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I can do that, but I don't think that will solve anything really because if that was the real issue, why wouldn't he get tested for himself what std he thinks my birthmark is?
Yep, but you are in serious denial if you think stuff is not left on a towel. If it's my towel… I want MY stuff on it, not his.
Start with just talking to her, like normal conversation.. How her day is going and what not. Shes not some unobtainable prize, she's just a person. If you think she'd be into in, and you're working the same shift or w/e, just ask if she wants to go out after work for a quick bite or something. If it goes smooth there then ask her out to a drink or movie.
Yes, you should be concerned. A partner of 10 years should not be deleting chats, he is hiding something. You are not paranoid.
“No Thank You.”
Unless you are a trans woman who dates cis, your opinion on their safety is irrelevant
If you want to be a sugar baby, be a sugar baby. But don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Many women hit a wall in their dating and sexual life, approaching 30. Even more so if you follow “leftist” ideologys or modern feminism.
Straight men generally prefer younger women for multiple reasons, straight men also prefer less dominant/assertive women more often than not.
I’m not even 100% sure that my fiancee hasn’t cheated on me at some point while we’ve been together and then massaged the truth
I see what you did there …nice
But yeah it sounds like she's been lying ask for her cell and check for deleted messages or photos. If there is nothing anywhere but also nothing in her deleted files folder she's Def untrustworthy.
Sorry OP I wish it had been nothing
You are unhappy in your relationship, that is more than enough to leave. She may be cheating, or she may be asexual. I don't think going through her socials us that big of deal honestly. However you do not need it.
What will happen if you find nothing? What brilliant idea will you come up with to sabotage your relationship just, because your spinr us made of jelly?
Your gf wants to sleep with the other guy, and threesome is the way she can do it without “cheating”.
No, you should not. They're your ex.
I’m stable and happy in my current relationship (M23)
And yet you want to self-sabotage the relationship. You should spend more time thinking about that then your ex's life.
You shouldn’t have lied about it. Relationships are built in trust and you put it at risk by telling an unnecessary lie. Best to come clean and apologize.
21 dating a 17 y/o… alright bud
Let him come and wear what he wants. Ignore it. He’s the one who will look like an asshole.
You should dump him. He got what he deserved.
Ummm no ….stop creeping you’re ex and move on. You don’t know what they were going through at that time.
New account is not indicative of a fake post. Many people wish to be anonymous when making a post so they do a throwaway account. Just saying.
It’s time to break up with him. Your 29 and he’s 40. He’s 40 and acting like a man child. Break up and move on.
You need to just back off and let this sit for a while. You guys might be able to work things out, but honestly, what you asked him to do isn’t fair. You said in the beginning of this post that you both “came out of our religions”, but then you asked him to convert to the one you left? That doesn’t make sense, and if I was him, I’d be thinking farther into the future than just the wedding. Will you do this when it comes to raising your children too? Disagreements over religion can and will ruin a marriage.
My wife bought her own engagement ring with money she inherited because I couldn’t afford it. She gave it to me and said, this is my engagement ring, propose when you are ready.
I have never not ended up resenting a girl I dated who had no problem spending my money without a second thought. It’s easy for someone not to care how much something costs when they have no skin in the game. Does she follow all traditional norms or is she just choosing the ones that are convenient for her? Tell her to make you a sandwich or something totally outdated and when she fights back tell her it’s “tradition”. Then maybe you can have a conversation better suited to the rolls you two want to have in a relationship moving forward.
Tf. If you are so private you don't even want to tell your workplace you're married, you should not be in a relationship with anyone.
It's one thing not to tell work you're in a relationship, but anyone can look up a marriage certificate. It's not in any way private. And it's shady AF.
If you were her, would you want to know?
call the police and press charges. This is a really fucked up thing to do and IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.
You have a probably with two people who were single having sex with each other. That’s the issue you and everyone else has
Of course I want to resolve this for my sister . Two things can be true at once. I want to continue the relationship and resolve this with my sister.
So because I had sex with someone who is single I would have sex with my sister’s husband? That makes no sense…
I’m not even going to entertain your last point
Your wife's fantasies quite possibly include a father figure.
You’re really acting shocked that she might be hurt by her husband and father of her children suddenly bringing up non-monogamy? That’s the kind of thing you bring before even entering an exclusive relationship, let alone a marriage.
People break up over HPV???? This is like if she got the cold and didn't tell you, dude. The only people who haven't had it yet are probably the people who aren't ever sexually active.
