The baby thing is a big one. I know you say you are not sure, but you really need to think about this. If she is set on having kids and you truly do not, then unfortunately this will not work. Generally someone needs to compromise or it is best both of you move on to find someone more compatible. Note: You both are young, she has more than 5-7 years to have a baby.
In terms of the dream job, I see this more as a financial security issue. It is not bad that someone wants to achieve their dream job, but there needs to be a plan to get there. 1. You can financially support her while she does not work and she focuses on studying for this career. 2. She works other jobs that may or may not be relevant to her career goals, but between her income and potentially yours, she can one day achieve her dreams. These are the two likely scenarios without going down other avenues.
Without a financially sound plan on how to achieve this goal, then likely this will stay a dream. So I guess the question back to you is, you have some doubts, but you love her, so is your love for each other strong enough and compromises can be made where you see a long future together?
Final thought – the fear you have of not finding someone better may or may not be true. But recognize you are the one making the compromises if you think this way and “settling” due to this notion. Again you two are still young, lots of years ahead of you on how your life will change.
Is there anything he can do whilst we have sex? I want that feeling whilst our bodies are together, kissing, etc. Do they do a male version of a strap-on? lol
Idk if that’s true. Maybe he needs to work through why he didn’t propose and if he does he’ll be able to. Maybe she’ll realize the only reason she wants a marriage is to have the life she already has and doesn’t need it. They both are already committed so it’s not like they fear having a family together which is what marriage is about. Growth and change are possible and it should be explored first. Doesn’t sound like it has been. Let’s do that first before blowing up a family over a threat
Reading your list I was surprised to see near the end that “your happiness depends on him”, because I got the impression you were perfectly content with your own company while he’s out, but very happy to have him home. Am I right? If that’s the case then nothing is wrong. My husband is rather like you, he wouldn’t care if he never saw anyone, he’s very content at home reading, doing jobs around the house, watching tv etc. and he’s always happy to see me come in, we have a cuppa, dinner, a chat etc. We’ve both had to take early retirement due to health cr@p. If this sounds like you then nothing’s wrong.
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They weren't blaming OP, they were just stating the obvious. You've obviously never been this depressed, you literally get to a point where you feel nothing, you don't realize people are trying to help bc you just feel like a burden and shut down.
OP purposely sort out a partner who agreed they did not want children. It is irrelevant as to whether she could or couldn’t physically have them, she was entering into the relationship on the understanding that there wouldn’t be any, and her partner agreed.
Now that he’s changed his mind he was trying to force her to have kids. Why does his change of mind invalidate her reasons (infertility or choice) for sticking to their original agreement?
I have a real life example of what you are trying to insinuate here – my sisters husband told her he would be open to having kids (always sometime in the future) and withheld the fact that he had had a vasectomy during his first marriage.
THAT is a betrayal and relevant information he should have shared. If he had just said he didn’t want kids, and wouldn’t change his mind she could have made the choice to marry him based on that information. Instead she found out years into their marriage and it devastated her.
This is not what happened in OP’s case, she was very clear on being child free and the fact that he reacted in such a misogynistic and abusive way to her “choice” shows she was probably wise to not be open about her infertility as the reason for it.
Be honest about your feelings. I know it’s hot but why protect him? After everything he’s done to you you’re still protecting him? He needs to be held accountable.
So last night I found out that my fiancée has 45k in credit card debt.
For most it would already be a dealbreaker that she wasn't upfront about this BEFORE you got engaged.
She got a 15k loan because she quit her job as a mortgage officer because she didn’t like the vp. She said it was to help her transition and find another job. She has a job but wants to quit because she wants to get married and then move shortly after.
I hope you see all the red flags. How about her sorting out her life first before thinking about marriage?
I am a HUGE proponent of 50/50 and having equal responsibilities in a relationship.
That being said, if I am off work earlier, I cook. Your boyfriend now has less hours in the day than you do, meaning it can’t be equal- he can’t magically add 1.5 hours to his day.
