Sadly and not proudly it happened to me. I was 21 he was 31. He love bombed me, used me manipulated me—I could go on and on. He finally broke off our engagement, 5 months before we were to be married, saying that we had intimacy issues and he wasn’t attracted to me anymore which destroyed my self confidence. Only for me to find out the real reason from a mutual friend. He was in a relationship with an 19 year old, and got her pregnant, at this point he was 38 years old. He married her until she got too old and has now divorced her and is onto his next victim. I’m not saying that all men are like this but if he prefers this much of an age gap, something tells me it’s for nefarious and often abusive reasons.
Yeah, this will make things messier and hurt more for the ones involved. Actions speak louder than words so my most sincere apology would be by staying away and not meddle anymore. Helped
Oh, I guess I was thinking trimesters not weeks. That I understand completely as it’s so early on and not only would I not want to attach myself that early, but I don’t think it would be possible for me to do so. My apologies.
Hmm what if there are actions? Like for example, his sister now knows about me and insists on meeting me for lunch. He also wants me to meet her. All his friends know about me and I’ve met a few of them (crazy because they knew he was married, but wasn’t happy in his marriage apparently). I found out because I had a gnawing feeling and told him to let me see his phone. He didn’t hesitate and simply handed it over for me to see
Fml are you serious? If you were reading a book about the medieval/ancient world you would definitely find that type of thing because that’s the type of thing that happened. Offspring, especially daughters, where considered pawns in the great game of politics and nationhood.
Well that’s the thing—I did. But we both weren’t in a place to have a relationship. I don’t feel like I’m chasing him since I was the one who cut it off, so if I decide it’s not something I want to revisit, there’s really no pressure I guess
Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.
Get on birth control immediately.
Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.
Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.
I see a psychologist regularly, he never would. He doesn’t think he has anything wrong with him. He KNOWS he’s emotionally avoidant and has said ‘I hate emotions’ on several occasions.
I just don’t know how much longer I can not hear it, it’s been a year and a half. I’ve been patient, understanding, but it’s really hurting me now.
His mates even teased him over it at a bachelor party he attended. He laughed about it to me and I thought that’d be the final push he needs. 6 weeks later 0 still.
You didn't go to far. His family is having a fit because he's their problem now.
Talk to a lawyer asap about filing for child support. You should have done it when your children were born and you weren't married. Even if you were living together. Laws vary from state to state. But it's pretty standard.
You're literally just making up facts and then throwing out conclusions based on your made up facts lol, this is wild to watch and you seem like you're terminally on-line.
Him having to go back to Oregon IS convenient, for you. Start getting your ducks in a row so you can take your children and leave. Whilst you still have your dignity. What he said to you was not just unnecessary, it was him gaslighting you. If he hasn't already engaged in cheating then he's going to soon and he'd tell you how that's your fault too. He's a horrible person and you need to get out.
You being “disgusted” by him not wanting to bring in another dying animal is what’s actually disgusting here. It’s entirely reasonable that you what to, and it’s entirely reasonable that he doesn’t. You simply have different views. He isn’t disgusting for not wanting to do what you want to do.
You are being absolutely ridiculous in the last paragraph.
I'm past menopause and don't have discharge. I usually don't wear underwear but I always make sure the ones I wear are clean.
Sadly and not proudly it happened to me. I was 21 he was 31. He love bombed me, used me manipulated me—I could go on and on. He finally broke off our engagement, 5 months before we were to be married, saying that we had intimacy issues and he wasn’t attracted to me anymore which destroyed my self confidence. Only for me to find out the real reason from a mutual friend. He was in a relationship with an 19 year old, and got her pregnant, at this point he was 38 years old. He married her until she got too old and has now divorced her and is onto his next victim. I’m not saying that all men are like this but if he prefers this much of an age gap, something tells me it’s for nefarious and often abusive reasons.
Yeah, this will make things messier and hurt more for the ones involved. Actions speak louder than words so my most sincere apology would be by staying away and not meddle anymore. Helped
43? Get out if that. He has to be using you.
Stop trying to date guys that want younger women
Oh, I guess I was thinking trimesters not weeks. That I understand completely as it’s so early on and not only would I not want to attach myself that early, but I don’t think it would be possible for me to do so. My apologies.
“He wouldn't care if you brought your friends to his”
Okayyy why doesn't HE BRING HIS OWN FRIENDS TO HIS
op said he sent gf a voice message saying he was going to help the friend
Hmm what if there are actions? Like for example, his sister now knows about me and insists on meeting me for lunch. He also wants me to meet her. All his friends know about me and I’ve met a few of them (crazy because they knew he was married, but wasn’t happy in his marriage apparently). I found out because I had a gnawing feeling and told him to let me see his phone. He didn’t hesitate and simply handed it over for me to see
Yes, THIS! My father had a brain tumor. He was only a few years older than OP’s dad. It completely changed his personality.
Fml are you serious? If you were reading a book about the medieval/ancient world you would definitely find that type of thing because that’s the type of thing that happened. Offspring, especially daughters, where considered pawns in the great game of politics and nationhood.
Well that’s the thing—I did. But we both weren’t in a place to have a relationship. I don’t feel like I’m chasing him since I was the one who cut it off, so if I decide it’s not something I want to revisit, there’s really no pressure I guess
Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.
Get on birth control immediately.
Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.
Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.
I see a psychologist regularly, he never would. He doesn’t think he has anything wrong with him. He KNOWS he’s emotionally avoidant and has said ‘I hate emotions’ on several occasions.
I just don’t know how much longer I can not hear it, it’s been a year and a half. I’ve been patient, understanding, but it’s really hurting me now.
His mates even teased him over it at a bachelor party he attended. He laughed about it to me and I thought that’d be the final push he needs. 6 weeks later 0 still.
You didn't go to far. His family is having a fit because he's their problem now.
Talk to a lawyer asap about filing for child support. You should have done it when your children were born and you weren't married. Even if you were living together. Laws vary from state to state. But it's pretty standard.
You're literally just making up facts and then throwing out conclusions based on your made up facts lol, this is wild to watch and you seem like you're terminally on-line.
Please. Your bff wants to torpedo Kate’s relationship because your bff hates that Joe & Kate had sex once & now they’re friends.
No, you shouldn’t tell Kate’s bf, but I’m betting your bff won’t be able to help herself.
She should be careful, though. She’s worried about Kate now? What’s Joe gonna do if Kate’s single?
Delete. Block and move on
Send him A screenshot of the pic and say “bye”
She's isolating you. Classic abuser move.
I am unsure of what to do at this point
Stop cutting your friends off for this psycho. Otherwise you're gonna end up with no friends and a controlling, psycho partner.
Proposals that have a stipulation to them are not marriages you want to be in.
Even if he did propose, why would you want to marry someone who acts like this? You shouldn't have to prove yourself to him by wearing a ring.
8 yrs wasted
Tell us more, oh suaveness professional.
She won’t ever trust you the same cause that’s her son and you hurt him and tbh this relationship sounds toxic af
Him having to go back to Oregon IS convenient, for you. Start getting your ducks in a row so you can take your children and leave. Whilst you still have your dignity. What he said to you was not just unnecessary, it was him gaslighting you. If he hasn't already engaged in cheating then he's going to soon and he'd tell you how that's your fault too. He's a horrible person and you need to get out.
You being “disgusted” by him not wanting to bring in another dying animal is what’s actually disgusting here. It’s entirely reasonable that you what to, and it’s entirely reasonable that he doesn’t. You simply have different views. He isn’t disgusting for not wanting to do what you want to do.
You are being absolutely ridiculous in the last paragraph.