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1. OP, I'm sorry, but please just get the divorce already.

   This isn't healthy, for either of you. And you're both behaving like little shits. This isn't love. This isn't respect. This isn't even “like”. You don't like each other. You're hardly tolerating one another and just sort of existing in the same space together.

   This is so much more than asking to look at your phone.

   From your post She:

   Took a picture/sent a picture of something that caused you to feel insecure while in a location you were not at.

   You guys fought about that picture, and the resolution was not resolving the problem, but rather refusing to acknowledge the problem existed by just not looking at phones. You guys hastily buried the issue and just hoped it would stay buried.

   Shes getting ready to travel back to the location of that picture. Nothing was actually resolved, and now you're suspicious again and worried.

   Communication broke down in favor of not rocking the boat. You mutually agreed there was no problem, despite a big one sitting beside you both.

   You:

   Have so much negative emotion about your marriage and wife pent up that after every fight or argument your mind jumps to divorce.

   Frequently talk very negatively about your wife to your friends. You've gone to great lengths to conceal the gender of these friends, implying they are women and your wife would both be upset at the topic of these conversations and also with whom the conversations are had.

   You are watching so much porn its all over your phone and you very much do not want your wife discovering this porn. This is really ambiguous and could mean a lot of things. Is your wife anti porn? Is your wife a jealous person and would be upset that it's porn instead of her? Or is your wife going to be upset about the content of the porn? Is it legal porn? Is it violent porn? Is it a weird or niche and you feel she wouldnt understand? It is something Is she would be scared to find out (like if it were violent non consent porn)? Is this you projecting that you think your wife would be upset or is there something around this topic that would legitimately make your wife upset? There are too many variables in this one, and too much room for speculation to even give an objective and fair point of view for consideration.

   You're doing something on Craigslist that you don't want your wife finding out. Craigslist has three categories. 1. Buy. 2. Sell. 3. Missed connections. She would know if you were selling something due to excess income. She would know if you were buying something due to new items appearing around the house. Which means you're most likely in category 3. What rabbit holes are you scared your wife will discover? Craigslist missed connections and meet ups are full of links for casual sex and prostitution. You say you haven't cheated, but I'm sure you can understand the skepticism on this one.

   You aren't upset about her breaking the agreed upon promise. You are upset that you were in an unwinnable position. She either looked at your phone, and came unglued at the contents of it. Or you said no, and she came unglued at the secrecy. There was no polite way out of this inevitable confrontation.

   There is no healthy communication going on. You two are going tit for tat like it's an Olympic sport. There is zero trust invovled and zero effort to rebuild that trust. You are being a sneaky fuck. Shes being a sneaky fuck. Instead of just letting the dead horse lay, you're desperately clinging to something that just doesn't exist anymore. This is not love. This is a refusal to leave what's become normal to you both.

   Neither one of you is happy. Neither one of you is being respectful of the marriage. Neither one of you is treating the other as a person they love.

   She wants a divorce. This secrecy was the straw that broke the camels back. You want a divorce every time you argue, which sounds often.

   Do yourselves the favor and get the divorce. Your kids will be happier in two homes than they would be in a single home that's full of this much toxicity and spite. You are poisoning them. You are the example of what is acceptable in a relationship and by staying and continuing this cycle, this is what those kids will allow to happen to them in their own relationships one day. You both need to do and be better for those kids.

   Be amicable. Sit down and have the divorce conversation. Agree to 50/50 for those kids and make shit as normal and healthy for them as possible.

   But stop doing this back and forth crap. Therapy can't fix this. Neither of you are willing to put the work in. You keep closing your eyes and ignoring the problems and those problems are growing, and growing. Eventually, they'll be so big they can't be ignored anymore. You both deserve to be happy. So drop the act, free each other, and go find that happiness.

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2. Ahhh ok. It’s just that you said that he’d send you good morning texts before you started dating and that you went on a date soon after his divorce and you’d been BFFs for years.

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