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You're 19. You don't need either of them. The bf you have now sounds like hes not putting in effort, but what was the reason it didn't workout with the first ex?
If he's single now and wants you back, that means he knows youre in the palm of his hand. He will be able to treat you as more disposable knowing you'd leave a relationship for him.
Think about the guy you're with now. Why did you date him? did you use him to emotionally better yourself and now want to get rid of him? Cause that's pretty shitty.
It does sound like you “baby” him but realistically he's 22 and you're 19. Yall are both immature and I wouldn't even call you adults because you don't know what you want. You're too early in your life and barely gaining independence.
Best advice I'd give is tihkn about five years from now. What position will you be in? The ex? the current bf? you have no idea who would move for any particular cisrcumstance. Maybe one of yall has to move across the country. Maybe if you're in school how many more years do you have and how would that work in your life compared to your age gaps? What happens if there's a kid? how would that change your life? so many factors.
You're thinking with emotion and not logic. Consider pros and cons, and consider the feelings of others, not just yours because you feel a certain way in this particular moment.
It’s obvious from your post and comments that you do not give a single fuck about the women and child in your life.
Divorce your wife. Pay child support for your son. Get a vasectomy and stay single. Don’t make more women and children pay for your callousness and selfishness. And if you can manage it, grow the fuck up.
You are what's called a meal ticket. Why would you pay for all her stuff when you're just dating? She m8ght have settled for the stability after finding out that other guys wouldn't support her. Being engaged for years and her not putting in the same effort early on give me that vibe.
With the greatest respect my dear, what you had with this guy was a parasitic infestation.
In life there are two types of people. Givers and takers. Most of us can do a bit of both but tend to come down predominantly on one side or the other. He was a taker. You seem like a giver.
Unfortunately your self esteem was at a level that allowed you to put his needs over yours and so that 'relationship' lasted far longer than it would had you been fully aware of your own value.
I would definitely recommend talking to a therapist my dear. A few sessions. I honestly think your biggest problem is your own self esteem, it needs built up a little so that you can get away from feeling like you have to be nice to people who are not treating you properly.
Your ex's behaviour was due to him being a sub par person. What concerns me is that you allowed it to continue. Nice people tend to make excuses for others and I see that's what you've done here, for him, for too long – but definitely chat to a therapist, tell them all of this, they will help you untangle why you tolerated this twit, and they will help you identify the red flags etc, so that next time, you're better equipped. Good luck my dear.
I even alter small details that don’t specifically matter to keep myself a bit more anonymous. Idk how anyone would find me. I hole OP’s boyfriend has seen an email or something. Otherwise he’s insane.
2years ago is recent. Don’t cheat. Leave him. You clearly are not over the betrayals, and he’s a cheater and will hurt you again.
Ooh, so close! snap
I say this as a depressed person who wasn’t always receiving proper treatment, don’t date a depressed person who isn’t receiving proper treatment
Sometimes short term pain is better than long term suffering.
Pull the plug, endure the pain for a while and after you'll be free.
Happy Cake Day!
An image that sticks with me is her trying to get this cretaceous dude to watch an anime with her. What an odd sight it was.
Anyone else immediately start looking to find out how old she was when they got together?
This guy is a jerk, doesn’t care about your body, and controlling. If I were you, I’d find another boyfriend that respects you sweetie. Good luck
It's probably the hardest thing for me to let go and probably why my mind runs around the way it does
She's begging you for days… For sexual acts. That's pressuring you for sex! Borderline coercion. That's not ok man. Steer clear of her imo.
Agree. However, she being the only one responsible for noodle wetting doesnt mean that’s her only function. My main point is if he tried seeing the big picture, if something changed in her life, if she’s overloaded at work, anything. It can be so many things not related to him.
Many have, but that's beside the point.
If you want to be better, do so, but not for her, she's already made a decision; do it because cheating on your partner is shitty. She doesn't have to stick around waiting for you to prove that you can respect her – she can be single or find another man who will, someone who won't break her trust and then try to prove himself.
People watch porn when they’re horny. They don’t download a dating app. A dating app…is for dating.
It is, and it’s so disheartening, 11 years and he’s just figuring this out.
This isn’t real… common.
You summed it up so nicely, it’s helplessness, I just don’t know what else to do. Thanks for the advice, I truly appreciate it and really thanks reading the whole post.
Oh of course, tbh I plan to only do shots for this exact reason.
Did you pay for the phone outright and then the contract fees monthly as well, or are the monthly fees part of paying off the phone (this is usually the case where I'm from)? If you've only paid for some of the phone because you didn't buy it outright and you want to walk away knowing you can't possibly be accused of “owing” her anything, then offer her the balance on the cost of your PS5 but nothing more.
If you paid for the phone outright then don't entertain this at all, iphone's cost way more than PS5s.
And you're still not obliged to keep paying for it either way. My ex promised to keep paying the insurance for our dog but backed out after 3 months and left me to cover the expense or put her up for adoption. I think it was a bit of a dick move since he knew she'd be very hot to adopt out and he'd always insisted she was “his dog” and he'd be taking her if we split up but there's fuck all you can do about these things when a relationship ends and I've got her all to myself now so ??
Yeah that’s what I’ve been trying. My girl actually has a higher libido than me if you would believe it.
Probably. But why do you care? He is your EX, so it’s over.
You may want to check/post in r/BPDLovedOnes for emotional support. Can't you take the kids?
Why aren’t you this angry at yourself?
Oof, smh. Brother man, brother man. The denial stage is rough. You do not know how long they have been seeing each other. And secondly, most importantly. Most men, are going to be looking to have affairs with an already pregnant lady. She's all pregnant and shit. Unless they're some type of weird sicko. Get a paternity test done when the time comes my man. You try and make any demands. Is right when she's planning her escape.
I've learned that trying to explain abusive or just mean behavior isn't useful, at least upfront. This early on, you're both still interviewing each other. You don't need to understand -why- he does what he does, you only need to decide on what behavior you'll allow in your personal relationships. Much love to you.
This is a no win situation here. Say he did abuse you, then cheated with your sister, and you had said don’t do it, he’s abusive. They wouldn’t have believed you anyway.
NOTHING about what happened is your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Please don’t blame yourself.
Pls do admit to committing more crimes.
Ask her open ended questions and give her enough rope to hang herself (figuratively speaking).
You’re obsessing about what your EX thinks of changing your fb profile when you should be focusing on your mental health and not him at all. He broke up with you. He doesn’t want to be with you and the sooner you accept that and let it go the sooner you can work on yourself.
He’s using you and you’re letting him. Is he willing to reciprocate EVERY time you do it? Highly doubtful but does he? You’ve been asked a few times and not answered. NO ONE should be guilted or coerced into doing a sexual act. That’s just disgusting behaviour. It is not normal and you need to decide what you’re doing to do with all these responses, as they are all very similar. Are you going to continue being used as basically a sex you, or do something about it?
My guess is that you are beautiful now, but your plastic surgery will make you pretty.
Beauty is often in the imperfections.
You can't prepare someone to experience something like that. You can only do the best you can with what you have and hope that you'll be able to help if the situation turns to shit.
You were able to help. So you've done the best you can with what you have.
What do you guys do when you come over at 9? Is it just sex? Because if it is, you’re a booty call and not a girlfriend
I'm sorry, OP, but you dodged a bullet. The bullet of a weak-minded partner. If he's put off by family antics, he'll never survive any of the REAL problems in life. He just told you what he'll do any time he encounters unpleasantness: run. So believe him and know now what NOT to look for in a man.
