Husband (M33) wants physical attention but I (F31) think this is unreasonable at this moment
My husband (M33) and I (F31) have been together for 10 years and married for 6. Our relationship has been good – we are friends, we get on, we hang out, we've worked together, we've travelled together, we talked family, goals, politics, children, finances, etc. We are sexually compatible, apart from a couple of awkward months when we first started living together and he wanted sex ALL the time and I couldn't keep up. We talked through it and figured things out hence being together. All this to say, we have a good relationship generally.
We agreed that we would try to have children in our thirties and stopped all birth control on my 30th birthday. I fell pregnant in January this year and we were both thrilled. Went for the first scan, all was great, we told our parents we were expecting just 3 weeks ago but unfortunately 9 days ago, I had a miscarriage. Doctors said there was nothing we could have done differently and that sometimes this just happens.
3 days ago, I went for a follow up scan to make sure my womb is clear of any tissues and mentioned a fever and pain which started the day before the appointment. It turns out I had an infection and needed to have minor surgery as a matter of urgency to resolve it. So two days ago I had the operation, general anaesthetic, an hour, over night stay for observation, and thankfully that went well.
I'm literally counting down hours to my next dose of pain killers and am very much an emotional mess still because of the miscarriage. I can hardly sit up because of the wound from the surgery and am only moving when necessary. For a bit of a distraction I picked up my journal for the first time in a couple of weeks today and my husband came in the room and asked if I am writing about the best blowjob that I will give him tonight.
I asked him what makes him think that I have any thoughts of sex or blow jobs at the moment. He asked why I wouldn't. I said because I had a miscarriage last week and emergency surgery a couple of days ago so I'm just trying to keep myself together and not constantly be in tears because of the emotional or physical pain I'm in.
He picked up his phone and went off to another room and hasn't spoken to me since. How can I resolve this?
Tldr: I had a miscarriage 9 days ago and an emergency operation (unrelated) 2 days ago and my husband wants a blowjob but I told him I wasn't even thinking about it now he's ignoring me.
Edit: thank you to everyone who has responded. I fell asleep after posting, so I am quite overwhelmed by finding so many replies waiting. I just wanted to make some things clear – he has been a great partner until this. I can't think of any other selfish or inconsiderate behaviour. In the past when I've been ill, he's taken care of me and been loving and caring. – I know I'm very emotional at the moment. That's why I wanted to check that I'm not overreacting by being upset and angry – I agree that he is in tge wrong, by asking how to resolve this, I guess I was hoping to get some suggestions on how to address this because he's not talking to me and I don't want to ignore this and frankly I need his help at least for the next couple of days. I don't have anyone nearby to go stay with and didn't think it would be necessary
