(M43) my partner of fifteen years (F38) admitted to using a drink too much in a function party and kissing the co-worker and I ended this and moved out. Now i am being blamed
In August she came back from a 3 days workshop in another condition, and she was not really herself. I thought she was tired or having a work concern that she' d rather not discuss so I acted normally and never brought up.
Early September she said we need to talk, then revealed that after the work point everyone went to the hotel' s bar to commemorate and that someone kissed her and she kissed him back. She said she acquired drunk wine and says it wouldn' t possess happened without the alcohol.
We' ve been together for approximately 15 years, neither had the desire to have children so we have none, I always treated her with respect plus trusted her fully, as well as the few disagreements we had over the years were silly nonsense that individuals worked out immediately and never also had one event that will amounts to a “fight”.
Still, cheating is and has always been to me a definitive plus immediate relation killer. We knew exactly where I was and didn' t even think twice before telling her that I appreciate her integrity and the fact that she failed to want to continue living the lie, but that it was over and I' ll begin relocating out in a few days. I couldn' t stay with her within the same place and required time to take in the surprise so I went and stayed with my mother and let it all dawn on me. It was painful, I experienced immense betrayal, I thought in regards to the best years of my life that I wasted with her as well as the times I shut down efforts by women or left immediately when I felt someone was becoming flirtatious, and I just felt like an complete fool.
Anyway I got calls from mutual friends plus her family, and I remained very respectful to her yet told everyone that I can' t recover from something like that and that it' s over and no hot feelings. I then went back while she had been out and took a couple of pieces of my own clothing and books and left everything else. Did not want to look shame and take any other products even the things that I bought, which is basically pretty much everything since I at all times wanted to be the provider.
That was in October, and since then I' ve been gradually recovering psychologically and getting to my normal routine, and i believe I will be alright. Naturally I remember things from all the many years we' ve been collectively and I feel deep dark sadness, but I don' t miss her neither want her back, and I can' t imagine getting with her again since I visualize her the kiss another man. I am completely repulsed.
The problem is that people upon my side, a couple of my very own friends and a few family members, have begun telling me which i was mistaken and they just couldn' t tell me that will during the tougher times when the world was crashing lower. I hear things like “a single kiss is nothing”, “it' s not like they had sex or even made out”, “you can' t dispose of 15 years for a few seconds of weakness”, and the one I get the most is one form or another of “it was the wine”.
As much as I' deb like to claim that I' mirielle totally confident and no words by anyone would produced me doubt myself, these people succeeded in making me imagine I' d reacted in the wrong way. It takes time for my change of address to take effect, therefore she still gets my mail and bills plus calls me, and I go to pick them up and act politely but very robotically. The lady still tells me that she' s sorry and she' d do anything to get another chance, but the betrayal keeps replaying in my head and it' s dreadful. I don' t want to be with her ever again.
Today I' m neither looking for affirmation nor blame. I' m seeking your truthful opinions no matter what they are, and I can take it no problems. Don' t spare our feelings or anything. Simply tell it as it is. Thank you you
TLDR; my long time partner kissed another guy and confessed to me, and I ended it all without much thinking. Now my own people tell me I rushed it and should' ve tried things to save the relation and I' m confused. What would you advice?