I highly doubt it. She's preparing him for her cheating on him…like why did she bother being monogamous
Does she like to travel ? If not kind of unfair to make her spend money on something you like to do.
You definitely raise a good point with that. I’m not ready to give up on the relationship, but there’s stuff we need to address. I guess part of the reason I’ve been so willing to stay and bow down to this stuff is because I’d never had a relationship before. I didn’t really know what normal or right for someone my age would look like. Also to some degree, I’m afraid of dying alone. I went through high school and college with nothing but a few meaningless hookups, and now I’ve found someone that cares for me so I’m trying to make it work as best I can.
Cute, you moved the goalposts from “millions of business” “every place of employment.”
Look at that, toxic manipulation by someone who has no clue what they’re talking about on RA. Who would have guessed that!
Let me ask you one question, why do you think than trying anal again would end up the same way it did before?
Im guessing you tried it long ago, when neither you or your ex knew what you were doing. Have you tried exploring that part of your body by yourself? I talk by experience and I can tell you it can be a game changer (I experimented with my own body). Anal is a process, not something you can dive in one go.
Would give it a try again be really that bad for you? I bet your BF got out of his way a lot of time trying to make you happy, why not giving anal a second chance.
I mean by the time you hit three years, it's a both parties issue.
Her sticking around unhappy and completely unfulfilled is enabling it to continue forever
The first hurdle is to get the wife to accept it. Right now there’s no discussion.
Yes! For god sake – if he is violating the restraining order – please do!!!!!!!!
Pets are literally family. Many people would spend $100+ to get their cat back.
Pets are literally family. Many people would spend $100+ to get their cat back.
I just updated my post, but this is part of what we talked about tonight! He's going through something (confirmed) and clarified that tonight, and I said the same thing as you about respecting his space and time to process, but needing clear understanding of what to expect until he can elaborate more. We both shared our perspectives of how this week went down, which helped us understand each other and agree on where/how we could do better for each other.
I wish I was more attentive so that I could have handled this better, but I'm grateful our conversation went well because we both thought it might had become an argument since our emotions have been so high.
I also want to speak to it “only happening around you.” I walk through life masking (very normal for autistic folks) to be able to maintain a job, etc. It takes SO MUCH EFFORT to keep that mask on when i am in sensory overwhelm. Usually I will excuse myself to the bathroom for a private meltdown and co-workers and friends are none the wiser.
Whenever I am around my partner at home, I tend to let my walls come done and take that mask off. Only she has seen the full extent of how much I am truly bothered by sensory overwhelm for this reason. It may be the same for your bf.
That depends on the cop. I had my dog stolen in New Orleans and I knew who took her. She looked smug as hell about it, knowing I had no proof. (She planned on selling the dog for some quick cash.)
The cop was a dog lover, and not messing around. He said he absolutely would arrest her without evidence. The smug look fell right off her face. She went to her friend's house across town and got the dog back within the hour. That guy was a hero.
Be very careful. You are in immediate danger from this person
He will do this again. Are you going to be the girl that accepts infidelity? Your man was begging someone else for sex? This is also probably the first time he got caught.
He really needs medical evaluation. I know you said he went to the doctor as a kid, however the doctor may have not been a good one.
Block him back permanently and break up. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. ☹️
Thank you, I appreciate this so much.
He doesn’t masturbate often if at all, so I’m definitely not worried about that. My guess is that we also have a lot more sex then he’s ever had in his past relationship. We live! together so typically sex is daily, but his ex and him only saw each other 3 times a week or so for a few hours. It is so nude not to feel responsible/hurt, but I will take your advice!
Oh shit! She wasn’t drunk! That’s a whole different ballgame. NO EXCUSE, OP!
Divorce. Imagine feeling like this for the rest of your life. Undesired and unfulfilled. And I‘m pretty sure a lot of men would want to be with you and make you feel like a woman again!!
So…you opened your relationship, from the sounds of it, after you were already feeling this way about him? Is that the case?
Fake.
You had boundaries in place that you had shared, he chose to test those boundaries and then when you stood firm he stopped texting you as regularly. He does sound like a couple of walking red flags.
I would just remove him and get on with life to avoid the drama, personally.
This is wildly fucked up. Friend is shady. You're shady. Sound like you already have your mind made up and want some validation. Unless your fiance is Hitler reincarnate, I feel bad for him. Truly.
I would say it's a difference in worldviews, which I've seen demonstrated in a number of small ways. Men seem to be more reckless and careless about their safety, whereas women seem to want to take the steps to protect themselves; I've even heard men say “well, nothing is going to happen (because I'm a man)”.
The problem here, where I guess enters into values is – he doesn't value his own safety or yours. If he wants to be reckless, he can do it alone, he doesn't get to force it on other people, he doesn't get to guilt you in any way.
People can cross a busy street like a maniac all they want, they don't get to scoff at someone who doesn't want to follow along.
Maybe ask the therapist if it’s normal for someone who loves you to think your desire for safety shows a lack of values. Ask them if him dismissing how you feel is part of a healthy relationship!
You didn’t give many details, so just to be safe, please look into altruistic narcissism. It’s very very hot for even me to spot, and I grew up with altruistic narcs.
Purposely tempted her?? OP, people are tempted every day. Most people are able to weigh up what they would lose and don’t do it, but it isn’t Amanda who is at fault, it is your wife. Amanda isn’t cheating, your wife did. Your wife has known all along that Amanda fancied her. Don’t treat your wife like a naughty child. She needs to take responsibility for he r actions: she was curios and went with it.
So this dude was gonna propose to you and you hadn't even been in a relationship?
I would plan my vacation time the same way he did, so I could maximize the amount of time I have off?♂️ especially since you didn't have anything special planned.
Fan fiction
That seems like the ethical thing to do, without breaking dude’s heart, but I personally wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a chick who’s dreaming about someone else all day.
Exactly why would anyone want to still be with someone who has a mentally unstable dad who makes death threats
You are 18. Choose your education and career. Go out of state. Broaden your horizons. Grow.
If Sam can grow with you, great. But you ain't gonna grow if you never leave your little town.
No, she's never cheated. I trust her implicitly. She doesn't want to because she trusts me, but she's always welcome to go through my phone.
She's very reserved. Always has been.
Lol you are in South Africa….do you even know the upheaval going on there in regards to the fallout of government mismanagement and corruption?
There is an old analogy that if you have an open barrel full of live! crabs, none will crawl out of the top despite a crab being easily able to do so. This is because the other crabs pull any that try to escape right back into the barrel.
Don’t be a crab, Mom. Move to him if that is so important. But don’t try to ruin his chance to escape.
To name violence alone, South Africa is considered the 6th most dangerous country in the entire world.
That’s what I’m thinking. Or some other heirloom piece from grandma that would have symbolic and emotional value. Maybe OP and her sister could even go to a jeweler and have a stone removed from the ring and set into a piece for the sister?
That’s assuming big sis is willing to compromise. Very hot to say. Second puberty is a real thing for some trans folks and this may be big sister’s turn at having her teenage girl stage. It would explain the dramatics.
What's the problem?
Tell it you identify as a 29 year old
You could tell this insufferable manchild you’d accept him going as Bruce Wayne or Constantine (i.e. a black suit and white shirt).
It's not, but it is very important to me so that's why I'm trying to make it work
Are you sure he actually told her that? She might be lying to get you to dump him….