You can try setting up a more fair allocation of cooking/ shopping by scheduling which days in the week you two can each be responsible for- like you cooking/shopping Monday- Thursday and he cooks Friday and on the weekends when he has more time.
I started my new job here 2 weeks ago! And yea I moved in with him (he takes care of all expenses)
And I totally agree, unfortunately I thought we were dating (somewhat steadily) for a year, apparently not on his end ? And yea, we have quite a difference of age – I do feel extremely taken advantage of. Just super conflicting because I feel like I do love him, and there have been signs of being more serious, but idk what to believe any more
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. Even if he has a disorder you are risking your physical and mental health. He could give you hiv
Luckily the wedding will happen and then be over, and those financial ties will go away.
You realize the wedding is going to be brutal, right? That because they're paying and they don't see you or your fiance as real people with agency, they will see it as their party at which they can behave however they want?
Have you guys discussed eloping? At least then it would actually be about the two of you.
I’m a woman and personally I’m completely on your side here— especially since it seems like she has an issue with masturbating at all, not just the porn. I think real concerns about porn addiction in society have been turned by some into excuses for women to be extremely controlling. If your use of porn isn’t negatively impacting your sex life with her, I don’t think it’s any of her business. It’s her insecurity to work on, not your responsibility to manage. You can offer to attend counseling with her and be supportive as she works through her fears and insecurities without agreeing to stop masturbating.
I think, in her mind, that at the time was okay because we both had boyfriends staying at the flat, although mine didn't solely rely on our flat, heating, a place to cook, wash clothes, shower etc. It's only now that hers has moved out that she has an issue because it's a less balanced dynamic, and she feels like the flat isn't hers anymore, even though we try not to dominate the spaces and stay in my room.
Without the context, I would say it is a reasonable request, but I feel like she wont even hear me out if I bring up the fact her boyfriend lived here, because she somehow thinks its not relevant since he moved out. She also does acknowledge how useless her boyfriend was and how it's nothing my boyfriend is doing specifically, she just wants to feel like the flat is 'ours' again, not mine, hers, and my boyfriends.
Haha, I dont think she fancied my boyfriend, and her and her boyfriend are still together, they just don't see each other that often anymore.
He is a manipulative a-hole, who clearly doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry, but saying yes to something as serious and hopefully permanent as marriage should not be considered in such a short time of dating
It disturbs me that the girlfriend immediately thought something sexual from this. Should OP (and his dad when around) just let the girl potentially get infections while waiting on mom to be around?
I'm telling you the lies only come with things that create some kind of bond like a separation anxiety. It's like she lies to watch me protect her or to feel like I'm coming to her rescue. There are no other signs of anything unhealthy than this. I could confirm a million things did she could have lied about that I know for a fact she has it it's only the things that make her reach out for me to come protect her. I don't understand it but it is dishonest behavior. My last relationship was with a person that had a really bad lying problem. So I guess tomorrow morning over breakfast I'm going to bring it up. Now that you mention it that way you know dishonesty is dishonesty. And I am not going to open up the doors to the abuse that I went through with the obsessive compulsive line from the woman I was with before her so I will bring it up immediately.
Have you read the character assassination that’s happening here? The woman is being villified. Maybe she’s not an evil monster and is someone in a lot of pain. None of you guys know the truth either but you’re all so quick to condemn her character
I mean op needs the breakup and I feel so so sorry for them but the people calling her out for having no empathy don’t seem to have any for her at all
When I'm in those situation I put on my Socrates hat and only ask questions. Lots of questions.
“It seems like I've upset you. Is that a fair assumption?”
“Ok so it frustrated you that I said… What could I have done differently?”
“I agree I could be more chatty. I was feeling a bit under the weather. Is that reasonable?”
“When you're feeling under the weather…” You get the idea.
When people get defensive, they've already shut down reasoning. So de-escalating with lots of understanding questions let's them feel heard and a calmer individual will reason better. It can be a challenge to stay calm and not also take it personally but it works wonders.
