The [26F] partner [29M] spanked his daughter [3F] in front of me

My partner, “Nate”, and I have been collectively for 4 and a half months, so it' s nevertheless relatively new. Our partnership progressed pretty quick due to 2 things: we were each recently out of very terrible long-term relationships so it had been easy to lean on each other for support, and I accidentally fulfilled his daughter very early on.

Nate' s child is lovely. I adore her. She' s autistic plus a bit behind with vocabulary so she acts more youthful than 3, but she' s an absolute joy to be around. I knew just before meeting her that he spanks her on rare event and the only boundary We put down about my becoming around his kid is the fact that I did not want him in order to spank her around myself. He agreed to that and it hasn' t been a problem until last night.

The lady was cuddling up to myself on and off after dinner and bit my arm a couple times. Once bad enough for me to verbally go “ouch! ” but not any sort of durable pain or anything. I just moved my arm away the first time and got upward after she did it another time ?‍♂️ Nate told her in a stern-but-gentle way to not really bite. A few minutes later this individual was cuddled up to me and his daughter was clambering over out little cuddle puddle, and she bit his arm too.

Nate spanked her as an automated reaction and it freaked me the fuck out. Such as, no hesitation between the being bit and swatting their daughter. It was just 1 smack but that' s still more than I think any kind of child should be hit and yes it was really jarring that not just did it happen in front of myself, but also when they were both snuggled up with me. I actually froze and got very quiet, his daughter ran around crying for a bit, and gave me space for a while (about an hour) to calm down before we talked.

2 important points about the needing space after that: I had been beaten pretty badly simply by my father on a regular basis as a child, and am am also autistic. Whenever something upsets me greatly, I “go nonverbal” and feel like I physically can' t talk until I' ve self-regulated into a more calm headspace. Nate knows all of this and was very fairly sweet and gentle about giving me space when this individual saw how I clammed up after the spanking.

When we spoken I initiated it over text because even though we were in the same room, I used to be struggling to verbalize our feelings about it. I basically just reminded him that I had asked he not do this around me and that We wouldn' t see your pet anymore if it happened again, that redirection and guidance should be the go-to for circumstances like that, and that his girl isn' t old enough or cognitively able however to understand why she' ersus being hit. After I got that out we spoken a bit verbally and he portrayed that he knows (he used word “knows”) I' mirielle right, but that he was also feeling defensive. I chose to head home and we hugged before I left.

We haven' t actually talked since last night, he sent me a couple snaps today of his girl lookin' cute and we discussed the snow a little. I' m waiting for him in order to initiate more conversation about this since I don' t make him feel attacked ig?

I don' to know what to do or say beyond this. I really like him, I love his daughter, I don' t want her to be hit, if he keeps spanking her (especially if it happens around me) I am going to leave but I also dont want to leave their daughter without an adult about who will defend her whenever things like this happen. What do I do? Where do I move from here? Did I handle it ok?

Pro-spanking feedback will be very much ignored. Don' t hit children.

Edit: I am realizing now after this event, that my asking him to just not spank her around me was a sort of bullshit request. I actually don' t want to be along with someone who hits their child, whether or not I am present for this happening. So I have that thought and feeling to find out how to communicate when Nate and I talk next.

Edit2: This post has been up for regarding 4 hours and holy shiiiiit I did not expect this level of response. To bring clarifications I made in the comments up into the post and to tackle some questions/statements people have:

I won' t think about advice from people stating they' re pro-spanking due to the fact I don' t believe kids should be hit, time period. There' s a ton of science on how negatively it affects children and some lovely people have linked to numerous these studies in the comments.

Meeting her so early was an accident, and am followed Nate' s lead on what to do after the truth. I know and understand that I actually met her incredibly earlier & I plan to do my absolute damndest to avoid meeting a small child so early again if I day another single parent.

I' m a bit confused about all the accusations of myself telling Nate how to mother or father. Hitting your child is literally illegal in some places and there' ersus a bunch of studies detailing out there how it messes with brain development; more than everything all I' ve accomplished is set a boundary pertaining to myself and open a line of conversation to help him learn about that science, it' s not like I' m trying to force ideas about how exactly he should feed or play with his daughter. ?‍♂️

Thank you to the small number of level-headed, nuanced commenters that' ve given advice. We appreciate you.

UPDATE

Unsatisfactory probably 80% of the comments section here, I have not really left him, called CPS, or learned my location as a lowly gf of 4 months.

The things i did was send him this post, to read through my POV and all the comments so that we could collaborate on the answer to this together. So many people disappointed communication that it really cemented my feelings of precisely how important healthy communication relating to this topic is, especially with someone I would prefer to retain in my life if positive alter is possible with this issue right here.

I might do a complete update when all the speaking shakes out, but for today: we' re still jointly, and he' s likely to try and stop doing this.

Thanks to everyone who provided nuanced advice between the points of “leave him” and “hitting kids is fine, actually”. ?

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