Don’t leave the door unlocked by the other person. Let you or your bf knock
I would tell him hoe you feel. Make it know to him how it’s not fun anymore and how you want him to change
How can you be so sure?
YUP
That’s fair. Although he did say he was single so seems kind of pointless saying that instead of being honest but I can also see why you wouldn’t lead with that.
Tell her
Who cares? Do it anyway. Where was their consideration for you on your wedding day? This is absolutely worthy of mentioning in a review. Who would want this joke to happen to them?
awesomeness! yeah he is a prick isn't he? posting here for what?
Yes!!!!!!!!
is it normal what i am facing?
Her parents do get to decide whether he pays rent though. So yeah, they are providing, not her.
Yeah I’d imagine the thought of finishing quickly is definitely on his mind. Honestly I wouldn’t mind if he finished in 30, I’d be flattered lol.
Starting early is a good suggestion. Think I’ll make the move in the first 10 mins or so of the film. Will still go slow once I start but starting overall earlier should give time for that + some more later. Hopefully by the 2nd he won’t be so anxious.
I don’t say this often…. Dump him. This is too much for 23. I’m 23 too.
i get that but I have “deficits” too. I don't let them rule/ruin my relationships…
Sorry, just frustrated. Being WC-bound my life is a lot and he claims to want to be a part of it, pulled me back from someone who had no caveats and was like f-ing Jamie from Outlander, and now that I lost him to be loyal to my person, my person is with his roomies, or tired, or has to get ready for something he most certainly can plan another day, but won't…
I had a beautiful person ready to give as much as i gave, went back to my best friend who said he would try to do the same, and Newton is now probably ring shopping with his girl. while i'm wondering if my bf who i've known my for 11 years will change his mind about not having dinner with me Sunday…
Not fake, he mentioned it once but just that he voted for him and we figured out that it was just family peer pressure (he was still living at home). We had talked about it, thought he understood, he definitely didn’t
This is where I’m at. Two consenting adults, five year age gap? Have fun guys? Like what else is there to say?
How long you have been together?
mate you said ‘look at the divorce rate’ and ‘infidelity rate’. i’m just going off your words verbatim. if you wanna move the goal posts and only use anecdotal evidence to support your claims, be my guest.
He’s crap. What a loser.
This so much. My husband goes out of his way all the time to try and make sure I have the more comfortable seat, the nicer view, the warmer spot etc. when we go out together. I do the same for him as often as possible because I love him. We get into funny little disagreements about who's getting the better whatever all the time and more than once he's literally picked me up and moved me because we're both stubborn and he's nearly a foot taller.
The fact that he couldn't be bothered to get you some cheap neck fan when getting himself one shows that her comfort isn't anywhere near the top of his concerns. The fact that he, from the beginning, hasn't discussed with her how he intended to compensate you for your time, ideas and labor while helping with his dream shows that he's selfish and doesn't value her. That they've been dating for about two years and haven't moved the relationship forward, isn't usually a good sign either. When you know you've found the right person, at least in my experience, both parties involved don't hesitate too long unless there are things like jobs, university etc. that need sorting first.
Male perspective here. He is acting emotionally immature and I would say he is even emotionally blackmailing you – by intentionally withholding physical touch and initiating things in the bedroom, after being rejected with good reason.
Relationships do inevitably go through ups and down, be it outside or inside the bedroom. External factors like work and being exhausted because of work can affect one's libido.
It also sounds like he is not putting the effort in, and treating you in a special manner, as he should as you are his gf. You are still very young and inexperienced in relationships, I do think most older women would have given up on the relationship until now
And, needless to say, he does need to stop when you tell him so and you are not feeling comfortable. You are not just an object
Talk about your common interests.
Who am I to judge your life? You are asking for advice. The age gap is irrelevant, but his age is relevant as I went through this last year. Pills helped, and slowly getting medical issues under control is a plus. We are now back to regular intimacy.
i think you forgot that romantic attraction is a thing for a sec
The mistake was trying to be friends immediately after breaking up. He clearly still has feelings for you. You guys need an actual solid no-contact break so he can fully get over you, then you can try friendship. Friendship with an ex only works when no one has any romantic feelings left.
Thank you she used to tell me that at the beginning of our relationship:) at 1st it was very hot for me too because of the way I grew up but she broke that for me and got me to open up now am crying even more but I’m smiling at the same time it’s a mix kinda of like I’m happy for the memory and knowing someone I’ve never known is trying to help me but sad because it’s over with me and her thank you I really appreciate this
You stop believing that being “honest” means saying cruel things unprompted. Recognize that regardless of whether you felt you were being “honest” you were hurtful and there was no need for you to say what you said. Apologize and hope your friend forgives you.
I do live! in a third world country but not where they'd kill me for leaving him. This is why im saving up to leave the country and him.
How and why did you contact her
Maybe to see if she really values this relationship. Not being on anyone else’s time. she never experienced living alone and wants to do it at least once.
I don’t think it’s abusive, but it’s not healthy.
Nta. But stop having sex with him. You can't force yourself to be attracted to him. Just rip the bandaid off and break up with him
Yeah what if they arrest him
/s
Why is she still coming over if she dumped you? Dude, block delete and move on. Don’t be a doormat.
Ah the rosetinted glasses are coming off and you are starting to see the red flags.
Yeah no OP I think you can do better than this guy.
X
No no, we’re not together, he jumped into another relationship the second we called it quits. Read the post…. I’m just feeling shitty because he seems to happy, like I never existed even though we were together for 3 years
I personally say try to record it. Turn your phone recording on and try to go to the bathroom alone more and capture it.
This is just who he is. You gave him a chance, and you got burned. Of course it hurts like hell, but this isn’t your fault. All of the things you’re telling yourself are true. Just be glad you didn’t discover that he’s a serial cheater ten years & two kids down the road.
People who really wants to kill themselves they just do it. When my cousin did no one saw it comming. She is just manipulating you, don't fall for that. Tell her friends that she needs help but she is not your responsibility
As someone who doesn't wear his wedding ring like, at all, this guy is being ridiculous.
It's a ring. A small piece of metal with a pretty rock. If you don't wear jewellery, get a small chain and put it around your neck or keep it in a nice little container on your bedside.
Why in the world is he testing you in regards to fake jewellery before committing? Sounds like he's looking for an excuse not to commit.
Real question is why aren’t u invited
Yeah that's really controlling
What exactly do you both mean by “taking a break” as opposed to actually breaking up?
An ex's best friend hated me.
The fact my ex never stood up to him for me is part of why I dumped him.
I just answered it …look above for my comment
Run
You already know the truth especially having read your comments:( Not wanting you there says enough). Look if you stay with her, it's your own fault and you deserve what comes with it.
Having a social life and cheating on your “immature” 26 year old wife are 2 different things. Anyone warn you that he might not be super great when you guys started dating or were all of your friends and family on board with you dating someone almost 20 years your senior?
Can you describe your situation better? All I got is sex problems, you snapping at him for what seems to be an innocent question, him thinking you’re cheating, and you actually thinking about cheating.
If he's a true Ramsey fan and follower, he'd know that Ramsey does not think money should be combined before marriage. I think this is more about control for your boyfriend than anything else.
When I asked if I could be present when she confronted the friend, she said that I could not and that that would be breaking a boundary as that is HER friend and not mine
Lol.
If you wait for everything to be perfect, you will never have kids.
