got any better ideas? It's called making a differential, dickhead
For me it’s everything… start with personalized loving words like ‘I knew from our 3rd date on that you were the one for me. That still holds true.’ ‘Nothing is sexier than when you come home exhausted and still make time to ask about my day and cuddle on the couch. I appreciate you and thank you for all that you do for our family’ then lead up to the dirty stuff like ‘txt me when you leave work so I can have a hard bath ready for you, kids ready for hugs and I’ll put them to bed while you soak.’ Followed by the pic of face and chair comment lol.
For me it’s all about the emotional connection and love first. If the dirty stuff comes too soon then I tend to feel used or not wanted for who I am but rather just the pleasure my body gives.
Whatever dude I don't give two shits what your life is like
Your girlfriend is the same age as my little sister. If she introduced someone your age to me as her boyfriend. I'd either be horrified and think you were a creep or think you were her sugar daddy tbh
Yup, they did. It's in their post history.
Yeah, that was a weird question for him to ask. Do you only consider your friends above average? Is that why you’re feeling salty
I answered you beneath. A boundary helps you and gives you the possibility to change a behaviour that makes the other partner uncomfortable/mad. A rule doesn't have the same work.
YTA. Your daughter will do so much better without you in her life. Let her go in peace.
YTA. Your daughter will do so much better without you in her life. Let her go in peace.
I am so glad you're leaving! The more I read, the more palpable your pain and loneliness became. Your marriage is dead, and your husband is a doorknob, but you are clearly alive and looking toward the future. This might not be encouraging coming from an internet stranger,but I think the best is yet to come for you.
Oh I disagree, he’s actually very smart. He understands why leaving your sick spouse would be a bad thing, and he doesn’t want that happening to his mom. But he has no empathy for OP and would rather have her suffer that fate. He knows it’s wrong and that’s why he’s trying to distance himself from this with the ‘it’s completely different’
Your girlfriend isn't considering your feelings, and that's concerning. Go to your friend's wedding.
I beg to differ sir, this behavior would still be creepy if he were 20 years younger.
Had a bf who used to go on and on about someone who was “the hottest girl ever” while taking me I was “kinda hot”. It took me a while to figure out he was abusive (there were other things too but the mind games!)
I'm not really talking about OP's story; there's far too much to unpack there.
…and I'm not really talking about deep-rooted, relationship-breaking issues. just like “man, you can't believe the dumb argument we got in the other day” etc. venting, and asking for advice with the honest intention of improving the relationship.
despite my current -11 on the previous comment, I'm still confident that this is totally fine. and I would be fine if my fiancée was talking about me. I know she already does and if that makes her happy, then idgaf. i don't think you should be “fucking gutted” about something like that, personally.
just thinking aloud though.
I’m pregnant so that makes things harder
Lol. Not exclusive, not even dating! But he’s TALKING to her so ALL OTHER WOMEN NEED TO EVAPORATE!
Serve her divorce papers and move out the same day.
Yeah this is a no brainer. She’s not the one man
There's nothing wrong with her having a bit of a crush if she remains respectful of you, and professional. Which she does seem to be.
I'd recommend you discuss your wife a bit more, in some cute excited ways. Up the wife talk by about 10%, but make it “our anniversary is coming up, so I'm really wanting to spoil her” sort of stuff, rather than “yeah, our anniversary is coming up”, and she should get the hint real quick.
But again, nothing wrong with a crush. And also…I'm frankly not seeing crush in this behaviour. It's possible, but it sounds like most office extroverts I know, when they actually enjoy the person they're talking to. You would know better for sure, I'm just saying to maybe give her the benefit of the doubt!
He's showing and telling you exactly who he is.
He's an abuser and this only gets worse. You have children and need to protect them from him.
Well yeah, at first I wansnt even looking for anything with her, I guess I was going thru it and she gave me the attention I needed at the moment and I went with it and ended up catching feelings
I make 5x what he does. My rent is pretty high—around $5,500/month.
What exactly do you for work? Holy fuck id rather live way further out in the suburbs and commute then pay that kind of outrageous rent.
I wish this housing market would crash already.
I know!!!
And OP thinks this is some win!
Gurl you got played!!!
And she's falling for it. Id be pissed the fuck off if my husband insisted he stl wanted to be all cozy with a chick tht wants to sleep with him and i shld understand because agh shame it's just how she feels.
Fuck that!
Please don’t do this. There are so many red flags. No relationship should make you feel like “I don’t want to live this life anymore.”
There are MUCH better men out there. Take it from someone who dated THE WORST MEN of all time before finding my love… RUN! RUN NOW!
Art is so much better than this man. Your life is waiting for you.
you write like a fucking random note. leave her alone
ESH – she definitely shouldn’t have withheld that information, but by the way you describe your feelings and the vocabulary you used (transv_stite), you seemingly are quite transphobic, whether you realize/want to admit it or not.
You already know what you need to do. He has zero emotional intelligence and he wants what he wants when he wants it. He doesn't want any boundaries for HIMSELF and he's blaming you. This man has showed you who he is. Believe him and get out and do not look back
Tell him, younger guys probably won't care. It's older people that have been around the block who care.
Dude they are definitely dating. Even if theyre not ready to make it public yet.
It kinda sounds like you’ve lost feelings. It makes sense that when getting back with someone, those feelings will come rushing back – because you’re thinking about all those positive emotions and memories, not the reason you broke up.
You’re very young. I would suggest really looking into WHY you want to stay. He’s nice? Hasn’t been mean? There’s a lot of guys out there that are nice and will treat you well.