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Any person willing to cheat and expose you to STI’s is no person worth keeping in your life. This didn’t “just happen.” He made a series of decisions to go to the strip club, figure out which stripper would give him a happy ending, record it, and keep the video. You trusted him not to do any of those things, but he did. Now you know you can’t trust him for anything. You’ll never know if this is the first time he’s cheated on you, but you can guarantee it’s the last. Dump the trash, see your gyn for a checkup, and take some time to recover from this heartbreaking situation.
You’re not by her side at all. You’re just adding to her burden by acting like a brat. You’re middle aged: act like it.
the best suggestion is not to ask this to your single friends ?
That last line “it just made being honest with myself and her that much worse” sounds like you already get it and know what to do and why it’s so difficult to do. Doing it is the hot part. Im not saying that cause I’m “so smart” I’m just saying it because I’ve been there myself. And it’s an awful feeling to have. But hey, at least you’ll be on your way to feeling better instead of being stuck in hellish relationship oblivion. Well, and to be honest this is the kind of stuff that grows you into the person you wanna be. Fucked up innit? Gotta go through the shit to go where you wanna go. Wish you the best and good luck with it. This is naked stuff.
There’s feelings but I don’t think it’s love, and I’ve tried heaps and he changes for a bit but it always goes back to the same old thing. Thank you for the advice. ❤️
She sounds a bit crazy tbh. I think you dodged a bullet there.
?? unlike you
Right? As long as you’re not getting shit faced an making a fool of yourself, it’s really not a big deal to have some drinks with coworkers.
This sounds like a platonically based outing. She may still have feelings for you, but wants to spend some friendly time outside of work regardless.
Of course, all of us here are just speculating. Give it a shot, see how it goes 🙂
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You have two options here really, ask her, or wait until she’s asleep and look through her phone. Stay calm.
You think they are having an affair, because you saw them talking to each other in your home? Is it possible, and most likely, that she simply ran into him while she was going to the bathroom, going to talk on her phone, etc.
If you do not trust your girlfriend, you need to figure out why. However, do not accuse her of things unless you have hot proof. That's unfair.
Simply ask her why she's on the phone all the time.
Might be worth a few solo counseling sessions to talk it out, and then bring it to your joint sessions if you feel like it's something worth repairing?
If you decide you want to break up over it, absolutely do that. You fully get that isn't something you can take back, and there's absolutely no reason to be rash about this decision.
Take the time and space you need. If your partner won't give that to you, it should just emphasize that they aren't capable of giving you what you need.
It sounds like your fiancé’s brother is jealous of the attention you’re taking away from him and your fiancé enables him.
Is this what you want to deal with the rest of your life?
If you’re at this point, you still need time to process and build confidence.
You’re too old to wonder if she likes you or not. She’s known you for years and has a good idea either way. You ask with a plan for a date and get a yes or a no.
You’re also too old to wonder if you need to ask a guy you have not seen in 4 years for a breakup a decade ago. If it is one of my 3 best friends, it meant that much to me and it was a recent 3mo or less breakup, sure out of respect. It’s your job to prioritize your own happiness.
You worry about things you can’t control here. Doing that damages your prospects and will damage your relationships.
If you need to ask about thoughts and feelings to feel secure that have already been purveyed by clear action or should have you look needy and insecure.
If you need to do that, you are also less likely to feel secure enough for communication required in a good relationship, and less able to judge red flags as you should because you will spend more time questioning yourself than evaluating what you see and how/what you need to do.
And he didnt wanna do that?
That makes sense. My entire life was a chaotic toxic environment and I didn’t see any red flags in time.
I appreciate the honesty, but no this is not my first serious relationship. It is my first genuinely healthy serious relationship though (in the emotional and mental aspect of things).
I have been contemplating how our breakup would go if it comes to thay and the house is technically only under my name (financial wise) but I would never force them out or anything if we did break up because of how bad their former situation was.
Again, I appreciate the honesty but there appears to be hints of blaming/shaming and while I agree that change comes from those in the relationship, I am more so seeking out open minded and helpful guidance to see if there are other options or if others who have experienced similar situations were able to address the situation in a healthy matter and still grow with their partners. Thank you for your input though, it does make me think about accountability for sure.
I'd like to clarify that I still feel romantic feelings towards my partner and am attracted to them and the same goes for them towards me. We still kiss and cuddle, but there are frequent times where I do feel that they are more like a friend/roommate/sibling, yes. I believe the term is called “roommate syndrome” for couples who have lived together for prolonged periods of time. That, along with the lack of a bedroom relationship kind of just makes things feel a bit more complicated in my opinion.
