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To Start on-line video press there
It sounds less like she's controlling you and more like she's advocating for what she wants and you secretly don't want these things but agree to them and then stew in silent resentment.
You are describing yourself like a passenger in your own life. She wanted to move, so you went. She wanted to get married, so you proposed. She wanted a house, so you bought one. What do YOU want?
I'm not saying she's perfect as it does sound like she has a dominant personality, but dude, you need to learn to stand up for yourself. Sit down with your wife and tell her that while she may be happy with how things are, YOU are not and something NEEDS to change. Be clear and firm. If she tries to steamroll you, stand your ground. This may be a tough conversation because you've been passive for 12 years and this will be a major dynamic shift.
If you are struggling to discuss it between you, a couples counselor may help.
I agree. The thing is every conclusion OP made is true:
friend with GF feels we are freezing him out Yes they are GF feels we are making him choose between us and her De facto, yes.
There is no easy resolution: GF is insecure and Friend allowed her full access to his phone. OP & friends don’t feel comfortable with GF going through Friend’s phone and reading their private convos, which is also understandable.
In this case, I think Friend telling OP & group that his GF had full access to his phone would have been thoughtful and the right thing to do but it wouldn’t have changed anything: OP & group would still exclude him from their conversation as they don’t want GF to access it.
Thing is, by telling OP about his GF’s insecurities and her need to access his phone, isn’t he also violating his GF’s right to privacy and to keep her past trauma to herself?
IMO, OP & group are now ‘hostile’ towards the GF (because of Friend’s poor handling of the situation) and even if Friend ends up dumping GF because of the groups pressure, he’ll resent the group. If Friend cut ties with the group because his GF prevails, he will resent the GF. So basically no one wins.
I think they should maybe all have a sit down together and chat. Maybe GF could still access BF’s phone (if BF is comfortable with that) under BF’s control BUT they could agree OP’s group conversation is off limits.
Also, I stand by my initial comment that SO will definitely discuss friends and friends lives together. Even if not going into details about it. So there is no way to prevent that new GF to 100% be out of the loop about the friends group lives and difficulties. Although there are ways to prevent GF from knowing every little detail.
He’s been abused
Oh definetly, that's why I try to sort my feelings out before confronting him, cus I know their way of thinking is toxic, it's just very hot to ignore that gut feeling they have inflicted upon me.
Part of the abuse is brainwashing you into thinking you're so disgusting no one would ever want you, and that you should be thankful he even gave you a chance to “clean up your act”. None of that is true, but when you hear it constantly from the person you love the most, you'll start to believe it. Don't believe him, the number on the scale has absolutely 0 correlation to your worth as a person. Don't let him take that from you.
Leave him!!!
That’s a pretty solid one
Ok
I acknowledged from the start that lunch meetings are a thing, and I don't think it's not normal. However, I am offering a perspective so OP might better understand his wife, as he himself said he “doesn't follow this logic”. What his wife is feeling isn't logical; jealousy is often an irrational overreaction. She needs help to come to terms with her feelings and lack of trust. But just because it's not OP's fault, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't be a supportive partner anyway. This isn't a situation about being right or wrong; OP asked for advice on what he can do to assuage his wife's fears, which is great because his wife is evidently struggling to get out of this negative spiral on her own.
If she wants to experiment and “figure it out”, she needs to be single.
Any other option is just stupid. And at the end of the day, what does it matter if she is bi or not of she actually wanted to be with you?
Sounds like what's she is really saying is that she doesn't want to be with you.