Right because you instantly know what you are looking at and when the first words you read are that your wife is infatuated with somebody else you are going to say this is cool and never say or think anything about it ever again. OK, come back to the real world.
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She certainly had a more exciting New Year’s Eve/Day than I did!
Honestly, I’d let it go. I believe in giving people a second chance if they come clean. But the second you suspect it’s happening again, then you have to pull the plug.
I'm really sorry OP, but if you aren't ready to at least talk about the scarring on your body with your partner then you aren't ready for a sexually intimate relationship.
I understand that you're just trying to protect yourself, but waiting until someone has invested 2 years into dating you to drop this bomb on them is straight up manipulative.
The hard truth is that your scars will be a dealbreaker for some people (although considerably less people than you'd think), but they deserve the chance to make that decision for themselves, they're going to anyway, one way or another.
I think the way your GF reacted was a little extreme and the fact that she blocked you is a bit of a red flag on its own, but try to see it from her perspective. You are obviously hiding something pretty big, your sketchy behavior leaves no room for interpretation in that regard, but without any context she's left to imagine possible worst-case scenarios and the fact that y'all have been dating for 2 years and you're still obviously hiding something is probably setting off alarm bells in her head (and likely has been for a while).
I honestly can't imagine how hot it is for you to be vulnerable and open up about your trauma and the ways that it's affected you both physically and psychologically, but you created this situation by lying to your partner and until you're ready to give someone a glimpse (metaphorically at least) of your true self, then this is how all of your romantic relationships are likely to end.
There is pretty much no chance he views this as a platonic friendship. He absolutely is laying the groundwork for you to be an affair partner. If you are able to keep your “friendship” a secret this long you are passing his stupid test and he hopes this means you will keep your affair a secret too.
Married adults do not find opposite sex friends that are 15 years younger than them in Instagram. Surely you KNOW this. You can’t possibly be this naive.
When I was 36, I went on a blind date with a 25-year-old. She was gorgeous and very nice, but it felt weird and the age gap was too much for me. It didn't feel right. Imagine an additional 5 year difference. Now you're getting into creepy territory.
Unfortunately once you share a child with someone just walking away isn't an option. You can break up but you'll have to go through the legal process of codifying a custody/visitation/support agreement. You've been through this process before with your other kid so you know how it works. But you seem to be on this guy about things you shouldn't be just sitting back waiting for him to do. If he oversleeps wake him up. If you want to get a life insurance policy just go find one and have him sign the papers. You're capable of making your own drinks and it doesn't take two parents to go to a playgroup. You picked this guy to not only make a baby with but to expose your older child to. Bet if you were more proactive instead of just waiting around for him to do things you'd have an improved quality of life.
Well, having a stomach bug and having period shits are two possiblities that generally require two different responses. You wouldn't ask the situation? now that is odd because the best way to help someone is know why how to help them.
A stomach bug might be something transmissable, might be something food related and might need some meds.
Period starting and sick with shits might mean no sex or more clean up for the sex in the next couple days, may need sanitary products that he might not have and she might not have brought enough, and might need different meds/foods.
My man, he already made his point by laying the guy out. That is the prelude to the arm-breaking. Lay him out, and then explain the situation. That's still an inappropriate escalation – because when someone is a victim of abuse, adding violence to the situation can re-trigger them and make them fear you – but it's nowhere near the escalation of intentionally breaking the arm of a guy who is already on the ground.
There is no world in which that is an appropriate thing to do. Professional fighters that exhibit the discipline you are talking about, the discipline to channel emotions into actions, also understand that you don't just do this to people.
You'll never be in anyone's brain but their own. So when it comes to actions/words, you should generally take them at face value, trying to guess other motives will drive you crazy!
He told you he likes you. You have no legitimate reason to doubt that. Don't fuck this up by questioning it.
Look you don’t just go outside for a half hour and come back like that unless you’re rubbing your allergen directly on your face. Not without red or runny eyes and/or a headache and generally feeling awful. Allergies do t make you sweaty or anxious. Cocaine does. You also can’t give your allergies to a friend.
He lied to you and made such an asshole out of you you’ll be afraid to ask him again. Win-win for him he got high and backed you into a corner.
