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No. It's a crosspost. Someone else wrote that, I just reposted it on another sub. I have a penis, though I don't identify neither as a female or male
It is going to affect your relationship and he may want to break up with you. Before you tell him, make sure that you have a place to stay if he kicks you out.
You’re a pos
I don't know what failure of your reasoning skills occurred that led you to marry someone who refused to have sex with you, but I'm inclined to agree with your friends, especially since he's wanting a “friend” to move in. You're a beard. You married a super closeted gay man and you're his cover. Even if he isn't, is this really how you want live the rest of your life?
In a dead bedroom with someone who blames you for it and won't even talk about it after 6 whole years. Not to mention I'd love to know what you're smoking that you're planning a SECOND wedding in this situation.
I don't shave anything–legs, pits, pubes, etc. Been with my husband for 12 years, stop shaving entirely about 5 years ago because I just didn't want to do it anymore, and I realized that I never really wanted to do it, I just did it because I thought it was expected of me. Legs/pubes he doesn't care at all, he's not crazy about the pits though. Personally, I've never liked facial hair, but he doesn't shave super often, so I think it's a pretty fair trade off lol. We'll both occasionally trim up as a nice compromise/surprise for the other person. If you feel comfortable doing a little trim, maybe that would be a good solution here? If not, don't shave just because he prefers it. Lots of people have lots of different preferences, it's not your responsibility to meet all of them, and ultimately it's your body and your comfort is more important.
Thank you for that, that was very well worded and inspirational actually I will find some time in the near future to tell her my story in person
He is, of course. But if his wife finds it unattractive and creepy and is actively less interested in him as a result, that's not within her control.
I'm biased by personal experience, though. My husband's beard isn't maintained well and hasn't been for several years, and I started getting beard-hairs up my nose when kissing. (They reminded me strongly of hairy spider legs and once my brain made that association, I couldn't un-think it.) I researched barbers, suggested fancy beard oil, bought him new clippers by his request, but I couldn't force him to change. The sensory experience became so uncomfortable that I let him know that his facial hair was his choice, but I didn't enjoy kissing anymore. He chose the beard.
It's not the only reason we're ending an almost 20-year marriage, but it was a minor contributing factor. I didn't tell him what to do or threaten anything, just couldn't force myself to kiss anyone whose facial hair feels uncomfortable and off-putting to me. I don't blame OP at all.
One of my friends used to have a fwb from his class so I thought I could have that with her and that it wouldn't be so bad just to ask. I know I was stupid but I didn't mean to be creepy.
In case this for real (cuz this is the second time I’ve seen this post from a different user) Just try to do better? My husband calls me she all the time. I know he’s not a bigot and I tell him it’s fine cuz I love him but it hurts when I hear him get other peoples pronouns right or the fact that I came out two years ago and he pretty much never says they/them (at least when I’m around) to refer to me. The closest people to me have had the hardest time making the switch so it’s hard to feel like I’m nagging them for basic respect. I tell them I don’t mind she and give them the grace I extend to little kids when they used to ask if I was a boy or a girl or when a stranger sees a dress and just assumes femme. Like I said on a post eerily similar to this – it’s like how prince knew the world would only see him as a black man – even though he told us he was not a woman or a man. I know no matter how much a come out or remind people I’m mostly going to be seen as a mid sized white woman.
I feel like if you just reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally try to use they/them AT LEAST as much as he/him than your fine. If you find you’re mostly using he/him maybe try to swing in favour of they for a lil?
There’s nothing worse than a person who makes the partner in a new relationship pay for the actions of their partner from their past relationship. You have not betrayed her, you have not treated her badly, if you want to be in a relationship and you want a girlfriend and you want to let your friends and family and coworkers and anyone else know that you have a girlfriend you tell her you’re not comfortable with how things are going.
If she’s not willing to treat you like a boyfriend, call you her boyfriend and tell the rest of her circle that she has a boyfriend, then move on
How do you cope with this? You don't. Even if sex hasn't occurred, he's emotionally cheating with her.
Not like a 35 year old has that much more in common with a college senior. But hey they can now legally drink together so that’s something to build a relationship on.
Would be curious to the duration of this 'break up' and any rules that were established.