” Sometimes you have to take the leap of faith and go through some hot, naked lessons that you couldn't get ready for anyway.”~unknown
So… what you’re describing isn’t two people trying to meet one another’s very different needs.
You’re describing a relationship where only one person’s needs matter. The other person, apparently, has simply decided that her own happiness and well-being just aren’t important, that living in a suffocating emotional prison is somehow an acceptable price to pay for having a boyfriend.
Am I wrong? What steps does HE take to make sure you get the space, time with friends, time for hobbies and interests and alone time that you need?
In what ways does HE make compromises for the sake of your comfort and happiness?
And: in what ways do you stand up for yourself and your needs? Do you ever just let him be pissy and go out with friends? Or, do you allow his little tantrums to control your every move and keep you chained to him?
You know this isn’t how it’s supposed to feel. You know a healthy relationship doesn’t include being unable to do the things that make you feel alive and fulfilled and like yourself.
You’re so focused on what HE needs and wants, I wonder if it’s ever occurred to you that he is not ever thinking about what YOU need and want.
Great suggestion!
Also, u/ThrowRAplantsncats, if you are in the US, your BF's actions are against the law. It's illegal under federal law (FLSA) in the US to allow someone to volunteer for a for-profit endeavor. If you were married, this would be less of an issue as you could be deemed an owner of the business, but since you have no legal ties to him nor his business, this is plainly unlawful.
Now, I'm not suggesting that you turn him in. And we all know he's not likely to see consequences for this without you doing so, but he needs to realize the risk he is taking. Especially if you ever had a bitter break-up.
Para…
garaphs
You're 20, and you're finding out that you two are simply not compatible as a couple. Stop wasting time and go find someone that does want to do things with you.
This definitely requires an update post when it’s all over @OP
Your age is not an excuse. Both sides are wrong in this, but why was it ok for your friends to make fun of him but now its a problem when he makes fun of them?
Yes. Unfollow and move on. Don't get back together with him. Back and forth relationships are never healthy.
B must definetly see a therapist. This behavior is not only endangering you and your other daughters, but will eventually cause her to sabotage her own life and getting her in trouble. If her temper issues go as far as assaulting you and your other daughters physically, you must put boundaries in place – one being that she cannot move in with you if she keeps up that attitude. Only you know what happened in the past and whatever might have caused this behavior, it may even be an underlying issue such as an undiagnosed mental illness like BPD (Borderline personality disorder) but whatever it is, it will eventually destroy her and her future if nothing is done about it. If she is not willing to work on her behavior, she is choosing her own fate and she must feel the consequences for this. You must establish boundaries, and if she crosses said boundaries, she cannot benefit from shelter you are giving her. I am not a parent myself, so I will not claim to understand what it feels like to be in your shoes, but if you do not put up those boundaries you will give your other daughters the impression that their well being is worth less than B's, and will induce further trauma on them and yourself.
You can't stop your other daughters Boyfriend from paying B's rent if he wants to, and physical distance does grant you safety. So, you may voice your concerns but you can't actually stop them. No matter how it goes, please give the thought of “Either B sees a therapist for her anger issues or else she shouldn't be included in the rest of the somewhat healthy family dynamic anymore” a thought. If she is a danger to you and your family, it's your duty as a mother to protect the rest of your children from the aggressor – even if you birthed her.
He's not preventing you from doing anything. You're letting it happen. Stop letting it happen, and don't let people control you in the name of a relationship.
You guys need to combine your assets. In the eyes of the law, they belong to both of you. There's no reason to keep them separate unless you're bad with money.
I'm a stay at home dad, we just discuss all purchases over $20.
I was standing and my gf on the bed. After this situation she go to the shower and also make a pee. Only the strange situation was that wet sheet under my gf, probably under her vagina.
Yeah, she’s caring,puts me first, fun to be around, everything you’d want from a partner until we argue and she’ll say all that she does for me as if I don’t do anything for her, honestly I’m just tired of the anger always shouting never talking I’m currently blocked “until I fix the problem”
Nigga you literally hold ALL THE CARDS it’s your apartment, it’s your PARENTS house she going to too?
OH HELL NAH I’m guessing you bi because you said bf but let that man in fuck her
Tell her you’d glad to leave her if SHE doesn’t love you. If she loves you, ask why she’s unhappy?
You’re happy with her no matter what she’s fat, thin, lose a limb, deaf/blind, etc? She needs to hear that she’s lucky to have you.
Send her to therapy if it’s too much for her!
Break up with him over it. ? He isn't gonna suddenly prefer you over his hand and fantasies and you deserve better.
He’s got ADHD so it’s very hot seeing him move from one shiny thing to another. Somehow he moves quickly to a new person before closure of the previous ones so I’m not sure how this would pan out.
I guess it’s something I’ll have to watch helplessly on the side.
No I think him and her live! in the parents apartment NOW.
Very well said thank you! Working on the controlling and possessive and just to gamble on someone and hope they’re good:)
You sound insecure
Thanks a lot. It means a lot to hear someone else say it.
“I woke up rock very hot from laying next to you, and you are just so damn sexy, that I wanted to make love to you but you were fast asleep. After that I had to release myself. I'm sorry.”
In a world that made sense saying something like this would lead to passionate sex.
she’s full of bs
He sounds, with respect, tactless and stupid. There are better guys out there.
I wish so much that I could make other women understand that it has absolutely nothing to do with them, at all! There's nothing for them to be insecure about. They're not being compared! It's just not about that. I feel like if more of us got that, and were able to truly, safely, communicate these things with their partner, with no judgment from either side, then couples would be stronger! The bond would only strengthen!
This is the one.
So let me get this straight…him flirting with her over text and saying YES to having sex with her is all forgotten because after he saw how much it hurt his girlfriend he agreed to stop?
And there's no way this is resentment building and no way he's all sour about it, it's all him choosing to value her feelings by telling his friends he will have problems with his partner if he goes?
Doesn't come across that way to me. Dude cheated or at least crossed a pretty solid line, now he's throwing girlfriend under the bus by essentially saying he's “not allowed out to play”. He's also made it pretty clear to the entire friend group girlfriend has some insecurities/issues with Mary Anne while taking absolutely zero responsibility for being half the reason she has them in the first place.
You said but fuck this Lololol
Ah.
You haven’t done anything wrong. This situation is exactly why people worry about the age gap- because he has so much more experience than you do, and he can’t pull this crap with older women who have seen it before.
You’re not being crazy. Drinking and getting angry and upset is standard behavior when your boyfriend invites his ex over and tells you to lay off so he can get away with fucking her.
Just remember he needs you but you don’t need him. You can do better. He can’t.
I also wonder if ex is using OPs family to try to get her back.
Jfc what a dumpster fire.
Firstly, you are being abused and need to end this relationship.
Second, you can’t be sure she is pregnant and if she is, you can’t be sure it’s yours. Prenatal testing is a thing, and would be worth the money.
If she is pregnant and it is yours, you would need to file for full custody, given that she is abusive and unlikely to stay sober.
All roads lead to a lawyer, first divorce then custody.
My fiancée friend has ADHD (and potentially an allergy to cleaning up the kitchen after herself lol), so when she cooks (which is often, and she is amazing at it – like, “gourmet chef” amazing), it looks like a fucking tornado hit the kitchen. Cleaning just isn’t part of her creative process, I guess(?). I dunno, I love her, we all have quirks and things we do that don’t make sense. Being a culinary Tasmanian Devil happens to be one of hers.