Bingo lol
Big thing is you got a life lesson. There are truly bad people out there who don't care about you and will use you. They're damaged individuals. Its good to know they exist and once you see the red flags you can choose to not get involved with them.
Its tough! but be glad you didn't have a kid with her. See some friends, go on dates and don't let a girl like this knock down your confidence like did me… people like her cheat no matter what. No amount of money or status man can satisfy a girl who has a rotten core. So don't think any less of your self.
I wish you the best of luck on the self improvement journey!
Honestly you should get therapy asap as what you’re doing to your partner(s) isn’t fair.
I felt the same way after calling the police on my ex. I felt bad for putting his job at risk, I didn't press charges, I even went back to him one more time. But now I'm glad I called and I'm so glad I finally left him for good.
All you need is time away from him, and things will become clearer. You have to take it one day at a time, and every day you don't talk to him is a win. One day, you'll realize you don't miss him and how much more peaceful your life is without him.
Kind of odd a law states that the married couple can’t divorce if they’ve had sex within a year of separation and has to wait another year.
Like I explained in another comment and probably have to explain again; No, that was not a serious question. I automatically assumed he would react naturally to the current context. But he did a 180°. I know I'm not the hottest or sexiest woman out there obviously, but I wanted to be to him, only for that moment to 'get back at' his cat.(Our inside joke) Just like he is perfect to me. There is not a single strand of hair on his body that I would change. I am fully content and satisfied and love how he looks, down to the exact atom. I am completely in love with every “imperfection” he has. They're perfect to me. I wouldn't change or edit them for anything.
I do not see him as the world objectively sees him. I see him as the one person I truly love. Because of this, nothing beats him.
(Also, he did date a drop-dead gorgeous person. They broke up because she cheated.)
I overheard my dad tell my mom that women couldn't be as smart as men. He always assumed if my brother failed, I would. He said to my mom I looked like a w**** if I wear red lipstick. I am successful, have a full time job, work for home, and make more money than anyone in my family. He still asks me what I make my boyfriend for dinner, or saying I must be tired from cleaning. This is especially laughable since my boyfriend is currently unemployed and does ALL of the house work while he finds something.
All of these things I've overheard haunt me. I see cartoons telling little girls they're as strong or as smart as men, and I cry tears of joy because I never bad that.
For the record: my mom never went to college and still busted her ass in her career and was making 6 figures in nyc by time I was in college. All of her collegues respected her, and old coworkers always called her seeking her advice and counsel. I'm incredibly proud of her and work to be like her. But she tolerated his bull.
Don't tolerate his misogynistic bs because your daughter will grow up knowing you tolerated it, and it will hold a massive impression on her.
You’re so young and I feel when I’m reading this that I’m reading a young girl who is wanting to hang out with her friends and party. When she’s involved with a grown man, who frankly, starting to look like a fool because he’s trying to hang onto something and is miserable. I suggest you guys break up you’re not really suited for each other. That way you can go and party with your friends and have a good time. And frankly, after some recovery, he can start dating somebody much more suited to settled lifestyle.
What does it matter, and why are you still questioning him, your giving the cheater hope that it could work out, disconnect from him and act as cold as possible.
Very few birth control methods are 99.9%.
This is terrible advice. Talk to your fiancé, not some random dude. If there’s an innocent explanation, OP would look like a totally controlling psycho if he did this.
A lot of these comments are way too harsh on the guy.
Maybe his libido just dropped a bit. It tends to ebb and flow as time goes
I have not had sex with anyone for money
I've seen this exact scenario and it turned really nasty. My friend's ex-wife is now married to the “other” woman, and has been for a few years now.
Why do you need to speak to him like that? So rude and unkind. It's quite possible to make your point without being abusive.
Why would you even consider staying with someone who treats you this way? What would you tell a friend who shared this story?
Let him find some other cult member to marry, so they can do culty things together.
Yeah dump him immediately. Most situations here are salvageable. This isnt, because he showed blatent disregard for you. I wouldn't humiliate someone I HATED in this manner, let alone my partner. And if someone humiliated my partner like that, I'd raise holy hell on them and cut them out forever. Your boyfriend blaming YOU for being upset shows that he is self centered and doesn't care about your feelings. Do you really want to listen to him minimize the incident and call you overly dramatic for the rest of your life? Because I guarantee you, if you stay with him he will bring this up CONSTANTLY as an example of how you're “overly sensitive ” and “can't take a joke”. You deserve better.