Anyways, if this is true:
I feel like we are more in love and in sync than ever.
A conversation shouldn't result in catastrophe.
Yes, we can argue 'you two were on a break blah blah blah'… but this rabbit hole of your thoughts will only get worse if you try to push it down and ignore it… which ultimately will ruin things long run.
If you two are going to work out, he should be capable of settling these thoughts of yours, which is why I think it would good to talk about it. Clear the air, smooth things out, etc.
Update:
Hey everyone,
I wanted to provide an update on my previous post. After thinking things overnight , I decided to have a serious conversation with my girlfriend about the messages I found on her phone and the results of the loyalty test. I didn’t say it was a loyalty test but that I saw a flirty message pop up before in her dms and I messaged the guy and he sent me SS
At first, she denied any wrongdoing and tried to brush it off as innocent flirting. But when I confronted her with the evidence, she broke down in tears and said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She promised to change her behavior and work on our relationship.
I wanted to believe her, but something didn't feel right. I couldn't continue living in a relationship with someone who was not fully invested in me. When I told her I was breaking up with her, she was devastated and begged me to reconsider. She said that she would be lost without me and that she would do anything to make things work. It was honestly devastating for me to see her like that.
But when she asked if I would consider taking her back, I asked her how she would feel if I did the same thing to her. When she said she would be upset, I knew that it was time to end things for good.
Breaking up was not easy, but I know it was the right decision. I deserve to be with someone who is loyal and committed to our relationship. Thanks for all the advice and support in my previous post. It really helped me to make the tough decision to move on.
Take care, everyone.
Say No to him about something and you'll see who he really is.
It feels like a shame to throw that away.
Well, it was only 4 years because you let it be. Because you never stood up to her. The second you did that 4 years didn't really mean a lot to her when she figured you'd fold. You need to finally get real about what it is you are actually 'throwing away' here because it reads a lot like she has always taken advantage of you both financially and emotionally [if nothing else as a punching pillow].
She's a manipulator. You called her bluff and she immediately went into lovebombing mode. I would advise you take all of this talk with a grain of salt because often it is just part of the process.
Still, if you really feel the need to humour it set a deadline in your mind. Let's say 6 weeks. Don't tell her of this deadline and don't prompt her to go to therapy again. If she hits 6 weeks and no therapy then it was clearly all a play to suck you back in.
That's the order of events you provided. You didn't give any frames of time on when which message happened.
So all that the readers know is:
– he didn't seem interested and you said you didn't want to get strung along
– he was fine with that
– you wanted to just check in when he told you about some recent breakup
– he sent a “basically now or never” text to you
– you apologized
– He has read your apology and not answered since.
I meant to say bf and it autocorrected to husband I didn’t know my bad
So you're dating a cunt
Enjoy!
What?
I know it sucks immensely, but it’s a very common situation and what’s best for you at the end of the day
You will have a completely different perspective on this down the line years from now. It sucks in the moment, but in the long term you will be thanking yourself.
You’re also super young, I met the love of my life when I was 25 and had to go through many trial and errors to get there
Stop using anxiety as an excuse not to work on your situation. Talk to a therapist and maybe even meet friends though some peer group of people in the same boat. You can help each other. But being jealous that someone else is socially happy and has friends is not fair to him.
Get a Pre-up, that way you can protect most things.
Is she his child?
This is a bad situation, but to some degree people need to stop attacking you over this. It sounds like you realise something needs to happen, and I'm assuming its a fairly long term relationship you are in if this is the case.
I do agree you need to move on, but I also understand you trying to make sense of an impossible situation. You shouldn't be abused for asking for an alternate viewpoint or quite frankly, help. I don't imaging most people commenting on how bad of a person you are have ever spent 10+ years of their life with somebody.
All that said, I think you came here because you wanted to be told leaving is the right thing to do, which, it is. You must know he isn't able to be 'fixed', and at best if he has those urges and isn't acting on them it must make your relationship seem very hollow knowing you aren't the thing he most desires. You do need compassion, but that can only come from those who love you.
Perhaps take a few days away and take the step of talking to a loved one before you do anything. When confronted with their life and secrets coming out for everyone to see, people can become violent, even those you suspect least, so having some 'backup' would certainly be preferable when things come to a head.