He's not forcing her to get rid of a wanted pregnancy, the choice is hers. He's being distant and avoiding her, likely because he's feeling betrayed at her changing her stance so drastically on something that'll affect the rest of their lives.
He can't force her to get rid, because it's her choice.
She can't force him to stay, because it's his choice.
He clearly communicated his position on children well in advance. He set a boundary and it's not unreasonable for him to choose to be distant or to leave entirely. There's no bad guy here.
Sounds like you already had the conversation and he told you exactly where you stand in his life. Sadly it’s as a placeholder because if someone interesting comes along in his city he will date her instead.
I think you should move on from him. He’s neither caring nor reliable enough.
No I know, that was my point. If this little stuff that’s literally normal bothers them, I couldn’t imagine someone tied to nature being in their life.
Lovely. What are you doing staying with this sad sack of a human?! You deserve so much better! You stuck with him even through addiction, and no one would judge you for having walked away then. He should worship the ground you walk on. The petulant audacity it takes to demand that you work out at the gym to fit his so called standards after you’ve put in all this emotional work is simply breathtaking.
Sit him down and tell him to listen up. Tell him to buck his damn ideas up and work on himself before he starts whining to you. If he wants this relationship, it’s on him to save it. If not, you walk that awesome body away from him and his nonsense and you find the life you want as the queen you are.
Who cares about his feelings? He’s putting your life in a vulnerable state, being sleep deprived is used as a form of torture. He wants you to be his Mom, life administrator, and still find him attractive?
I hope you don’t have children with him, the audacity of him creating a problem he expects you to solve is not it.
Our daughter was conceived while I had an IUD in. I know a couple who conceived after a vasectomy. So, no. Continue to use condoms until you're ok with the risk of an unexpected pregnancy.
When met boyfriend both planned to be ambitious in careers and online a financially comfortable life but since he stopped his studies he has no interest in ever working, can this be fixed or should I end it before too late?
Lastly he has had a very bad alcohol habit, last year it was at its peak and he gained about 40 pounds but he has gotten healthier here the past 6 months. I do not ask much from him, but when I do ask him to do something, like to complete an open task like replacing the debit card he lost he just will not do it. And things like this happen continuously he just will not do what I ask him and overall seems to procrastinate over the most simple life tasks.
Congratulations, you're dating a toddler with limited executive function.
This sounds very unromantic and if you want to break up, please do so.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone ambitious. And there's everything wrong with staying with a guy who needs to be mothered.
You already have all the information. You know he cheats, he lies, he has no accountability, and he doesn’t respect you. You can’t force someone to change who they are; you can only control your own reaction. So what are you going to do about it?
I believe we were both in vulnerable positions and found each other at an ironic timing. And now tht we’ve spent almost a year together I am finally seeing things for what they are. I wasn’t thinking straight you are right. I found someone who listened to me and who I thought was just like me and I went all in- now I know I should have waited or atleast kept my place and not moved into his. I have no money saved I will have nothing
Thanks for your opinion. I think my BF has problem w setting boundaries in general. I know I should be able to stand for myself, but these situations makes me sad. He probably doesn't realize there situations hurt me.
“deep and emotionally intimate situations & inappropriate/intimate physical contact” is too vague, you need to talk about what each of those means, for you What is “inappropriate?” What is “intimate?” There's also a great pdf on the web called “yes no maybe” that really breaks down every aspect of relationships, sex, intimacy, and boundaries, that you each might not even have ever thought to ask yourselves before.
He could have recorded and sent to her in a hour.
I mean, that's really between you to decide. I would not expect nor want my partner to stay home because I was sick.
The baby thing is a big one. I know you say you are not sure, but you really need to think about this. If she is set on having kids and you truly do not, then unfortunately this will not work. Generally someone needs to compromise or it is best both of you move on to find someone more compatible. Note: You both are young, she has more than 5-7 years to have a baby.
