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His self esteem is already on the rocks because his gf prefers him to change.
Did op even consider his bf's mental health? If there's a change in his behavior shouldn't she be concerned for mental health not just his weight too?
You are going crazy because you are still with him. You are in your best age, leave, heal, have a great life. You can do it. It will take a few months, but to be honest from the sounds of it you will have to cognitively heal from it for a while longer but otherwise will feel great soon. You’ll meet guys who treat you much better, flirt with you, follow you.. everytime you feel low go and do something for yourself. You will go nuts if you stay and he is draining your energy
Dude just got to the game. You're too old to be putting up with this childish shit.
You could do a chore chart or something along those lines.
But I'd say he doesn't know how to handle people actually showing normal emotion. He needs therapy for his trauma. It won't magically get better.
You can try to talk to him as calmly as possible, or write stuff down, but there's really no excuse for being a lazy or inconsiderate partner. Communication needs to go both ways and solutions and compromises need to be made together.