She might not know it, but she probably has what I think of as a secrecy fetish or kink. Growing up, whenever she pleasured herself, she had to hide like someone hiding Jews from the Nazis. And that's not much of an exaggeration. Growing up in a house like that, the idea of being discovered masturbating is an absolute nightmare. It sounds like this carried over to your marriage. She promised you that she didn't want masturbation in the house just like she promised her parents, but when she inevitably gave in to the urge to do it, she went about it the only way she knew how. In secrecy.
PDA stems from the same mindset. ANY hints at physical intimacy in front of other people would trigger the same instincts of shame that were instilled in her when she was young.
At this point, I think it's very safe to say that your wife needs to see a sex therapist, especially one that's experienced in dealing trauma brought on by shame during childhood. That's what you're dealing with. Childhood trauma. Possibly Complex PTSD. It might sound a little farfetched, but a kid with a high libido being raised in that kind of shame inducing environment can sustain a lot of damage.
It is never ok to confront someone at work.
Dump her cheating ass.
Did they take your ovaries along with everything else? Usually with somebody so young they will leave the ovaries unless there’s a specific reason to take them. Your hormones shouldn’t be affected if your ovaries are in tact….but might be worth having your levels tested
So he stole and ruined your dress? And your other clothing too?! WTF.
And whose dildo was it? If it's yours, he needs to replace it.
Man, the guy needs to buy his own sh1t for the love god.
Once a year I get a check up with my doctor. Mental health check in, blood pressure and blood test. If I'm single the blood test is general health like cholesterol, blood sugar, Vitamin D, iron. If I'm in a relationship or about to enter into something with someone I just ask to be also tested for STIs
You can catch things and not have symptoms but someone you're with might not also know they have something. It's good to be on top of your physical and sexual health.
The courts will decide how your marital assets will be divided and how much alimony and child support you will get. Your attorney can push for relocating the kids to Virginia. It may be that they'll have to spend part of the summer and the occasional holiday in California. Let your attorney deal with it. That's what you pay them for. Tell his family to stay out of it and not contact you about his nonsense.
A guy who has to resort to finding a partner overseas has issues himself.
That’s the best part. You don’t have to. What you saw is gross regardless of when. You know why your gut is telling you something’s wrong? I do. Because something seems off. I read your post and the last one. Here is the question that only she will know.
Her claim is that the time stamp won’t be valid because up the upload time. She knew that pretty quick. Why? Because she was already thinking of a ways to get you over it. She claims she was gonna delete it? Which implies she also knew it was there when it was transferred. It takes two second to delete a video. So she saw it. Left it and said “I’ll delete it later?” Im a betting man and I say she cheated on you and got trained.
Think of it this way. Any women that would let men hang bang her on camera for free… is probably not wife material. I think if you stay in this one your in for a bad time.
I’ll be honest, you’re going to have WAY more sex in a relationship than you would being single. Literally have only had sex with 2 people since breaking up with my ex and it’s been like…….4 years. And it is not for a lack of trying. I’ve literally had like 5 different guys in a row reach the point of having the condom ON yet somehow something always happens that we don’t end up fucking (whiskey dick, accidentally fucked up his broken arm worse from leaning on it, no bed yet bc I just moved in lol, realizing he’s too drunk and I was too sober, I literally have the worst luck)
Dating men fucking sucks. Sorry to men but like if you have found a guy who doesn’t suck you are in for a huge fucking shock once you try dating other people. I haven’t even been cheated on but just like the amount of ghosting, lack of consideration for my time, sexual assault, the list goes on should really make you think twice.
If you want to break up to find yourself as a person and learn to be more independent, do it. If you want to break up because there’s a problem, do it. Don’t break up just because you want a hoe phase.
It wasn't free ? lol
I think you're just going to have to be honest.
You don't have to be rude about it, and you don't need to come to any conclusions about their relationship. Keep if focused on when they act like this you feel like that and it's making visits with them a negative experience.
Despite the temptation to do so, don't bring up the fact that your other siblings have talked about it too. Your parents are just going to get defensive and accuse everyone of gossiping behind their backs and blah blah blah. Then you might find yourself in the situation of one sibling says you should have shut up, another says otherwise, and then there's tension there. You don't need that.
Be prepared for the fact that your parents might just handwave anything you say, or equally there could be a large emotional reaction.
As for stay, or go … I don't know. Maybe play that by ear? If they seem like they want to talk about it, in a non-confrontational way, then stay. If they start getting particularly negative or argumentative with you, tell them you won't put up with being spoken to in such a way, and that you'll talk to them later. Then remove yourself from the conversation.
