Am I [30 F] lawyer being superficial for listening to my friends about ending it with a [32 M] security guard?
Hey everyone, the title pretty much sums it up. I’ve been talking to this guy for 2 months now and he works as a security guard. We’ve been getting along very well and we share a lot of the same values in life.
When I told my friends about it, they weren’t encouraging about the whole situation. They were concerned about his level of education and how he works as a security guard. I recently started working as a lawyer and they keep making comments of the sort “he’s not on your level” and they think I’m settling. They also worry me with their comments about how he wouldn’t be able to bring the financial stability I would want for my future kids. I realize I sound extremely superficial, but I jus don’t know whether the points that my friends are making are reasonable. I’ve always been someone to think long-term and, while I really like who he is as a person, I wonder if they’re right about me settling. Is who the person is really enough? Am I being superficial by comparing his level of education and his job to mine?
As an aside, I’m also at this age where I do want to find someone soon and want to have kids, but that’s not a reason to just go with whoever comes along. Him and I get along in so many ways but I’m wondering if I should end it before feelings start to develop?
Any different perspectives would be really appreciated 🙁
TLDR; I’m a lawyer who’s currently talking to a security guard. My friends think I should end it with him because of his education level and job.
EDIT: I really wasn’t expecting this post to blow up and wasn’t expecting to receive so many hateful DMs. I’ve been reading each and every one of your comments – and I really do appreciate them as they’ve provided me with a lot of insight.
To clarify, I knew what he did for a living prior to even talking to him. Clearly, I didn’t judge him based purely on that since we’ve been talking for the last two months. After having my friends nagging me about it for 2 months, it started to get to me. I posted on Reddit because I wanted to get the objective opinion of people who WEREN’T in my social circle, not because I can’t make my own decisions.
I don’t see myself as being better than anyone because of my level of education. I come from a household where education was always valued and I recognize that I am in a privileged position to have been able to pursue my studies. The reason I brought up education and job is because I am someone who values being able to have intellectual conversations with my partner, and I don’t see that as being a superficial thing. I also recognize that level of education doesn’t necessarily equate to intellectual conversations.
Financial stability is an important factor for me. I’m not looking to live some extravagant lifestyle, I just know that I want to be able to provide for my kids in the best way possible, the way my parents were able to do for me. I want my kids to have all of the opportunities they want and don’t want them to face financial barriers – if that’s being superficial/materialistic, then I guess that’s what I am. I have been surrounded by people who rushed into marriage so quickly and then had so many issues because of the financial stress of supporting one another, and then having a family. I have no issue being the breadwinner. I also want to be present when raising kids. We discussed our longterm goals and we both expressed wanting to work, which we’re both happy with. He explicitly stated that he wouldn’t seem himself being a stay at home dad. He’s currently working and not pursuing any other form of education because he needs the money to support his living and his parents. In terms of his ambitions, he said he doesn’t want to work in security forever and wants to consider a different field (that wouldn’t require him going to university given the financial costs). However, people can talk all they want about their ambitions, but I’m someone who just values/appreciates more concrete plans.
Again, I appreciate the comments and will continue to read through them.