In terms of the dream job, I see this more as a financial security issue. It is not bad that someone wants to achieve their dream job, but there needs to be a plan to get there. 1. You can financially support her while she does not work and she focuses on studying for this career. 2. She works other jobs that may or may not be relevant to her career goals, but between her income and potentially yours, she can one day achieve her dreams. These are the two likely scenarios without going down other avenues.
Without a financially sound plan on how to achieve this goal, then likely this will stay a dream. So I guess the question back to you is, you have some doubts, but you love her, so is your love for each other strong enough and compromises can be made where you see a long future together?
Final thought – the fear you have of not finding someone better may or may not be true. But recognize you are the one making the compromises if you think this way and “settling” due to this notion. Again you two are still young, lots of years ahead of you on how your life will change.
Is there anything he can do whilst we have sex? I want that feeling whilst our bodies are together, kissing, etc. Do they do a male version of a strap-on? lol
Y’all are fucking toxic. Doesn’t even sound like y’all wanna be together
Idk if that’s true. Maybe he needs to work through why he didn’t propose and if he does he’ll be able to. Maybe she’ll realize the only reason she wants a marriage is to have the life she already has and doesn’t need it. They both are already committed so it’s not like they fear having a family together which is what marriage is about. Growth and change are possible and it should be explored first. Doesn’t sound like it has been. Let’s do that first before blowing up a family over a threat
Propose. Ask him to marry you.
If he says no you have your answer
Reading your list I was surprised to see near the end that “your happiness depends on him”, because I got the impression you were perfectly content with your own company while he’s out, but very happy to have him home. Am I right? If that’s the case then nothing is wrong. My husband is rather like you, he wouldn’t care if he never saw anyone, he’s very content at home reading, doing jobs around the house, watching tv etc. and he’s always happy to see me come in, we have a cuppa, dinner, a chat etc. We’ve both had to take early retirement due to health cr@p. If this sounds like you then nothing’s wrong.
She has a marriage, she wants a wedding.
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They weren't blaming OP, they were just stating the obvious. You've obviously never been this depressed, you literally get to a point where you feel nothing, you don't realize people are trying to help bc you just feel like a burden and shut down.
This. But I don’t think OP is ready to question BF’s behavior yet.
Yes sorry about that.
Sorry but how is that relevant in this situation?
OP purposely sort out a partner who agreed they did not want children. It is irrelevant as to whether she could or couldn’t physically have them, she was entering into the relationship on the understanding that there wouldn’t be any, and her partner agreed.
Now that he’s changed his mind he was trying to force her to have kids. Why does his change of mind invalidate her reasons (infertility or choice) for sticking to their original agreement?
I have a real life example of what you are trying to insinuate here – my sisters husband told her he would be open to having kids (always sometime in the future) and withheld the fact that he had had a vasectomy during his first marriage.
THAT is a betrayal and relevant information he should have shared. If he had just said he didn’t want kids, and wouldn’t change his mind she could have made the choice to marry him based on that information. Instead she found out years into their marriage and it devastated her.
This is not what happened in OP’s case, she was very clear on being child free and the fact that he reacted in such a misogynistic and abusive way to her “choice” shows she was probably wise to not be open about her infertility as the reason for it.
“I instantly got hard”….?. Honestly sounds like a bad script for a wank video.
Be honest about your feelings. I know it’s hot but why protect him? After everything he’s done to you you’re still protecting him? He needs to be held accountable.
Damn.
This one better be on BorU
That's weird for sure. She might say that if you break up with her too.
But since you like her and wanna go steady I'd say let it go and continue on. Make her ur gf have kids or whatever y'all wanna do.
Be an adult and say “I am not so fragile that I can't have sex with you. In fact, I want to.”
Yeah but i think she was maybe trying to surprise him
So last night I found out that my fiancée has 45k in credit card debt.
For most it would already be a dealbreaker that she wasn't upfront about this BEFORE you got engaged.
