We (23F) ruined my bf(25M) surprise party and now Dont really trust him
I (23F) happen to be dating my boyfriend (25M) for over 2 years now. After a year of dating, we moved in together great friends, who are recently wedded, became our roommates. They have proven to be nightmare roommates whom fight loudly regularly, do not clean up and damage the things without telling us. Additionally , they are very impolite and do not acknowledge or speak with us in day to day lifestyle. Each time I have had a issue with the roommates, my partner strongly discouraged me from expressing my frustration. He’s very passive and didn’t want to “rock the boat”. So , for a year I’ve been suppressing my feelings.
For my boyfriend’s birthday, I threw him a surprise party and I did not invite our roommates, yet notified them about the event. They told me they were not gonna be in town anyways so great, I don’t have to explicitly not invite them. The afternoon of the party, not only could they be present, they put on a whole performance trying to talk to me personally and being ‘nice’ in front of the party guests. I am within the spectrum so I have a solid sense of justice and so i did not appreciate their habits. While I refrained through saying anything while sober, once the party picked up We admittedly drank way too much plus started venting/oversharing to the celebration guests about how shitty the roommates are. The day after the party my boyfriend chose that was the time to tell me that my behavior “killed the particular vibe” (which it possibly did no contesting there) after having many opportunities to tell me the during the celebration. I was embarrassing the both of us and he did not guard me from myself by pulling me aside and checking me.
Since that time, I find it very difficult to trust him emotionally. Really dont feel like he has my greatest interest or holds the same values as I do plus honestly, I feel trapped in this particular relationship. I have been experiencing back-to-back injuries and while my partner has been an all-star on providing (I was out of work for 3months, I’ve been able to return as of late but with even less hours) I have not received much empathy or support. I don’t want to seem ungrateful because he has financially supported me through my accidents but I have voiced my needs for more emotional support for the year and have not received it. We have even visited couples therapy (i personally have been in individual therapy for nearly a decade) and the therapist advocated for my right to emotional safety within my home and my sweetheart didn’t really take it in order to heart. I feel emotionally forgotten and grossly alone within an apartment of 4 people and 2 pets. But I am unsure if this lack of emotional trust is worth the particular drama of breaking up. I’m am a full time pupil and work part time so I’m not in a position to call it up quits and leave in the near future. Is a lack of trust worth blowing up my whole life?
Any advice or stories is appreciated!!
Edit: I took full accountability just for my behavior at the party and apologized the same day he told me about my behavior. I did feel horrible because as comments pointed out, your day was supposed to be about your pet. I thought I was defending that because the roommates were consuming attention away from him (they and my bf still have mutual friends and I got defensive thinking they were ‘stealing’ them from the party) but I did not behave as the individual I want to be.
Indeed, I am an adult and I feel responsible for my actions yet one of the values I hold that I don’t think this individual does is that a partner is supposed to guide you and help you be considered a better person and it will go both ways. Over our own 2yrs together I’ve indicated to him the intricacies of dating somebody on the spectrum and how I can not really pick up on social tips when oversharing and I’d appreciate if he kinda gave me a clue. Particularly in an instance where I am uncomfortable the both of us. Therefore , I guess that’s where the doubtfulness was triggered in this event. I didn’t feel like I had developed a partner having my back again but just an onlooker to my dumpster fire.
Modify #2: I appreciate all of the responses it gave me a TON of perspective. partners aren’t your own parents, but anybody you care about, friends, family, SOs, wouldn’t you want to help all of them out if you see all of them floundering? I’m gonna complete with an ancient black proverb: “if you can’t rely on the individuals love you to tell you the facts, then who will? ” thanks a lot.