He's being ridiculous. If you love your partner and you know he's in a risky enviroment (like a snowy street) he should absolutely be okay with texting you he's safe. There's pretty much no reason why not to.
You have your concern and your partner refuses to ease that concern even though it would cost him nothing. He could also just send “X” or WHATEVER so you know he arrived safely.
Just remember, it wasn't a drunken one night stand. She had a full relationship with him while married to you. Within six months. They stayed together, went on dates, went on vacations together for the whole time she was there. While making you think everything's good between you two. And she even kept in touch with him. That's insane. Don't even think twice about ending this sham marriage. You're young, loyal and deserve someone much much better.
It may not bother you, but his virginity collection fetish is creepy af. You SHOULD want him to break up with you. You deserve better than any random weirdo who decides they want to date you. This guy ain't it.
Good to hear things are amicable. While it won't seem chill at all, you still might want to consider getting a custody arrangement in writing, because you don't know how things will go over the next two decades. What if she decides to move? What if she meets someone else who influences her negatively? Having an arrangement written out and legally recognized will be a win-win for all involved and remove a lot of uncertainty
It means 200k of my money is with my parents. Tldr the company was in my fathers name, all the money went into my parents bank account. During my uni, they had regularly sent over those money to me to use whenever I needed it. There are no paper trails leading to me and a lawsuit is completely out of question.
Exactly, I have a typically male name and am a vid gender woman so apart from getting bullied for having a boys name I’m basically a walking example of how a name isn’t really that much when it comes to someone’s gender
Sounds like you need a boyfriend who doesn’t have a kid by someone else, who you could get away with together. Or just be single so nobody bugs you on your weekends for alone time, because when you’re in a serious relationship usually things are done together on weekends since people work during the week. Should just be with a guy who doesn’t have kids, then have them once you’re both ready to give all your time to them.
There is no “fixing stuff” with her. You had a physical altercation. Adults don’t do that. She is separating herself from the situation for her safety and peace of mind.
Some weirdo made a move on your drunk girlfriend and she was not interested and told you about it. I’ve had guys try and kiss me before because apparently not being rude is enough of a sign that “I like them”.
Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Of course you’d see him around, they both on-line on campus. If it’s that big of a deal to you, it’s better to just break up than guilt trip her a year later
Thanks. Well there's nothing to be stuck on. As it stands, you're essentially fuck buddies, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way. You obviously want something more, which is why you're here.
As such, while I wouldn't now explicitly ask what you are, I absolutely would ask what he's looking for. If it doesn't align with what you want, then stop wasting your time. Good luck.
I’m so leery of men who push for wives to become a SAHM. If it was a happy and mutual decision – cool. But when there’s pressure it’s becomes a huge red flag. The family model with a stay at home parent and a breadwinner is inherently flawed as it creates a power imbalance that is further perpetuated by most legal systems in the event the relationship fails.
A women who leaves the workforce to rear her family makes a tremendous sacrifice in her future earnings potential that is never recouped. And sadly, all too often it creates an inequity in the household when it comes to the default parent and having to manage the lion share of family responsibilities of child rearing and chores. Then also is the alarming frequency of men finding their wives boring and not offering the mental stimulation and challenge – enter affair partner. Yes, I’m biased. Yep, I’m aware that not all men. His pressing the issue is the red flag. I absolutely would delay having children until your concerns were addressed.
This MAY be a phase, but he needs therapy to help him understand where his emotions are coming from. I went through something like what he's going through. Convincing him to go to therapy might be an issue, but he needs it.
Well buddy how's it feel starting 2023 single
The anger isn't confusing at all. He's angry you called him on how inappropriate he was.
He was testing boundaries. Don't be naive.
Right because you instantly know what you are looking at and when the first words you read are that your wife is infatuated with somebody else you are going to say this is cool and never say or think anything about it ever again. OK, come back to the real world.
I’d rather be alone than be with someone who cheated on me and whom I can no longer trust anymore. You’re stronger than you think, OP.
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She certainly had a more exciting New Year’s Eve/Day than I did!
Honestly, I’d let it go. I believe in giving people a second chance if they come clean. But the second you suspect it’s happening again, then you have to pull the plug.
I guess you are right. I know in my heart divorce is the only option.