She got a 15k loan because she quit her job as a mortgage officer because she didn’t like the vp. She said it was to help her transition and find another job. She has a job but wants to quit because she wants to get married and then move shortly after.
I hope you see all the red flags. How about her sorting out her life first before thinking about marriage?
I am a HUGE proponent of 50/50 and having equal responsibilities in a relationship.
That being said, if I am off work earlier, I cook. Your boyfriend now has less hours in the day than you do, meaning it can’t be equal- he can’t magically add 1.5 hours to his day.
You can try setting up a more fair allocation of cooking/ shopping by scheduling which days in the week you two can each be responsible for- like you cooking/shopping Monday- Thursday and he cooks Friday and on the weekends when he has more time.
I started my new job here 2 weeks ago! And yea I moved in with him (he takes care of all expenses)
And I totally agree, unfortunately I thought we were dating (somewhat steadily) for a year, apparently not on his end ? And yea, we have quite a difference of age – I do feel extremely taken advantage of. Just super conflicting because I feel like I do love him, and there have been signs of being more serious, but idk what to believe any more
Haha thanks, I take it as a compliment. I must've passed the reverse Turing test then.
I’ve wanted to find something out of my own and found it too cumbersome before. I can’t imagine playing detective through someone else’s.
Plus, do you know how much wired shit I google? It’s not indicative of who I am.
Could he be asexual? Or possibly gay?
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. Even if he has a disorder you are risking your physical and mental health. He could give you hiv
Number 12 (or whatever it may be) might have to be the one to break your string. Marriage should be undertaken willingly.
Luckily the wedding will happen and then be over, and those financial ties will go away.
You realize the wedding is going to be brutal, right? That because they're paying and they don't see you or your fiance as real people with agency, they will see it as their party at which they can behave however they want?
Have you guys discussed eloping? At least then it would actually be about the two of you.
I’m a woman and personally I’m completely on your side here— especially since it seems like she has an issue with masturbating at all, not just the porn. I think real concerns about porn addiction in society have been turned by some into excuses for women to be extremely controlling. If your use of porn isn’t negatively impacting your sex life with her, I don’t think it’s any of her business. It’s her insecurity to work on, not your responsibility to manage. You can offer to attend counseling with her and be supportive as she works through her fears and insecurities without agreeing to stop masturbating.
Your advice is to threaten my FIL with a gun?
Like buying her thoughtful gifts isn’t the same as paying a utility bill. This guy is being willfully dense.
OMG can you not find someone to date who is not a loser??
My opinion: Men who use the word pussy to insult other men are creeps and babies.
True. And that’s what keeps you stuck
This too, going to be worried your coworkers and boss will be upset with you
I think, in her mind, that at the time was okay because we both had boyfriends staying at the flat, although mine didn't solely rely on our flat, heating, a place to cook, wash clothes, shower etc. It's only now that hers has moved out that she has an issue because it's a less balanced dynamic, and she feels like the flat isn't hers anymore, even though we try not to dominate the spaces and stay in my room.
Without the context, I would say it is a reasonable request, but I feel like she wont even hear me out if I bring up the fact her boyfriend lived here, because she somehow thinks its not relevant since he moved out. She also does acknowledge how useless her boyfriend was and how it's nothing my boyfriend is doing specifically, she just wants to feel like the flat is 'ours' again, not mine, hers, and my boyfriends.
Haha, I dont think she fancied my boyfriend, and her and her boyfriend are still together, they just don't see each other that often anymore.
Thanks for your help!
what do you mean get your wife into therapy? you need it too bud
I'm hoping to get through to maybe even one person.
Put yourself in his shoes; how do you turn down sex when you’re not in the right mood?
He is a manipulative a-hole, who clearly doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry, but saying yes to something as serious and hopefully permanent as marriage should not be considered in such a short time of dating
“settling” can be a good thing or not. Different people use the word differently.
Sometimes love takes time to grow. Like months or years. He sounds like the kind of guy to give a chance and see if love grows.
Take another test today. If you already have, you're more than likely just fine. But see a doctor in a couple weeks if nothing changes.
