A girl (f19) is stalking me (m25) because she thinks I am her baby’s father, should I fill a restraining order against her or have another paternity test?


TL;DR I have been hooking up with a girl for about a year before she got pregnant, I asked for a paternity test and it came out negative (I'm not the dad) however she keeps insisting she was only having sex with me and is asking me to wait until after the baby's born to take another test.

EDIT: I'll take another test, I'll contact a lawyer, I'll have the second test in a different clinic since the first one was sketchy.

I also need to think about my own feelings now, talking with some people here made me realize that maybe i do have feelings for her too, maybe I've fallen for her. I miss her, I want to be with her even if we're just doing nothing. I think about her and honestly and as cheesy as it sounds I get butterflies.

I also don't think I mind stepping up for the baby, I was happy for the baby, and I don't think I care if it's mine or not. Clearly the other possible father doesn't care, but i do. I care for both of them and want them in my life. I still need to think about this, but I'm leaning towards this now

A person said its possible that she's not lying too, as they say that its possible that she has more weeks than what we thought. I'll suggest to talk about this with her doctor. (End of edit, I wanted to put it here since it'll be easier for people to see it)

About a year ago I have started seeing a girl, we met in a club, we hook up and then remained as friends with benefits. We mostly hang out to have sex, but also sometimes we hang out just because. We had sex regularly, like at least twice per week or something like that (unless she's on her period) Up until now we got along great, we never spoke about starting a serious relationship or anything like that.

Like 3 months ago she messaged me that her period was late. I told her ok and asked if she wanted me to drop off a pregnancy test. She told me yes so after I got off work I stopped by the drugstore and got the two tests (because the woman told me one can fail). I went to her apartment and waited until she took the test. She was nervous while we were waiting so I tried to calm her down which I guess worked because she was a bit more relaxed after. Both tests came out positive. She broke down and honestly I was scared too but I let her calm down. I stayed with her overnight and we spoke about what to do next and the obvious thing was going to the doctor.

She went to the doctor like two days after this. Later she messaged me that she was 3 weeks pregnant. I told her ok and asked what did she wanted to do, like if she had thought about having an abortion or she wanted to keep it and she said she needed to think about it. I told her cool and to keep me informed, and to text me if she needed anything.

About 5 days later she texted me and told me she wanted to keep it. I told her okay and I asked her to come to my apartment later after work so we could talk. It was very awkward, especially since she kept trying to sleep with me because she was “too horny”. I told her that I will step up, I will take care of the baby and her if the baby's mine. She assured me like a hundred times that it was mine because she had not be sleeping with anyone else as she was busy with college and only had time for me. Still I told her that I wanted a paternity test, just to be sure. She told me once again that she was sure it was mine and tried to talk me out of doing the test, however she finally accepted to do a test when it was safe.

Through this time I have been very active in the pregnancy, I went to the check ups with her and have been staying with her sometimes as she was struggling with morning sickness and such. Also I brought stuff for the baby like clothes, some diapers and the crib. We explained to the doctor we weren't sure I was the father and asked when was it safe to do a paternity test, she said around 8 weeks.

We put it off honestly, she was feeling too sick (morning sickness) and I was also busy with work so we couldn't do it at 8 weeks. During this time I took care of her still and we went to the 4 months check up too.

She was feeling better once the first trimester passed and we did the test at 17 weeks.The results came out and I am not the father, she told me it must be wrong because she hasn't slept with anyone else for like the last two months before her missed period. However we had been explained that it is very accurate, so I drove her to her apartment and told her that that was it because it ended up not being my baby. She cried and tried to guilt me again, telling me she knows it's my baby. I told her I had promised to take care of her IF the baby was mine, but it isn't.Ever since this happened she had been texting me and calling me to tell me about the next check up/ whatever related to the pregnancy. I told her I kept my promise and to leave alone, I don't want to see her again, to please just leave me alone.

Then, about two days after this, she showed up in my apartment, she asked me if we can talk inside my apartment. I told her if she needed to tell me something than she could just tell me there, but she started crying and said that we really need to talk in private and such. Finally I gave in because she was making a big fuss in the street and she looked terrible, like she was gonna faint or something. I calmed her down and she confessed to me that she had developed feelings for me these last couple months because I was so attentive towards her and the baby. She yet again insisted I am the father and that the people who made the test might have made a mistake, she asked me to wait until the baby's born so we can make another test. I told her no because it's expensive and we were told this test is very accurate. She told me she's sure, she doesn't want to me to miss on my baby's life, she told me to wait until the baby is here and go to a different clinic for the paternity test because when the baby's born I'll get to see that they're mine (like she thinks they would look like me)Once again I told her no.

She started crying uncontrollably and she was feeling sick, so I let her stay with me. She tried to get me to sleep with her (in the same bed, not as to have sex) but I let her sleep in my bed and I had to sleep in the couch. The next day I dropped her off at her apartment, she told me to think about the second paternity test and she tried to kiss me before getting out of my car.

Then nothing for like three days until she texted me to ask me to go with her to the check up she has next week. I told her no, and to stop insisting. She started blowing my phone with messages and I ended up blocking her. The next day she showed up to my job, she was crying a lot and telling me off for blocking her. My manager came up and asked what was going on because obviously he was outraged to see a pregnant girl arguing with his employee. She told him I was refusing to be a father for “our” baby, I was abandoning them. I had to explain all of this to my boss later.

I don't know what to do honestly. My family is basically telling me to do things her way and wait until the baby's born to know if it's mine or not, although they were excited to have another grandbaby/ nephew/ niece from the start since I'm the youngest and only one of my siblings without kids.

My friends are encouraging me to fill a police restraining order, but I don't want to do that. Like I know she's in a very shitty position, I was the only one of her possible baby's daddy's who stepped up when she got pregnant, she's probably feeling miserable with pregnancy symptoms, she's young and scared, I don't want to add to that. I don't know what should I do honestly.

Also another friend (f) told me I had lead her on by being attentive and taking care of her, letting her stay with me even after the tests results and such and that's why she had developed feelings for me which makes sense I guess.

I don't want her to be sad/ stressed since it will also impact in the baby's health and I don't wish that either of them have a hard time because of me. I want to help if I can but also feel wronged because even though I've asked her many times to be honest and tell me who else could be the baby's father so I could help contacting him she had told me each time that she had only slept with me and the baby's mine, despise the paternity test results. I don't know, I'm just confused and tired and don't know what to do.

Date: May 15, 2023

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