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As bad as it is that private companies have that info, I am glad killers and rapists are getting found. It fills me with deep joy every time they get caught through some random family members DNA test.
Its just weird. I kind of feel he is using this for you to dump him. If he got a happy ending why tell you unless he got a vd. Anyways just give yourselves some space focus on you.
I’m so fucking sorry they have hurt you. You won’t only mourn the loss of relationships/sense of stability, you will probably also mourn a worldview change once you soak this in. Reality becomes different once you start accepting people for who they are and not looking for the best in others (usually we do this to comfort ourselves, honestly). It will hurt for a long time, and it’s important to meditate on the pain and feel it, so that you learn from the thoughts that spring from the pain.
If it’s bad enough, it may feel like you’ve lost hope for happiness even. This is the point (after mourning) where you start to redefine happiness. Think about different scenarios of what happiness could look like for you.
If you figure out how to find it within yourself, it’s rare that it can be taken away. Figure out who you really are. This can often be comparing yourself to others! Like imagining what you would have done if you were in your friend or ex’s shoes. This would lead to realizing you deserved different, cuz if it were reversed, you would have loved her too much to even chance hurting your friend. You deserve you.
Any time there’s a situation where you don’t want to do something, are too tired, feel guilted, remember: you are equally as important as everyone else. Figure out quick explanations: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the bandwidth right now”, “I really need some time with myself, but I’ll reach out when I’m feeling better”, etc. Also, looking at yourself in 3rd person or like a friend and treating yourself that exact way.
You’ll possibly go through a phase of extreme anger or agitation. Feeling all of the anger you should have felt over the years, but repressed. Please don’t feel shame over this. Let it speak to you. It’ll show you that you deserved better all along. You can turn this resulting feeling into the clarity to recognize disrespect and then the willpower to take a stand.
And anytime something seems a little weird but doesn’t seem logically bad, keep track of it, see if things add up (or leave if you figure out how to trust yourself that much. It’s just that most people feel they have to justify stuff logically and ignore little weird feelings.) For me, there are just so many red flags and behavior patterns that it took awhile to start immediately spotting more and more ???