It disturbs me that the girlfriend immediately thought something sexual from this. Should OP (and his dad when around) just let the girl potentially get infections while waiting on mom to be around?
PLEASE BREAK UP WITH THIS GUY. I MEAN IT, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, JUST DO IT
Ummm ? please leave your girl it’s not healthy to date her.
Thank you for this! I’m the same way when I get emotional. Brain shutdown. I’m glad you’re out of that relationship, and I hope you are doing well.
Good riddance OP, you chose a cheater over your innocent mom.
Are you saying I should wait until we get back from the trip? That’s what I was thinking
Also, what I have is what I have, I don’t have the heart nor the opportunity to go look again.
I'm telling you the lies only come with things that create some kind of bond like a separation anxiety. It's like she lies to watch me protect her or to feel like I'm coming to her rescue. There are no other signs of anything unhealthy than this. I could confirm a million things did she could have lied about that I know for a fact she has it it's only the things that make her reach out for me to come protect her. I don't understand it but it is dishonest behavior. My last relationship was with a person that had a really bad lying problem. So I guess tomorrow morning over breakfast I'm going to bring it up. Now that you mention it that way you know dishonesty is dishonesty. And I am not going to open up the doors to the abuse that I went through with the obsessive compulsive line from the woman I was with before her so I will bring it up immediately.
What a crock of shit. !! Like you even have a girlfriend. I just feel bad for the people responding who are indulging this fantasy of yours. Lmao
Even if he considers it a joke it's troubling. I would say in definition a joke is something that both parties can laugh at.
Don’t start a family with this man. Also, in most places the inheritance isn’t a shared marital asset.
he won’t stop because he gets off on this. you deserve someone who wants to be with you. not use you.
Happy Cake Day! ?
Have you read the character assassination that’s happening here? The woman is being villified. Maybe she’s not an evil monster and is someone in a lot of pain. None of you guys know the truth either but you’re all so quick to condemn her character
I mean op needs the breakup and I feel so so sorry for them but the people calling her out for having no empathy don’t seem to have any for her at all
Hurt people hurt people
Baby wipes in bathroom with note to not flush them under any circumstances
When I'm in those situation I put on my Socrates hat and only ask questions. Lots of questions.
“It seems like I've upset you. Is that a fair assumption?”
“Ok so it frustrated you that I said… What could I have done differently?”
“I agree I could be more chatty. I was feeling a bit under the weather. Is that reasonable?”
“When you're feeling under the weather…” You get the idea.
When people get defensive, they've already shut down reasoning. So de-escalating with lots of understanding questions let's them feel heard and a calmer individual will reason better. It can be a challenge to stay calm and not also take it personally but it works wonders.
He's not forcing her to get rid of a wanted pregnancy, the choice is hers. He's being distant and avoiding her, likely because he's feeling betrayed at her changing her stance so drastically on something that'll affect the rest of their lives.
He can't force her to get rid, because it's her choice.
She can't force him to stay, because it's his choice.
He clearly communicated his position on children well in advance. He set a boundary and it's not unreasonable for him to choose to be distant or to leave entirely. There's no bad guy here.
Today was a bad day to be literate.
Sounds like you already had the conversation and he told you exactly where you stand in his life. Sadly it’s as a placeholder because if someone interesting comes along in his city he will date her instead.
I think you should move on from him. He’s neither caring nor reliable enough.
No I know, that was my point. If this little stuff that’s literally normal bothers them, I couldn’t imagine someone tied to nature being in their life.
Do you believe/trust him? Does this break a boundary you've communicated before to him?
Might be true, might not. Weird ASF to meet someone online via a game or discord and then add their IG and such imo
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
A friend of mine has continued asking me out for 4 years.
He only does not ask me out when I am in a relationship.
The last time he asked me out was two months ago and I said no, I don't want to be in a relationship. I just want to friends with you.
Yesterday he asked me again if I wanted to be friends with benefits. He has told me he liked me before. Should I end this friendship?
