#@@#@!![62F. 63M. 41M. 36F.] My husband can not accept our children for who they are, and he wishes for me to maintain the same demeanor towards all of them as himself. How can I disobey him and love the children as they are?
I am highly embarrassed by my husband’s recent behavior and this provides me to be hesitant to seek advice from my friends. Unfortunately, I also understand their advice will be to pay attention to my husband’s direction with no consideration for nuance. I am going to try to be concise which means We are focusing on his flaws, yet he is a good man. Please be kind.
From whenever our children were young it offers always been important to my husband’s career to have a respectable plus presentable family, but this put particular pressures for the children. Our second child, our daughter, was born deaf. At the time her doctors told us it would be detrimental with her development if we learned and used sign language with her. This did not sit down right with me, and I wanted to get a second opinion, but my husband did not want this. He wanted our daughter to speak. She resented wearing her hearing helps and would quickly grab them from her ear, and she also hated presentation therapy. Without the hearing helps she was a much happier child. However , she still was not speaking and my hubby blamed me for coddling her. She underwent surgical procedure for a cochlear implant and he or she can now speak and realize us, but I have always felt uneasy about the girl early childhood.
However, our son was an easy child. Even as a baby this individual wasn’t fussy much. All of us did not have issues with him until he was a teenager, and even then it was absolutely nothing beyond regular teenage rebellion. He began to grow into his own person and rejected the particular expectations his father had for him, which finished in my husband giving your pet an ultimatum to choose among attending a good university or being cut off financially if he would not. He made this demand without our knowledge. As a result, our son enlisted and moved away after high school. He is today doing well for himself and owns a successful business. However , my husband is often hesitant to speak about him with others because he is uncomfortable with the idea of our son’s sexual alignment being brought up. When we very first learned, my husband suggested in my experience that I no longer hug our own son in greeting to demonstrate our disapproval, which was suggest I ignored and he failed to press me on it again. Since then he has relaxed several, but our son’s companion is not allowed over to our home for family dinner.
Due to all the aforementioned problems, we have a strained partnership with both of our children. Earning an appearance at family dinner and that is about as much as I see or hear from. I am also unsure if our son will come again for a while as he and my husband had a small argument more than dinner, which nearly finished with my husband saying the word he has previously just said to me. He recently experienced a moderately serious medical episode, after which they have been more verbally aggressive than previously. While this individual was in hospital I started to consider my life without him, and how it saddens myself that I have let myself be bullied from being close with my kids. I want to make changes to become more inviting, and I looked into taking a local sign vocabulary class. Our daughter has married a wonderful deaf man who only signs plus their young baby can also be deaf. My husband asked me personally why I would be signing up for a class when our daughter can understand all of us and translate perfectly nicely. He doesn’t understand even today, and told me I will be losing my time and his money. Additionally , he has told me to not call our son as he should come to us whenever he wishes to apologize for his scene at dinner, but I feel it is my husband who provoked the matter.
TL; DR: Currently I have wasted too much time abiding my husband’s rules, and contains cost me the relationship with our son and daughter and their respective partners. However , I am unsure how to move forward without directly disobeying our husband’s wishes.
