The (29F) husband (30M) helps to keep accusing me of infidelity – what to do?
First, let me explain that my (29F) husband (30M) is not actually accusing me of sexual or even emotional infidelity. However , while i do something he doesn' to like (that doesn' capital t seem to me to be a betrayal in any sense, just stuff that annoy or disappoint him) he says it is “basically cheating” or “just like cheating” or “a form of infidelity. ” I would love several advice on how to talk to him about this because I appear to be at an impasse!
For example:
I went to a company lunch at a restaurant that Husband and I had discussed trying together. It was a spontaneous thing (planned exactly the same day) and arranged simply by my boss. When I told Husband about it that night time, he accused me of cheating for trying the location first without him. Our wallet (I' d had the same one since college) has been falling apart over the past year. Finally I got me personally a new one when I saw one particular I liked from a leather-based goods vendor at the farmer' s market. It wasn' t expensive (about $45) and I paid for it from my own discretionary money (we each have some out of the overall budget). Husband had been furious and said it had been “like cheating” for me to deny him the chance to get us a wallet as a gift : except that I' ve been talking about needing a brand new one for a year (spanning last Christmas, my birthday celebration, and our anniversary) and he didn' t get me a wallet for any of those events. I recently ran into a good “ex” at Starbucks and chatted for a few minutes. The particular “ex” was a kid I' d “dated” for a few days when we were in the seventh grade (this involved walking around holding hands and going to the movies a couple times with a group of friends – nothing else). He later was released as gay and married a guy. Husband insists that will regardless of these circumstances it is “cheating” to have a conversation by having an ex beyond a courteous greeting.
What can I do to stop these claims? It' s not constant but I' m often on edge/on the defensive because I don' capital t know what might upset him. After one of these incidents he or she tells me how hurt they are and acts distant for a couple days, putting me personally in the position of having to apologize and make overtures if I want things to end up being less frosty.
I know some folks will ask – therefore – I don' capital t think he is cheating on me and deflecting – he does suffer from some self-pride issues and low-grade melancholy (he is in therapy for all those things) so I think he acts this way as a result of insecurities. But I don' to know how to help him or fix it.
TL; DR: Spouse regularly accuses me associated with “cheating” for things that are not sexual or emotional cheating and this is putting range between us. Would love advice on what I can do to keep our own marriage strong.
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