The mother refused to throw me a sweet 15 she actually is has since contributed to each of my cousins’ party.
I apologize about the formatting! I’m on mobile. My (21f) and my mother have never obtained along. It’s important to note that my mom is a hardcore, conventional Christian. We are also Hispanic. Most of issues began within my teenage years (my edgy phase if I must). She wanted my brother and I to become devout Christians who attended church every Sunday, participated in youth group activities, just overall involved. I found it boring, but overall agreed to her terms since I wanted to please mother and father. I would attend church yet I always questioned a lot of it, she did not like this.
Some back story. As a child, My spouse and i always dreamt of our quinceañera. I would spend hrs “planning” it. I had obtained books with tips for preparing theses specific parties. When I turned 14, I thought we might begin the process of planning because it does take time, money and effort. I didn’t have huge demands I just wanted the dress, the ceremony, along with a fun party afterwards (it didn’t need to be a whole spectacle I just wanted to dance the night away with my friends). Everything else was up to all of them. As the time passed I realized my mom hadn’t told me anything about my celebration. I went to ask her about it and she said the lady wouldn’t be throwing the “worldly” party. If I desired it, it would have to be just the ceremony and the dinner. When it comes to dress, we couldn’t afford it. I was obviously devastated but I understood. This was their reasoning at the time. Annually later my uncle agreed to take me to Disneyland as my present and am accepted. While there, our uncle made a remark about how he hoped I was enjoying myself since it is the best they could give me after my mother refused their and his siblings financial help for my party. Listening to that people were actually ready to help my parents out using a party I so frantically wanted and they turned all of them away really confused me personally. I thought the issue was the money? When I returned back home We asked my mother why she had said no to my aunts and uncles help for the party. The girl said “Because you did not deserve it. Your grades are horrible (AB recognize roll), you disobey all of us, you want to on-line an earthly life and I will not prize you for that. ” Considering that that day, the relationship among my mother and I had been torn, and it has never already been the same. Till this day she will tell everyone and anyone that will listen that I did not have a quinceañera because I didn’t deserve it. This particular gets brought up often since it’s a big deal in our tradition and I have younger cousins who had their quinces.
Now onto the reason of this post. One of my youngest cousins is about to turn 15 so her parents are preparing her party. My mom had asked me to try and do her a favor plus go give a payment for the dress. I said ok and didn’t think a lot of it as my mom has always helped pay for some thing for all of my cousins’ parties (food, party corridor, etc). I get to clothes shop and they ask me for all the information about the order. My mother was shown as the person who had purchased the dress… My mom had gone with my aunty dress shopping and had been paying for the dress herself. This particular absolutely broke my coronary heart. Dress shopping for your quinceañera is supposed to be a mother/daughter binding moment. A moment I by no means had and a moment the lady would’ve rather shared with another person. The second I got to my car I broke down. I sobbed, nude. This specific side of the family is not Christian, therefore their excuse of myself living an “earthly lifestyle” is not valid. My cousin is an average student, so grades obviously didn’t issue. I don’t know what her behavior is like so I can’t note on that. I just can not wrap my head around exactly why my mother is so prepared to give everyone else this once in a lifetime experience but she denied it to me, her own child, years ago because I was not living up to her expectations. I want to tell her how all this has affected me psychologically. I have a strong feeling that will regardless she wouldn’t care. She’d just repeat exactly the same thing that I didn’t deserve it. How can I best approach her without it coming off standoff-ish?
Sorry issue post seems ranty, this is all still new plus well my feelings are usually hurt.
TLDR. My mom refused to throw us a sweet 15 because I wasn’t living up to her expectations. However , she has helped out with all of cousin’s parties and even took one of them dress shopping. How can I greatest approach my mother about how this has affected me?