Her feelings have changed because they're having sex my dude.
If he respects you and your boundaries, he’ll back off on her a bit. M/F friendships are alright to a certain extent, but when they start making your significant other uncomfortable, that’s when you need to start setting some boundaries. And I’ll tell you what… I’d flip my lid if my boyfriend (25m) was having random phone conversations with one of his female friends.
I empathize with her, but it's so miserable to on-line with people like this. Constant negativity is draining. I think you need to be very clear that you're not comfortable getting married until you BOTH get some counseling. Maybe if you get the ball rolling for her, she'll be more willing to go…and if not, seriously consider ending it
Need to just rip off the bandaid. Explain the weight gain you’re concerned for her health, don’t make it about her looks. Ask if you can help coordinate seeing a doctor for her to find what will work since there is some possible genetics that will make weight loss harder. As for stopping taking care of herself, did she on-line with family before moving in with you or was she by herself? If she was with family she may still be used to living carelessly like before if she did. Possible the genetics are due to not taking care of herself, or maybe she’s stressed with work. Regardless, seeing a doctor to help since you’re concerned which is a true since she’s gained a rapid amount of weight would be best to address this. The cats is a messy one. Is it 2 or 4, starts out with 2 possibly 4 then paragraph turned into you have 4 now. You knew she had cats prior to moving in with her, I’m assuming you slept over or at least knew they slept in bed with her prior to moving in. Was these issues of them being a problem of sleeping in the bed with you addressed before moving in? Cats aren’t as easily to retrain as dogs. I once broke up with a guy because early on he said he would never allow them to sleep in the same bed because of the same reasons you stated, but I love my cats and could not deny them if they wanted to sleep next to me over some boy. If you’re looking for any grounds just say you’re concerned about how many you can have per your lease contract. Put tin foil or sticky tape on the counters if you don’t want them jumping up there. Don’t leave cups out. Cats are curious creatures. But as for the sleeping situation you had to know about that prior to moving in and if you try and shut them out at bedtime and they were sleeping in the bed with her before, they won’t understand why they’re being denied. Litter boxes are very easy to manage and make sure there’s no smell, as long as it is being cleaned regularly. If you have 2 cats, best to have at minimum 2 boxes. Do they have enough litter and is it being cleaned? Sounds like there is shared blame between both of you. Not pinning all the issues on her, things change when you move in with someone and you don’t have your place to escape to. It sounds like she was living with her family before moving in with you and you both have different view points on things. The cats should have been addressed before moving in.
When in doubt, talk it out.
If be really cares about you he’s gonna be willing to hear you out and hopefully will understand where you’re coming from. If his response is bad, then you know that you’re better off without him
Friends come and go
I've got a question who do you spend more time with him or your husband
Or who do you feel like you growing closer to
Does your husband feel like you distancing yourself from him
Or does he feel like he's being replaced
The person you should be confiding is your husband
The need to stay connected with this friend/co-worker especially when a different co-worker tried kissed is probably the problem
It's so true
don’t tempt me..
Just end it. It doesn't matter how you found out, her cheating trumps any privacy concerns. Don't let her try to turn the discussion against you. Just tell her she us a cheater and you are moving on with your life.
Your boyfriend is addicted to her drama and the feeling of “rescuing” her. I’ve seen this kind of codependent toxic “friendships” over and over. You will never be as important to him because you’re a mature functional adult and he doesn’t get the high he gets from “saving” her.
apparently. it's unfortunate she asked reddit since apparently all the insecure males are down voting every reasonable comment. apparently once in a relationship, you aren't allowed to talk to any men. hilarious that they think that could prevent cheating or even deter it.
Why do you want to stay in a relationship when he makes you feel this way? If you really want to try and save it it needs counseling and he has to engage. Otherwise dump him and find someone who doesn’t treat you like a maid and an object.
I just said she was fine, was at work, etc. I basically answered like a guy not doing anything wrong (because I wasn’t). But I did go home and tell my wife what happened and that she couldn’t go with me anymore—I had to keep up my street cred.
Next time she went in the GM said something about me having been in the week before. My wife laughed and said I told her about that. Then said she knew about all my female friends. My wife is the same way—a bunch of younger good looking guy friends. If either of us were high drama people it wouldn’t work. But we’re not, we don’t see things that aren’t there, and we’ve been together a dozen years now.
he's most likely cheating on you again, just this time he's decided to make you feel crazy for suspecting something is up. why exactly do you insist on staying with this waste of space? is he the last man on earth for some unfathomable reason?
