My friend (25F) and her bf (36M) involved me in their kink without my (25F) consent. How do I end the friendship if this happened 2 years ago?
Mary and I have been friends for about 3.5 years, and 2 years ago she did something that made me feel extremely disgusted and violated. Before the incident happened, Mary and I would get together every few weeks, and we usually stuck to the same routine. We’d go to dinner, then hang out at her place for a bit before putting on a movie. The TV was in the bedroom of her apartment, which she shared with her (now ex) boyfriend. They had a California king sized bed, so there was plenty of room for three people to sit without feeling cramped. I’d sit on the left side, my friend in the middle, and her boyfriend on the right side.
Well, one day out of the blue Mary tells me that she had been secretly giving her boyfriend handjobs under a blanket while I was watching movies with them. I had no idea anything had happened. I was totally oblivious to it. Apparently they had done it the last three times I was there. Turns out her boyfriend had sexual fantasies about me and wanted to act one of them out, and my friend agreed to help.
She was laughing as she told me and I was so shocked that I just laughed along too, because I really didn’t know how to react. I remember it bothered me for weeks after I found out, and I avoided seeing her for several months afterwards, but we never talked about it again after she initially told me. When we started hanging out again, I made sure we always hung out in public without her boyfriend.
I should have just ended the friendship back then, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. But Mary’s ex recently sent me a Facebook message basically soliciting me for sex, and it brought up feelings of trauma for me. I feel disgusted and violated. I’ve had nightmares about him hurting me and I feel so angry at my friend for going along with that plan. I’m even more angry at myself for not establishing firm boundaries and not standing up for myself 2 years ago.
I am normally super against ghosting people, but I don’t know what to say to her. I’ve been ignoring Mary’s texts for about a week now and she’s definitely starting to realize that something is wrong. I don’t know how to tell her, or if I should just continue ghosting her. I feel like it’s too late to be upset about it. Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: 2 years ago my friend Mary told me that she had been secretly giving her boyfriend handjobs under a blanket while I was sitting right next to them. It was some kind of kink. I have continued to be her friend all this time, but recently I’ve been feeling traumatized because of what happened and I don’t want to be friends with her anymore, but I don’t know what to say.