He's demented in the head, leave ASAP
I'm really sorry OP, but if you aren't ready to at least talk about the scarring on your body with your partner then you aren't ready for a sexually intimate relationship.
I understand that you're just trying to protect yourself, but waiting until someone has invested 2 years into dating you to drop this bomb on them is straight up manipulative.
The hard truth is that your scars will be a dealbreaker for some people (although considerably less people than you'd think), but they deserve the chance to make that decision for themselves, they're going to anyway, one way or another.
I think the way your GF reacted was a little extreme and the fact that she blocked you is a bit of a red flag on its own, but try to see it from her perspective. You are obviously hiding something pretty big, your sketchy behavior leaves no room for interpretation in that regard, but without any context she's left to imagine possible worst-case scenarios and the fact that y'all have been dating for 2 years and you're still obviously hiding something is probably setting off alarm bells in her head (and likely has been for a while).
I honestly can't imagine how hot it is for you to be vulnerable and open up about your trauma and the ways that it's affected you both physically and psychologically, but you created this situation by lying to your partner and until you're ready to give someone a glimpse (metaphorically at least) of your true self, then this is how all of your romantic relationships are likely to end.
We actually don't know if he's okay dating teens. We know his max is set at 26. His min could easily be 18.
There is pretty much no chance he views this as a platonic friendship. He absolutely is laying the groundwork for you to be an affair partner. If you are able to keep your “friendship” a secret this long you are passing his stupid test and he hopes this means you will keep your affair a secret too.
Married adults do not find opposite sex friends that are 15 years younger than them in Instagram. Surely you KNOW this. You can’t possibly be this naive.
When I was 36, I went on a blind date with a 25-year-old. She was gorgeous and very nice, but it felt weird and the age gap was too much for me. It didn't feel right. Imagine an additional 5 year difference. Now you're getting into creepy territory.
I don't want kids and if I got forced into it by my wife I would leave I know having a kid would cause more issue cause I don't want any
Is your dad on the spectrum, too?
Other than every teen comedy for like 40 fucking years?
Unfortunately once you share a child with someone just walking away isn't an option. You can break up but you'll have to go through the legal process of codifying a custody/visitation/support agreement. You've been through this process before with your other kid so you know how it works. But you seem to be on this guy about things you shouldn't be just sitting back waiting for him to do. If he oversleeps wake him up. If you want to get a life insurance policy just go find one and have him sign the papers. You're capable of making your own drinks and it doesn't take two parents to go to a playgroup. You picked this guy to not only make a baby with but to expose your older child to. Bet if you were more proactive instead of just waiting around for him to do things you'd have an improved quality of life.
Well, having a stomach bug and having period shits are two possiblities that generally require two different responses. You wouldn't ask the situation? now that is odd because the best way to help someone is know why how to help them.
A stomach bug might be something transmissable, might be something food related and might need some meds.
Period starting and sick with shits might mean no sex or more clean up for the sex in the next couple days, may need sanitary products that he might not have and she might not have brought enough, and might need different meds/foods.
My man, he already made his point by laying the guy out. That is the prelude to the arm-breaking. Lay him out, and then explain the situation. That's still an inappropriate escalation – because when someone is a victim of abuse, adding violence to the situation can re-trigger them and make them fear you – but it's nowhere near the escalation of intentionally breaking the arm of a guy who is already on the ground.
There is no world in which that is an appropriate thing to do. Professional fighters that exhibit the discipline you are talking about, the discipline to channel emotions into actions, also understand that you don't just do this to people.
Cheating!
No
You'll never be in anyone's brain but their own. So when it comes to actions/words, you should generally take them at face value, trying to guess other motives will drive you crazy!
He told you he likes you. You have no legitimate reason to doubt that. Don't fuck this up by questioning it.
Are you in therapy? You should be if you're not
Also you're friend's kind of an asshole!
Look you don’t just go outside for a half hour and come back like that unless you’re rubbing your allergen directly on your face. Not without red or runny eyes and/or a headache and generally feeling awful. Allergies do t make you sweaty or anxious. Cocaine does. You also can’t give your allergies to a friend.
He lied to you and made such an asshole out of you you’ll be afraid to ask him again. Win-win for him he got high and backed you into a corner.