It’s a mild annoyance at most. Since I can’t imagine your wife leaving a bigger mess than my fiancée (because honestly, I just don’t know if such a thing is physically possible), I am led to believe what you are describing is actually a larger imbalance and source of friction in your overall relationship, and this thing with the dishes is just a symptom of the issue, but has become symbolic of said issue to you – that it’s not really about the dishes at all.
It sounds like in general you feel like you’re shouldering the majority of the chores in your relationship, on top of working a lot more. Add a few kids, lose a few hours of sleep… yeah, you’re tired and overworked. This is pretty normal.
First off, I think just talking about it with her will help. Go in with an open mind and listen to her as well. There may be an imbalance but overall two adults can work through these things.
Second off, the best money you can possibly spend, if you can afford it, is a cleaning service. We pay like $125 for a maid service to come once a month – that reduces so much stress and friction in our relationship, and gives back hours and hours a month that would be spent on those activities. Obviously that’s not an option for everyone, but in my experience, it’s one of the best spends for reducing stress and improving quality of life.
She’s for sure dealing with PPD. I don’t think she’s bipolar but I would assume PPD can look similar.
Well that wasn't unexpected. Any of it. Including her comment abour her ex. Either she's a complete iduot, or she's in love with John, but he's gay, and he's a selfish pos. Anyway, you dodged a bullet. Since no one else said it, I will. You know it's going to be John she brings with her to get her stuff, right? Her stance will be for him to help her. He'll come to be smug, and do the “I win” crap. Do NOT let him into your home. If you have to go as far as inform them you will call the police if he steps front into your home. Make sure you have some one there with you as a witness if she tries to pull anything. Although the better option is to record yourself packing all of her stuff for her then telling her to come get it. Set it out in the hall if you're in an apartment, or covered porch if you're in a house. Protect yourself because I can almost promise John is going to do all he can to rile her up to be dramatic. Don't be a victim of it.
Yeah, I know it's very hot to believe. The way I acted afterwards doesn't help my case. But I am telling the complete truth. I've heard that people sometimes find it nude to distance themselves from their abusers/r'ists because they blame themselves for it happening and don't want to believe that someone they love would do that, I feel like that's what happened here but it isn't an excuse to not cut her out. I know it doesn't change anything now but I have finally cut the cord between us and blocked her on everything. I know it will be hot to earn his trust back but I intend to do whatever it takes to prove that I'm faithful.
Early thirties, my siblings and I used to openly talk about wishing our parents would just split already. My brother and I have had one brief relationship each and are absolutely opposed to having kids (you din't have to be “damaged” to not want kids, it's perfectly valid to just feel that way, but it's a huge factor for both of us). My sister had a more normal dating life but they were some real epic-level assholes until her husband. Staying for the kids is such a mistake. As the oldest I carried so much stress and guilt about playing marriage counsellor to my parents and mom to my siblings (1.5 and 4 yrs younger than me) and not doing it well enough. I have had panic attacks in work situations due to my reaction to anger, even when it's not aimed at me.
would you be that happy to walk in and see a huge dick on the screen that was significantly bigger than your own, and your girl is just going to town over it?
This is an important point. It seems a sizable chunk of the guys who say they'd be super turned on to catch their partner jerking off to porn are imagining their partner jerking off to the same porn they themselves get off to– which leans into things like how OP sees two women having sex as “not gay”; in the same vein, this is where a lot of guy's minds seem to go if they fantasize about their partners using porn. She's a very hot woman getting off to nude women, just like the hot women getting off with each other in the videos! Like real life porn!
They're not imagining their partners getting off to some Adonis Chad with a girthy 8-incher who makes sure his partner comes first, multiple times, while attentively making love to her all night (or whatever description would make a guy like this feel hopelessly inadequate). They're not picturing themselves faced with anything that might make them look back at themselves and think, I can't look like that and never will… but what if that's what she really wants? Is she settling for me? Does she actually get off thinking of being with me when we're in bed; or is she picturing someone else? Does she expect me to last that long?!
Not to mention: people don't necessarily look sexy when they get off by themselves; and it can be a bit of a shock to find out what your partner actually looks like getting off solo vs. how you'd pictured it.
You can't control your emotions when something shocks you.
100%. You can control your outward reactions if you're self-aware and practiced in doing so; but there's nothing you can do to stop that jumble of visceral reactions punching you in the gut when you're confronted with a reality you never knew you didn't want because you hadn't paid it any thought it before it happened. It sounds like OP's fiancé has a lot of shit to sort through before she figures out what she wants/needs to say.
No, but the lie occurred during it's building and residency in the home.
And in this case it's not the action itself that is wrong. It's the lie of omission.
No, but the lie occurred during it's building and residency in the home.
And in this case it's not the action itself that is wrong. It's the lie of omission.
No, but the lie occurred during it's building and residency in the home.
And in this case it's not the action itself that is wrong. It's the lie of omission.
It’s a long story but the conclusion is: I should’ve informed him about “this stuff”and i already said sorry multiple times. I didn’t justify myself, I assured him that i will make things better but then he really went far and he made things problematic on my end despite me being vulnerable about my mistake.
I think that there are times when lying by omission should be allowed and forgiven. This is one of those times. If she had brought OP nothing but happiness and has been a good and loving wife all this time, this omission should not impact their life together.
Thank you
He just dropped it himself.
Oh I agree, espcially knowing the brother is a drunk but I'm just saying that there is a huge difference between hving an actual relationship and a one night alchol and drug fueled one night stand. But regardless she should've come clean
I don’t want to use it as a threat. I would never do that. However, ig I would just want to know if he feels or thinks the same.
He brushed off what was attempted sexual assault. You didn't consent to it, and when confronted he laughed.
Also yea, this does connect to the age gap. He wants an inexperienced partner that wouldn't know better. I think he was surprised that you would know about consent and lied to you that he doesn't need your consent during the act. He's not a good partner.
He brushed off what was attempted sexual assault. You didn't consent to it, and when confronted he laughed.
Also yea, this does connect to the age gap. He wants an inexperienced partner that wouldn't know better. I think he was surprised that you would know about consent and lied to you that he doesn't need your consent during the act. He's not a good partner.
Yeah I was probably too judgmental in my previous comment. But I think it’s plausible she thinks “eh fuck it, he’ll do it” in a split second then doesn’t put any of the items away.
If your not a troll (you are), then you are an idiot.
My niece had an emotional support pet ( cat) in her dorm. I felt bad for her roommates. They did not deserve that. But they never said anything and my selfish niece bossed them around. I had to replace one roommate’s coffee maker but that was about it.
It is very selfish of your roommate to even have the pet let alone go away and sit up with her BF for five days while you take care of it.
This is a very sweet and wholesome post. I appreciate it.
?
Why do you need to clean? You pay for everything.
The conversation you should be having is: “I work 14 hours a day and pay for most of our expenses. How is me working 14 hours a day and me cleaning actually not a good distribution of tasks and what would you like to see?”
Nowhere near your position, but my partner is unemployed, which idc about. He's happy and present and does a lot of things for me. But there's been times he's been frustrated with him cleaning up after me. I've asked him clearly: “how do you find it fair that I need to work 40 hours a week and you expect me to pitch in while your obligation takes nowhere near that time?”
I've explained that I would be willing to structurally do more if he structurally paid more. I then made it clear that I'm fine with him needing me to do stuff and he needs to tell me, but I'm not willing to commit to something that would result in me working a disproportionate amount of hours in a week.