You went from one abusive relationship to the next. You need to figure out why you always end up with crazy loosers.
He is pushing your buttons so you give him a reason to abuse you, guilt you and put you down. He is just as bad as the other jerk.
Listen to your gut. You are not safe.
unless the OP tells you otherwise, stop speculating just to get your kicks.
the OP told us that her fiance has no problem going through someones private things and assaulting them when he doesnt like what he sees.
Wheres the need to read between lines? shes telling us all we need to know
I think it's supposed to be that the comment about sharing OP tipped him over the edge.
Anyone who uses the term “body count” ESP re women is childish af.
Now I feel obligated to snoop LOL. If there isn't something good to look at I refuse.
I agree! She's using you! She clearly isn't relationship material and she contacted you be she was horny, it's as simple as that! She probably had someone else she was interested in and broke up with you just to get with him, but that clearly didn't work. She see's you as a means to a end, so please don't give her the time of day and block her on everything! She's just playing games with your head and is only going to hurt you. Take this time to heal before finding someone who deserves a attentive man like you. Good luck and keep yourself busy, so you don't have time to think about her!
Oh, man. You have no idea who you're talking to 🙂 I've loooong fought against the evils of complementary and alternative medicine and reiki is as blatantly pseudoscientific as it gets.
It's bad enough that fighting mental illness is an uphill battle. When you've got parents who don't believe in science-based medicine, you're not fighting uphill, you're climbing a vertical cliff.
It sounds to me that your wife has a Tulpa. Check out the r/tulpaskeptics and r/tulpas boards for info.
I think that jealousy should be the least of your concerns right now. I saw in your comment history that you guys have a baby. The first year can be very stressful and your wife might need a checkup at the doctor.
It sounds to me that your wife has a Tulpa. Check out the r/tulpaskeptics and r/tulpas boards for info.
I think that jealousy should be the least of your concerns right now. I saw in your comment history that you guys have a baby. The first year can be very stressful and your wife might need a checkup at the doctor.
Unfortunately, this is not going to end well for you. Either they will both come, or neither will. That is simply the nature of abusive relationships. And don't be surprised if both don't come, despite an invite, either. That is also the nature of abusive relationships.
I wouldn't bother worrying about invites though, let's be real here. The issue is your concern for her, and you are long past a point where you should have sat her down and tried to help. You need to sit her down, approach her with love and kindness, ask her if she's happy, discuss how worried about her you are, offer help in any way you can, and remind her how loved she is. That is the only thing that is going to help her get away from this guy.
Bluntly, if you have to put up with him at your wedding to get her there…my thoughts are that it's worth it, to avoid isolating her. I certainly would for anyone I love enough to be my MoH. (But hire security) not everyone will agree with me, the top comment is definitely worth reading to see the other perspective, but having helped both of my sister's escape abuse before, I personally think no asshole is bad enough to stop inviting the people I love along. (Obviously, if there are concerns of physical violence, this stance would change, but you do not indicate that.)
But I don't think you can have this as your line in the sand, when you haven't drawn any lines before now. I think that if you do, it will end the friendship, and push them closer together.
You are doing everything right. You have a therapist. You have supportive friends. You are doing what you need to do to protect yourself and you have done it by getting your support system in place. YOU ARE AMAZING!
Definitely sounds like the ex was the one that got away.
Imagine a nice smelling man? Delicious!
Women cheat with women. Is she bisexual? Or bi-curious?
You are not overreacting.
Kick this person to the curb.
Well he's definitely manipulative. He's been lying for years about something and she's been providing something private and risky thinking it was for his benefit and he hasn't even been using it. That's pretty fucked up. Just knowing that your partner has straight faced lied to you multiple times is unsettling.
He got blackmailed into being scared.
Genuinely being scared is different.
I know. As I encountered both, being blackmailed by an ex about crashing his car into a tree. While his car was standing in front of his home.
And being worried about a friend whose landlord had ended the lease and wanted her out. As her son had died sone years previously her saying to end her life then and never answering the phone after led to me xalling police and next shift going over to check on her.
Being married and having a kid is therapist territory. Reddit is an okay place for dating advice, but I think you two needs a couples therapist.
How do I signup to join this brunch experience?
I think what they mean is, you want to be married to HIM. But your not worried about the realities of your relationship and the fact that you probably won’t last your only worrying about marriage even though your obviously not right for each other
I think what they mean is, you want to be married to HIM. But your not worried about the realities of your relationship and the fact that you probably won’t last your only worrying about marriage even though your obviously not right for each other