My (38F) husband (43M) refuses to give up his gym girlfriend or even talk about the issue.
On Father's Day I noticed my husband texting and smiling with someone, ignoring or not seeing me when I invited him to the table for breakfast. I got closer so he could notice me and saw he was texting an unknown woman. (We've been married for four years and have a preschooler and a 1 year old.)
I didn't bring it up besides asking “who is that?”, since my Mom was in town visiting. When I mentioned it later, I said I didn't know making friends of the opposite sex and not saying anything was okay for us. He didn't volunteer anything but when pressed further mentioned that he'd been working out with her (which I know is 3/4 days a week for 2-3 hours before work most mornings).
He ended up admitting he didn't tell me about her because he knew I'd be mad, moreover that he'll be working out with whoever he wants. Fast forward several one sided, vulnerable conversations and two months after a lot of feeling sick to my stomach and sleepless nights, I finally laid it out:
I didn't give him an ultimatum – I simply told him I can't sleep, that I feel heartbroken and constantly concerned. That if I was doing the same he'd feel awful. And crickets I asked how long it was going to last and was met with, “There's no sign up sheet in the gym”.
I told him I can't imagine continuing our relationship feeling like this and needed to know in words how he felt. He reported feeling the same, that I'm his wife and he loves me. My boundary is unacknowledged and so far, unenforced. It's not that I think he's put his dick in her (yet?), it's that he won't budge or say anything knowing I'm hurting. I feel like I'm getting more heartbroken daily, the impulse to check his phone is very hot to resist at times. I don't want to leave, but I need more than this lack of response from him.
TLDR: I'm jealous that my husband spends 8 hours plus a week with another woman at the gym, time we don't have together as parents of young kids. I want to bail from the relationship, but sort of from life.