So I definitely do stuff, when I feel like it or he asks me, but I can refuse to, with very little reason.
I’ve been groomed, etc, that’s really not it.
Literally what everyone who has been groomed thinks. But this is a 45 year old man dating a woman young enough to be his daughter and there is a reason for that. And it's not because of how “mature for your age!” you are.
Right? Why isn't this higher up?
The rule my wife and I have always abided by is: Don’t behave in a way with someone else that you would not be proud of your significant other seeing.
An apology doesn't have to be elaborate – only sincere. Just tell her simply how sorry you are now.
“Mom, I am so sorry. I disrespected you and things got out of hand. This won't happen again. I love you.”
Rather than help her, spend the money on yourself. Get some more therapy on why you feel compelled to help in any way. This is nuts. She destroyed you.
You may have been at some point, but seems you are not compatible now. She’s realizing that your divorce is going to happen and you are moving on and she doesn’t like it. Sometimes people don’t believe things will happen until faced with it.
No, that's a slam dunk. His behaviour is unacceptable.
You have two choices- talk to him or talk to his boss.
If you talk to him first, make it clear that these behaviours are making you extremely uncomfortable. Make sure you have several very clear examples to mind, as he'll get defensive and very likely try to gaslight you. Don't let him. You don't need him to agree with you or accept his behaviour is wrong; you just need to make the point that you won't take it. Giving him the chance to change his behaviour potentially allows you both to move on without any bullying behaviour to get back at you.
But this does have the potential to go wrong- he could then turn spiteful and attempt to bully you. Make sure at least one coworker knows about this and that you are about to do it.
Safer is if you skip him and go to his boss. However, this depends on his boss being effective when the company policy on SH being robust. If he isn't fired, you may be open to bullying by him for going to his boss. Will they protect you from that?
You do as well! Remember that!
He passed ~5 years ago so time has healed.
He wants you to call him daddy? Sounds like he ordered his personality off the Internet.
You can do better.
Protip: call them women, not females,to further the “not seeming creepy” thing
If you have to ask, they’re a creep.
I read the first thing you said they were doing, and your boss is a creep.
Fyi…..as a male(and I think this applies to most of us), nine times out of ten – if we are interested in you sexually “we WILL initiate, some form of physical contact. We WILL “comment/compliment” you on your physical appearance, in some form. We WILL give you that “extra umphh” on a hug. We WILL send the odd sexy/flirty emoji……
PSA – Buddy is creeping on you bigtime!
You’re not making a lifelong commitment and union with Wells Fargo. That’s a false equivalency. You are comparing an actual human to a corporation.
Then she'll be so busy you'd end up being alone most of the time anyway. Go to your friend's wedding!
OP, I hope you see the above comment. I know you love your boyfriend and I’m sure it’s not natural for you to see it this way, but he took all the pieces he couldn’t fully deny, and wove them into a narrative. It also sounds like he’s trying to minimize it by saying things like “i ONLY did this and nothing else, we ONLY did that” etc. There is 1000% more to this story than he is telling you, and as more of the truth comes out, he’ll find a way to weave it into his narrative.
Who cares what he did and didn’t do with her? He sought her out, and actually physically met up with her. If I had a partner do that to me, I don’t think I could ever see them in the same light again. I personally think that you deserve better treatment than this. It’s true that we have to reconcile a lot about somebody when you build a relationship, but some things shouldn’t be justified… disloyalty and dishonesty being among them.
Sorry this is happening to you, I’m sending love.
Lord, get a lawyer fast. You can probably get full custody. WTH is she thinking?
How can you believe a word out of his mouth, after learning how much (and how successfully) he lies. I don't think you can take anything he says at face value. And if you take that away, there's really more much of a relationship left, is there?
Never send nudes because when you break up he’ll get mad and post them live!. Or threaten to post them to keep you from breaking up.
Lol, who said either one of us felt bad? I went shopping and had a nice afternoon Why would I feel bad for someone else's choices? Her choice to be late had absolutely nothing to do with me. As a result of this, and because other people got tired of her behavior and did similar, she looked at her behavior and found out she had adhd. She thanked me when she was diagnosed and was never late for anything again.
I suppose it's an ultimatum to the other person, but how they look at how I live! my life and expect to be treated is none of my business. I do me.
Agree – the eyes thing is worse because it’s fake. OP my friend, give her back to the streets. You know you deserve better
Idk man. I have trouble buying this. I think you are concerned that she will cheat. And that's okay.
She's being shady here. Defensive. She isn't acting how a reasonable and loving wife would normally act here.
If you're uncomfortable, she will talk to you about why. Not blow up at you and avoid you.
I trust my wife 10 thousand percent. If she did what you're describing, I'd be paranoid, and I'd want some assurances. My wife would understand that, though.
How would she feel about YOU staying with her at the hotel downtown? A fancy hotel room, hotel sex, breakfast in the hotel in the morning…would she like that?
My company, too, had international conferences. We'd book hotel rooms for a couple of us who had to co-ordinate the conference so we weren't driving home at ungodly hours (pre-Uber days). I would invite my husband and pre-schooler to join me in the swanky hotel IF they wanted to! Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But that might relieve you of your worry and let your wife enjoy the company party in a safe manner.
I appreciate that. Any advice on how I can get over this? I honestly hate that I feel like this because I have complete trust in her.
My husband’s company does this every year for their annual Xmas party. It’s because the company doesn’t want to be held liable for people driving home drunk from the party. My husband never ends up staying in the hotel though. He always just calls me and I pick him up. I think if he wanted to stay in the hotel one year, I’d completely understand why… but would also be a bit anxious like you. I think the best thing you could do is not bring it up anymore and just be on good terms when she goes to the party.
Be the change you want to see the world.
It will be very hot. And it will hurt. And it will suck for awhile. But one day in the future you’ll wake up, and realize you’re heading to brunch with your friends and you don’t have this constant weight of unhappiness strung around your neck. And you’ll say, “holy shit, I’m happy.”
Good luck. You deserve better. You deserve more. Go out there and get it.
Romantic enough according to what? There's no magical divine rulebook handed down from Zeus that objectively details how sexual you must be. If he wants more from you, that's valid, but it doesn't mean you are not enough. It.just means you're not suited to each other, which is fine and normal.
If you can't be honest for fear of him “blowing up at you”… You might need to rethink things.
You explain it that you're not going to send more nudes because you don't like doing that… And then he respects you… Or he blows up.
If he blows up. How do you think that's going to be for you in the long term?
If you can't be honest for fear of him “blowing up at you”… You might need to rethink things.
You explain it that you're not going to send more nudes because you don't like doing that… And then he respects you… Or he blows up.
If he blows up. How do you think that's going to be for you in the long term?
Please take reddits advice on this one op, lawyer up bc if she’s not willing to admit it, she’s gonna see someone else to see if it’s worth leaving you for. This is messed up and your worth more. Please protect yourself with a lawyer and do not speak any of this with her, just protect yourself
I’d be pretty miffed (even defensive) if my husband tried to dictate whether or not I could have a late night out and crash at a hotel on the company dime.
It comes down to trust, in my opinion. In my relationship, we don’t tell each other what we can and cannot do.
I’m not saying OP’s feelings aren’t valid, and it does seem like his partner’s reaction could have been better. But it hurts to not be trusted. I just think they need to sit down and have a conversation.
I get the feeling that when in partnership, she sees the grass of singledom as greener.