I mistyped lied in title. I lied to my mom
I dated someone for almost 2 years who had a very promiscuous past, turned out the past bled into the present. He had a best friend (female) from high school who he had dated in the past. Something didn’t feel right about it. I tried to chalk it up to my own insecurities so I just talked through it in therapy. Turns out my gut was right, he cheated on me with her and others.
Sometimes gut feelings transcend the evidence, until they don’t. You need to make a decision either way. My decision was to trust him, despite my gut feeling but given the lack of evidence, knowing that I might get hurt. Then I made the decision to end it when the cheating came out. It will hurt either way so don’t let that keep you from making a decision.
Just to add on to the complete insanity of this man’s whole deal, but does he understand that he can’t have it both ways? Like…he does this big “heroic” gesture to show he’s not on management’s side and is still one with his fellow workers or whatever; and then he gets mad that he’s not promoted to management??? It sounds like he wanted the power and prestige of being promoted while still maintaining the veneer of being “just one of the guys”, and he thought his little performance would somehow make that possible. Hot tip buddy; if you tell management you don’t want to be perceived as being “on their side”, they probably won’t ask you to be.
You are entitled to say no for any reason.
Maybe she has just come to expect you to babysit and that’s made her tone deaf to the situation.
It will be a test of whether she’s a true friend or not as to her reaction. If she’s just been using you and is t the good friend you thought she was then expect her to be cross or withdraw from you.
Thank the universe for blessing you with this escape, and start recording everything he does/says to you. He isolated you, chipped away at your independence and ability to have any power in the relationship, and now that he thinks he has you truly “trapped” he’s entered the next phase of the abuse cycle.
This is his true self and this is what he was planning to do to you the whole time. It will get worse. He is going to amplify the abuse. That is a fact. Your husband is behaving as a TEXTBOOK abuser, OP. Please start doing some research on DARVO, the abuse cycle, and abuse dynamics. Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That” is the Bible for those looking to learn about and understand this stuff.
You need to record all of the verbal events and keep a record of what’s happening. Contact a lawyer ASAP, and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about this situation. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong and men like him hide what they are and work sneakily — look back, clear your eyes, and see the little things he did over time. I’ll bet money he’s been carefully undermining your independence and self esteem for a long time, and he’s probably done it by switching between “little incidents” you were able to write off and love-bombing where he was so crazy affectionate and “nice” that you started to wonder if the little incidents were even real.
That’s intentional. These morons use the SAME EXACT ABUSER PLAYBOOK. I swear they must have a printed pamphlet circulating out there somewhere…ugh. Just know that you are far, far from alone and his reversal of his abuse and attempts to make YOU feel bad are so ridiculously typical. His pre-nup will be hot to defend in court if you can record and provide evidence of the verbal abuse. Even if you leave with nothing but yourself and your kid, it’ll be more than worth it. You don’t deserve this and you shouldn’t ever blame yourself for this situation.
But what if what they believe in, actually is stupid, and who gets to decide where the line of stupidity is drawn?
For example, let’s say the girl believes 2+2=5. Is that stupid? Well where do we stop deciding it’s stupidity, and say, “they can believe what they want. It’s mean to judge them for it.”
I really doubt you are a “Fboy”, if you have this mentality. In your dreams, perhaps?
You might want something a little more certain than a picture — like maybe something with DNA?
He says this happened before you met; do you believe him? Is he generally this careless when it comes to procreating?
Love is nice and all, but if this is his child then he is now going to have a connection to this woman and child for the rest of his life; is that something you can online with? If not, get out now. If you can't be gracious about his child and understanding of the financial obligation it entails, you should get out now.
Oh, and if he's the kind of guy to try and weasel out of his obligations where this child is concerned? I would nope right out.
Talk to a lawyer!!
Yep, it's just like weight watchers. Same thing with unrestricted foods and limited categories of others. Didn't enough of us watch our parents yoyo diet with this stuff? She already did it once and gained back everything she lost and more.
I don't agree with her girlfriend's tone or behavior, but I would recommend taking a healthier route to weight loss. It's not always easy to figure out what's sustainable for ourselves, but some weird program with category a and category b foods and a platinum award if you decide to exercise is likely not to be it long-term.
You shouldnt try to plan your behavior in advance. Just be the you that you would with anyone else.
How does a nurse have an unplanned pregnancy? Did you all use B.C. ?