He's being ridiculous. If you love your partner and you know he's in a risky enviroment (like a snowy street) he should absolutely be okay with texting you he's safe. There's pretty much no reason why not to.
You have your concern and your partner refuses to ease that concern even though it would cost him nothing. He could also just send “X” or WHATEVER so you know he arrived safely.
Everything you’ve written about him screams insecure. Don’t date insecure men. Unless you’re actually looking for a shortcut to ruin your life.
you're a POS
Just remember, it wasn't a drunken one night stand. She had a full relationship with him while married to you. Within six months. They stayed together, went on dates, went on vacations together for the whole time she was there. While making you think everything's good between you two. And she even kept in touch with him. That's insane. Don't even think twice about ending this sham marriage. You're young, loyal and deserve someone much much better.
Why did you even take his call at that point?
It may not bother you, but his virginity collection fetish is creepy af. You SHOULD want him to break up with you. You deserve better than any random weirdo who decides they want to date you. This guy ain't it.
Allowing someone to believe something you know to be untrue is called a lie of omission.
Good to hear things are amicable. While it won't seem chill at all, you still might want to consider getting a custody arrangement in writing, because you don't know how things will go over the next two decades. What if she decides to move? What if she meets someone else who influences her negatively? Having an arrangement written out and legally recognized will be a win-win for all involved and remove a lot of uncertainty
It means 200k of my money is with my parents. Tldr the company was in my fathers name, all the money went into my parents bank account. During my uni, they had regularly sent over those money to me to use whenever I needed it. There are no paper trails leading to me and a lawsuit is completely out of question.
She doesn't get to decide this relationship is over. She is cheating. Move on and move out or evict her.
Exactly, I have a typically male name and am a vid gender woman so apart from getting bullied for having a boys name I’m basically a walking example of how a name isn’t really that much when it comes to someone’s gender
Definition of a dream killer. Find a nice girlfriend.
You are right. I think he starts to gaslight me.
He didn’t, though. It wasn’t a note that fell out of her pocket. I give up.
Sounds like you need a boyfriend who doesn’t have a kid by someone else, who you could get away with together. Or just be single so nobody bugs you on your weekends for alone time, because when you’re in a serious relationship usually things are done together on weekends since people work during the week. Should just be with a guy who doesn’t have kids, then have them once you’re both ready to give all your time to them.
There is no “fixing stuff” with her. You had a physical altercation. Adults don’t do that. She is separating herself from the situation for her safety and peace of mind.
Some weirdo made a move on your drunk girlfriend and she was not interested and told you about it. I’ve had guys try and kiss me before because apparently not being rude is enough of a sign that “I like them”.
Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Of course you’d see him around, they both on-line on campus. If it’s that big of a deal to you, it’s better to just break up than guilt trip her a year later
Thanks. Well there's nothing to be stuck on. As it stands, you're essentially fuck buddies, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way. You obviously want something more, which is why you're here.
As such, while I wouldn't now explicitly ask what you are, I absolutely would ask what he's looking for. If it doesn't align with what you want, then stop wasting your time. Good luck.
Poor guy 🙁
Poor guy 🙁
Don’t have a child with this woman.
You should bone another dude and see how down he is with the open relationship
I’m so leery of men who push for wives to become a SAHM. If it was a happy and mutual decision – cool. But when there’s pressure it’s becomes a huge red flag. The family model with a stay at home parent and a breadwinner is inherently flawed as it creates a power imbalance that is further perpetuated by most legal systems in the event the relationship fails.
A women who leaves the workforce to rear her family makes a tremendous sacrifice in her future earnings potential that is never recouped. And sadly, all too often it creates an inequity in the household when it comes to the default parent and having to manage the lion share of family responsibilities of child rearing and chores. Then also is the alarming frequency of men finding their wives boring and not offering the mental stimulation and challenge – enter affair partner. Yes, I’m biased. Yep, I’m aware that not all men. His pressing the issue is the red flag. I absolutely would delay having children until your concerns were addressed.
This MAY be a phase, but he needs therapy to help him understand where his emotions are coming from. I went through something like what he's going through. Convincing him to go to therapy might be an issue, but he needs it.
The most important things to take in all honesty!
you also allowed your friends to harass and bully him…..