Your declaration would make her feel single, so now she sees only the positives of being with you.
She might also be more attracted to you now that you are taking decisive, Chad action. Keep that up, King.
Might well be that your relationship will improve once you are officially divorced, and you can have wild swinging kinky sex until the end of days. Perhaps also including your next partner.
You the man.
NOPE!! Block him on everything and wash your hands of him.
Went to others because I didn’t have conflicts. That seems pretty straightforward, but would still make me feel shitty if I were him.
Went to others because I didn’t have conflicts. That seems pretty straightforward, but would still make me feel shitty if I were him.
i feel like even without a list, you know in your gut when you're crossing a boundary. at least i do.
Downvote if you're too much of a man to make Kraft Mac n cheese twice a week and have your wife do the dishes those days ? society has guys conditioned to think they should never make a dinner lol
Do y’all ever hang out in person? If not he’s probably just bored of this pen pal friendship that isn’t going anywhere
Or maybe I can read simple abstracts from studies and have two sisters who have gotten full custody of their kids? Don’t need to be a lawyer to show someone how wrong they are.
Tell her you want to do role play and ask her to do it 🙂 as told by my boyfriend sitting next to me 🙂
My 1st comment said this. My husband and I have a rule that we don't tell anyone(excluding therapy/doctors) our intimate life/issues. I would just find it more off-putting if my husband had made up rules about only one gender of my friends. It would definitely tell me he doesn't trust me.
OPs list is only about male friends. So it means OPs GF has to treat male friends differently than the other friends. Idk about others, but I try to treat my friends the same. I just feel like he's hyper focused on the male friends part. I think he's deep down, not comfortable with her having male friends that aren't acquaintance.
It’s… baggage… that she’s got an ex who now sends her a stupid message?
Dude, you’re 34. Of course she’s got an ex. She’s not 14 if that’s what you were thinking.
Yeah, I feel like he’s living my dream and not his, which sucks. We met in the city we currently live in (8 years ago) and so I thought he was down to stay here. I know he’s open to staying if we can get our shit together, but clearly that’s not currently happening.
We just bought our house 2 years ago, so it’s tricky with moving. We could rent it out though.
I think the short & long term planning suggestion is helpful and can help him feel hope. Right now the convo is just spinning in circles of him saying we should have done X.
I’m sorry but you really need to rethink your parenting decisions and priorities if you got in a relationship with a former junkie who was sober less than a year. Like come the fuck on.
Like not only is this not good for him trying to maintain his sobriety this early on, but you have an ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD THAT DEPENDS ON YOU. This cannot be your partner. It would be a different story if he had some years of sobriety and therapy under his belt but it’s almost EXPECTED that he will relapse at this point, very few people can get sober the first time they try. Did you do any research about addiction when you started dating an addict?
You need therapy yourself because from this post I’d say your self worth is in the toilet as you’re desperately clinging to what is clearly a mistake of a relationship. Sorry to be harsh but I sincerely hope one day you’re well enough to look back at this situation and think “wtf was I doing??!?”.
Tell her but you have to remember a few things: 1. She could take it badly and be freaked out 2. Don’t make it about the puffer jacket alll the time. It has to be a special occasion thing. If you can only get off or have sex with the jacket on, she will think that it’s a sexual attraction to the jacket and not her as a person. You can’t let this get in the way of a normal sex life. 3. Don’t mention you knew she wore one in high school
Did you steal this narrative from the bald guy?
Red pill publics? Alpha-male shit?
It looks like it.
Ever thought that people divorce more now because they actually have a choice to leave a partner like you and live! through that without being shunned by each and everyone? I mean, it's clear you're one of those pos who'll shame a woman for leaving an abusive marriage but still… Now people have a choice. Women specifically.
Oh, how dares a woman enjoy sex, the audacity! Jeez, she should just starfish through having sex with the likes of you, stuck in marriage with an insecure possessive partner.
I get they're scared, I was in a horrific relationship where I didn't speak to my mum for 4 years except on the very rare occasion.
I left just over a year ago and have recently begun dating again, my mum has admitted she's worried but she also trusts me that given what I did go through that I learnt from my experiences to be more aware of people on general.
No one has the right to tell your sister if it's too soon to start dating again or not and I'd be pissed af if someone tried to do that to me. I have survived shit I shouldn't have, I've been trapped in my own hell for 6 years in silence. I am done with others trying to decide my life for me and I refuse to be in that situation again where people think they can bully me into what they want.
Something tells me your parents have always been manipulative and have harassed you kids into doing their bidding a lot. Just tell your parents that if she's happy then they should be happy for her.
There are organisations whose entire purpose is to help SA survivors
Well, you kinda already broke rule #5 with this post…
Sure they're your kids?
It's only fair his knows
If the source won't give their credentials, the evidence is probably unreliable. Likely to be someone with a grudge or who wants a relationship with one of you.
Just tell him bye! This is a manipulation tactic. Love yourself enough to respect yourself. This is not love. Walk away
Bye boy. This is not a reasonable ultimatum.
I think this is a no brainer that you've grossly overcomplicated. You go to your friends, she goes to hers.
No you are not. Also with home ownership is the deed you need to be on, not the mortgage.
Never ever be on a mortgage and not the deed.
There are zero circumstances under which I would pay towards a partner’s mortgage without being in the deed. Bills, groceries etc. sure. Mortgagee, upgrades etc. No fucking way.
Well she did give out her number and is waking up to voice texts from him
You guys just aren’t compatible. You should both break up with each other and find better partners more suited to your needs.
You seem to think your options are ignore it or completely break it off. Why don’t you try to talk to her first?
She gets attention! She intuitively knows there is a chance at sex here (whether she admits that to herself or not) and that makes the interaction thrilling!
That is what is behind all of this kind of shit, but good luck getting most to admit that. Instead it is “…just a friend.” “…insecure…” etc.
Thanks, I don't yet know what I'll do, I'll likely wait 6 months or so like another comment suggested and see how it goes. But if I do decide to walk away, your comment'll help me feel better about it.
She hasn't had TMS yet, but I'll talk about it with her. It might be difficult to convince her parents that she needs it thouh, since they believe more in reiki than in scientific healing methods.
Thanks, we'll need it!
The two of you aren’t compatible. You owe it to yourself to be honest about your identity. That means your relationship will end, and that’s okay. You deserve to be with someone who is fully comfortable with, attracted to, and supportive of your real identity.
To actually your question, you should shut up. If my bf came to me with this nonsense, I would not believe him. Id be more inclined to dismiss a rumor I hear down the road.
Why are you with such an awful person who constantly makes you feel insecure and makes racist remarks to his sister about you?
Dump this loser and go follow your own career path instead of being his free maid. Stop doing anything that YOU don't want to do for YOURSELF and focus on YOU. I promise you'll be much happier when you lose the weight (HIM).
Tom Hardy has entered the chat
How big is it? If it is a size thing that satisfies you, you need to date differently. Fetlife, and other sites where you might find someone without as many red flags might be what you need due to the rarity.
I don’t get why you lied about cheating on your girlfriend? Does your friends cheat on their girlfriends is that why you lied? Like this isn’t making any sense. Just tell her. You were quick to tell a lie so tell the truth now.
So, first, you are free to feel any way you want to feel. If you don't want to get back together, don't! Don't let perceived societal pressure push you into a relationship you don't want.