Will he ever stop pursuing me?and view me just as a friend??
The thing is we are in a friendship group with mutual friends and are meant to see two of them in a week. I don't know what to do..
He is a good friend and everything but this kind of just tipped it over the edge for me.
Lovely. What are you doing staying with this sad sack of a human?! You deserve so much better! You stuck with him even through addiction, and no one would judge you for having walked away then. He should worship the ground you walk on. The petulant audacity it takes to demand that you work out at the gym to fit his so called standards after you’ve put in all this emotional work is simply breathtaking.
Sit him down and tell him to listen up. Tell him to buck his damn ideas up and work on himself before he starts whining to you. If he wants this relationship, it’s on him to save it. If not, you walk that awesome body away from him and his nonsense and you find the life you want as the queen you are.
Who cares about his feelings? He’s putting your life in a vulnerable state, being sleep deprived is used as a form of torture. He wants you to be his Mom, life administrator, and still find him attractive?
I hope you don’t have children with him, the audacity of him creating a problem he expects you to solve is not it.
Place the picture in front of her and say nothing.
While blurry, the hair may be enough for her to freak out and admit it. Or she could stick to her guns. Just pay attention to her reaction.
Her ex boyfriend made the right choice. Follow his lead.
Our daughter was conceived while I had an IUD in. I know a couple who conceived after a vasectomy. So, no. Continue to use condoms until you're ok with the risk of an unexpected pregnancy.
Only if you are ready to be a father…
Then you should have made your move while he was awake and sober.
When met boyfriend both planned to be ambitious in careers and online a financially comfortable life but since he stopped his studies he has no interest in ever working, can this be fixed or should I end it before too late?
Lastly he has had a very bad alcohol habit, last year it was at its peak and he gained about 40 pounds but he has gotten healthier here the past 6 months. I do not ask much from him, but when I do ask him to do something, like to complete an open task like replacing the debit card he lost he just will not do it. And things like this happen continuously he just will not do what I ask him and overall seems to procrastinate over the most simple life tasks.
Congratulations, you're dating a toddler with limited executive function.
This sounds very unromantic and if you want to break up, please do so.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone ambitious. And there's everything wrong with staying with a guy who needs to be mothered.
You already have all the information. You know he cheats, he lies, he has no accountability, and he doesn’t respect you. You can’t force someone to change who they are; you can only control your own reaction. So what are you going to do about it?
You are old enough to handle this without your parents’ intervention. Sit your sister down and talk to her.
If this is real, I hope you send your husband and his twin accomplice to jail, post haste.
Yeah it's kind of fucked up that you want her to be more insecure and worried.
That's something you need to work on.
Get your stuff in order, then leave. He isn’t going to change. Thus is who he is. He doesn’t care about you.
I believe we were both in vulnerable positions and found each other at an ironic timing. And now tht we’ve spent almost a year together I am finally seeing things for what they are. I wasn’t thinking straight you are right. I found someone who listened to me and who I thought was just like me and I went all in- now I know I should have waited or atleast kept my place and not moved into his. I have no money saved I will have nothing
Thanks for your opinion. I think my BF has problem w setting boundaries in general. I know I should be able to stand for myself, but these situations makes me sad. He probably doesn't realize there situations hurt me.
Stop being so insecure
This is some Cal from Euphoria activity
It’s intense and hyperbolic and deeply felt.
Sounds like an 18 year old in love. You’re fine, but she’s the only one who can tell you.
It’s intense and hyperbolic and deeply felt.
Sounds like an 18 year old in love. You’re fine, but she’s the only one who can tell you.
Dump him
“deep and emotionally intimate situations & inappropriate/intimate physical contact” is too vague, you need to talk about what each of those means, for you What is “inappropriate?” What is “intimate?” There's also a great pdf on the web called “yes no maybe” that really breaks down every aspect of relationships, sex, intimacy, and boundaries, that you each might not even have ever thought to ask yourselves before.