Second, I'd suggest not looking too deep into the supposed cheating portion. Maybe it happened, maybe she just threw out the 8 months thing when it wasn't quite that long, maybe they met but didn't do anything until after the breakup. It doesn't really matter because it sounds like you made your mind up that you're not interested.
The only thing I'd judge you for is if you just go no contact without telling her when she opened up to you about being raped, among the other traumas. That's deep, and if I were you I'd still try to be friends to support her. If she pushes a relationship, just kindly but firmly tell you you're not interested in her in that way. You don't owe her a reason why. If she demands a reason, be politely honest. Tell you that you just don't feel the same, because that's true. But don't blame the traumas or supposed cheating, that would just be hurtful for no reason.
That's the unfortunate thing though is he never tried to communicate with me on anything bothering him. This diagnosis has only been very recent and its been very naked because I feel like I'm not myself and trapped behind a glass wall watching someone/something else control my life. It was only recently (april 6th) that I was able to be put on medication to help manage the side effects until my next scan on April 24th. I feel like if he would have tried to communicate with me that I was being extremely moody and it was hurting him I would have been able to try and pick up on it before it blew up, so to speak.
He sounds like a complete fuckboy.
Yea I agree. All the others are definitely red flags but I was thrown off she considers that a red flag.
Just leave , he treats you like trash and he cheats. That’s all you need to know.
I should add that we have been together for over a year.
Look at your financials and talk with a lawyer. This way if you reach the point of making an ultimatum, you will know where you stand and be ready to follow thru.
Fortune favours the bold. take care of yourself and your needs
If he's going to househack with a duplex, then you need to take the tenant's rent into consideration too – as a landlord, he needs enough to cover the mortgage, escrow (taxes & insurance), as well maintenance, repair, and potential vacancy all adjusted for expected inflation over time for both units. There's a formula for that, though I don't remember what it is.
Because if the tenant pays enough in rent to cover the mortgage & escrow for one unit, then you should not be paying 50% of the whole mortgage, just 50% of one unit. If the tenant is covering BOTH units, then it should be your BF paying the extra for maintenance & repair while you save for a downpayment on your next home down the road.
Don't do it. If she's looking for drama, it'll come back to bite you or be blamed on your BF. Instead, play the long game by keeping meticulous records and screenshots of messages.
Good idea I will ask her tomorrow
i recently discovered his father repeatedly raped his stepdaughter when she was a little girl. She had drunkingly confessed this to me right before I had to make a decision about moving in with my boyfriend
So, you have high moral standards for yourself except when it comes down to actually exercising those moral standards. With this knowledge, you decided that your morals were flexible enough to go ahead and move into their house. Convenient.
His father is never NOT going to be an abuser.
His mother is will always hide her head in the sand.
Your bf will forever hide his head in the sand and he will continue to try to get you to be more and more flexible with your moral standards.
The bottom line: with knowledge, you chose to move in with a pedophile rapist. Unless you are willing to move out today and refuse to have any contact with these people, you are condoning what the father did, what the mother did (do not think for 1 minute she would protect your child from the father) and you are condoning your bf pretending the sexual abuse of his sister never happened (also do not think he will protect your child either).
they are both my friends, who she knows.
Sounds like you guys were made for each other… I just celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary last week…. We know each others phone passwords, computer passwords, etc etc… We ask each other to unlock and check each others phones all the time when our hands full, as in she's cooking she hears her phone DING with a text, she'll ask me to check and see who its from…it's always been this way.. Keep no secrets, you won't have to remember any lies.. GL…
why would you go back to living hand to mouth when you have options where you are now? if this guy really cared about you he would be encouraging you to get your shit together.
dump the guy. focus on yourself.
I love my wife too. Guess what? I don't do nefarious things behind her back.
It's called respect and trust.
If she EVER wanted to look at my phone, its hers. and vice versa.
This is how people end up getting their organs harvested.
Similar thing happened to me.
The most important thing is that “you can't trust this info to every friend or boyfriend.” There are people that will take advantage of the past and victimize you further.
Go with your gut and explain in a way that makes you comfortable. Write it out. Practice the conversation alone or with a therapist.
I'm sorry you went through that.
Yes, you are a judgmental piece of shit.
Yes, you are a judgmental piece of shit.
Yes, you are a judgmental piece of shit.
Do you trust him overseas at this wedding? You won’t be around and there will be alcohol. If he is remorseful and works towards being a better partner then I suggest you go.
If he is not remorseful then reevaluate this relationship. She will always be around.
I certainly did with my ex! I don’t think this is common in healthy relationships though. When you can calmly discuss issues with your partner, you don’t need sanity checks from friends
Yeah I saw that after I posted my comment. It’s honestly no wonder why she wants a divorce. He’s acting clueless but he knows just that text thread alone would probably end his marriage.
New rule for husband: no yelling unless the house is on fire. Everyone has their limits, and kids will test them, but there’s a big difference between an irritated snap, (“because I said so, damn it!”) versus what you describe. A rare breakage of the no yelling rule is excusable while under actual duress, but being late for work is a pretty lame reason to scare a child.
How dumb are you?
There’s a restraining order against him, do you think his GF randomly messaging him will be seen as anything less than a massive issue?
How should I deal with the situation?
YOU don't. It's not your situation.
I know it’s not my business
Then BUTT OUT.
I don’t want her texting him anymore
You have no control over what other people do.
I also don’t want him to get in any legal problems as a result of me texting her.
DO NOT RESPOND TO HER.
Stop reacting like an emotional little girl and start thinking like an adult.
Most straight guys indulge occasionally in some of the more prurient fare available. But being discreet and just looking at stuff is different than following OF “models” in a way that other people can see it. A lot of people just find that kind of gross and déclassé. So if you feel you need to tell him why you're ending the relationship you could do that. But someone who proudly does this will probably just disagree with you that it's crass. It's just a character issue. It's not like he's going to stop doing this no matter what your parting shot is. So say whatever you need to to end this without too much drama.
Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been pretty miserable with all this in my head, knowing I’m right to not want to accept this but also having him tell me how I’m being overbearing/unreasonable and ofc he “has to lie” about these things for MY benefit.
I’ve never been stuck like this before, never thought it would happen and yet here I am like a tool letting him treat me like this.
Anyway I’m getting ready to move on and move out.
I don’t want to go though lawyers. Plus there’s kids involved I can’t just pack up and leave (especially since its my house).
Has it also crossed your mind that you’re shit-talking your wife to your female friend? And that you know that if your wife saw those texts, your marriage would be over?
Are you sure it’s not just something like turmeric powder staining his skin?
there’s no such thing as visible worms in our colon, that is his intestinal lining sloughing off love, he needs help.
A person is a person no matter the gender, so they are just asking to cheat on a trial basis and if they like it more than being with you, leave you in the dust. Give her the same answer you would give if she wanted to try another dude and kick her to the curb.
I hope you find yourself again and surrounding with supportive family and friends.
…..she hasn’t asked him to leave yet, either….
He is still contributing to our shared expenses from his savings. I never asked how much he has saved up, but he is unconcerned about money and did not apply for unemployment, yet (and doesn't seem to plan to)
I'm concerned and worried about the same stuff. I don't want to push, but I'm starting to feel very anxious.
That was my thought too
Ramses Emerson is TAKEN
My dad has alzheimers & this post hits home. Hes not there yet but its def started.
Putting being petty or not aside, that person probably thinks he is in a monogamous relationship and she has proven that that means nothing to her. He deserves to know who he is being intimate with for emotional and health reasons.